Eternal (Eternal series)
Page 21
That statement made Emma feel better and worse at the same time. Being trapped in the truck with him again in the dark wasn’t a good idea.
She looked sideways at him and saw that he was smiling, with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other arm resting on the opened window sill. Emma was glad Destry had the window down, somehow the cool air made it less uncomfortable sitting next to him—he didn‘t feel quite so close.
The truck slowed, Emma peered through the dim twilight trying to determine their destination. Destry stopped at a pull-off area next to a line of trees that paralleled the road on one side, and sat facing a large open meadow on the opposite side. The meadow was beautiful and filled with fresh spring grasses that swayed in the gentle breeze, but she had no idea why they had stopped here.
Destry turned the truck off, leaving no dash lights, no headlights, just dimly lit air. She glanced in his direction. His profile in the moonlight was arousing feelings in her that she didn't want to surface, so she pressed them down into the pit of her stomach and swallowed hard.
They sat in silence for a moment until Emma couldn’t take it anymore.
“What are we looking at exactly?” she prompted him meekly.
“Just wait,” Destry said quietly, and then pointed. “Keep watching over there.”
“This is kind of creepy,” she whispered back to him.
He snickered, “why is it creepy?”
“Because it’s getting darker, and it’s so quiet and we’re the only ones out here.” Emma rambled nervously.
“We’re fine Emma,” Destry assured her. “I don’t think there are any serial killers wandering around out here in the dark.”
“I’m not worried about serial killers,” Emma scoffed, “just about bears...and mountain lions.”
“They won’t attack us in the truck,” he smiled, “I’ll roll up the window if it makes you feel better.”
“No, I’m fine,” Emma said coolly, folding her arms across her chest. Destry looked at her and raised an eyebrow. She thought he wanted to say something else, but he held back thankfully, not wanting to keep pressing the matter.
“I’ll be right back,” he said suddenly, jumping out of the cab of the truck.
“Where are you going?” Emma said, panicking, but he was already gone.
After a minute, Destry reappeared at the side of the truck, and climbed in. He held a wicker picnic basket, and he was grinning from ear to ear.
“I brought us a snack,” he said excitedly. He opened the basket and pulled out two sandwiches in plastic baggies, and two cans of cola. “Peanut butter and jelly,” he announced, “I made them myself, and something to wash it down with.”
He handed Emma her sandwich, and then began to take his out of the baggie. He looked at Emma when she didn’t do the same. “Don’t you like PB and J?”
“No, no, I love it, that was really sweet of you.”
Emma smiled warmly at him, and removed her sandwich, taking a big bite to prove her appreciation. She tried to grin as she chewed, but it made her feel like a cow chewing its cud, so she gave up and swallowed hard.
Destry started to laugh, and then took a big bite of his own, chewing happily. They both sat in silence as they finished their sandwiches, and then he cracked open a cola and handed it to Emma. She took a big gulp, trying to wash away the sticky peanut butter that clung to the top of her mouth.
“That was great, thanks,” Emma said, smiling successfully this time.
Destry smiled brightly at her, obviously amused by her facial expressions as she tried to clean the back of her teeth with her tongue.
“What?” Emma asked, feeling self-conscious about how he was staring at her mouth.
“I love it when you smile,” he said, his own grin touching his eyes.
“I smile all the time,” Emma said blushing.
“No you don’t. In fact, for the past few months I felt like all you ever did was glare at me every time you saw me.”
“I wasn’t glaring at you, you were glaring at me,” Emma countered.
“I’m sorry if it looked that way, but I was never glaring, just watching.”
“Why were you watching me?”
“Because you’re beautiful and mysterious,” he grinned.
“I’m not mysterious,” Emma stated. She didn’t think she was beautiful either but she didn’t want to open that can of worms so she let it be.
“The fact that you never smiled was mysterious.”
“I smiled; it must have just been when you weren’t looking. I don’t go around like a goofball smiling all day if that’s what you expected.”
“Well, I’m glad I get to see you smile now,” he said sweetly. “That’s all that matters.” He paused staring at her again. “Oh yeah,” he finally said, startling her. “I thought we might need some gum after the peanut butter.” He held a stick of gum out to her.
“Thanks,” Emma said gratefully. “That was good thinking.” She was glad to be done with that conversation.
Destry popped a stick of gum into his own mouth and then nudged her arm and nodded his head in the direction of the meadow. Emma followed his gaze and saw something in the dim light, dark against the lighter grass. At first it was hard to make out, but as her eyes quickly adjusted she saw the delicate image of a deer.
“Oh my gosh,” Emma swooned. She'd never seen a deer this close even though they were plentiful in this area.
Just as Emma spoke, she noticed more deer filing into the meadow from the tree line. They didn’t appear to notice the two of them or the truck at all, as they trotted to the thickest clumps of new grass. They were all different sizes. It was easy to pick out the new fawns that were only a few weeks old. They were tiny, with white spots decorating their backs.
“They’re so pretty,” Emma whispered.
“Yeah, they’re pretty cool, huh?” Destry agreed quickly.
“I’ve never been this close before,” Emma admitted.
“Really?” He looked astonished at her confession. “There are thousands of deer around here.”
“I know, but I don’t go wandering out in the dark looking for them, and they’re not out during the day,” Emma stated the obvious.
“Yeah, I guess they're kind of like the pond; you have to be looking for them to see them.”
“Do you come here a lot?”
“Yeah, my dad works most nights. I don’t have anything better to do, plus I like sitting here watching them.”
“They are kind of mesmerizing,” Emma spoke quietly. “I could probably sit here all night watching them too.”
“They won’t be here that long. They’ll move down towards the river before midnight,” he said matter-of-factly.
“How do you know that?”
“I’ve stayed late a lot and that seems to be their habit. They’re slowly making their way in that direction all the time.”
Emma sat silently watching the splendor of nature unfold in the darkness. The moon was peeking up from behind the eastern mountains, sending a wide beam of light across the ground. Everything was perfectly calm and almost silent.
Emma felt strangely at ease sitting next to Destry, watching in silence. She'd assumed it would have been awkward, alone like this in the middle of nowhere, but it wasn’t. She felt safe with him.
“Tell me what you‘re thinking,” Destry's voice broke the silence first. Emma looked over at him and noticed he was staring at her intently. She frowned down at her hands.
“I was just thinking that this was really nice of you, bringing me here, and the sandwiches... Thanks,” that was the best she could come up with.
“You‘re welcome... I like having you here with me,” his smile was warm and sincere. “So... aren’t you going to ask me?” Destry’s question interrupted the moment.
“Ask you what?” Emma had no idea what he was referring to.
“I thought you were dying to know what I was thinking about….last night….on our date?” He prodded, waiting for the light to tur
n on in Emma's head.
“Oh yeah,” Emma finally remembered. “That was the condition for me agreeing to this date.”
“I thought you’d ask this afternoon while we were fishing, but you didn’t. I figured you had forgotten,” he mused.
Emma had forgotten. She wondered why Destry was bringing it up. Was he so anxious to finally confess the thoughts he'd been so determined to keep from her the night before?
“So go ahead and spill it,” Emma finally urged, elbowing Destry in the side.
He turned his whole body toward her, so that he was facing her full on. He looked Emma straight in the eye, holding her gaze, and then began with his "theory". “I think there’s something different about us Emma,” Destry paused for a moment, letting that sink in before he continued. “Don’t you ever feel that way when you’re with me?”
“I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” Emma answered slowly, avoiding the question.
“I can feel it inside,” he put his hand on his chest. “It’s weird, I know...but we’re special somehow.”
“Maybe you’re the one who’s special,” Emma said sarcastically, trying to make a wise crack.
Destry held to his previous thought, ignoring her frail attempt at being funny.
“I’m serious Emma,” he continued, undaunted, “I’ve been around girls before, I’ve even had a few crushes, but this is different. I know that I've never been in love—before now.”
Emma unconsciously pulled her whole body back slightly, trying to distance herself from Destry's intense stare, and what she knew he was trying to say.
He'd been right last night, Emma didn’t want to hear this, she couldn’t handle it. He slowly reached across the invisible chasm that she'd created between them, and clasped both of her hands in his. Emma wanted to pull away, but was paralyzed somehow in her seat.
“Ever since the first time I saw you,” he continued, “right after I moved here...I knew. I couldn’t explain what it was, or why I felt the way I did, but I couldn’t deny it either. Something was pulling me to you.
"I fought against it at first, thinking I was crazy or something, but it didn't let go. I thought if I asked you to prom, and gave into the feeling, that it would ease up, and everything would be normal again,” he paused and looked deeply into Emma's eyes.
“But I was wrong. It was even stronger after that. I couldn’t escape it. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and I kept having dreams about you and me—in a different time and place. I know that probably sounds weird to you.” Destry waited for Emma to make eye contact before he continued.
“I was freaking out. I wanted to talk to you about it, but you wouldn’t speak to me after prom. I thought the feelings must be wrong, because you obviously wanted nothing to do with me. I decided to try to stay away from you, and see if the feelings would change, or go away all together, but they didn’t," he paused again as if gauging her reaction.
"That day you showed up at the feed store, I knew you were there before I saw you. I know that sounds impossible, but I got these tingles up my back and across my arms and I knew that it was you, that you were close by. That’s why I did that with your hand yesterday. I wanted to see if it was really you that caused the tingles, or if I was just losing my mind. You know how that turned out, so then I knew it wasn‘t just me, because you felt something too, right?”
"But yesterday... you said that had never happened to you before?" Emma's voice was hollow from the shock of his confession.
"I lied, well not really lied—I hadn't ever felt anything like that before...until I met you. I’ve tried, believe me. I’ve tried over and over to pull back, act normal, and just relax. I don’t like being so pushy but I’m drawn to you Emma, something inside of me…well it just won’t let go of you.”
When Destry finished talking, he furrowed his eyebrows together, and chewed his lip, waiting for Emma's response. In that moment, he didn’t look like the over-confident boy she knew, he looked as confused as she was.
Emma didn’t know what to say. She sat there with a shocked look on her face, trying to remember how to breathe. She hadn't been expecting this.
Could it really be true? How could he possibly feel that way about her? They hardly knew each other; they’d only been on what... three dates? Emma didn’t think he would go to all the trouble of making up a story like that though.
She could feel her heart skipping erratically in her chest. She needed to say something, but it seemed she'd forgotten how to speak.
Emma couldn’t handle Destry's intense, beautiful eyes, boring into her face any longer. As always, he seemed to have a pull on her too, that she couldn’t fight against. He was drawing her in, and she couldn’t stop him. She closed her eyes and tried to gather her thoughts.
The tension between them was thick and hot and pressing down on Emma like heavy, humid air. She knew she needed to tell Destry about Micah. He needed to know why his feelings must be wrong; why they couldn't be returned.
Emma couldn’t form the words. She believed what Destry had just told her; all of it. She'd felt the same feelings, but she'd forbidden them to take hold. She'd been too distracted by Micah…her angel…who loved her.
She needed more time. She wasn’t ready to decide between the two of them. She had to find a way to stall.
"Destry…I….I don’t…I can’t,” Emma stuttered, she had to turn away, and refocus herself if there was any hope of making him understand.
A large lump was crawling its way up into her throat. She swallowed hard, trying to push it back down, knowing full well that there was an army of tears coming right behind it.
“There’s an angel…and love...I mean, I love…” she wasn’t making any sense, her voice was shaking. She could feel tiny beads of sweat forming on her face and neck.
Emma looked at Destry’s face trying to find the words that would let him know how she felt, and that he was special to her too, but that she wasn’t ready to decide.
He met her anguished gaze, taking it the wrong way, and moved in closer, breathing in deeply. Emma could see it coming, his eyes began to close, and she could feel his breath on her face.
She knew what he was about to do.
She needed to stop him before it was too late!
Chapter 25: ANGUISH
Emma's mind was a muddled mess as she tried to speak—to say anything to interrupt the course they were on—but nothing came into her head. She sat there frozen. She should be doing something, but what?
She glared at Destry's face, trying to communicate telepathically, hoping he’d open his eyes and stop this madness before it went too far.
He continued to move closer. He was so close now that Emma could feel the heat coming off his body. As a last resort she closed her eyes, sucked in her breath and tried to block out any and all emotion.
Destry’s lips brushed up against Emma's, lightly at first, then became more insistent. His hands were on her face, his fingers softly stroking her cheek, leaving a heated trail behind them as his mouth moved over hers, exploring every inch of it.
She could feel his frustration and his longing being released. It was as if everything in their lives had led up to this point. Everything was finally right with the world.
The tip of his tongue gently caressed her bottom lip and then he pressed his lips fully against hers again.
To Emma's surprise, he met no resistance. She was leaning into him and melting around him, their lips molding together perfectly.
Destry's mouth was so soft and moving with hers in perfect harmony. Her arms came up, wrapping around his neck, pulling him in. She ran her fingers through his hair. She couldn't get close enough to him. The strange electrical current that had always accompanied his touch coursed through them, leaping out of his body and pouring into hers. She could feel it flowing through every part of her, leaving nothing untouched. It burned like fire as it went, changing her, connecting her to him, melding them together deep inside.
Everything ar
ound her swirled and blurred together until there was nothing left but him and her. With total confusion, and without permission from her brain, she realized—she was kissing him back...and she liked it! She couldn’t make any sense of it, this was wrong.
Emma's whole life flashed before her eyes. Nothing else mattered in that moment, except for him and her being together. She was sinking into a warm ocean of bliss, and she didn’t want to stop, didn't want to come up for air. He tasted too sweet, too perfect.
Suddenly, a horrible, crushing, feeling came over Emma. She felt like there were a million pairs of eyes watching them, all of them seeing what she was doing, judging her for it. It was probably just her own guilt; she wasn’t supposed to like Destry this way. She'd already found her forever with Micah, right?
The memory of Micah hit her hard as she thought his name, shoving her back into reality. She had to stop this. It wasn’t supposed to be happening.
“N... n…no,” Emma managed to mumble as she struggled to disentangle herself from Destry, pushing away from his soft, warm lips. His hands were still gently grasping her face. She reached up and tugged them away. “I can’t…no…I can’t do this..,” she stammered.
She was having trouble forming the words. They were all jumbled around in her head, and she couldn’t put them together in any way that made sense. The confused look on Destry's face stabbed at her heart, going in deep. She was hurting him.
This is exactly what she'd been trying to avoid, but had known was coming.
He didn’t understand.
How could she make Destry understand when she didn’t understand any of this herself?
What was she doing? How had it gotten this far without her stopping it? Emma didn’t want this; didn’t want to hurt him, had never wanted that. And yet, here she was, staring into Destry's beautiful eyes, knowing all too well the horrible pain she was inflicting. She knew it because it was her pain too.
She loved him.
Emma had never allowed herself to think it before this moment. It was like a hard slap in the face...it hurt. The truth of it ripped at the edges of her heart. She felt a flood of tears pressing against the edges of her wide eyes. Emma held them back with as much force as she could muster.