Chapter Thirty
‘What the fuck is he doing over there, Max?’ Jim had never felt an anger like it; a burning emotion so strong it was the hardest of pains to control.
‘Believe me, Jim, I had no idea, not until Dave French called me to see why he hadn’t turned up for training.’
‘Jesus!’ Jim threw himself back against his office wall. He had to try and compose himself. Tonight was a big match for Endleigh United. If they won this, then the League title was theirs. They’d be champions. Another trophy to add to his growing list. Another accolade to chalk up. Jim Allen had walked back into this club and returned it to its former glory in the space of just a few months. So why, right now, did none of that matter? Because Ryan Fisher was still messing with his wife. And he could tell by the look on Max’s face that this worried him, too.
‘Maybe telling him why L.A. is such a good move for him was a bad idea,’ Max said, sitting down on the arm of the couch.
‘I said that, didn’t I?’ Jim sighed, pushing a hand through his hair.
‘Well, I hate to tell you this, Jim, but there was no other way that kid was gonna buy into this. He needed to know the truth. He needed to know what was at stake here.’
Jim looked at Max, his anger showing no signs of subsiding, even though he was trying his hardest to get it under control. ‘What’s at stake, Max, is my fucking marriage.’
‘We didn’t think this through, not properly.’
‘He’s over there, trying to persuade her to leave me…’
‘You know that, do you? For sure? Because the only evidence we have is one photograph of him at Newcastle airport.’
Jim threw his head back and laughed. ‘Come on, Max! Don’t treat me like a ten-year-old. You know he’s in Majorca. And you know as well as I do why he’s over there.’
Max sighed, standing up and walking over to the sideboard. ‘Do you want a drink?’
‘No, I don’t want a fucking drink. I’ve got to go out there in a minute and act as though everything’s fine when I don’t know what the fuck is going on.’
‘It’s one tiny picture, hidden away…’
‘He’s over there, Max. And so is she; so is their baby. And I have never felt so freakin’ helpless.’
‘You have to trust her, Jim.’
He closed his eyes, pulling in a sharp intake of breath before he exhaled slowly. ‘I can’t do anything. I can’t go to her or try and stop this, and I know I’ve got to try and get some kind of grip on it all, but… but it’s so fucking hard, Max.’
‘He’s going, Jim. You know that, don’t you? I told you. He’s going to L.A. I’m talking to the Gamers this afternoon, sorting out his contract, making sure everything’s just as we discussed. So, he’s going.’
Jim’s eyes met Max’s again, panic now taking over from the anger. Because Max was right. They hadn’t thought this through, not really. Otherwise they’d have known this would happen. ‘But what if he takes her with him?’
*
Amber leaned against the archway, watching as Ryan lay on his stomach on the huge rug in the centre of the living room, Rico sitting up in front of him. Daddy and son were playing – Rico’s laugh echoing around the room, and just the sound of it made Amber’s heart sing, because he was such a happy baby. And he loved his daddy, that was so obvious. His daddy had made sure that he’d been a huge part of that baby’s life, even when she’d decided to end their relationship. To go back to Jim. To give Rico another man in his life. What was going to happen when Ryan couldn’t be there as often as he was now? How was that going to affect Rico? How was it going to affect Ryan? How was it going to affect her?
She closed her eyes for a second, trying not to think about this curveball that had just been thrown at them. When she and Jim had decided to get married again and decided to start their new life down south, she’d panicked that Ryan would follow them and he’d find that London club he was so desperate to find; that he’d invade her life way more than she wanted him to. Back then, wouldn’t the idea of him moving to America have been one she’d welcomed? Having him so far away so she could finally get on with her life would have been the perfect scenario. But now it was happening and now it was real. She was so scared of him not being around any more. Of not being able to watch as their son smiled and laughed with a man who’d done nothing but be an incredible dad to their child, despite anything else he might have done. Anything else he might have been. Ryan was an incredible dad and Rico adored him.
She opened her eyes as the sound of her little boy’s laughter rang around the room again, merging with Ryan’s, the two of them completely engrossed in each other. Amber felt her stomach contract, and she hugged herself; that confusion washed back over her in waves. It hadn’t stopped doing that since yesterday. Since Ryan had walked in here and told her he was leaving. Since he’d made love to her and confused her even more. Since he’d held her in his arms in bed last night and told her a million reasons why going to L.A. with him would be the best decision she’d ever made.
Rico was banging his cuddly rabbit on the floor now, making gurgling noises as he did so, showing off in front of his daddy, and Amber watched as Ryan said something to him, something which made him stop flinging his rabbit up and down. Instead, he tossed it aside, falling forward, crawling towards his daddy, who knelt up and scooped his son into his arms, holding him up in the air, which set off another barrage of baby giggles.
Amber backed away, walking outside onto the front terrace, leaning back against the wall as she looked out at nothing in particular. The sun was shining and it was another warm, early-May day on this beautiful island. But she felt as though she were trapped inside some kind of painful, confusing prison. And even though she was the only one who held the key that could free her from that prison, she couldn’t use it yet. Because she didn’t know what to do with it.
‘I’ve settled him in his cot. Said goodbye.’
Amber turned to see Ryan standing in the doorway, so handsome and hot in black jeans, heavy black boots and a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. He looked unbelievably handsome, and she couldn’t stop her stomach from turning those somersaults he’d been making it do ever since he’d got here. ‘What time’s your taxi coming?’
‘In about half an hour. Believe it or not the boss wants to see me as soon as I land back in Newcastle. A bollocking at midnight, huh? He must be desperate to reprimand me.’
Amber couldn’t help but smile. ‘Well, you will do these disappearing acts, Ryan.’
He looked down at the ground, running a hand along the back of his neck. ‘I bring it all on myself, huh?’
‘Something like that.’
‘Amber?’
His eyes were on hers again and she couldn’t look away. She didn’t want to.
‘Last night… thank you.’
She couldn’t say anything. Because she wasn’t entirely sure that last night should have happened.
‘And I’m sorry. If my coming here has…’
‘Rico’s had the time of his life, Ryan. Whatever else you came here to do, you made that little boy incredibly happy.’
‘Did I make his mum happy, too?’
She didn’t move as he stood in front of her, his hand resting on the wall beside her head, those dark-blue eyes of his staring deep into hers.
‘Did I make her happy?’
She still couldn’t seem to get the words out, her breath catching in her throat as he inched closer. So she said nothing, just closed her eyes and let his mouth touch hers; let his kiss wipe away anything else she was thinking about, just for a few seconds. Because she wasn’t sure she was ready to let him go yet. She didn’t know what was going to happen when she got back home, and that alone scared her. But the thought that this was the last time she might be so close to him, scared her more than anything.
So she slipped a hand around the back of his neck, the other one sliding into the back pocket of his jeans as he kissed her longer, deeper.
She wanted to have one more taste of him in case she never got another chance.
‘Come with me, Amber.’
‘Don’t push me, Ryan. Please. Neither of us knows what’s gonna happen when we get back home, I just know that – I know that you, coming here, it’s changed things. Whether I want that or not. And I can’t forget that.’
‘There’s a chance?’
She stared up at him again, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of his neck. ‘I don’t know.’
He closed his eyes for a beat or two, his head bowed. ‘What do I do, Amber?’
She put a hand to his cheek, making him look at her. ‘I can’t answer that for you, Ryan.’
‘How am I gonna cope without you and Rico?’
There were tears in his eyes as he spoke, and Amber felt her heart break for all the chances they’d missed, and the mess they’d all made. ‘Oh, baby… you’ll do okay. You’re Ryan Fisher! You can cope with anything.’
He smiled, but those tears were still spilling down his face. ‘Just tell me there’s still a chance, Amber. Even if it’s just the tiniest one. Even if it’s so remote… Just tell me there’s still a chance.’
She leaned forward to kiss away his tears, stroking his hair back off his face. ‘There’s still a chance.’ She wasn’t entirely sure she’d meant to say that out loud, but maybe doing that had been the best thing to do. It made her realise what was happening here – that she did have a choice. If she wanted one.
He let out a sigh, throwing back his head, his arm falling around her waist, pulling her closer. ‘Jesus, this is so fucking hard!’
She snuggled in against him, clinging onto his shirt, allowing his arms to hold her tightly as a million and one thoughts and memories flashed through her mind.
‘Half an hour still leaves us time,’ he whispered, kissing the top of her head.
‘Time?’ She pulled away slightly, frowning as she looked at him.
‘For me to get between those incredible legs of yours and love you one last time.’
His mouth was so close to hers as he spoke, his voice so low and sexy it made Amber’s head spin. What choice was he leaving her with here?
‘Rico’s asleep, so, that gives daddy time to make mummy love him. Doesn’t it?’
‘Ryan…’
‘It gives us time, Amber.’
But she wasn’t altogether sure that was something they had the luxury of any more.
*
‘What the hell are you playing at?’
Ryan held the phone away from his ear as he handed the taxi driver a handful of Euros, smiling his thanks.
‘You’ve had your phone switched off for over a day now. Do you know how many people have been trying to get in touch with you?’
‘That’s exactly why I’ve had it switched off, Max.’
‘Where are you?’
‘About to go into the airport. And, for your information, I’ve already spoken to the boss.’
‘Yes, I know you have. And he’ll be waiting for you when you land in Newcastle, and believe me, Ryan, if I was up there I’d be waiting for you, too. Jesus! I thought you were over all this selfish, childish behaviour.’
‘Hey, hang on there. You suddenly tell me that moving to Los Angeles is the best thing for my career, for my life – you drop that fucking bombshell on me and you expect me to just take it? Especially after you reel off every reason why you think I should be making that move. It doesn’t work like that, Max.’
‘I take it you’ve been to see Amber.’
‘Yes, I’ve been to see Amber.’
‘Have you any idea how pissed off Jim Allen is right now?’
‘He knows?’
‘There was a picture of you in the paper at the airport. It didn’t exactly take a genius to put two and two together after that. And I tried to calm him down, but he is gunning for you, Ryan. He’s beyond fucking angry.’
‘Jesus, Max, like I frigging care.’
‘He’s her fucking husband! He has every right to be angry. For Christ’s sake, what fucking fantasy world are you living in?’
‘I want her to come with me. To L.A.’
There was a pause down the line as Max took in what he’d just been told. ‘And you’ve said this to her, have you? You’ve actually told her you want her to come with you?’
‘I’ve told her.’
‘And?’
‘And, nothing. She doesn’t know.’
‘She doesn’t know? What the hell’s gone on over there, Ryan?’
‘I love her, Max. And last night I held her and I made love to her and…’
‘Jesus-fucking-Christ! I don’t fucking believe this… Do you know what you’ve just done?’
Ryan leaned back against the wall outside the airport, watching as people walked in and out in an almost constant stream, most of them wheeling cases behind them. Did any of them have lives as complicated as his was right now?
‘I’m sorting my life out, Max. That’s what I’m doing.’
*
Amber crossed her legs underneath her, clutching tightly onto the bottle of lager she was holding, watching as the final whistle blew and Parkfield erupted into a cacophony of noise so loud it drowned out the TV commentators, one of whom was Ronnie.
Endleigh United were League champions. Her wonderful husband had done the job they’d employed him to do, and she felt a wave of sadness wash over her because she wasn’t there to share this with him. She wasn’t by his side.
She turned away from the TV for a second, breathing in deeply as the events of the past couple of days flooded her brain, and when she turned back she saw him there on the screen. Dressed in his trademark dark suit, his head bowed down slightly, he stood on the touchline with his hands in his pockets, watching his team celebrate. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. He wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t known for his outward displays of emotion on the football pitch; that wasn’t him. But he knew. Amber could tell that he knew. He knew Ryan had been over here. And her heart broke all over again at what she was doing to people who didn’t deserve it. This had gone way past stupid games people had played in the past. This was the rest of their lives.
The noise in the stadium wasn’t showing any signs of subsiding as the Endleigh players ran around the pitch, thanking all their fans, enjoying the achievement, and once more, Amber felt her heart ache because she wasn’t there with Jim. She should be there, instead of sitting here, thinking about things she shouldn’t even be considering.
She took a swig of beer, her eyes still glued to the screen, her heart suddenly giving a little judder as they cut to an interview pitchside – with Jim. And even though he was smiling now, Amber could see a sadness there, and it tore her apart.
‘I’m so, so proud of you, baby,’ she whispered, feeling tears start to stream down her face, but she didn’t wipe them away. She deserved to feel pain. She deserved to feel this guilt. Just the sound of his voice cut her deeply, but when she heard him say her name those tears fell faster, that pain cutting deeper.
She hugged her knees to her chest, watching as he spoke to one of her Cloud Sports colleagues. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, this man who’d walked into her life all those years ago and taken everything she’d ever had. He’d taken it all. He’d invaded her life and stolen her heart; he’d stirred up every emotion it was ever possible to feel and she knew she would gladly do it all again, because she loved him. No matter what had gone on here, or anything she might still feel for Ryan, she loved that man there on her TV. She loved him.
‘I know she isn’t here tonight…’
Amber’s heart seemed to miss another beat as Jim turned to face the camera, and she couldn’t stop the loud, uncontrollable sobs from escaping, those tears streaming from her eyes so fast now she could barely see.
‘… But, baby, if you’re watching, and you said you would be… if you’re watching, I wanna say thank you. And just know that I love you, okay? I love you so much, ho
ney.’
She had to put a hand over her mouth to stop those sobs from waking Rico. Because what he’d just said there had sounded like a message. Oh, God, how could she ever have thought she could leave this man?
The pain she felt now was indescribable. It was like a knife being ripped right through her; it was physical, and it hurt like nothing she’d ever felt before.
‘I love you, too,’ she whispered, that pain intensifying as the picture cut back to the studio. ‘And I’m sorry, baby. I am so, so sorry.’
Chapter Thirty-One
‘You do not just take it upon yourself to wander off. You are still under contract until the end of this season, do you hear me, Ryan? This is isn’t fucking high school, you don’t get to slack off just because there are only a couple of weeks left and you can’t really be bothered to concentrate any more.’
‘You finished?’ Ryan asked, folding his arms as Max paced up and down his Covent Garden office.
‘I haven’t even fucking started, son.’
‘Give it a rest, okay? I’ve heard it all from Dave French, and I’ve been suitably fined.’
Max stood still and looked at him, raising his eyebrows. ‘Oh, so, you think that’s the end of it, then, do you? You should think yourself lucky Red Star need you otherwise you’d probably have found your playing career at that club already over.’
‘That wouldn’t have been such a bad thing.’
Max raised his eyebrows even higher. ‘What? Because then you could keep your arse down here and do a bit more marriage wrecking?’
‘I’m not wrecking anybody’s marriage, Max…’
‘Have you heard yourself? No, seriously, have you? Because you’re standing there actually saying words that are totally untrue.’
‘They haven’t got a frigging marriage. Jesus…’
‘Oh, so, all of a sudden you’re the expert on relationships, are you?’
‘I know she still has feelings for me.’
‘Really? You know that, do you? One night in the Balearics and you’ve managed to turn her head, is that what you’re saying?’
Final Score Page 40