Complicated

by M. M. Koenig

  Chase whipped his head in my direction with a fire in his eyes as he pointed out, “You seem to forget that there isn’t that much of an age difference between us Mia. I had just turned twenty-one when you were left with me. Look at your life now – could you imagine taking care of a kid that wasn’t yours? Let’s not forget that I lost my family too.”

  My insides quivered as I let out a heated breath. “No.”

  Chase nodded and continued, “Lizzie realized she had one shot when you were unconscious. She spent that time working with her contacts to create new identities for us. Lizzie couldn’t take care of you if she expected to keep us alive. I’d watched my parents die at the hands of the people that she became entangled with, so I went along with her plan.”

  I was close to shutting down. This was information overload. I blinked repeatedly and asked, “Who did she get tangled up with? Who’s my dad?”

  Chase gave me a hard look before he gazed away. “After college, the FBI recruited Lizzie for one of their top-secret units. She went in as an undercover agent to gather information on the East Coast’s most prominent mob family. Lizzie made the mistake of getting too close, and fell in love with the oldest son.” He paused to see if that was enough. I rolled a finger to continue. He sighed and said bitterly, “She got pregnant with you. Lizzie couldn’t bear to end it, so she continued living the lie, but it became messy. Eventually, the threads she had spun became too fragile for her to remain undercover.”

  I placed my head in my hands to prevent it from splintering in half. My fingers massaged my temples before I looked up at Chase. “What did you mean about your parents?”

  His face fell as a terrible sadness took over. “Your dad’s family burned down the building next to this one, with my parents in it. Lizzie promised me she’d fix it. She did so by making it look like I died in that fire too. At that point, she knew she needed me to take you.”

  Fresh spikes hammered through the top of my skull. “Is she alive?”

  His eyes twitched, clearly in debate, before he admitted, “Yes, but I don’t hear from her very often.”

  My heart sank. She was alive. Yet, she never figured out a way to reconnect with me or get herself out of this mess. “What about my dad?”

  Chase shrugged, but it was clear the question had angered him. “I don’t know. Lizzie never explained where she was going, or if he’d be with her. I never pushed for details. I couldn’t stomach it, knowing it was his family that destroyed my own.”

  I sighed, “So that’s it?”

  Chase stared me down with nothing but hate in his eyes. “Yes, and you’re about to break down the gates of hell, so now it’s my turn. What did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything. Without knowing, I’ve been the target of a few people. I played into the hands of one of them. Micah is one foot in the grave because of it,” I snapped, with just as much hatred in my eyes.

  Hearing Micah’s name roll from my mouth sent an icy frost through me. Everything clicked into place as I had a light bulb moment. It finally made sense why he left. This had to be what he wanted to tell me. As Chase approached me, I took a cautious step back. He looked utterly pissed.

  “Mia, how bad is it?”

  My eyes fell to the floor. “It’s pretty bad,” I whispered.

  “Tell me exactly who’s interested in you,” Chase demanded.

  “Harrison Reynolds manipulated me, but there are other people that have had an interest in me too,” I confessed.

  “Who’s Harrison Reynolds?”

  My eyes darted around the room. “He’s the owner of Inside Out. It’s a major magazine. He approached me a couple of months ago to be a mole and gather information for him on a piece. The rewards were worth it at the time.” I paused to see if he needed more detail. He arched an expectant eyebrow. I inhaled quickly and said, “I went to work for F. F. & Sweeney. I tried to back out when it started feeling too dangerous, but Harrison blackmailed me. He demanded I be at an upcoming meeting. I agreed. In exchange, he promised not to hurt anyone.”

  Chase became rigid as his hands tightened into fists. From the look in his eyes, it was clear he was doing his damn best not to throttle me. “Who else has an interest in you?”

  “Sean Fitzpatrick and Colin Sweeney have been watching me for over a year.”

  “How did you find out they’ve been following you?”

  I chewed on the outside of my lip and mumbled, “A friend of a friend.”

  Chase paced around the room before he yelled, “Do you have any idea the amount of shit that could rain down on us?”

  I scowled. “How could I possibly have known? I didn’t have a clue about the first four years of my life until a couple of hours ago. Turns out those four years were pretty damn important!”

  Chase ran a hand along his stubble and muttered, “It’s very calculated that they haven’t hurt you yet. I would’ve thought once they confirmed your real identity that they would’ve taken you immediately.”

  I raised my eyebrows. It shocked me that I was standing here having this conversation. It seemed more probable for me to be locked up in some room, especially after what Jayden had uncovered about the money.

  “The meeting they want me at is set for Monday morning on the East Coast.”

  Chase whipped his head round. “You can’t possibly consider it. Open your eyes! My parents’ death, and your mom’s sacrifices, will all be for nothing if you just hand yourself over like that.”

  I slammed my hands down on the island. “I don’t know if you heard me earlier, but Micah is circling the drain. I was shot at tonight. If I don’t show up, these people will start taking out my loved ones.”

  “Do you care about anyone other than yourself?” Chased bellowed.

  My temper soared. “Don’t you dare! You can’t expect me to wrap my head around all this. The only thing you’ve made clear is why you treated me the way you did,” I shot back loudly. Chase opened his mouth, but I raised my hand and shrieked, “I wasn’t the one that made those choices years ago. I have to do what’s best for the people I love now.”

  “Mia, if you force me, I’ll stop you,” Chase warned.

  I was over our conversation. I still had no clue about my dad, but at least I had one side figured out. Frankly, taking it one side at time was probably best. My head was about to burst with all these family secrets. Breaking it down simply, my parents were a liar and a mobster.

  Like mother, like daughter. Apparently, I’m like her in ways that are eerie even to me.

  As I made my way towards the door, Chase grabbed my arm. I whipped around with the fires of hell in my eyes and pushed him away. I stomped down the steps and through the bar. With each step, the numbness returned to my body. The violent shifts of emotions kept my head in constant disarray. My hands massaged the pressure as I made my way out of the back door. The person standing next to my car almost made me fall over.

  This day just keeps getting better and better.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Running On Crazy

  “Mrs. Donovan. What are you doing here?”

  Lillian gasped when she saw the dried blood on my jeans and sweatshirt. She rushed over to my side and asked shakily¸ “Mia, what happened to you?”

  I stared blankly at her without words as my hands twitched uncontrollably.

  “Mia, what happened?” she asked again, taking my hands to still them.

  “Micah’s in the hospital. Trey and I found him last night. He’s not … he’s …”

  Her face fell immediately. Tears stemmed in my eyes as I watched her fall apart.

  “Is he going to be OK?

  “I’m not sure. They did what they could to help him so far, but there’s a lot of damage to repair,” I said in a rough whisper.

  Her hands ran shakily across her face as she worked to even her breathing. She nodded and blinked her eyes a few times before straightening up. She focused on me with a knowing look and her face fell even more.

&nb
sp; “I knew this moment would come someday. Take a walk with me, Mia,” Lillian requested.

  The sadness in her eyes enlarged the pit in my stomach. She gently pulled me with her as we continued down the alley and out to the street. At some point, the sun had come up. I was jealous of the bastards walking around us. I’d give anything to reverse the last twelve hours of my life. My head shook in frustration as my feet shuffled along the concrete.

  “Mrs. Donovan, where are we going?” I questioned guardedly.

  She smiled and said, “Oh dear, with what we’re about to discuss, I’d prefer you call me Lillian.”

  “What are we about to discuss?” I asked nervously.

  The pit in my stomach became a crater. If this was another history lesson, I might have to sprint in the other direction because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know any more.

  “Mia, do you remember when we first met?” Lillian inquired thoughtfully.

  I tried really hard to recall the memory, but I couldn’t. Simply trying to remember it made the metal rods in my skull twist even deeper.

  “No,” I whispered.

  A sad smile crossed her face before she continued, “I didn’t think so. You were a scared little girl when I met you. The only thing that brought a smile to your face was Trey and Micah. The three of you hit it off right away. Where one was, the other two were sure to follow.”

  I smiled before my eyes darted to the ground. Lillian ran her fingers under my chin to make me look forward. I hadn’t realized it but we’d walked to the park the three of us used to play at when we were kids. She settled into a swing and gestured for me to do the same. I sighed and sat down.

  Her eyes flickered around the playground as she softly said, “From the very first day he had you, it was obvious Chase didn’t know how to raise a child.”

  That’s an understatement. I was a self-sufficient kid, left to survive by my own means.

  Lillian remained silent, almost like she was waiting for a response. I scoffed and dragged my feet in the sand. Chase had monumentally screwed me up in so many ways. I had no clue that the biggest of those was lying to me all these years. My heart sliced open a little more.

  Lillian pumped her legs to swing forward. “He did his best. It brings me back to when you first arrived here.”

  I glanced at her as a wave of nausea passed through me.

  Her face became thoughtful as she explained, “You had come down with a bad cold that kept getting worse. Lyla and I gave Chase different remedies, but nothing was helping you. He became frantic one night and called us over to help. After a few hours, it was clear you had a bad case of scarlet fever.”

  Lillian paused as a chill ran through her. She rubbed her hands together against the frigid air. Except for our noticeable breaths when we spoke, I hadn’t noticed the cold front that rolled in at some point.

  “We could see Chase was terrified, so we took over and he excused himself to his bar.”

  “Shocker,” I muttered under my breath.

  Lillian frowned. “When we got you to sleep, we checked on Chase. He offered us a nightcap to show his appreciation. We grabbed a stool and had a drink with a young man that clearly needed company. He drank until his eyes glazed, before the tears started to fall.”

  I scrunched my eyebrows. “Are you sure he didn’t have a dust bunny in his eye?”

  Lillian gave me an admonishing look as a chuckle slipped out. Her features quickly shifted as she became more cautious and admitted, “Chase let the truth about your lives slip out.”

  I skidded to a stop and grabbed the chains of the swing tightly. It was the only thing I could do to prevent myself from falling right off.

  “Are you telling me you’ve known the truth all these years?” I asked in a shaken whisper.

  She let out a heavy breath with sorrow in her eyes. “Lyla and I promised Chase we wouldn’t repeat what he told us. We vowed to do whatever we could to help you both.”

  My nerves became numb again, as if I’d just been injected with novocain to stop me feeling again. The only part of me with any feeling whatsoever was my head and the high voltage running through it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I’m glad you asked. It’s why I brought you here,” Lillian replied, glancing at a spot to the right of us.

  “I don’t understand,” I grumbled, looking around as if something was supposed to give me a striking memory. If people continued to speak in riddles, I was certain I’d lose my mind.

  Yeah right! I’m pretty sure that ship already sailed. I was already on a one-way ticket to crazy-town at this point.

  “It was several months after Chase told us the truth. Lyla and I had worked out a schedule so you were always cared for between the two of us when Chase had to run the bar. We enjoyed our time with you since we saw you as one of our own,” she said fondly, brushing her fingers down my cheek before she tapped my nose.

  The anger in my heart withered with her gentle touch. “I loved my time at your houses too. It was the best part of my childhood,” I said softly.

  Lillian beamed. “It was my day to have you. I brought the three of you here to run off some energy. You were playing with all the other children when I caught sight of a woman off in the distance. I made my way over to her. It was evident that she was trying to remain discreet, so I stood several feet away. When I looked over, I knew it was your mom – the resemblance to you was undeniable.”

  “You met my mom?” I interjected, utterly shaken.

  Lillian slowed to a stop and placed her hand in mine. “Yes sweetheart, I did.”

  My eyes grew wide as I asked, “What did she say to you?”

  “She told me how much she loved you. It broke her heart to make the choice she did, but she did it to keep you safe. She asked one thing of me,” she said, her eyes glistening.

  “What?”

  My body had shivers running through it, but not from the cold. My nerve-endings froze as the last shred of feeling vanished from them. I wasn’t sure if they’d have the capability of feeling again. Now, if that was possible for the fire in my heart, I might not lose it. I hated myself for agreeing to go down this rabbit hole. It was taking every part of me bit by bit.

  Lillian wiped away a few tears before giving my hands a gentle squeeze. “She asked that I never share the truth with you. There was too much at stake. She asked I protect you from it so that you could lead a normal life. That is all she ever wanted for you. She never wanted you to suffer for the choices she made.”

  I swallowed hard against the bowling ball in my throat. “Did she come back a lot?”

  “I’m not sure. I suspect she’s kept an eye on you throughout your life.”

  My anger started to move against the numbness, flowing through me like a category five hurricane. “She could’ve found a way to tell me all this herself,” I said inconsolably.

  Lillian forced me to look at her. “Mia, you didn’t see how broken she was when she watched you run along without a care in the world. You have to understand that she made the hardest choice a mom can make, but she also did it knowing you’d never remember her.”

  I sighed. “I wish I remembered.”

  “I know you do,” Lillian said sadly.

  I ran my hand across my scar and asked quietly, “Did she mention who my dad was?”

  Lillian’s face dropped. “I’m sorry. She didn’t say anything about him.”

  “I don’t know what to do with this information. I feel more broken than ever,” I whimpered.

  Lillian rose and motioned for me to do the same. I found the strength in my legs to push myself forward and take her open hand as we made our way out of the park.

  “Mia, I know who you are. You’re still the same sweet girl that will find her way,” she reassured.

  “I used to believe that, but after this last year, or even these last few hours, I’m not sure about anything or anyone,” I disputed.

  “You’ll find your way again. I need to ask something of you now
that you know the truth. I can assume that my son does too,” Lillian said, cocking an eyebrow.

  I grimaced, but nodded as we arrived at my car.

  She flinched, but quickly reined it in with her remarkable strength. “Be careful. I don’t know what led you down this road, but it’s a dangerous one,” Lillian warned.

  My body hit its breaking point. It felt like I had gotten off one of those rides that went in continuous circles, because my head was a blurry mess from information overload. It didn’t help that I was harboring so much guilt for what happened to Micah. It became an unbearable ache, and I let go of the hysterical sobs that had been beating for freedom. Lillian ran a hand along my face to calm me.

  “Shhh … I know this is a lot for you. You need to remember that you have so many people that will do anything for you at a moment’s notice. Hold on to that love as you embrace this new information,” she said, bringing me into a warm hug.

  Lillian held me like a mother holds a child. She soothed me with her soft whispers of reassurance and reminded me she’d do anything she could to help me. When my sobs died out, she gave me a final embrace before letting me get into my car. As I leaned over and played with the wires, Lillian shook her finger in disapproval before flashing a parting smile that was full of more unspoken love than I’d ever seen from her. I waved before pulling into the traffic. I had no destination in mind, but a full tank of gas, so time was on my side.

  After driving around aimlessly, I went to the hospital. I stumbled my way through it to find the wing we were in earlier. When I got there, Micah’s parents were absent. I sank into a chair in the back. My body was in desperate need for a few minutes without anyone throwing another life-changing tidbit at me. Before long, exhaustion took over and my eyelids closed.

  I wasn’t asleep for long before Lyla woke me up. For the first time in a year, we talked–about everything. I apologized repeatedly for shutting her out and for what was happening to Micah. She reassured me that she understood and that it wasn’t my fault. We briefly discussed what I learned this morning. I asked if she knew whether or not Micah was aware of all of this information when he took off, but Lyla wasn’t sure. She urged me to go home to take a break. There had been no change in Micah’s condition, so I gave in to Lyla’s wishes – it was the least I could do for her.