Until I Fall

by Claudia Burgoa

  I smile, walking closer to him, inspecting every inch, looking at left arm which is immobilized by a cast. The left side of chest has a big white patch on it.

  “He was aiming for the heart?” Brynn’s lips are sealed together, she doesn’t answer but nods. I sigh, relieved that the gunman didn’t succeed.

  “The sedation will wear off in a couple of hours,” Brynn discloses. “Tomorrow we’ll move him to a private room. And depending on how he’s doing, we’ll talk about sending him home.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “No, in a few days—maybe a week.” She points at the buttons on the wall. “Call if you need us, press the blue only if there’s an emergency. We have to find someone to look after Hugo.”

  “I’ll check on him,” Kevin mumbles, looking at Anderson.

  Brynn smiles and bobs her head a couple of times. She turns around and leaves along with the other doctor.

  “Thank you,” I say to Kevin.

  “Now that we’ve established our relationship with the patient, I can leave. Bradley will sneak in in a few minutes. He always gets his way. In the meantime, I’ll head out to check on Hugo and fetch some food for us. We need to eat. He’s a handful when he’s sick.”

  “Sounds like you’ve taken care of him before.” I pull up the red chair in the corner close to the bed and take a seat. “You two are closer than I assumed.”

  “Yeah, we work together and live close by, like you and your girls. At some point, we became a family.” He smiles, shaking his head. “Anderson has done a lot of shit for me too. One of those bullets . . . he took it for me . . . crazy stalker. See you soon, Aspen.”

  I nod, understanding their relationship a little more than before.

  “Hey, I’m here.” I take Anderson’s hand. “You scared the shit out of me. Next time I’ll say ‘come back without a scratch—or a bullet shot’.”

  I chuckle, sob, and rest my head close to him, letting the fear and adrenaline wash away with the tears I held while he was in surgery.

  ANDERSON

  THE ROOM IS fucking bright. My body aches and where the fuck is the pain medication?

  “Hey man.” Kevin pushes himself from the curtain. “We agreed to stop meeting each other in this fucking room, didn’t we?”

  I chuckle, flinching at the same time. My left side hurts like hell. I take an inventory of my body. My left arm is in a cast, and my right hand is heavy because my beautiful woman is resting on top of it. Her eyes are closed, dried tears crusted on her cheeks. She’s close to my wrist. Her fingers are pressed close to my veins as if feeling my pulse. I hate that she had to see me like this after what happened with Michael. I feel stronger as I see her by my side.

  Fuck, Michael. I swear at some point I saw him, he told me to hang in there. I couldn’t leave Aspen the way he did. Hallucinations, the result of pain medication and reading the letter he left for my woman. Either way, I’m not naming any of my children Michael. I told him that in my dream, he said, “Fine, name your daughter Michelle. That’s close enough.”

  “She’s brave.” Kevin sighs. “She tried to hold back the tears until you two were alone. I made her eat a sandwich.”

  “Thank you.” My voice comes out dry.

  Her eyes flutter open, her lips tug slightly forming a small smile. “You’re awake.” Her eyes widen as she spots my hand. She springs out of her seat and checks the needle and the plastic tube attached to it. “I didn’t move it. How are you feeling?”

  Aspen pushes a button on the wall. “Any pain?” She kisses my head, the anguish in those whiskey eyes is killing me.

  “Fuck, everything hurts. Did Brynn cut my dick?”

  “What?!”

  “She threatened to cut my dick if I made you cry.”

  She laughs, shaking her head. The sweet ring of that voice loosens up my constricted chest. Yes, the pain leaves too. “No. She wouldn’t dare touch you. She wants godchildren.”

  “How long have you been here?”

  “I don’t know. Since Kevin picked me up?”

  “Go home and rest, baby.” I search for her hand, pressing it lightly to my lips. “I worry about you.”

  “Please, don’t think about me.” She combs my hair and scrunches her head. “Just as I was beginning to get used to the long hair and the permanent stubble.”

  “Time for me to go. I’m going to check on Hugo and Brynn.” Kevin pulls out his phone. “She had a long day and is shaken. If you need me, just send a text.”

  Aspen smiles, putting her hands on top of mine and finds my eyes. “My parents had a terrible relationship. They used others to hurt each other, even my brother and me. Many things drove them to behave so badly, most of all miscommunication.”

  She inhales and exhales twice, swallowing too. “It’s hard for me to do it, but you make it easy. The way I reacted during your mom’s funeral was atrocious. I can’t promise that there won’t be another meltdown ever again. I’m human. Living is scarier than hiding behind unfounded and old fears.”

  I squeeze her hand, encouraging her to continue. “Waking up in the same bed, making sweet love at any time of the day . . . or having rough, kinky sex. I want us fighting for the toothpaste and for who’ll be cooking dinner since we both work.”

  She exhales. “I love you. And for the first time, I don’t want to hide or avoid it. Honestly, I’m scared that during the next mission you’ll be gone for months, that you might not even come back. That will stay in my heart. It’ll hurt, but I’ll be happy because I’ll carry the best memories of us with me for as long as I live.”

  “This was my last long-term mission,” I say, holding her gaze. “From this day forward—or as soon as I’m out of here. I want to come home after a long day at work to you.”

  “Bradley told me you’re his partner now.”

  I nod. “Tiago, another friend of ours, and I paid him some money to buy into the business.”

  “What are you going to do now?”

  “I’m going to focus on short-term missions, planning, and training new recruits.” I disclose some of my plans. I still have to talk to Mason some more. “I want to come home every night, to our bed. What do you think?”

  “Yes.” She leans forward kissing my lips. “I want that too.”

  “Marry me, beautiful,” I reach for her hand, kissing the inside of her wrist. “Big wedding or small. Your choice as long as it’s soon. I don’t want to wait long to start our life together—future Mrs. Hawkins.”

  “It doesn’t have to be big or fancy . . . any place is perfect, as long as I marry you. That’s my dream wedding. The one with you as my groom.” She takes my mouth in a slow, deep kiss. Our tongues dance, erasing the distance, the pain and the fear of never seeing her again.

  “I saved his life, I should be the maid of honor,” Brynn demands, interrupting the kiss.

  “Why did I call you?” Aspen growls, kissing me one last time before moving out of Brynn’s way.

  “Technically, you called the nurses. I happened to be walking by and offered my assistance before going home. Kevin is waiting for me.” She starts writing the numbers on the monitor in my chart, then looks at the plaster on my arm and the bandage on my upper ribs. “From one to ten, what’s your pain level?”

  One hundred? “Nine. When can I go home?”

  “I’d say a week from today. If you heal faster, we can work something out. Knowing Aspen, she would rather have you at home.” Finishing her notes, she lifts her gaze. Her attention is now on Aspen. “You have to go back to rest. I’ll be back at six tomorrow morning. Promise me that you’ll go to the house. Once he has a room, we can find you a bed.”

  “Fine.”

  “Don’t fool around, and go to sleep.” She squeezes my hand. “You did well, Anderson. I’m glad I didn’t have to do anything drastic.”

  We exchange a glance. I told her my last words to Aspen in case I didn’t make it. She asked me to shut up and be a good patient, or she’d castrate me.

&nbs
p; “Sit by me, Aspen.” I move to my right side making some space for her to join me in bed.

  Carefully, she shifts the tubes, then walks around the bed and sits right next to me. “So, one in a seven billion, huh?” She traces the newest tattoo on my chest, the one I had Kevin ink the night before I went out on this last mission.

  Among seven billion I’ll always find you. I’ll always choose you. Even before our souls branded each other, I knew we were meant to be together forever. I’m yours, yesterday, today, and always.

  ANDERSON

  “A NEW ONE?” Aspen enters the kitchen staring at the mug in the middle of the table. “This time you wrapped it, why?”

  I shrug, waiting by the side of the table, anticipating her reaction.

  “I think is my favorite, right next to the one you gave me last week.” She smiles, sighing. “Doctors Heal with Love and Band-aids.”

  It’s cool, the band-aid has her name. Kevin and I found a guy who hand paints mugs, we just create the drawings for him. Brynn and Aspen are on cloud number nine with those things. I just have to find a place to store them all. Today’s mug has a drawing of her favorite chocolates and reads,

  Pediatrician, will work for candy

  She pulls it by the wrapping, her brows knit together as she stares at the plastic covering. Her attention moves to me as she shakes it and it rattles.

  “Hmm.”

  “Open it.” I shove my good arm inside my pocket, the box burning my hand.

  Carefully, she opens it, smiling at the treasure inside. Her eyes squint as she stares at the M&Ms, and then they open wide, taking a few out and reading them out loud. “Will you . . .” she eats it and then the next one, “Marry me?”

  That’s my cue to go down on one knee.

  “Aspen Winter Zimmerman.” The tip of her hand touches her lips, her eyes are wide. I kind of proposed to her at the hospital a few weeks ago, but we didn’t talk about it afterwards. I had the ring ready inside my drawer before I left for the mission but I wanted to have the custom chocolates done before I could make it official.

  Opening the red velvet box, I exhale the words I harbor in my heart, “Remember the first words we exchanged?” She narrows her gaze, those eyes watery but holding the tears.

  “You asked, ‘When did you get here?’” I answered, “The question is ‘where have you been all this time, beautiful?’”

  She laughs, shaking her head. We both know she was talking to Hugo, our dog. “My soul, along with my heart already knew who you were, that I had finally found you. Since that day, we started building this relationship, adding love to it and seeing it grow. You taught me to love. That love is an intangible feeling—totally unpredictable, unstable, and worth having and fighting for. My days have never been this bright, and my worst days are bearable because you are with me. We learned that love is the only thing that matters and that it doesn’t hurt. Love is a place where we can be safe. I’m here to ask you to marry me: to be my wife, to be my safe haven, to let me be everything you need. I want to spend eternity with you while we make each other happy.”

  Aspen sets the mug on top of the table, bends down, and holds my hands while looking into my soul. “Yes, a thousand times yes. I . . .” She breaths, the tears breaking the barrier. “I . . .”

  She can’t talk anymore, the emotion overwhelms her. I take her into my arms, standing up and kissing her the way we always do. I surrender my heart to her, my soul melding with hers. Remembering this might be our last kiss, and praying for a billion more.

  THANK YOU FOR reading Until I Fall: A story that is near and dear to my heart. A small tribute to some of my loved ones who are now in heaven. Perhaps that’s why this is the one book I’ve written that has made me cried the most. Some scenes gutted me when I wrote them, and each time I’ve read them afterward. This time I made it too personal, and too close to home.

  As many of you know, I was raised in Mexico City by my grandmother and grew with a close family. My maternal grandmother’s family was pretty tight-knit while I was growing up. Every birthday, Christmas, Easter, or special occasion, my great-uncles, great-aunts, uncles, aunts and cousins would gather at my great-grandparents’ home.

  My grandmother is the oldest of six. And at ninety-seven, she’s still healthy and full of life. She had three sisters and two brothers. Last October, I received a call from my aunt telling me that Natalia, her sister, had died. I saw Natalia almost daily as a child. My aunt was exceptional, and among all my great-aunts and uncles, I loved her the most. She was wise, kind, and loving. But there was a certain sadness in her heart.

  When she was eighteen, her fiancé died in a car accident—only a few days before her wedding. She never dated, and always spoke about Octavio, as the most amazing man in the world. She never moved on; she never learned to love again. For almost seventy years, she lived with the memories of her teenaged-love. Was that enough? I’ll never know. As I mentioned, she died last October. She was in the hospital only for a few weeks before we lost her. It was too fast and too soon. Yet, I felt like she needed her happily ever after. Maybe she has it now, in heaven with Octavio. One way or another, I wrote a different story, with a different outcome.

  As I got ready for NaNoWriMo, I thought about writing this story, but chose a different plot. Little that I knew, at the end of January I was making so many changes while making sure my Aunt Natalia got her happily ever after.

  From all those little bits and pieces of my family’s past—their personalities and mine—came all of my characters. One of the things my aunt did was take care of my great-grandfather and great-grandmother when they died. Just like Aspen did for Jonathan. I used a little of that, as well as the memory of some of my family members who we’ve lost to cancer.

  There are plenty of reasons why I chose pancreatic cancer, among them my cousin Efren, who died fighting it. Unfortunately, it’s the most aggressive form of cancer. The survival rate is very low, and there’s not much awareness for it.

  Anderson and Aspen aren’t perfect. I love flawed characters who don’t do what we expect from them.

  Thank you for reading this. For accepting a little piece of my heart: my loved ones, the family I miss dearly. I wish I had at least one more celebration to share with them.

  After you finish the book, and if you enjoyed it. Please, do me a big favor and leave a review. Let other readers know about it and spread the word. I love to hear from readers, so please don’t hesitate to email me

  Thank you much. Love you all,

  Claudia

  FIRST AND FOREMOST, thank you to my family. Without their support, I’m not sure where I’d be, but definitely, I wouldn’t be able to remember what day I’m living in.

  Talking about family, thanks to Paulina who has always pushed my boundaries and reminding me I can take a step outside my comfort zone—drawing outside the lines. Thank you for going through the manuscript correcting, adding and loving the story.

  The hardest part about writing the acknowledgments is trying to remember everyone. My apologies if I don’t mention you, but know you’re in my heart.

  Virginia, welcome to the team. Thank you for accepting my story and being so meticulous and wonderful. Such a joy working with you.

  Thank you to my alpha readers, love you ladies. Suzanne, what can I say that haven’t yet? Thank you for being there for me. For all your support. Monique, thank you for finding those loose ends and for loving my characters as much as I do. Melissa, your feedback is always great, you saved the tots. Colleen, thank you for jumping into this adventure, I’m so happy we met.

  Malia and Amie, thank you for reading the manuscript, and for your input.

  Every book I write is different, my timeline is never the same; just like my life. The book didn’t go to my second team of beta readers, but ladies I love you and thank you for all your support.

  Jacinda, thank you for being my final read.

  Lily Mahoney, thank you for the nightly sprints and pep talk. Sorry for a
ll the changes, but hopefully you love them as much as you did before.

  Kristi—thank you isn’t enough. But thank you. For your support, guidance, friendship and for everything you do. I love you!

  Taylor, thank you for joining the team and help me get organized.

  Hang, I’m so in love with this cover. With all your covers. You’re such a talented artist. I’m lucky to have you on my team.

  Christine T., thank you for listening to my rants, my plots, my titles and just being there to support me. For being my friend. Love you!

  Christine B, thank you for making the inside of the books astonishing.

  Babes! Ladies, having you is a treat. Thank you for supporting me and answering my questions. I’m grateful to have you in my life and to be able to interact with you often. To all the bloggers, thank you for everything you do. Sharing, supporting, reading. You are the fuel that helps us authors continue through this long journey.

  To all my wonderful readers and reviewers. Thank you for reading, sharing and loving my characters. Thank you for your messages, they mean so much to me.

  My author friends and colleagues, this indie world is scary but having you by my side makes it all better. Thank you for your continuous support.

  Luis. The love of my life. My soulmate and best friend. Thank you for supporting me in this journey. It’s always fun to walk along with you.

  Finding My Reason

  Unexpected Series

  Unlike Any Other

  Unsurprisingly Complicated

  Uncharted

  Uncut

  Undefeated

  A Decker Christmas Novella

  Life Series

  Where Life Takes You

  Next To You

  CLAUDIA GREW UP with a childhood that resembled a caffeine-injected soap opera. She lives in Colorado, managing her household filled with three confused dogs, a techy-nerd husband, two daughters wrought with fandoms and a son who thinks he’s the boss of the house. To survive she works continually to find purpose for the voices flitting through her head, plus she consumes high quantities of chocolate to keep the last threads of sanity intact.