Men in Control: Special pack: The Smith Brothers Series

by Brenda Ford

  Chapter 25 - Wesley

  The four walls surrounding me are familiar, I know them well. I have spent the last few years knowing them well. But somehow as I look at them now, they look different. More colorful, brighter, more exciting. Tonight, has absolutely transformed my whole life in a way that I didn’t even know I needed.

  “Maddie.” I love the way that my daughter’s name sounds. “Maddie.”

  It might not have been the name that I would have gone for, but I don’t know what I would’ve picked. I haven’t seen enough of her to know if it suits her or not, but from the way that Zoe has talked about her tonight, I would assume so. My beautiful sweet four year old girl who likes coloring in, unicorns, and football. I still hate what I have missed. It was hard to hear Zoe talk about her. It was nice that she wanted to catch me up on her life, but it made me yearn for all that I’d missed. But I can make a difference now. Me and Zoe can start with a clean slate, forget all the shit that happened before and just carry on moving in the right direction.

  I like the idea of a fresh slate. I like the idea of starting again, it feels nice. We need that more than anyone else in the world, and we have a reason for that now. We won’t be co-workers fighting for the same job, competing just to be noticed by Andy. We won’t be pawns in Hannah and Court’s stupid games. We won’t be lovers either, because it gets too complicated too quickly and we have another person to think of now. I guess we will just be friends. Since that isn’t something that we have ever tried before, I’m quite excited to see how it goes.

  I grab my cell phone and glance at the picture of Maddie that Zoe sent to me, just so I can get to see her a little bit. It might be a flat 2D image that doesn’t give me any detail and doesn’t allow me enough insight in to her life, but I will take it. Right now, I will take anything that I can get. Especially if it involves her sweet smile.

  A small part of me wants to send this image to Brad, to show him that I actually do have more going on in my life than he could possibly know about. But I don’t. I think that it’s best for me to figure things out for myself first. I need to work out how me and Maddie are going to have a relationship, what bond me and Zoe will have these days, how the distance will work… then I will tell everyone what’s going on.

  “They are going to lose their mind!” I chuckle to myself. “It will be insane!”

  I was angry, when I first saw Zoe with Maddie, when I knew that I had been duped, but now I’m not. That anger isn’t healthy, it won’t lead anywhere. Life is too short to be mad. My parents might have passed away when I was only small, younger than Maddie is now, but I have always carried that around with me. Perhaps it’s because I always knew that they were gone, or maybe that’s something that Brad drilled in to us as we were growing up, but it’s a lesson that has always been there. Shame I didn’t take it on board five years ago…

  “No wonder Zoe had to protect Maddie.” I shake my head sadly. “No wonder she left.”

  I probably would have done the same thing if the does was on the other foot. If I was being accused of lying all the time, of making up heinous things. I still acutely remember some of the horrible things that I said, and it makes me cringe. To know that those words could even come out of my mouth: “Do you always do the fake fiancé bit? The fake relationship to distract a guy so you can trample all over him and steal his dreams? Or is it just the fake pregnancy? And before you even try to deny it, don’t forget that Hannah has already told me that you have pretended to be pregnant before.” Five years and those words have stuck with me, reminding me that I have the capability to be a terrible person. At least I can be sure that I will never do that again.

  I let my male pride get in the way, that was a big part of it. I was upset that Andy chose Zoe over me which made me more susceptible to whatever Court was telling me, and I hate myself for that.

  I flop on my couch and allow my eyes to close, letting the dream of me and Zoe flood me. The dream of us making a go of it way back when. I think of being there when she gave birth, getting to hold Maddie when she was only moments old, being there together as she grew up, loving Zoe through all the sleepless nights, all the teething, all the hard times, falling harder for her every single day. I know that I’m not really supposed to be thinking about the feelings that we shared, but I can’t help myself from falling back in to that place. Because it wasn’t a lie, was it? There was no reason for me to back away from her. We could have just been together.

  It makes me ache all over to consider that we could have had it all. That love my brothers have… that could have been mine too. I could be living a similar life to all of them. I might have mocked it in the past, but now it could be awesome. Even the rock star of the family, Alex, managed to find someone to settle down and have a family with, and he was the wildest one of us all for a very long time. I might have turned my nose away from love and a happy ever after, but really, it’s all that I ever wanted.

  Oh well, I might not be able to have that beautiful love story, I think that the ship might have sailed on that one, but I can have Maddie. I can make our day together good. Thankfully, Zoe hasn’t hung around to make this a more nerve wracking deal than it already is. She said that we can hang out tomorrow at the park so I can spend some time with my daughter. But I need to do something big for her. I need to make up for the shitty impression that I have already made. Maddie wasn’t really looking at me as I fell out with Zoe outside of the office, and I wasn’t particularly looking at her either, but it still happened, and she probably heard. She heard too much of me being a douche bag, so I need to turn things around and actually be a nice guy.

  “Gifts,” I mutter to myself. “Gifts always make things better, don’t they?”

  Unfortunately, I don’t know enough to be sure of what to get for Maddie and I don’t want to ask anyone for help. If I ask any of my brothers, they are going to come at me with a million questions, and if I ask Zoe then she will know what’s coming. I don’t want her to be aware because it will spoil the surprise and also, she will tell me not to get anything. I don’t think Zoe will want it to be too much of a fuss, but it feels right to me.

  To be honest, I can’t imagine Zoe buying Maddie millions of toys. She is the sort of person who I imagine spoils her daughter with love rather than things. She will give her all of herself rather than all sorts of plastic stuff that may only be looked at once, but I’m trying to get my foot in the door here. I just want Maddie to give me a chance. Once she lets me get to know her, then I can change things us if that’s what Zoe wants.

  “Maddie wants to meet you,” I remind myself before the nerves get too much. “She is the reason that Zoe brought you here. She was alerted by a Father’s Day thing at the school and has wanted to meet you ever since. Now, it’s your job not to be a let-down for her. You need to be everything that she wants and more.”

  Unfortunately, it’s late at night so there won’t be any toy shops open. This is something that I will have to wake up early to do. Before I go to meet them at the park. It will be a battle between getting the right things and not getting too much, but I’m excited. I’m pretty sure that it will be fun.

  I head up the stairs and aim straight for my wardrobe where I know that I have a box stashed away in the back of it. It’s a box that I don’t look at much because it hurts too much, but today it feels right. I actually want to look at the images of my parents and not because I’m feeling down, but because this is a happy time. A time that I want to share with them. Not that I will ever tell anyone that this is what I do.

  “Hey, Mom.” I smile at the slightly faded picture of her. The last couple of decades haven’t treated photographs well which is why digital is so much better. There is always another copy! “Hey, Dad. I miss you guys again. As always. I always miss you. I am sure you guys know that already.” I pick out another picture. This one is one of them holding Brad when they were only sixteen years of age. I’m sure that it was a scandal for them to have him so young, especially
decades ago, but I doubt they ever complained. “Brad was a surprise to you guys, wasn’t he? That’s why there is such a gap between him and the rest of us. But it all worked out okay for you in the end, didn’t it? Well, at least it did until the car accident where you died.” Urgh, I hate thinking that happened to them. They were only thirty five years old as well. Too young to die. “Brad was a good kid to you. Well, as it turns out, I have a surprise child as well. One that was conceived five years ago when I was only twenty. Older than you guys but probably less mature.” I shake my head, knowing that I’m getting off topic. “Well, anyway, lots happened, and Maddie’s mother left town. She knew that I wasn’t good enough for my daughter at the time. But now she has come back. Both of them have, and they want to give me a chance. A chance that starts tomorrow morning. I’m going to meet Maddie and spend some time with her.” I sigh loudly. “I wish that you guys could be here to meet her too. I know that she’s going to have a massive family with all of my brothers. But it would be good with you here as well. You would love her, I’m sure of it.”

  I hope that they are somewhere watching over me, helping me through this, guiding me. I have no idea if all of that stuff is true, but it would be nice to think it is. Just so that I’m not in this alone.

  Then again, I suppose I’m not on my own, am I? Because I will have Zoe to guide me. And she knows Maddie and her wants and needs better than anyone. This time, I just have to listen.

  Chapter 26 - Zoe

  “I don’t understand, Mommy,” Maddie moans while gripping on to my hand. “Why do I have to see that man again? I didn’t like him when he was being mean to you, so I don’t understand why now…”

  I get down to her level and look lovingly in to her eyes. “He wasn’t being mean, Maddie, he was confused and didn’t understand what was happening. It was just a discussion, nothing more. But it won’t be like that today. I promise you. He’s your father. We came here to meet your daddy, didn’t we? So, now you can.”

  She pouts out her bottom lip and looks at me with sadness rocketing through her. “I don’t know, Mommy.”

  “I know you don’t. This was always going to be a bit of a challenge, but we will get through it together.”

  I hold her hand tighter and try to reassure her, but I might be trying to calm myself down as well. Last night it seemed like such a good idea to get this done with already, to not hold back and tackle it right away, especially when Wesley was being so nice about everything, but now I’m not so sure. Now, I think that it might be rushed. I don’t know about Maddie and Wesley, but I need some time to get my head around everything.

  “What are we going to do, Mommy?” Maddie tug my hand again. “When he gets here?”

  “We will go to the park so you can have a play. Show him what cool things you can do.”

  “Can I go now? I’m so bored of waiting,” she moans. “I want to go and play already.”

  I want that for her too, but I think that it might seem rude if she’s just playing and ignoring him. I want her to at least have a little conversation with him before everything gets chaotic. I think that they both need that.

  “We will just wait to say hello first. That is the polite thing to do. Then we can go and play.”

  But she hops from foot to foot, basically unable to stay still as wait. I can feel her impatience, it’s surging through me as well, but unfortunately for her, I can’t do anything to change it. I’m just as impatient and nervous as she is. Maybe even more so. But I’m trying to keep myself centered by remembering how nice he was last night; how keen he was to meet Maddie. If that caries through today, then everything will be okay.

  “It will be okay,” I whisper to myself, trying to cool my breaths down. “It will.”

  “Did you say something, Mommy?” Damn it. It seems that I can’t do anything in private.

  “No, sorry, I’m just trying to… to… I don’t know. No, I didn’t say anything,” I correct myself. “Sorry.”

  Shit, I’m freaking Maddie out just about as much as I’m panicking myself. I’m supposed to be the damn adult here. I need to hold it together for her sake. I’m going to have to be cool for her.

  “Is that him?” Immediately, Maddie hides behind my legs, the fear rolling off her. “Is he here?”

  “Yes, that’s him. Don’t panic, Maddie. I’m going to be here with you all the time.

  I smile and wave at Wesley, and he returns the gesture… well, as much as he can with the big bags in his hands. I don’t know what he’s brought here today. He didn’t need to. I have everything under control.

  “Hi, Zoe,” he says in a much too bright tone of voice. “Hello, Maddie. I have some gifts for you.”

  Some gifts… wow he has a whole heap of gifts! I can’t believe it. I don’t know if Wesley might have gone a bit over board here. This might be a little overwhelming for Maddie… but oh no, she’s jumping around in front of me and having her head in the bag right away. She’s practically diving in.

  “Dolls!” she screams. “Oh, my goodness, a unicorn. I need a new unicorn. Oh, and a ball.”

  She immediately drops the ball the floor and starts kicking it around. Wesley laughs at her, looking incredibly pleased with himself. I can’t help but join in with the smile because this is a good start.

  “Wow, you didn’t have to do all of this,” I tell him seriously. “That’s a bit too much.”

  “I wanted to spoil her. I wanted to make this special and I know that I have a lot to make up for.”

  Ah, so he knows. He’s aware that he was a dick the other day, so that’s something. Not only does he know what he’s done, but he’s also trying to make up for it which is nice. I can already tell that my fickle daughter has forgotten all about her pouty lip from before. Now, she’s grinning at Wesley like he’s her best friend.

  “Thank you for all of my things,” she declares. “This is really nice. Can we go and play in the park now?”

  I chuckle and turn to Wesley. “She has been wanting to go to the park for ages. I’m sorry.”

  “No, not at all.” He shrugs and smiles. “Whatever Maddie wants. Let’s go and do it.”

  Maddie cheers and immediately runs off, leaving some of her things behind. Me and Wesley gather them up and follow her over to the park. Luckily, there is a free bench for us to sit on. Well, actually for me to sit with all of her things because Wesley immediately goes to play with Maddie. To help her on the park. I get to sit back and watch as she slides, swings, goes on the monkey bars, all while laughing along with Wesley.

  Father and daughter, I think to myself. This is so strange. I never thought that this was going to happen.

  It’s nice. It actually warms up my heart to watch them. This should have been happening all along… but at least it’s happening now. At least there is finally the chance for them to build this bond.

  Maddie is in her element, she doesn’t even glance my way because she’s having such a nice time, but every so often, Wesley shoots me a look. He wants to know that he’s doing okay, and I honestly think he is. Surprisingly he seems to be handling this in a much better way than I thought that he would.

  He could be a really great father; I think to myself. This could really work out…

  Although, will it be as good when I’m back in New York? Will things work out as well? He might be great at being a father while we’re here in the same town… but what about when we go? Although, should I be thinking of that? Should I be thinking so far in to the future or just enjoying what’s happening right now?

  “Mommy!” Maddie calls, thankfully distracting me from those terrifying thoughts. “Take a picture of me.”

  I grab my cell phone and rush over to where she is on the climbing frame. I want to snap an image of her, but the only way that I can do it is with snapping a picture of Wesley as well. As I take the picture, I can see all the similarities between the pair of them. It’s easy to see that they are related, it’s shocking actually.

  Oh my God. My
heart nearly explodes with love. This is too much for words.

  “Hey, do you think that you could send that picture to me?” he asks. “Thank you.”

  For some reason, as I send it my heart pounds with nerves. I don’t know why because I sent him a picture of Maddie last night and that was okay. But this… I don’t know what it is, but it’s scary. I watch as he grabs out his phone and he looks at it. I think my heart melts just as much as it seems to him. This is a strange, family moment that I didn’t think I would ever have. I suppose it’s emotional for the pair of us too because we both know what it feels like to lose someone, to not have that parental role anymore, so we don’t want Maddie to have that.

  “Thank you,” he mouths at me as it looks like his eyes are filling with tears. “Thank you so much.”

  Oh my God, this is the start of something. I can just feel it. I don’t want to freak out about where this is going to go because I don’t want to ruin the intense magic of what we have right now. This is absolutely perfect, more than I ever could have asked for. I need to step back and just enjoy it. So, that’s exactly what I do. I take my seat back on the bench again and I watch them play together, joy flooding me the entire time.

  The day flies by much too quickly. I barely even notice the hours ticking by until it starts getting slightly dark. That shocks me to the core. Maddie hasn’t noticed either which is a shock because she usually constantly asks me what we’re doing next. But Wesley has kept her so amused that she’s been absolutely fine.

  I don’t want to end the day, I don’t want to separate them when they are enjoying themselves, but we need to have dinner. I have to make sure that Maddie eats something decent before she goes to bed.

  But I know that she won’t like it. I can already see it in her eyes.

  “Maddie,” I start regretfully. “We need to go for dinner now, I’m afraid.”

  “Oh no!” She grabs Wesley’s hand and clings to him. “But we’re having too much fun.”