Perfect on Paper

by Destiny Moon

  “You too.” To her own surprise, she meant it. Up until that moment, the encounter had seemed a burden, but now that she was in his arms, it felt right that he should call on her. She wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. The past had passed. And here they were in the present. She found herself immediately curious about what he’d been up to.

  “Who’s this?” He gestured at Duchess, who had not jumped out through the front seat the way some dogs would have. She sat in the back, wagging her tail.

  Nadine opened the door for her. “This is Duchess.”

  The Setter jumped out and Allan put his hand out to acquaint himself. “Wow, she’s a real beauty. When did you get her?”

  “Just yesterday, as a matter of fact.”

  “Whoa.”

  “Yeah. Exciting times,” she said.

  “I’ll say.” He looked at her as though he was trying to figure out what it meant that she’d become a dog owner, but he didn’t ask about it. Instead he said, “You look great, Nadine. Better than ever.”

  “Thanks,” she said. “You too.” But she didn’t want to dwell on appearance. It was awkward. “So how’s New York treating you?”

  “Good,” he replied, nodding. “Actually, I should say great. I’ve been promoted twice this past year and I’ve just put a down payment on a sweet condo. It’s got two bedrooms and a great view of Central Park.”

  Same old Allan. Cool as ever.

  “Wow,” she said. “Congratulations. Your parents must be so proud.”

  “Yeah, they’re inside. They’re excited about seeing you.”

  Nadine nodded.

  “I am too. I was really looking forward to seeing you, Nadine. And now I know exactly why.”

  “Okay, why?”

  “Something’s been missing ever since we split up. I haven’t felt right about it, the way I treated you. I want you to know I’m really sorry.”

  “It’s in the past now, Allan. Let’s not hash it up. At least not right here, right now. I’d rather just hang out with your parents.”

  “You got it. But will you let me take you out to dinner?”

  “Sure,” she said, a little too quickly.

  “Good. There’s some stuff I’d like to discuss and anyway, I have something for you that I should have given you a long time ago.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. It’s not from me, but it’s really important.”

  “That is very mysterious, Allan.”

  “I know. I don’t mean to be. Let’s just say there’s a surprise coming your way.”

  “Well, you’re full of surprises.”

  Allan looked momentarily hurt and defensive, but then he said, “I’m just gonna let that go. I deserve whatever you dish out.”

  “Let’s go in.” Nadine locked her car doors and the three of them walked in through the house single file, with Duchess in the back.

  The Jordans were in the sun room, the glass-covered back patio that Nadine’s parents used year-round to entertain guests. Michigan was not exactly a warm climate, but the enclosed space meant that any time it was sunny, it felt warm on the indoor patio.

  Everyone got up out of their chairs to greet Nadine, but the attention went straight to her new best friend.

  Her mother spoke first. “Who’s this?”

  “Everyone, this is Duchess. She’s part of my life now. I got her yesterday from the SPCA.” Nadine elaborated about Mrs. Bronstein and Duke, but she left David out of the story. She was aware of it, but she could analyze herself later. It was very odd to come face to face with her past like this. The Jordans hugged her and carried on as though they still considered her a soon-to-be daughter-in-law.

  Nadine’s dad gave her the update to the impromptu plans. “We invited Todd and Samantha over, too. They’re coming for dinner. We thought we’d order in.”

  “Oh, okay,” Nadine said. Her brother and sister-in-law were coming, too? What was this? Some kind of awkward family reunion? “I’ll probably need to leave early, as I have some business to attend to.”

  “On a Sunday?” Jeraldine Jordan asked. The Jordans were strict Christians in the sense that they observed Sunday as a day of rest, and apparently also as a day of paying unplanned visits.

  “I’ve been making a go of my business in addition to my job,” Nadine explained. “Which means I’m busy all the time now.” She laughed nervously.

  Jeraldine Jordan was a homemaker and not particularly amused. “Don’t tell me you’re back at the investment firm and now running a business on the side, dear. My goodness.” She had a way of sounding concerned, but Nadine detected a touch of insecurity in the observation.

  “After the firm let me go, I went back to my old job at the bookstore at UMich. It gives me health benefits and it’s steady and easy, and I can even bring Duchess to work with me, so it affords me the chance to launch my dream.”

  Mr. Jordan enquired, “And what’s this business of yours?”

  “Well, remember Grandpa Winston? I’m following in his footsteps. Restoring furniture.”

  The Jordans looked at each other like they were totally puzzled by Nadine’s words. There was a pause as they took it in. Finally, Jeraldine asked the question that Nadine was sure they were all thinking. “But how can you do that? Isn’t there a lot of heavy lifting involved?”

  “There is some,” Nadine conceded. “And sometimes I get help, but most of the work is sanding, staining and that sort of thing.”

  Their doubtful expressions hurt Nadine’s feelings more than she let on. “Anyway, it’s going well. I’ve made a great deal of sales this month and now I need to deliver on my promises and that’s why I’ll have to bow out a little early tonight.” She felt that the words sounded harsh, so she added a polite, “I’m sorry.”

  “Allan came all the way from New York,” Nadine’s mom said.

  “Yeah,” Nadine countered. “And if I’d known he was coming I could have moved things around in my schedule, but as it is, I have to put a final coat of varnish on a bookshelf tonight and I have to try to get to bed in time to wake up for Monday morning.”

  “Who’d like another glass of merlot?” her mother asked no one in particular. “Nadine? Would you come and help me?”

  “Sure.”

  Nadine followed her mother into the kitchen. As soon as they were behind closed doors, her mother turned and faced her with an expression of so much urgency that Nadine remembered what it was like to be a child about to get in trouble.

  “Allan’s still in love with you. You might want to see if you can fit that into your schedule.”

  “Did he say anything?”

  “He doesn’t have to. Look at him.”

  “Mom, quit being dramatic. He broke up with me a long time ago. Remember?”

  “Maybe so, but he came back for you.”

  “You don’t know that. His parents live in Ann Arbor, too, you know.”

  “Oh, please. They go see him every chance they get. They love going to Broadway and the museums and all that jazz.”

  “You’re jumping to conclusions, and you know it.”

  “He’s a good guy, Nadine. An excellent catch.”

  “He left me. Did you forget?”

  “We were all young once, dear.”

  “It wasn’t even two years ago.”

  “He’s matured a lot since then.”

  “Why are you being like this? What if I don’t want to get married anymore?”

  “Don’t you?”

  Nadine shook her head. She hadn’t been forced into acknowledging this to her mother before and so she’d kept it to herself, figuring that one day her mother would simply notice that instead of a husband, there was a different kind of lifestyle, a family made up of friends, a thriving business, Duchess and maybe a hot young lover.

  “I dodged a bullet, Mom. I really did. That’s how I feel.”

  “Well, it won’t hurt you to at least be nice to him while he’s here.”

  “I’m being nice,�
� she blurted in a tone that was less than sweet. “I’m letting him take me out for dinner.”

  Her mother scoffed.

  “What?” Nadine quipped. “He broke my heart and left. What do I owe him? I think I’m being plenty nice by even being here right now.”

  “Nadine,” her mother said softly. This was the way she got what she wanted. She had this perfect ability to be gentle. “You’re still hurting. I understand. Hear him out. Let him apologize. It’s obvious he wants to.” Nadine felt that her mother’s embrace was enough to make her put her proverbial sword and shield down. After all, they all wanted the best for her, didn’t they? Even the Jordans. It was not their fault that Allan had bolted. And it was true what she had admitted to her mother. She did feel that his leaving had been a blessing. It had taken some time to reach that conclusion, but she knew that if they had gotten married when they’d planned to, she wouldn’t have been ready. She had needed to grow.

  When Nadine and her mother re-emerged, the Jordans were in the middle of their story about their last trip to New York City. Specifically, they were telling the story of seeing Phantom of the Opera. Nadine couldn’t help but notice that they still spoke over the top of each other, like they always had.

  When Mr. Jordan said, “So we’re already late when we leave the hotel and…” then Mrs. Jordan jumped in with, “Getting a cab is a nightmare. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.” Mr. Jordan continued, “Finally a guy picks us up but then we get stuck in traffic…” Mrs. Jordan interjected, “There’s a parade.” Mr. Jordan took over the story-telling, “So I’m watching the clock and the meter…” But Mrs. Jordan wasn’t going to let him hog the spotlight so she added, “And the driver tells us he’s going to take another route.”

  Allan’s parents were great, Nadine observed, but their stories were always co-creations that meandered and made little sense. She sipped her merlot and looked at Allan, sitting idly by while his parents talked. How strange this was, for the two of them to be here—in the same room together for the first time since the most awful day of her life—and there was no acknowledgment of that awkwardness. Instead, there was a mundane beginning of a story that seemed to go nowhere and wasn’t at all entertaining.

  Mr. Jordan finally got to the point about how they had got there just in time to brush elbows with Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert. Mr. Jordan reiterated a funny moment they’d all shared. It wasn’t really a laugh-out-loud moment, but Nadine chuckled anyway. It felt good to defuse the situation, because in her own mind, she was going over all the questions she had for Allan.

  The doorbell rang and her father shifted to get up, but Allan gestured to him to stay.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll get it,” Allan said, taking charge. “It can only be Todd and Samantha.”

  Nadine shook her head at Allan as she watched him go for the door. Why not just call her father Dad like he used to? He sure was making himself at home. And the crazy part was, her dad clearly loved every second of it. She watched his face as he sat there on the couch, anticipating Allan’s next move. Everyone fell silent in the indoor patio space.

  Then there was an uproar when Allan opened the door. Hugs and hoots came thundering through the halls.

  “Look at you. You haven’t changed a bit,” Todd said.

  Allan countered with, “Good to see you, man,” and a firm slap on the back. To Samantha, he was chivalrous and gave her a hug and told her how much he’d missed her.

  Nadine looked around. She seemed to be the only one who was not beside herself with glee that Allan had come back. The others either had amnesia or assumed that she had forgiven Allan completely.

  Dinner was long. Her mother and Jeraldine Jordan gave Thanksgiving recipes and canning tips to her and Samantha, while her father, Frank Jordan and Todd talked about work and getting out to their cabins to do repairs and go fishing. Nadine felt that this was a tiny taste of what life could have been like had they been four married couples. She was grateful that, on occasion, she could look around the table for a reassuring glance from Allan.

  After dinner and coffee, Nadine announced that she had to go.

  “Let me walk you out.” Allan stood up. The whole evening had been going in this direction so Nadine thought it ludicrous to refuse now. After a night of public courtesy, the least he could do was give her a few minutes of alone time.

  “Thank you,” she said. “Thanks, everybody, for a nice dinner. It was a great surprise.”

  “Don’t work too hard,” Mr. Jordan said. And everyone at the table laughed.

  “All right,” Nadine said. There was nothing else she felt she could say.

  She and Allan looked at each other and headed for the hallway. He helped her with her jacket, as he always had. She’d give him that much. He was gallant. He held the door for her and she walked out of her parents’ home feeling confused, yet loved in a strangely familiar way. Duchess followed.

  “It was nice to see your parents,” she said.

  “They love you, you know,” he assured her. “Sorry they gave you a hard time about the furniture stuff. You know they’re traditional.”

  “I know.” She nodded. She opened the back door and Duchess jumped in.

  “But don’t be fooled. I bet they’re in there right now talking about what an incredible girl you are. When they’re in New York, they talk of nothing else,” he divulged. And as though he had not made his point, he added, “Believe me.”

  She nodded again. “Well, I’ve always liked them.”

  “It’s been a treat to see your parents as well. You should all come and visit.”

  Nadine’s face betrayed the bewilderment within. So much had gone unsaid at this point that it felt utterly strange to imagine that she and her parents would ever take a trip together to visit Allan. She unlocked the car door. The silence must have given Allan a moment to consider the odd nature of his invitation.

  “Is anything the matter?” he asked.

  “Well, Allan, I think it’s remarkable that you feel like you can come back, not give anything at all by way of explanation and think we can simply pick up right where we left off.”

  “I am expecting to explain and properly apologize when we meet for dinner.” He held onto the door as Nadine got in. “Believe me, I know I was awful and I’m not assuming we can pick up where we left off.”

  “Good.”

  “Because I know I hurt you.”

  “You did, Allan. It’s true. But that’s not all. I mean, how can you assume I’m going to drop everything and run into your arms? You don’t know how busy I am with work. You never even asked if I’m seeing anyone. It’s just a whole lot of assuming.”

  “Well, are you?”

  “We can talk at dinner. I really have to get to work. Besides, you should get back to the dinner party.”

  “All right, so Tuesday evening?”

  Nadine rolled down the window so that she could shut the car door without slamming it on him. Like a gentleman, he picked up on the cues and closed the door.

  “Yes, Tuesday,” she said. “What time?”

  “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

  “Okay.”

  He reached through the open window and took her left hand off the steering wheel. Holding onto it, he guided her arm gently out of the window and brought her hand up to his mouth. He bent down and kissed the back of her hand.

  “I’m looking forward to it,” he said.

  She nodded. “Me too.”

  * * * *

  Alone in her garage later, she played Mozart. It was the only music she could stand to listen to. Allan could be so arrogant and presumptuous, she told herself as she applied the final layer of varnish to the side table, making it slick and smooth the way she imagined the world saw Allan.

  If only it was clear. If only she could have said, ‘In fact, I am dating someone special. His name is David and he is everything you’re not.’

  But she was unable to do this because she was entirely uncertain about Da
vid. In the harsh light of day, after the pheromones and lust had worn off, she’d seen a side that she didn’t know about. She couldn’t date someone so young and messy. She couldn’t understand his youthful and cavalier ways. It was as though the guy she had gone to see was a totally different guy from the one who’d taken her on a date.

  How can I be so clueless about men?

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next day, Nadine took Duchess for a long walk through the city. She wanted to clear her head and get some perspective, but she ended up just walking around enjoying the surroundings. Though she’d lived in Ann Arbor all her life, she didn’t spend nearly enough time admiring the old buildings. This was an incredibly rich place in terms of architecture, she mused. As she turned back onto West Liberty Street, she saw her Grandpa’s old shop. It was such a beautiful brick building that housed what was once Grandpa Winston’s pride and joy. She felt a tremendous amount of pain in her heart. How she missed him and the years she had spent with him there. She’d learned everything from him. As she looked around, she realized that the neighborhood had barely changed. Mrs. Barlow’s music supply shop was still next door. There was still a Laundromat and a bakery exactly where they had been. Only the big wooden sign that had once said ‘Winston’s Fine Furniture’ was gone. Otherwise, the place looked the same. She hadn’t gone in since her parents had sold it off. She didn’t even know the new owner and had never thought she’d introduce herself. As she approached, a notice in the window caught her eye. On further inspection, it was a small poster with some interior photos. It said ‘For lease’.

  It couldn’t be. She looked closer, double checked the address on the poster to see if it matched the one she was standing in front of. Sure enough, her grandfather’s store was available. This was something she had not anticipated, nor had she expected to have so strong a physical reaction. Her hands went clammy. Her pulse raced. It felt as though she’d been drawn to see this. The sign itself had beckoned her.