Love's Masquerade

by Radclyffe

  Gayle grinned. “Piercing.”

  “Ooh, I like.” Auden raised an eyebrow. “Is there a story behind this new acquisition?”

  “Well, let’s say Teddy supervised, and it was...fun.” Gayle remembered how carefully they’d had to make love the night they’d had it done, and how damned horny it had made her when Teddy had told the young woman doing the piercing just where she wanted it on Gayle’s body—and then demonstrated, drawing her finger lightly over Gayle’s navel.

  “I’ll bet it was fun if Thane was helping.” Auden looked over her shoulder toward the table on the far side of the conference room where Thane and Hays sat signing books. “They’re attracting a lot of attention.”

  “I can’t believe I let Teddy out of the room in those leather pants.”

  “Uh, Gayle, sweetie, I don’t think it’s the pants—I think it’s the leather vest with nothing under it. I just about died when she walked out of the elevator.”

  Gayle groaned. “When I saw her upstairs, I was too pheromonally impaired to censor the outfit. All I could think was yummy, yummy, yummy.”

  “Delightfully descriptive, Dr. Dunbar,” Auden commented wryly.

  “And now look,” Gayle wailed. “Other women are drooling on her.”

  Auden laughed. “Well, I don’t believe you have to worry. She’s too busy working to get into trouble. Margo has a good crowd, too. We’ve sold a goodly number of Pale Imitations already. Our debut release is a hit.”

  Gayle watched the line moving slowly toward the authors. “Hays looks mighty tasty, too. Who would have thought that stonewashed jeans and a white shirt could look so appetizing?”

  “Depends on who you put them on,” Auden murmured, watching Hays return a book to a woman waiting at the head of the line. When Hays smiled, Auden’s heart did a flip. “God, she’s gorgeous.”

  “Mmm, like I said...yu—”

  “Enough,” Auden hissed. “No more culinary commentary on my girlfriend, if you please.”

  “So, how does it feel being Rune Dyre’s honey?”

  Auden blushed. “It feels...odd, and exciting, too. I think about people wanting to meet her or buy her books, and I’m proud and jealous at the same time.”

  Gayle nodded. “I know what you mean. Teddy writes stuff that makes me want to pull her clothes off and crawl all—”

  “Uh, I got it. I got it.” Auden laughed.

  “Yeah, well, I don’t like thinking some other woman might be feeling the same way.”

  “Sometimes, I’ll look over when Hays is writing, and I’ll see Rune. Really see her, as if I know her, too.”

  “You do, don’t you?”

  Auden followed the author’s hands as she opened a book, carefully held it flat, and signed with a flourish. “Yes. There are times, like now, when Rune is as real to me as Hays.”

  Gayle grinned. “So, does it feel good?”

  “What?”

  “The girlfriend thing.”

  “Better than good,” Auden said contemplatively, her eyes still on the dark head bent over another book. “Better than anything.”

  “Life is good, huh?” Gayle said quietly, not a hint of levity in her voice now.

  Auden slid an arm around her friend’s waist and squeezed. “Life is grand.”

  *

  Thane pushed her chair back and stretched. “I want a drink. How about you, buddy?”

  Hays shook her head. She could barely focus, and she was afraid that if Auden saw her right now, she’d be able to tell something was wrong. “I’m going to find someplace quiet and decompress for a few minutes. I think Auden wants us at the opening reception at six.”

  “Where are they?” Thane asked, scanning the room. “I saw Gayle and Auden talking a while ago, but I don’t see them now.”

  “I lost track of them. Auden and Liz are probably off in a corner somewhere with their heads together discussing marketing strategies.”

  “Gayle said she might sneak off to the gym,” Thane mused. “I can’t believe I miss her this much after just a few hours.”

  “Sounds pretty serious.”

  “Yeah. Well, I am serious.” Thane was uncharacteristically quiet for a long moment. “I’m not so sure Gayle believes me, though.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I think maybe Liz gave her the idea that I was a big player.”

  “And...you’re not?”

  “Well, I’ve been around.” Thane shrugged. “Not as much as people think. Not everything I write is autobiographical.” She laughed. “But this is different—it’s not just good fun and sex. Gayle is like no one I’ve ever met; it’s like she knows me, or at least sees me, and...she seems to like what she finds.” Thane grimaced. “Jesus, that didn’t make any sense, did it.”

  “Not true,” Hays replied, thinking of Auden and all the things she’d never needed to explain. “It makes perfect sense.”

  “Man. Listen to us. A couple of gon—Christ, Rune. You’re bleeding!”

  Hays felt it at the same moment. She fumbled for her handkerchief, but Thane pressed a couple of paper napkins from a nearby tray into her hand. After a minute, Hays muttered, “Thanks.”

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” Hays’s voice was muffled. “Look, I’m going to go upstairs and get cleaned up. I might be late for the reception. If you see Auden...” Her voice trembled, and she almost lost it. Everything was coming apart so fast, she could barely think what to do next. “If you see Auden, just tell her I got held up. Don’t mention this, okay?”

  “Okay, sure. Look—do you need me to come with you?”

  “No. I’m fine. It’s stopped.” Hays shook her head carefully. “I’ve got to go. Listen, Thane. About Eros—go ahead and use my stuff if you want.”

  Thane stared at her, startled by the sudden turn of the conversation. “Great. Excellent. We’ll have to get together and decide which ones we want and how to order them. Maybe talk to Paula Young about tossing in a couple. She’s popular with the soft-romance set.”

  “Anything you want.” Hays held out her hand. “Thanks, Thane.”

  Thane shook it, still confused. “I’ll see you later, then?”

  “Sure.”

  Two minutes later, Hays was upstairs in her room. The first thing she did was make a series of phone calls. Then she sat down at the desk and booted up her laptop. As she typed, her hands shook.

  *

  Forty-five minutes into the reception, Auden was starting to worry. Neither Hays, nor Thane, nor Gayle had appeared. It wasn’t absolutely obligatory that the authors attend the opening reception, but most did. And she and Hays had agreed earlier that Rune would go.

  With a quick surge of relief, she saw Thane and Gayle enter hand in hand. They’d both changed clothes and both looked a bit sheepish as they approached her through the crowd. Thane turned aside a few feet from Auden to speak to a woman who asked her a question.

  “Sorry we’re late, Aud,” Gayle said, genuinely contrite. “We lost track of time.”

  “It’s okay. I’m not going to penalize you.” Auden was too concerned about Hays to care that her friends had apparently taken some time out to make love. “Have you seen Hays?”

  “No.” Gayle frowned. “Isn’t she here with you?”

  “No, she’s not. I haven’t seen her for hours. By the time Liz and I finished talking to the people from Lambda Book Review, Thane and Hays had finished with their signings. I thought the two of them were off doing author stuff or just hanging out.” She tried not to sound as panicked as she felt. “I went up to my room for a few minutes and called hers, but there was no answer. I just assumed we’d meet here, so I came back down to network some more.”

  “Where’s Rune?” Thane asked as she joined them. “I’ll kill her if she backs out on this little get-together.”

  “I guess you don’t know?”

  “Know what?”

  “Where she is?” Gayle and Auden said in unison.

  “Should I?”
Thane was beginning to feel as if she had tripped down the rabbit hole. “You mean where she is now? The last time I saw her, she said she was going upstairs to—uh, she said she’d see me here.”

  “She went to her room?” Auden studied Thane’s face intently. “When?”

  “Right after the signing. I’m sure she’ll be here. She said—”

  “Was she all right?” Auden asked sharply, aware that Thane was uncomfortable about something.

  If you see Auden, just tell her I got held up. Don’t mention this, okay? Thane hesitated.

  “It’s important, Teddy,” Gayle said gently.

  “She was fine. She just had a little nosebleed, but—”

  “Oh my God.” Auden started toward the exit.

  “Where are you going?” Gayle asked urgently, hurrying along beside Auden with Thane following on her heels.

  “To her room.”

  “I’ll come, just in case there’s a problem.”

  Once in the elevator, Thane looked from Gayle to Auden. “What’s going on? Does this have something to do with her collapsing at the Four Seasons?”

  Gayle took Thane’s hand. “We can’t talk about the details, okay, baby?”

  “Sure.” Thane rested her hand on the back of Gayle’s neck, stroking her softly. “Okay.”

  The instant the elevator doors slid open, Auden rushed down the hall and knocked on Hays’s door. “Hays? Sweetheart? It’s Auden.”

  When she’d tried three times to no avail, Auden turned to Gayle, desperate. “What should we do? What if she’s lying in there and needs help? What if...oh God, what if she hit her head or—”

  “I’ll call the hotel manager and play the doctor card,” Gayle said quietly. “I’ll ask him to send someone to check, okay?” When Auden nodded mutely, Gayle added, “Come on, our room is down the hall.”

  Auden paced the room while Gayle placed the call and asked for the manager. She wanted to scream as she listened to Gayle explain that she was a doctor and that she was concerned about a guest with a life-threatening illness. Life-threatening. No. Oh, no. Not now. Not so soon.

  When Gayle hung up and looked at Auden with a stunned expression on her face, Auden almost did scream. “What? What did he say? What is it?”

  “She checked out. A couple of hours ago.”

  “No. She wouldn’t, not without—”

  “Hang on,” Thane muttered from across the room. “I’ve got an e-mail from Rune. From this afternoon.”

  Auden spun around to stare at her. “Read it...please.”

  “It’s another Eros submission. Probably just something she’s been meaning to se—”

  “Read it, baby,” Gayle said gently.

  “Okay,” Thane said slowly. “Come read it with me, then.”

  Auden and Gayle looked over Thane’s shoulder as she opened the attachment.

  Secret Passions – Final Scene

  Time is so subjective, its measure totally dependent upon the means by which we mark its passage. When we follow the conventional milestones, meting out our lives with birthdays and graduations and anniversaries and funerals, we are left with voids along the way—vast stretches of empty space lost forever, never to be filled. As time grows short, the significance of each moment increases, until finally every heartbeat is of monumental importance. Or so it seems at first.

  I have discovered, almost too late, that time is not just arbitrary, but of no great consequence after all. She has taught me that a touch is a lifetime, a kiss forever, and that our passion will transcend the limitations of fragile existence to span eternity.

  I no longer worry about the beat of my heart—I need only the memory of her to live on. My soul, my very being, pulses with wonder at the places within me that she has filled, with gratitude for the wounds she has healed, and with everlasting devotion for the love she has given. In her arms, I found passion and peace and a place to rest.

  No matter where I travel or what road I take to reach my destination, I will always have the comfort of her hand in mine and the soft whisper of her voice reminding me that I do not need to be afraid. This, this has always been my secret desire, and now I need search no further.

  I am loved, and I am content.

  ***

  Thane: Please see that Secret Passions is dedicated to Auden, with all my heart. Rune

  Auden was shaking, tears streaming unheeded down her face.

  Thane’s voice was a hoarse whisper. “Will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?”

  “Hays and Auden are lovers,” Gayle said gently, her arm around Auden’s waist and her free hand on Thane’s shoulder. “I forgot that you didn’t know.”

  “I figured that out, love,” Thane said softly. She looked up at Auden, wincing to see her undisguised anguish. “This message—how sick is she?”

  “Very.” Auden suddenly raced for the door. “She must have left me a note.”

  A few seconds later, she fumbled her key card into her door and rushed into her room. A folded sheet of notepaper lay just inside on the floor. With trembling hands, she reached for it.

  Sweet Auden:

  I’ve never had the words for what you mean to me.

  There is one thing, though, that you should know.

  I love you.

  Hays

  Auden spun around, the note held out in her trembling hand. “I have to find her.”

  Gayle took the note and stared at it for a long time. She thought of her oath, she thought of her best friend’s agony, and she thought of a woman facing her greatest challenge alone. She thought, too, of one critical thing she had learned as a physician—love has the power to work miracles. She met Auden’s frantic gaze.

  “I know where she is.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Thane insisted that Gayle and Auden hire a car to drive them back to Philadelphia, while she agreed, reluctantly, to stay in New York City at least through midday on Saturday. Auden wanted Liz Nixon and Thane, along with the other authors, to maintain Destiny’s presence at the convention.

  “All right,” Thane muttered as she helped them carry luggage to the car, “but no one is going to be able to make up for Rune not being here.”

  Auden began to cry, and Gayle looked helplessly from her friend to her lover, who looked suddenly miserable.

  “Jesus, I’m sorry, Auden,” Thane said quickly. “So sorry. It’s just...damn, I can’t quite believe this is happening.”

  “I don’t want to believe it either,” Auden replied, angrily swiping at her tears. “But Gayle called the hospital, and Hays has been admitted. So now I don’t have any choice but to believe it.”

  Gayle and Thane embraced, Thane kissed Auden’s cheek, and the two friends were on their way home. Most of the ride passed in silence. A few miles from Philadelphia, Auden turned from the window and the night. “I can’t believe she did this. I am so angry with her.”

  “You know why she left, don’t you?” Gayle took Auden’s hand, rubbed her thumb over the back. Her voice was gentle. “Aud?”

  “I can guess some of it.” Auden was having a hard time keeping her mind from fragmenting. In one instant she was angry, the next terrified, and the next panicked. Right now, Hays was somewhere alone—and in pain—and Auden wasn’t with her. She’d begun the day in Hays’s arms, and now she wasn’t sure that she would ever touch her again. Stop. You don’t even know what has happened. You won’t be any good to her this way. She mustn’t see you cry.

  Auden closed her eyes and imagined Hays’s face as she’d looked down on her at the instant of orgasm, tender and loving and strong. The anger slipped away. Auden met Gayle’s anxious gaze. “She has never wanted me to be hurt because of her illness or to suffer through the trials of the treatment. If she’s sick, really sick now, she’ll want to spare me.”

  “Yes.”

  “She’s wrong.”

  “Of course she is, and I’m not trying to defend her.” Gayle slid closer, wrapping her arm around Auden’s
shoulders. “But she’s probably as scared and confused as you are right now.” Auden tensed and Gayle hugged her. “I’m sorry, honey—God, I—”

  “No,” Auden interrupted. “You’re right. I’m sure she is frightened, which is why I need to be with her. She thinks she’s protecting me, and when I’m not so furious with her, I love her for it.”

  “Auden,” Gayle said seriously. “This could get rough.”

  “I already know she might die.” Auden’s strangled laughter was tinged with wild pain. “Anything worse than that you want to add?”

  “Ah, fuck.” Gayle squeezed the bridge of her nose and tried to sort out her desire to prepare Auden for what might be coming from her wish to protect her friend from as much pain as possible. “If she’s doing what I suspect she’s doing—”

  “Getting the bone marrow transplant?”

  Gayle nodded. “That’s my guess. It’s going to be dicey for a while—she could get...really sick.”

  “I know. She’s told me.” Auden felt steadier the longer they talked. It helped to deal with facts and not uncertain fears. “Do you think they’ll start tonight?”

  “I don’t know—maybe. If she’s...” Gayle stumbled for the right words. It was hard to keep her doctor shield in place. Auden was her family.

  “Gayle, just talk doctor talk. I can take it. Please. Just tell me.”

  Gayle set her jaw. “If she’s deteriorating, and she might be, since she was just treated a few weeks ago and is symptomatic again already, her doctors will jump on this. I imagine they’ll start the chemotherapy as soon as they can.”

  “Will that make her sicker?”