by Brower, Dawn
Natalia skipped down the steps determined to find the answers she sought. She would go to the dining room first. If they weren’t there she’d do a complete search of the estate. They were somewhere at Weston Manor and she would find them. After she spoke to them she’d leave, and then she wouldn’t have to be worried about Lucas pursuing her and could put her past where it belonged—behind her. She could forget about her father and move on with her life once and for all.
She entered the dining room and froze. There were definitely people eating breakfast. Unfortunately, one of them was Lucas. It would probably look bad if she turned around and left immediately after she came in the room. So, instead of making a scene, she slowly moved toward the table. On one side of the room, a buffet was set up with a variety of food. She made a quick plate of coddled eggs and sausages, then joined the other guests at the table. Natalia picked up a fork and poked her eggs. If she’d had an appetite she would have lost it when she noticed Lucas at the table. She had no idea how to proceed. Should she acknowledge him or pretend he didn’t exist?
“Miss Benson,” a female said.
Natalia glanced toward the sound. She didn’t think anyone at Weston Manor save Lady Anne and Lucas knew her name. Well, Lucas shouldn’t know her real name. She’d introduced herself as Lia when she’d met him, but that didn’t matter. He wasn’t the one trying to gain her attention. The woman who’d said her name had dark hair—much darker than Natalia’s. Her eyes were a blue-violet, almost completely purple, truthfully. She was ethereal and quite beautiful. “Yes?” Natalia asked.
“You arrived yesterday with Lady Anne, correct?” Her lips tilted upward into a warm smile. “She mentioned you were not feeling well. I trust whatever ailed you has passed.”
“It has, my lady.” Natalia was at a disadvantage and she didn’t like it one bit. If she had a name for the other lady it would help. Natalia hated not having all the information. “Traveling doesn’t suit me.” It would be much better if she was on her way away from Weston Manor and heading toward America. Then would she be completely free.
“You must forgive my wife,” a blond man said. He reached over and placed his hand over the lady’s. She smiled at him, and then he continued to speak, “She forgets this isn’t her home any longer and doesn’t need to worry over its guests. That is the duchess’s duty.”
Natalia’s interest piqued at her words. The marchioness was the sister of the Duke of Weston. Did she dare make the assumption? “Do you miss living here, Lady Seabrook?”
The marchioness smiled and met her gaze. “Some days I do, but I love Seabrook Manor. It’s home to me now, but Dom is right. I do feel a certain duty when I’m in residence at Weston. It’s my childhood home, after all.”
The way they looked at each other… Natalia was envious of the love that clearly showed on both their faces. They adored each other and truly seemed to enjoy each other’s company. She wanted something like that for herself. Lucas had freely given her his love, and she’d run from it. She could have had everything with him. If her father wasn’t horrid and wanted to sell her to the highest bidder. She couldn’t trust anyone she cared about would remain safe.
That was why she searched for Callista. She feared her father had done something to her cousin, and she had to find out what happened to her. Without having any answers, she’d never be able to move on with her life. It was time to take a leap of faith. They could answer her questions now. She’d have preferred to be alone with them, but it didn’t matter in the end if Lucas heard any of it. He had seemed oddly silent since she entered the room. That unnerved her far more than she liked.
“Some people have a fondness for their childhood home,” Lucas’s drawl echoed through the room as he finally joined the conversation. “Mine has never been much of a haven for me.” He turned to Natalia and met her gaze. “How about you? Do you have any love for the place you grew up?”
He knew the answer to that. Why would he bring that up now? Was he trying to punish her because she left him? “My father wasn’t—still isn’t as far as I know—a good man. I would never willingly return.”
“Oh, how terrible,” Lady Seabrook exclaimed as she placed a hand on her chest. “You poor dear. No wonder you’re traveling with Lady Anne.”
Apparently, Lady Anne hadn’t made a good impression on the marchioness. That didn’t really surprise Natalia. Her traveling companion was hard to deal with under any circumstances. “I’m all right with my circumstances.” She didn’t need any of them feeling sorry for her. “You might be able to help me with something though.”
“Oh?” Lady Seabrook lifted a brow. “I’d be happy to assist you if I’m able to. What is it you need?”
“Not anything taxing.” She didn’t want them to think she needed anything monetary from them.
“Miss Benson doesn’t like to complicate things.” Lucas lifted a glass and downed the contents. Natalia narrowed her gaze. Was he drinking brandy? “She runs from anything too difficult. Don’t you, my dear.”
“This isn’t the place to air your problems,” Lord Seabrook chastised him. “Whatever is bothering you can wait.”
“You’re right, of course,” Lucas slurred his words. He jerked his arm in an awkward way and nearly fell out of his chair. She’d never seen him so uncoordinated and faltering at every movement. “I could use another decanter of brandy. I’ve not drank enough to pass out yet.” He did seem a tad foxed…
He was being difficult, and Natalia didn’t understand him. She couldn’t discern his motives or what she should do about it. Lucas would continue to be trouble for her, and she had a find a way to handle him. At the moment, she had a bigger concern. Lucas and his issues could wait. She turned her attention to Lord and Lady Seabrook. “I think you might have met my cousin.”
“I suppose that is possible. What is your cousin’s name?” Lord Seabrook asked.
“Lady Marin—Callista,” she told him. “She disappeared five years ago in France. Someone told me you might be able to tell me where to find her, or at the very least, what happened to her.”
“Oh dear.” Lady Seabrook’s voice held a hint of sadness. That couldn’t be a good sign. Her heart thumped heavily in her chest and her stomach churned with unease. “I wish we had good news for you.”
Natalia had hoped her trip to Weston Manor would yield better results, but she had prepared herself for the worst. That was the story of her life. She always ran into dead ends and down a path to nowhere. Sometimes it seemed as if nothing good ever happened to her. She constantly had a run of bad luck and it didn’t seem like she’d ever have anything truly good.
“Can you tell me what happened to her?”
“She was devastated when Edward died and was determined to avenge him,” Lord Seabrook explained. “She became one hell of a spy and helped England win against Napoleon. I can’t tell you how many times her information saved my hide.” The tone in his voice suggested he respected Callista a great deal.
Natalia wished she could have known that side of her cousin. She’d had a few letters from her over the years, but she rarely saw her in person. “I always thought she was wonderful and brave.”
“I must interrupt.” Lucas held up his hand and stared at Natalia. “Lady Marin is your cousin? How was I not aware of this? Have you been lying to me since the moment we met?”
Natalia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Damn him. Why didn’t he finish drinking his brandy and leave her in peace? How many times could she ignore his outbursts before Lord and Lady Seabrook started to wonder about her connection to Lucas? To answer his question without actually looking at him, she met Lord Seabrook’s gaze and said, “I didn’t meet her until I was eighteen. Our mothers were sisters, and she recognized me. If not for her, I’d still be under my father’s thumb. I owe her my life, and I wanted to help her if I could.”
“Convenient,” Lucas scoffed. “You met her on a snowy night after your carriage crashed, and I’m expected to believe neither o
ne of you knew the other existed until that night.” He stared at his empty brandy glass. “I can’t listen to any more of this.” With those words he got to his feet. “If you’ll excuse me, I need more brandy if I’m going to stomach more lies.” He didn’t bother to wait for anyone to respond to his pronouncement. Lucas left the room quickly swaying as he left. He stopped momentarily at the door and used the frame to hold himself upright, then he appeared to do his best to leave the room without falling. His feet nearly stomped on the floor in elaborate protest albeit a little belated to have any effect.
Natalia pushed her plate of untouched food away from her. She hadn’t had an appetite to begin with, and she was done pretending to eat. There was only so many times she could poke her food with her fork anyway. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize for the earl,” Lord Seabrook said keeping his focus on Natalia. “It’s clear the two of you have a history, but that’s hardly any business of ours.”
“That’s awfully nice of you.” Natalia was a little surprised they were so accepting.
Lady Seabrook chuckled softly. “Sometimes the road to love is full of hardships you can never imagine will befall you. Ours wasn’t so easy either.” She glanced at her husband. That love was still evident and continued to make Natalia jealous of how easy they made it seem. Natalia loved Lucas and always would, but doubted they’d ever have anything similar. Some difficulties were too large to overcome, and love wasn’t always the answer to solve the heart of the problem. A love story between her and Lucas wasn’t something she’d ever fully experience—at least not one with a happy ending. The marchioness looked back at her. “Your cousin saved my life. Without her assistance, Dom and I never would have found our way to each other. She made it possible for me to spend my life with the man I love. If I can’t help her, I’d like to return the favor with you in some way.”
She swallowed hard and asked the question she feared an answer to, “Is Callista dead?” Natalia held her breath for a few seconds as she awaited a response.
“We can’t say that with any certainty.” Lord Seabrook leaned on the table. “Her body was never recovered, but it’s unlikely she survived the fall. She tumbled over a balcony, and we assume she died.”
Natalia nodded her head absentmindedly. She had her answers; now she could leave Weston Manor and board a ship for America. “Thank you for answering my questions. If you’ll excuse me…” Her voice wobbled slightly as she tried to force her emotions down. She hated to show any weakness and she was near to overflowing with grief. She stood and started to leave the dining room, her hands shaking slightly.
“Wait,” Lady Seabrook called to her. Her voice held a hint of concern in it.
She turned toward her. “Was there anything else?” Natalia fought the tears that threatened to fall. She would not give in to them, not yet anyway. Later in the privacy of her room she’d grieve her loss.
“I meant what I said.” She moved over to Natalia’s side. “If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. Lady Marin was a wonderful woman, and her life should be honored in some way. I can see that she meant a lot to you too.”
“She was everything.” There was one other person who Natalia cared about, and he hated her. She had hoped that Lucas would have moved on and forgotten about her. He seemed rather bitter though. “If you can help me in any way, I’ll let you know. For now though, I need some time alone.”
“I understand.” The marchioness hugged her. Natalia hadn’t expected her to do that at all, but it was…nice. She was rarely shown affection in her life, and it was so foreign to her. There were only two other people who had ever seemed to care for her—Lucas and Callista. Having the marchioness seem to care for her too nearly undid her. Lady Seabrook stepped back and smiled down at her. “Seek me out when you’re ready.”
With that, Natalia left the room. Numb to everything. She went back to her chambers and sat on her bed the tears that threatened to fall earlier remained elusive. Now that she was alone she couldn’t think or feel. Those two things would only serve to remind her of her failure, her loss, and the utter despair at losing the only family member who’d ever cared for her. If she had the presence of mind to function, she’d have packed and prepared to leave Weston Manor, but she didn’t. For some reason, she was reluctant to say goodbye. When she started to feel again, she’d examine her motives. For now, she would lie down and try to forget the devastating news of Callista’s death.
Chapter 6
Lucas weaved a little as he walked down the hallway. He’d been steadily drinking brandy since he’d left Lia’s room the previous night. He’d learned a lot about the woman he’d loved in a short time. Her name wasn’t merely Lia. He wished she had trusted him with more than a shortened version of her given name. Though she could have adopted a new persona…he doubted that was the truth. Because everyone at Weston Manor believed her to be Miss Natalia Benson.
It was unlikely she lied to the world. It had been him she kept the truth from, and unless his inebriated brain misunderstood, she was also Lady Marin’s cousin. How could he have thought he loved a woman and known so little about her? Probably because he was a besotted fool who’d fallen in love with her at first sight... He hadn’t considered that they barely knew each other or they’d spent a short amount of time in each other’s company. How could he have uncovered anything real about her in a matter of hours?
He needed more brandy. Lucas wasn’t nearly foxed enough to handle the news he’d been bombarded with. There was probably a decanter in the game room. He’d already finished the supply in the library. That had been where he’d spent most of his evening. Luckily, he wasn’t far from the game room, and it should be empty at the moment. Most of the inhabitants of Weston Manor were either sleeping or would head to the dining room to break their fast.
Lucas had no appetite for food. He’d gone to breakfast at Lord Seabrook’s behest. He’d found Lucas in the library and ushered him to there as quick as possible, believing food would help soak up some of the brandy curdling in Lucas’s stomach. He’d sat at the table with the marquess and the marchioness, but he’d not eaten a bite. That turned out to be a good thing once Lia arrived. He’d probably have spewed any food he’d managed to force down listening to her lies.
Lucas reached the game room and pushed open the door. He stumbled inside and almost lost his balance. He clutched onto the side of a nearby table and took a deep breath. When he felt he could walk again, he wobbled over to the bar. The decanters had been refilled and a set of clean glasses sat next to it. Good. He planned on drinking every last drop of it. If he had any hope of sleeping, he’d need it. Perhaps he should take the decanter back to his room. He lifted the decanter, determined to do so. That way his bed would be waiting for him at a shorter distance.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
He stood to his full height, then turned and met Lia’s gaze. “I can still see you, so no.”
She sighed. “You can make your own decisions, but I’d hoped you would make better ones than you have.” Lia tilted her head to the side. “What happened to you?”
He laughed bitterly. She was judging him and found him wanting. Something about that irritated him more than he would like to admit. How dare she look down on him. He’d never once lied to her. “I’ve had to admit to some hard truths recently. A lot of them in regard to you.” He opened the decanter of brandy, poured some into a glass, then downed the contents in one gulp. He winced slightly as the alcohol burned his throat. He stared at the empty glass and considered refilling it and decided against it. “Perhaps you were right. It was idiotic of me to believe I loved you. I didn’t even really know your name.”
“I’m sorry for that,” she said softly. “But it was for the best. My life is complicated, and you didn’t need that in your life.” She stepped toward him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I wanted you to be happy, and I couldn’t be the person to do that.”
“So
why not tell me your real first name?” He lifted a brow. “I couldn’t have done much with that.” Lucas hated that she didn’t at least give him that much.
“Lia is my name,” she replied. Something about her seemed almost…sad. His anger faltered slightly at that insight. He did love her and didn’t want her to be hurt. Lucas understood that he was being a right arse, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “At least the one those who truly care about me use.”
He wanted to believe her, but he couldn’t, at least not yet. He needed time to come to terms with his illusions being shattered. He’d held her up to a standard that wasn’t fair to her or him. What trust he had, she’d decimated. If he was being honest with himself, he’d lost all faith in her the moment she’d fled Canterbury all those years ago. If she had returned to him sooner, then maybe things would have been different. But after nearly a decade, he couldn’t find any reason to rely on her ability to tell the truth. She protected herself, and she should have, but that she felt the need to include him as someone also treacherous—that would always hurt him. “Well, Miss Benson,” he deliberately didn’t use her preferred name. “Then it’s a good thing I have no feelings left for you.” He picked up the decanter. “If you’ll excuse me, I have something more important to attend to.”
She didn’t need to know he was heading to his chambers. He was done talking with her. All he wanted to do was forget she existed and remain numb as long as possible. For that, he would need the peace of his own bed.
“Do you really want to leave things like this?” She almost sounded desperate and for a second he wanted to reconsider. What if he was making a mistake?
He paused in the doorway and glanced back at her. “I’m not sure what you mean? There is nothing for us to salvage. You mean nothing to me, and as far as I’m concerned, we have nothing to work out.” Lucas winked. “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll find a different sap to fall for your innocent act.”