Defy the Stars

by Sophie McKenzie

  ‘I heard a noise,’ Flynn whispered. ‘Someone’s downstairs in reception.’

  I was wide awake now. ‘Do you think it’s Cody?’ I gasped. ‘How could he know we were here?’

  Flynn said nothing, then he looked up. His eyes glinted like gold coins in the dim light. ‘I’m going to check it out, Riv,’ he whispered. ‘Stay here. Lock the door after me. I’ll come back.’ He turned away, reaching for his top.

  A shiver ran down my spine. Suppose it was Cody? Suppose he still had his gun? I caught Flynn’s hand as he got off the bed.

  ‘Promise me you’ll come back,’ I whispered.

  ‘I promise,’ he said. ‘Promise me you’ll stay here ‘till I do?’

  ‘Okay, I promise.’ Before I could say anything else, he was across the room and out the door. He made no sound crossing the landing outside. I tiptoed to the door and peered out in time to see him vanishing down the stairs. I strained my ears, but I couldn’t hear voices. Part of me wanted to follow him down to reception but my promise held me back. It was silly, but I felt somehow that if I broke my word and left the room, Flynn would somehow be prevented from keeping his promise to return.

  I locked the door, checked it, then crept back to bed. Flynn’s phone was gone from the side of the bed, but the B & B clock’s neon figures showed the time was three a.m. Outside the sky was a dark grey, the first swirls of faintest pink just edging along the horizon. I shivered, pulling the covers over me, listening out for sounds from downstairs.

  I couldn’t hear anything. Time ticked away. Anxiety crept through my chest, tightening my breathing. Where was Flynn? Surely he’d been gone long enough to see who was downstairs in reception? If it was some random hotel guest or a member of staff, he would have come straight back. If it was Mum or Dad, there was no way they wouldn’t be up here already. If it was Cody . . .

  I didn’t want to think about what Cody might do if Flynn confronted him. I had promised Flynn I would stay here, but maybe he needed my help. I counted out another sixty seconds in my head. That was it. I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to see if he was all right. I threw the covers off and sat up. But, just as I swung my feet on to the wooden floor, a footstep creaked outside the door.

  I froze. Someone was there.

  21

  I held my breath, watching the door. Terrified thoughts raced through my head. Maybe it had been Cody downstairs. Maybe he had seen Flynn and attacked him. Left him unconscious. Dead. Then crept silently up the stairs to find me.

  A light tap on the door. I backed away, glancing around the room for something I could use to fend Cody off. There was nothing except the bedside lamp. That had a slim wooden stem; I couldn’t see it being a very effective weapon. Could I jump out the window? We were on the first floor with a concrete pavement immediately below. I would probably break my legs if I jumped.

  Another rap on the door, more firm this time. I reached for the lamp. It would have to do.

  ‘River?’ Flynn’s urgent whisper sent relief flooding through my veins.

  I set the lamp down and rushed to the door.

  ‘River?’

  I turned the key and Flynn came inside. As he shut the door behind him I flung my arms around him.

  ‘Hey,’ he said, sounding startled. ‘What’s the marter?’

  ‘I thought Cody had found us,’ I said, a huge sob welling inside me. ‘I thought he was here, that he’d killed you.’

  Flynn held me. He said nothing, just led me back to the bed. We sat under the covers, our arms around each other. At first I was so grateful he was alive, all I could do was hug him tightly. But after a minute or two it struck me that, although Flynn was hugging me back, he seemed more distant than when he’d left. I pulled away.

  ‘What’s going on?’ I asked. ‘Who was downstairs?’

  ‘No one.’ Flynn didn’t meet my eyes. ‘Just someone looking for something . . . I dunno . . . nothing.’

  I frowned. ‘You were a long time down there if it was nothing.’

  Again, Flynn didn’t speak. Anxiety swirled inside me. Something was wrong.

  ‘Flynn, please, you’re worrying me.’

  He turned and met my gaze at last. I was shocked by the pain in his eyes. I opened my mouth to ask what was the matter, but before I could speak, Flynn leaned over and kissed my lips.

  ‘You know I love you more than anything?’ he murmured.

  ‘Mmm.’ The whisper-soft touch of his mouth set my whole body on fire. I put my hand to his face to draw him closer, but Flynn pulled away. He sat back against the pillows.

  ‘We can’t do this,’ he said. His voice sounded hollow. Numb.

  ‘Do what?’ My chest tightened.

  Flynn let out a long shaky breath. There was real agony in his eyes. ‘I realised when I was downstairs. That’s why I took so long, I was thinking it through. And it won’t work, our plan,’ he said.

  ‘What do you mean? What won’t work?’

  ‘None of it will work: going to the police together. Telling your parents we want to be together again. Being together.’

  ‘What?’ I gasped. ‘What are you saying? Don’t you want to do those things any more?’

  ‘Of course I do.’ Flynn rubbed his forehead. ‘It’s just they won’t work.’

  ‘Why won’t they work?’ I persisted, my voice rising. ‘You’re not making sense.’

  Flynn nodded. Then he took a deep breath. ‘I want more than anything to be with you, Riv. But i t’s not fair on you. You saw Cody murder someone. That changes everything. You’re going to have to make a statement, deal with police and lawyers. Face Cody in court, probably . . . It’s going to drag on for months and I’ll be in prison. You need your family and friends behind you.’

  ‘And they will be behind me,’ I said. ‘I don’t get you saying it isn’t fair on me. We already agreed going to the police is the right thing to do.’

  ‘It is the right thing,’ Flynn acknowledged. ‘But if we’re together – a couple – when you do it, if we go back out together, then you’ll have to deal with everyone else in your life disapproving. You’ll be completely isolated.’

  ‘No.’ My voice rose again. ‘No, I’ll have you. Won’t I?’

  ‘You’ll always have me.’ Flynn stared, miserably, into my eyes. ‘And I’ll always love you, Riv. Always.’

  ‘What does that mean? It sounds like you’re leaving. Again. When you promised you would stay with me, you said that you wanted to be with me forever.’ I stopped, my voice too choked to speak. ‘Are you leaving?’ I whispered.

  There was a long, terrible silence. Then Flynn nodded. ‘I have to,’ he said. ‘It’s the best thing for you.’

  He got off the bed and reached for his shoes. My head spun. How could this be happening? Before Flynn went downstairs everything had been fine.

  As he stood up I caught sight of his phone, peeking out of his pocket.

  ‘Did someone call you when you were downstairs?’ I asked. ‘Did you speak to someone?’

  ‘I’ve written down the three numbers who called earlier,’ Flynn said, ignoring me and pointing to a scrap of B & B headed paper lying on the bed. ‘My number’s there too, so you can reach me if you really need to. I’ll call your mum and dad when I’m gone. Tell them what’s happened, where you are . . .’

  ‘Flynn, please.’

  He swooped over me, one hand cradling my face, his lips swift and soft on my cheek. ‘Always love you,’ he whispered. ‘It’s in the stars. Remember.’

  And then he left.

  I couldn’t move. Couldn’t feel. I sat back against the pillows, the entire universe reeling, out of control, inside my head.

  Outside the window the sky lightened. I stared and stared at the blue spreading through the pink.

  He was gone.

  22

  I sat dry-eyed on the bed, watching the sun rise over the water. It was beautiful, yet its beauty didn’t touch me. Flynn had gone. He had left me again. And, okay, so he had said this
time that he loved me and didn’t want to hurt me and was leaving because it was the best thing for me, but he had still come and gone and I had given up my heart to him and now it was smashed into a million pieces.

  Again.

  Two hours passed. The sun outside shone brightly in a clear blue sky. It was going to be another hot day. Yet whereas the glittering water had seemed so romantic yesterday, now it hurt my eyes to look at it.

  I knew that I had to follow through with our plan to call the police. It was the right thing to do, though I had to admit I was scared to do it alone. Still, I told myself, I’d been alone for the past eight months. I had survived this long without him. I’d survive into the future.

  I just wasn’t sure whether I wanted to.

  Another hour went by. I was hungry, but I didn’t have the energy to eat. There was no money anyway. Flynn had left behind everything he had – but it would only just cover the B & B bill. What would he live on now? I sighed. If he kept his word and went straight to the police, then Flynn would be in custody right now and food and shelter would be the least of his problems.

  I gathered up my few things. I hesitated over the iPod with the River songs but in the end I shoved it into my pocket. I didn’t have to decide whether or not to keep it right now. I slipped on my shoes and picked up the piece of paper on which Flynn had scribbled all the mobile numbers. I would pay downstairs, then ask them if I could borrow their phone to call Mum and Dad.

  Flynn had drawn a little star beside the one at the bottom. I knew that meant it was his number. A sob rose in my throat but I didn’t let myself cry. There was no point. Just as there was no point in me calling him. No point in anything any more.

  I took a deep breath and opened the door.

  My parents stood outside. Dad’s hand was raised, ready to knock. We stared at each other as Dad lowered his hand. Mum stood beside him, open-mouthed, her eyes smaller than usual without make-up. Dad’s face screwed into an anxious frown.

  ‘River?’ he said.

  ‘Oh, Dad.’ I fell into his arms, letting him hug me. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’

  Dad held me for a minute. He asked if I was okay and I said I was. Mum started bombarding me with questions but Dad raised his hand, gesturing her to stop, which she did. Dad then took me downstairs. I was dimly aware of Mum checking out the bedroom then following us. The B & B owner was bleary-eyed at the reception desk. It must still be very early. Dad apologised as he paid for the room. I offered him Flynn’s cash but he refused it.

  ‘Are you hungry?’ Mum asked.

  I shook my head. She stared despairingly at Dad.

  ‘We’ll get something on the motorway,’ he said. ‘Nothing’s open yet anyway.’

  They bundled me into the back seat of Dad’s old estate car. The baby car seat was on its side next to me. I remembered Lily with a guilty jolt.

  ‘Is she okay?’ I asked, as Dad started the engine. ‘Is Gemma?’

  ‘They’re both fine,’ Dad said tersely. ‘Though Gemma’s worried about you. Like we all are.’

  I nodded. ‘Mum. Dad,’ I said. ‘I have to go to the police.’ The image of Cody shooting the man in the car park reared up in my mind’s eye.

  ‘We know,’ Mum said.

  ‘Flynn called and explained what happened,’ Dad said. His voice was tight and strained. ‘Why didn’t you tell us you’d seen him?’

  I turned my face to look out of the window and said nothing.

  Dad sighed. ‘Okay, this is what we’re going to do,’ he said firmly. ‘We’ll drive to a service station. Stop. Eat. You tell us exactly what happened. Then we go to the police station near to where you saw . . . the shooting.’

  ‘I don’t know exactly where it was,’ I said.

  ‘Flynn told us,’ Mum said.

  The way she said his name made my heart shrivel.

  Tears welled in my eyes. I huddled in the corner of the back seat and wept in silence. I had never felt so alone.

  23

  The police officer was very understanding. I sat, with Mum and Dad on either side, as she asked me to start from the beginning, from the first time I’d met Cody.

  I told her about seeing him at the wedding, then at the party. I explained how I’d overheard him and Flynn arguing in the garden, then how, a week later, I’d gone to find Flynn ‘to return his wallet’.

  At this Mum tutted and Dad sighed. I couldn’t bear the look of disappointment on their faces, so I hurried on, telling them how Cody had tricked me into the back room, how I’d escaped, then how I’d seen a man give him money to kill someone.

  ‘Could you identify this man?’ the policewoman asked.

  ‘No, I didn’t see his face,’ I admitted. ‘But I’m sure it was Lance Bentham.’

  The policewoman looked at her colleague, then back at me. ‘Go on,’ she said.

  I described how Flynn had come to warn me that Cody was trying to track me down. ‘Cody was scared I’d go back to the police, give a proper statement,’ I explained.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ Mum said.

  I shrugged. ‘I thought you’d be mad I’d been in touch with Flynn.’ I turned to Dad. ‘You were so worried about Lily, I didn’t want to upset you.’

  Dad shook his head. There were tears in his eyes.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. And I really meant it. ‘I’m truly sorry I’ve let you down.’

  Mum parted my arm. She looked as if she was restraining herself – with great difficulty – from telling me she’d been right about Flynn all along.

  ‘Well at least Flynn’s gone now,’ she said. ‘The whole thing is behind you.’

  I bit my lip.

  ‘All you need to focus on now is your statement, then we can take you home,’ Dad added.

  The police officer questioned me for another hour or so. She spent most of the time asking me to describe exactly what happened in the car park. I told her everything as best I could, emphasising how Cody had been threatening me, how I didn’t think he had meant to kill the man he shot, and how Flynn had tried to save me.

  At last it was done.

  Dad took me home. Mum stayed while I had a bath and got into bed, then she left too. I didn’t want to see anyone else at the commune that night. I was hurting too badly.

  Instead, I played the River songs over and over – they seemed to sum up everything. After a while I took the heart bracelet Flynn had given me last year and buried it under the loose floorboard by the window. A few minutes later Dad came in. He perched on the edge of my bed and, after checking I was okay, explained that he and Gemma had decided to move into Leo’s old apartment as soon as Leo and his dad left.

  ‘There’ll be more room for you and for Lily there,’ he said. ‘I’m going to build a new room out of a corner of the living room, then extend the living room into the hallway. There’s a lot of wasted space there right now.’

  I let him talk on, describing their plans. I nodded and asked a few questions. I knew my priority was to make sure Dad believed I was all right. I had upset him so much last year when Flynn left the commune. I was determined never to be that selfish again.

  ‘That means you’ll have Leo’s room,’ Dad said.

  ‘Right.’ I thought about the room with its wall covered in pictures and the window seat overlooking the field. ‘That’s great, it’s a lovely room.’

  ‘It is,’ Dad agreed. He cleared his throat. ‘Leo’s been asking after you. Do you feel up to seeing him?’

  ‘Not right now,’ I said. ‘Maybe tomorrow.’

  Dad frowned. ‘I was hoping you’d come down for dinner later, you know, in the kitchen?’

  ‘Right.’ My heart sank. A communal supper was the last thing I wanted tonight. Still, I had to look after Dad. ‘The others won’t ask me about Cody or the police, will they?’

  ‘I’ll make sure they don’t,’ Dad said firmly.

  I nodded. If I was going to have to face everyone later, I might as well see Leo beforehand. I shoved th
e iPod under my pillow.

  ‘Is Leo in his room?’ I asked.

  ‘I think so,’ Dad said.

  I swung my legs off the bed. ‘I’ll go and see him now.’

  Dad looked pleased.

  I trudged along the corridor to Leo’s apartment. The front door was open so I slipped inside. Ros and Leo’s dad were sitting with their arms around each other in the living room, watching TV.

  ‘Hey, River.’ Ros jumped up and embraced me in a hug.

  ‘Hi,’ I said, feeling awkward. Since falling for Leo’s dad, Ros had become far more tactile than before and I still wasn’t used to it. She tried to get me to sit with them, but I pulled away. ‘I just want a word with Leo,’ I said.

  ‘Sure.’ Ros sat down, nodding vigorously. ‘Sure, just so long as you’re okay.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I said.

  I walked along to Leo’s room and tapped lightly on the door. There was no reply, so I gently opened it. Leo was sitting cross-legged on the bed, a textbook open in his lap and a steady beat pulsing through the headphones clamped to his ears. He was murmuring along to the song he was listening to. I watched him for a moment. Leo had phenomenal powers of concentration. He was smart too. Not carelessly, confidently smart like Flynn who had always got excellent results by simply doing what was needed with the minimum of fuss. No, Leo was more like an absent-minded professor, working hard because he loved to find out about things, because he wanted to learn for its own sake.

  I came inside and shut the door. Leo didn’t see me until I moved across the room. Then he caught my shadow and looked up. He smiled, taking off his headphones. And there was so much genuine affection and relief in his smile that I couldn’t help but smile back in spite of my misery. On instinct, I opened my arms and Leo leaped off the bed to hug me. We clung to each other for a moment. Leo was slighter and shorter than Flynn, but he had broadened out in the past few months and, right now, he felt solid and safe.