Savage SEAL’s Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  I giggle and wiggle out of his arms. “Okay,” I say as I pull my hands through my now messed up hair. “No ‘roids I get it, touchy subject.”

  As he opens the box of takeout in front of me he looks at me and asks, “Do you still like Chinese?”

  “I sure do, thank you very much.” I take the plastic fork and stick a piece of sweet and sour chicken with it and pop it into my mouth.

  With a pat on my back he says, “Good, you still have an appetite. Whatever sent you flying out of Houston must not be that bad.”

  “To most it probably would be a dream come true, but I’m not most people.”

  His fork loaded with noodles he waves it as he says, “You are not most people, Alex. So let me have it and tell me whose ass I have to kick.”

  “There will be no booty kicking necessary. Max is who he is. I was aware of his past romances and I made the mistake of getting caught up with him while his latest one was too fresh.” I pause to place another chunk of chicken in my mouth and take a drink. “My V-card, as Cake put it, has been cashed in and it seems I gave it to the wrong man.”

  A choking sound comes from beside me and I turn to see Logan spewing his drink from his lips. “Did you just say you barely stopped being a virgin?”

  “A dirty skanky ho since last night,” I say as I shake my head. “I kept it all intact, waiting for Mr. Right, then went and threw it all away on a playboy who does the same thing with all the girls.”

  Logan’s eyes roll, and he slaps his knee. “Damn girl, you held onto that a lot longer than most. Don’t go calling yourself such names just yet, darlin’. I mean you have to do a little more than trust the wrong guy to go that far.”

  “Well, what if I told you I only really knew him for two days before I gave it all away to him?”

  “I’d say he must’ve been something special for you to do that, Alex.” Logan draped his arm around my shoulders. “As far as him doing the same things to everyone else, you may not be aware of this, but there’s only just so many ways you can do with that act. He was bound to have done the same things with other women.”

  “The pain I felt when I found that picture was something I’ve never felt before and never want to feel again,” I say as I lean my head on his shoulder. “It was like something got jerked out from under me and I was falling forever into something I didn’t know existed. It’s just too hard, I can’t do the love thing.”

  “So you loved this guy? You think you really loved him, Alex? I mean you just said you only knew him for two days.”

  “Two really full days. They seemed like a lifetime of them. It was weird between us, but now I think it was just because he’s an awesome player. He made me feel special to him, and he told me he loved me too.” Tears are forming and I have to stop them because I’ve already cried too much.

  Logan kisses the top of my head and hugs me. “I’ll help you get through this Little Alex. Come on, let’s eat, afterwards we can take a swim in my pool.”

  “How’d you get to be rich, Logan?” I ask as I cram more chicken in my mouth.

  “My nerdy mind worked for me and I develop software. I’m not rich though, just well off.” He takes a gulp of his drink.

  “Max is a billionaire,” I say before I take a drink.

  Logan chokes again and looks at me as if I’m insane.

  “You blew off a billionaire?”

  I nod and place an eggroll in my mouth. Logan laughs so hard he nearly falls off his stool. “I bet I’ve heard of him then, who is it?”

  “Max Lane.”

  “Oh, shit!” he says as he stands up. “That man is so cool and looks like a fucking model and you ran away from him! I bet he’s done a bunch of girls, but a dude like him can.”

  “So you see why I couldn’t be in a relationship with him?”

  “He wanted an actual relationship with you? He told you that?” Logan asks with his eyebrows pulled way up.

  “He did, he’s looking uber-hardcore for a wife and wants to have kids right away. I had to ask him to use a condom so I wouldn’t get pregnant and he said he didn’t care if I did, he wanted that.” I sip my Mr. Pibb as Logan stares at me with his mouth open.

  “Wow! I mean wow! Is this guy crazy?”

  I think about what he’s asking me and I really don’t know the answer. “He had a bad childhood and I guess that’s why he wants kids so bad. He’s a really good guy, and sweet, and funny, and sexy, and hot, and a great kisser…”

  Logan’s hand goes up. “Whoa, there, Alex. You’ll have to stop right there, because as much as I want to help you, I don’t want to hear any of the gory details about your physical stuff, okay, girl?”

  I nod and take another sip. “Wanna go swimming now?”

  “Yep, let’s change and I’ll give you a piggy back ride out to the pool just like old times,” he says as he takes my hand and pulls me with him.

  “A piggy back ride, I’m too big for that,” I say with a laugh.

  He looks at me and says, “No you’re not.”

  I smile as I follow him and think how much better I’ll feel soon, now I have him to help me get over Max.

  Max

  A month has passed and still she has not called. I suppose she’s alive and not missing as the news hasn’t said anything about a missing woman or finding a dead body.

  She doesn’t want me, it’s obvious. If she can walk away again after what we shared, her feelings for me are not as strong as mine are for her. I should move on, but I can’t seem to. No one interests me. I want no one else but her. I told her it would kill me if she left and she left anyway.

  My only companion now is the bottle of Jack Daniels I keep constantly by my side. If I let it wear off, the pain may cut me deeper than it already has. No one wants me, not my mother, not Lexi, not anyone. Sure those gold digging bitches will take me. Put up with me, allow me to spend my money on them, but no one wants me, the injured boy who turned into a man.

  I need some air, and where better a place to find that than in my helicopter. “Come on, Jack, let’s you and I take a ride.”

  My shades I grab and cover my eyes as I make my way outside. “Oops, it’s dark already. How did that happen? Oh well, come on, Jack, we can still go. Riding at night along the coastline will be fun. Just what the doctor ordered to get over a girl with insecurities and a habit of running away after mind-blowing kisses and life-altering love-making.”

  Loud noise fills the air as I turn on the chopper, and quite frankly it helps to drown out the constant thoughts I have of Lexi, and her long legs, and tight little ass, and perky, plump breasts, and pink luscious lips which have only ever been touched by mine.

  The lights of Galveston loom ahead and I’ll be over the water in no time. I look over at my only friend, Jack, and pick him up and take a long tug from his dark bottle. That’s much better, I was beginning to see her in my mind again and that makes me want to cry.

  “Whoa, I must have missed something there, the water is underneath me now and the moon shines over it, making a perfect path for me to follow. Hi Jack, glad to see you’re still with me. Oh, that’s right you have no legs otherwise you’d probably run too.”

  Two moons? How are there two of them? When did this happen?

  My friend, Jack, looks at me and I pick him up. “Damn it, Jack, you’re empty. I didn’t bring another one. I’ll have to turn back now.”

  With a quick motion, I turn my chopper around and…

  Shit! I’m too close to the water! Oh, I’m fucked.

  Alexis

  The aroma of basil fills the house as I simmer a sauce for the spaghetti I’m making for us tonight. Logan gave me the job of his housekeeper and cook. So I’ve been staying in and finding recipes while I keep this big house clean. He’s really saved the day for me, and I only think about Max on days that end in, ‘y’ so that’s better.

  Who am I kidding? It’s been a month and still he fills my thoughts all day every day.

  I’m such a sad case, I
even sleep in his T-shirt almost every night. I’m a pathetic looser. The sound of the door opening brings me out of my funk and I find Logan with one hand full of flowers, a bottle of wine in the other and a huge grin on his face. “Guess who got a raise?”

  I jump up and down as I clap. “Me?”

  He rolls his hazel eyes at me. “No, me!”

  “You bought flowers for yourself?” I ask as he hands them to me and I turn to grab a vase for them.

  His hand grabs my arm as he pulls me back around and into his arms. “They’re for you, Alex.”

  His lips are close to mine and I can barely breathe.

  I belong to Max.

  “What are you doing, Logan?”

  His tongue flows over his bottom lip. “I’m tired of pretending I don’t want you, Alex.”

  As I try in vain to wiggle out of his arms, I say, “Oh, Logan, you don’t really mean that.”

  His arms hold me tightly to him. “Today I walked into my boss’s office and told him if he wanted to keep me he had to give me a raise. And I told him I didn’t want some tiny raise I wanted a big one because I need to buy a certain woman a ring sometime in the very near future and she deserves a big one.”

  “Logan, I had no idea. You haven’t made any moves on me at all…”

  He interrupts me. “You, my sweet little innocent, do not know when someone is making a move on you. I have been, but you’re oblivious to them.”

  Maybe that’s because I belong to someone else!

  “Logan, I can’t. Um, how can I, oh, gee whiz, Logan.”

  “Alex, don’t get all flustered now. I know it’s only been a month, but we’ve known each other for a damn long time.”

  “But, Max, Logan. What about him and me and how I made promises to him?”

  My chin he pulls at to make me look at him. “If you were going back to him, I think you would’ve went already.”

  “Even if I never go back, which I’m not, I made promises about never letting another man touch me in places, and I plan on keeping them.”

  “My God, you’re precious,” he says as he holds me tighter and moves his hand from my chin to my head, pushing it against his broad chest. “Are you to never love again? Do you think he would even want that?”

  I know dang good and well he’d want that! But am I being a fool?

  I pull my head back to look at Logan, to really look at him. His eyes are kind and his face is chiseled in some areas while soft in others. He’s nice to look at, though nowhere near as gorgeous as Max. Never has anyone other than Max been as nice as he is to me. “Would it be so bad to never love again? When I saw that picture, it tore me apart inside. I’m naïve I admit, but not a fool. If I allow myself to fall again, that kind of pain will happen at some time.”

  Logan finally releases me, but keeps my hand in his. “Let’s open this wine and talk about life and love and all that goes with that. You know now I want you. I don’t just want to have sex with you, I want the whole package. Since I’m such a good friend to your brother and your whole family really, I don’t want to actually have sex with you until we’re married.”

  Okay, what is up with sexy men wanting to marry me or knock me up?

  “So you want to marry me?” I ask as he pours us some wine.

  I pull my hand from his so I can go stir the sauce. He’s at my back with his arms around me again, leaning his face on my shoulder. “It’s not how I wanted to ask you, but yeah, I want you to be my wife, Alex.”

  “How long have you thought about this?”

  “The last two weeks I’ve thought of nothing else. You’re a great homemaker and cook and your laugh makes my heart beat so much harder than I ever knew it could.”

  My mind flows like a river with what to do. I still love Max. I know I can never truly have him though. But why do I know that? He wanted me too. He probably would’ve asked me to marry him. But he’s too good for me. So what am I supposed to do, be alone forever? Is it wrong to keep a promise if it hurts you to do it? Is it really hurting me to keep the promise. It’s hard to tell, because so much hurts right now anyway.

  I turn in Logan’s arms to face him. “I need more time, Logan.”

  “I’ll take that. It’s not a no anyway.”

  “It’s also not a yes, so keep that in mind. Keep in mind a lot of things have happened very fast for me. After so many years of being ignored this is all a little crazy. Truth be told, because I want you to know the truth, I love Max.”

  “Then why don’t you go back to him?”

  “I don’t know why. I just feel like he can do better and he deserves better.” I stop and realize I’m telling a lie. “No, those things aren’t why. The real reason why is because I feel so much for him it petrifies me. He has the ability to break my soul apart with one picture. No one should have that much power over anybody.”

  Logan loosens his arms and moves back. “That’s exactly what love is, Alex. Maybe you should go back to him.”

  “I can’t do that. I can’t live like that, waiting for my world to fall apart if something ever happened to him.”

  Tears fall down my cheeks as I turn back to stir the sauce. The epiphany that I’m afraid to live a life full of love only because it can be taken from me has me numb inside.

  As I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, Logan kisses the top of my head. “Call the guy, sweetie.” He places his cell phone on the counter next to me and leaves me alone.

  I stare at the phone. I have his number burned into my brain, so I can’t use I don’t remember it as an excuse. After I grab a paper towel and blow my nose, I push the buttons that will bring Max back into my life.

  Max

  Black water is all I see around me. My chopper is gone, luckily I managed to get out before it sank with me in it. The moon’s light is all I have to look at and that’s moving through the sky way too fast for me. I know there will be at least two hours with no light at all.

  Somehow I’m sober as a judge after a month of being inebriated. I thought I wanted to let it all go. Several times I thought if death came for me I’d go willingly, for what is left for me?

  I tread water as I have no idea of which way I will find land. I just have to wait and hope the current doesn’t take me too far away from where my chopper went down. The Coast Guard can find that with their tracking devices. Surely once Hilda sees the chopper gone, she’ll try to call me and see I’ve left my phone in that bedroom.

  Shit! She didn’t know I was in there!

  I’ve been hiding from the staff so they wouldn’t realize I turned into a drunk. She may not even look in there. What in the hell have I done to my life?

  I was given a chance out of Hell once before and I managed to go right back there on my very own. How did I allow that to happen?

  Lexi is beautiful and funny. We connect like no one else, but I can’t let her crazy ways stop me from being who I am, who I’m supposed to be. Hell, if she had come back and found me like that, she’d have run off again.

  If I get out of this, I’m going to be happy on my own. If she comes back into my life, we’ll have a great marriage and some good-looking kids to share our lives with. If she doesn’t, that’s okay too. I’m going to stop looking for a wife. If there is someone other than Lexi out there for me, then she can find my ass.

  I wish I would have made a will and left everything to her. Now I don’t know who will get all my money and things if I … Damn it! I have to stop thinking like that.

  Okay, when I make it back, I’m going to make a will and put Lexi down as my heir. No matter what. I want her to have things. She’s so easy to please, I could leave her a box of handkerchiefs and she’d be happy. Such a sweet, innocent, young woman. Such a good mother she’ll make. I bet she’ll still look sexy as hell when she’s pregnant or holding a baby on her hip. Man, I’d sure like to see that. It would be even better if it was my babies.

  Something just moved between my legs and it was not at all appreciated.

 
Shit! Something is coming right at me! Shit! Shit!

  Alexis

  The phone rang until it went to voicemail and I left a message asking him to call me back on that number, but he never did. I left a text, but he ignored that too. I know that man always has his phone on him.

  He’s done with me.

  He told me it would kill him if I left him and I guess it killed what he felt for me. After waiting the entire night and all day today, I think it has sunk in that he is not going to give me anymore chances to break his heart. I went too far for too long this time and he can’t take anymore, that’s obvious.

  Logan is being so nice to me. He should be home any minute now and I’m going to give him what he wants. It was stupid to think I can live a life with no love or companionship. Logan’s a good man, and already like a part of our family. Why wouldn’t I give him a shot since Max doesn’t want me anymore?

  His car pulls into the driveway. I can see it from the window as I sit on the sofa and try to wrap my head around the reality Max no longer wants me. The wine isn’t helping, maybe Logan can.

  “Hey sweet thing,” he says as he comes in the door. “How was your day?”

  I rise and take him the glass of wine I’d poured for him in anticipation of his arrival and how I plan on letting him know I’m ready to move on. “My day was thankfully uneventful. How was yours?”

  I slip the glass in his hand as I take the keys from him and toss them into the little basket I put on a small table by the door just for that purpose. “Mine was good.” He takes my hand and leads me to sit with him on the sofa. “Come and tell me how the talk went.”