Unwilling (Book One of the Compelled Trilogy 1)

by Kristen Pike

  “Well we said we would accompany you to the bitter end!” Pickard hooted. Deep lines creased near his mouth as he laughed, but the sound seemed to fall flat around them.

  “What happened to your arm?” Rowan asked, indicating Pickards sling with an incline of her head.

  Pickard sighed, his eyebrows making their way up his forehead. “Well when we first ran into Carter we were looking for the entrance to those caves, would have taken us forever and we might not have found them at all if Carter and his group of soldiers hadn’t came strolling up.”

  “After some, uh, debating…” Jace picked up the story, his voice laced with discontent, Jace and Chev shared a secret look. “Well when Carter finally deduced we weren’t here to murder you, and us them, he told us that he could ‘sense’ you, and would be able to lead us right to you. Well we got into the caves and about half of Carter’s soldiers turned us; the ones who weren’t compelled to be here anyway.”

  “Those men give me the willies, with their dead eyes…” Pickard said absently looking back at Carters group. Everyone besides Carter stood still and Rowan did think that they looked unnatural. The motionless way they stood, and they hardly blinked. Their like puppets. Elias’s playthings, Rowan thought to herself with a frown.

  “Well the ones who weren’t compelled turned on us when we got into the caves, we barely made it out. Mills went down with us, but…” Jace finished, his voice trailing off with a shake of his head.

  Rowan creased her brow. She had never fully trusted Mills, she had thought he was only staying with her to get to her brother in revenge for his wife, but she had spent months with him, and he had died trying to save her.

  “Why did the others turn on you?” Rowan asked, mourning the loss of another companion silently.

  “Were not sure, they may have been from the Kings Guard, spying on us, or from some other group trying to bring down Elias.”

  “Oh.” Rowan replied, trying to compute the flood of information assaulting her.

  “LET’S GO!” Carter boomed at them, interrupting Rowan’s thoughts. He held the reins to several horses, which were neighing and shaking their manes in the morning heat.

  Jace grumbled something and the four of them started forward, falling silent as they drew closer to Carter and the men who surrounded him.

  They all wore chainmail, save for Carter who was dressed in simple clothes, and they each had a sword strapped to their waists in a sheath. Rowan shivered despite herself. The way the soldiers looked, with their eyes blank, as if they did not have a single part of themselves left, made Rowan recoil from them, recoil from herself because she new she had the power to make others look exactly like that.

  “Rowan you will ride with me-” Carter began.

  “Not a chance!” Jace spit, his eyes growing dark and protective.

  “Jace, must we do this every time?” Carter asked impatiently. “I am by far the better rider, and with Rowan’s injuries she will need as smooth a ride as she can get.” Carter explained, his hand extending to Rowan, who hesitated.

  “I can’t leave yet.” Rowan told him which was rewarded with an exasperated look.

  “And why is that?” Carter asked, his voice strained, as if it took an exuberant amount of self-control for him to be patient with her.

  “There’s something I have to do.” Rowan told him.

  Two hours later, after combing the caves as much as she could without getting lost, and not finding Cecily’s body, Rowan found herself back outside, feeling exhausted. There were a dozen men lying dead in the main cavern, but not Cecily, not Kastor. Rowan had found many rooms though, large holes dug into the rock, making bedrooms, and a living room of sorts, with only a musty old couch to sit on. The only thing in Cecily’s room to indicate it was hers was a small stack of neatly folded clothes, and a yellow hair ribbon laying across the pillow, it made Rowan think of Madison and the hair ribbons she had bought for her.

  Rowan had grabbed the ribbon and was now clutching it to her chest as though it was the most precious thing in the world to her. “Good bye Cecily.” Rowan said tightly, feeling distraught. It took everything in Rowan to turn from the mountain when all she wanted to do was fall to her knees and cry until the world ended; burned down, or shattered into tiny fragments, or gave out under her and sucked her into the earth and ended the miserable state she seemed to be perpetually stuck in.

  A large bonfire, giving off the smell of burning flesh raged on, consuming the dead that had been thrown into it. Rowan and her group had wanted to dig a grave for at least Mills, but there was no where to dig a grave amid the dense rock earth. They were only able to start a fire because they had found neatly chopped logs in a room in the caves, the heat of it was making Rowan sweat and she wanted nothing more than to leave as quickly as possible, to put as much distance between her and her prison as she could.

  Carter mounted his horse in one fluid motion and extended his hand to her. It should have looked awkward, his arm hanging in the air the way it was, but even this act he managed to make look confident. As though he had no doubt that Rowan would take his hand and chose to ride with him.

  “I will ride with Jace.” Rowan decided and could see Jace’s triumphant look out of the corner of her eye.

  “Can’t say I’m pleased, but as you wish my Tal.” Carter responded with a slight nod of his head. Rowan could not help but notice, that like Chev, who was already saddled, Carter looked like he belonged atop that horse.

  Jace swung up on his horse. It looked awkward and Rowan questioned whether she had made the right choice. She shook her head, clearing the question with a quick look at Carter, who smiled at her knowingly.

  With much difficulty, Rowan managed to fit herself into the saddle in front of Jace. His body felt hot behind hers and Rowan could feel his heart racing as his chest pressed into her back. “Your heart is beating wildly.” Rowan said, smiling as she recalled the first time she had said this to him.

  “It always is around you.” He replied, tightening his arms around her as he pulled up the reins. Rowan hadn’t understood what he had meant the first time he had said those words to her; but she did now. He meant he loved her.

  Rowan rested her head against him as they moved. Jace was not very competent atop the horse with a second rider and she realized it fairly quickly. The horse bounced, a lot. Each step it took sent a jolt of pain through her side and it took every bit of self-control she possessed for Rowan not to cry out every few minutes.

  “Nice and smooth over here.” Rowan heard, a slight echo in her head, a voice that was not her own. Her brows knit together, her head turning to the left as Carter sidled up beside them. Rowan felt Jace’s body go rigid behind her.

  “Get out of my head.” Rowan demanded, not looking at Carter. She wondered if he had heard that, and was answered with that airy laughter of his, echoing around her mind.

  “I can’t help it. It’s just there.” Carter said and Rowan knew without looking at him, that he was looking at her. “And it is… quite interesting.” He smiled, showing off perfectly straight, white teeth.

  “Why can you do that? How can we hear each other?” Rowan asked, feeling self-conscious.

  “I’m not sure. I can do it with Elias too. One day I was training with my father in the fields we have, and I just sensed something. Your brother, it turned out. I’ve followed him ever since. He, and you, are Gods come to Varisin.”

  “We’re not Gods.” Rowan said angrily, felling very volatile when he called her that.

  “That’s just what I believe.” Carter said solemnly, perhaps the most serious she had ever heard him in the short time they had known each other. “How else can you explain the things you two can do? What is it, if not the power of Gods?”

  “Evil. Pure unfiltered evil.” Rowan replied solemnly.

  They did not talk after that, but Rowan was always aware of him. She felt something inside herself reaching out to him, sensing him. It made her uncomfortable and though sh
e did it involuntarily, she felt guilty, as though she was betraying Jace.

  Rowan and Jace travelled all day in near silence but every so now and then Jace would tighten his arms around her, as if to assure himself that Rowan hadn’t floated away on a breeze. Pickard, as usual, was telling a story Rowan could not hear to one of the soldiers, though he did not even acknowledge that Pickard was talking to him. Even though the soldiers had creeped Pickard out he liked the sound of his own voice more than he disliked them.

  By the time the sun began to set Rowan could make out the tree line in the distance, and felt relieved. She missed the forest and knew she would feel much safer amongst the trees then out in the open under the massive mountain. Jace’s arms tightened around her as if in agreement and he spurred the horse faster, causing Rowan to give a squeak of pain.

  “Are you okay?” Jace asked, pulling the reins hard, the horse stopping with a whinny.

  “I’m fine.” Rowan answered through her teeth. If she was being honest, she was in an extreme amount of pain. Her side throbbed and she was feeling unusually tired.

  “No she’s not.” Carter said, as always, beside them.

  “She said she was fine.” Jace said and Rowan wanted to tell them both to hush, she was tired of them constantly trying to mark their territory, but remained silent.

  “She’s in pain,” Carter continued, giving Rowan a studied expression. Rowan could feel his, she didn’t know what to call it, essence, maybe? Lingering over her. It felt like the wind touching her skin but she knew without knowing that it was Carter. It felt light and made Rowan squirm.

  Rowan looked into Carter’s eyes, which were locked onto hers and she felt a sizzle of heat shoot through her. Carter must have felt it to for his eyebrows slammed low over his eyes, a frown weaving its way onto his face.

  Rowan breathed heavily, wondering what kind of madness this was, that she was feeling.

  “I’m fine.” Rowan breathed out, wanting to get away from Carter, and his essence. Jace looked at her questioningly. He would have noticed her staring at Carter, he would have felt her body tighten as their eyes locked. He could probably feel the thundering of her heartbeat as it tried to slam its way out of her chest.

  Carter spurred his horse forward and Rowan breathed a sigh of relief as Spirit Carter withdrew also. Rowan felt troubled, and confused.

  They made their way into the forest just as the moon began to rise.

  TWENTY-NINE

  She was tossing and turning, a nightmare plaguing her and it was red with blood but it was also filled with such joy but she was gasping for breath and she tried to run and there was a small child with red hair dying and an old man dying and a body wrapped in a blanket already dead and a look of hatred killing her stabbing her and she wanted to go back and undo all of it but it was such despair and anger and suffocating sadness and it was all red and black and blood was dripping from her hands and she was scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing it off but there was only more an infinite amount of blood pouring down her hands she was covered in it suffocating in it drowning in it dying from so much blood-

  She sat up, gasping in the cold night air, trying to convince herself it was just a bad dream. He could sense Rowan sigh somewhere in the night and gently remove herself from Jace, who was curled against her, sleeping soundly, choosing to walk the night air, her hands shook, her heart beat to hard. He knew she felt a sharp twinge of pain as she sat up.

  Carter stared up at the trees canopy, wishing he could see the stars winking down at them. He always did like the look of the open night sky.

  “Carter?” A timid voice whispered beside him, pulling him from his revere.

  “Hmm Rowan. I knew it was only a matter of time before you sought me out. I just didn’t think it would be in the dead of night.” He knew she would be blushing right now; he could sense it creeping up her neck.

  “I couldn’t sleep. “ She flustered. Carter propped himself up on one elbow, making out her shape in the dark night.

  “Well I’m at your beck and call, my Tal.” Carter teased; he felt so much more at ease around Rowan than he ever had around Elias.

  Gods, he missed Elias so much it hurt.

  Rowan stayed silent and Carter knew she wanted to say something. He didn’t even need to sense her to know that. “Would you walk with me?” She asked finally, doubt laced in her voice.

  “Sure.” Carter responded, hoisting himself to his feet. He was a good head taller than she was and when he brought himself to his full height, he was standing precariously close to her. Her body went rigid beside his and he laughed, the sound tumbling out into the night. “I’m not dangerous Rowan. I won’t hurt you.” He mocked, but drew away from her nonetheless.

  “I know.” Rowan said defensively, then marched off, expecting him to follow.

  Carter followed Rowan’s lead through the forest. When Rowan finally stopped, Carter found himself in a small clearing. Soft grass spilled under his feet and pale moon light illuminated the tree-lined area. Carter could see Rowan clearly now, to the way her ebony hair tumbled down her back slightly tangled, and the way she bit her bottom lip, nervous.

  She was possibly the most magnificent woman he had ever seen, and she didn’t even know it.

  Rowan fidgeted beside him. He could see her hands wringing in the dim light, her pale skin made ghostly by the moon. “So did you have something you wanted to talk about, or did you just want the pleasure of my company.” Carter smiled his lopsided smile and knew Rowan was blushing again.

  “How, how do you do it? How can you sense me?” She asked, her voice small and her eyes large as she looked up at him. It’s her eyes, so much like Elias’s, Carter felt an ache in his chest; a million words left unsaid stretching over him as he looked at Rowan, choking him, but those words were meant for someone else a thousand miles away so he swallowed the lump in his throat and found new words to answer Rowan.

  “Well that’s the question isn’t it?” Carter responded, crossing he arms over his chest. “Your brother wanted to know the same thing.”

  “Jace says I can’t compel you.” Rowan stated doubtingly.

  “You can try, if you don’t believe him.” Carter said mockingly, as though they were playing a game.

  “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.” Rowan retreated, an image popped into her head, but she shook it away before Carter could really see it. It was red red blood red, angry and sad.

  “Come on. There’s no harm. You can’t do anything to me.” Carter told her, belief in that truth obvious in his tone.

  “No really-“

  “Rowan.” Carter interjected. He could feel her defenses crumbling. “It won’t work.” He told her. Carter reached outward and grabbed her hand and she immediately pulled it back against her, but he reached forward and grabbed it again holding her tiny fingers steadily in his large ones. He could feel her heart sprinting under her wrist.

  “Carter.” The way she said his name made something warm stir in his chest, and he squeezed her hand. “I want you to release my hand.” Rowan finished.

  Carter stood there a minute, looking into Rowans vibrant blue eyes ringed in the moon light and Carter sighed deeply, wishing for something he would likely never have.

  “No.” He said finally and felt the air rush out of Rowan as if she had been holding her breath.

  Carter reached out with his sense and could feel something he had only ever felt in Elias stirring her chest. He knew she was using her gift, or trying to anyway. It seemed strange to him though, Elias’s gift was wrapped in darkness, with hatred, masking, killing, the man he knew Elias could be, but Rowans had an innocent, lightness to it, so opposite of Elias’ that Carter was stunned for a second.

  “Let go Carter.” Rowans voice was low, serious and concentrated. Carter burst out laughing and released Rowans hand.

  “I’m sorry,” he choked out between laughs, “it’s just you sound so serious, and your trying so hard, and it’s just nothing. Nothing’
s happening.” He said amused.

  “Well there’s no reason to poke fun at me.” Rowan said defensively. This statement struck Carter as absurd and he only laughed harder. “Well if you’re only going to laugh at me, I think I’ll retire back to Jace.” Rowan snapped and turned away from him.

  Carter reached out and grabbed her wrist, he felt her heart beat skip as his skin connected with hers. He just wanted to look at her eyes, needed to see her eyes.

  What is he doing? He heard her ask herself. Carter held her wrist, staring intently at her confused expression.

  God’s, those eyes… so much like his. Carter thought.

  “Something I’ve wanted to do since I first saw- since I felt...” Carter tried, but knew she would not understand, he barely understood it himself. She is not him, Carter thought but crushed Rowan to him anyway, her body feeling tiny next to his strong one. Her breathing was haggard and her thoughts were dizzy. Carter couldn’t seem to look away from her eyes. His eyes.

  “Carter?” Rowan protested, her body rigid against his.

  He bowed his head and caught her lips with his. Carter felt empty as he kissed her. It was as if he needed air but Rowan was water and he was drowning in it. Rowans mind raced, caught off guard and Carter could only catch flickers of the thoughts that tumbled around in her head, his own thoughts swirling madly.

  Rowan’s hands pressed flat against his chest.

  And shoved.

  Carter stumbled back, blinking. He faced Rowan, her face lit up in anger.

  “I-“ Carter began to explain.

  The slap rang out, clear and loud through the silent night, bouncing off the surrounding trees.

  “What did you do?” Rowan asked him, touching her lips and backing away. Her eyes looked up at him shocked, and betrayed.