“Sabrina?”
I nearly jump out of my skin, and lose my balance only for Eric to catch me.
“Sorry,” he apologizes looking sheepish.
What is he doing here?
Instead of thinking, ask!
“Why aren’t you at work?”
“Errand.” He grins.
My eyes narrow when I realize he has probably been following me since I left Ramon’s apartment this morning.
“You can stop following me and come shopping with me.”
He groans and looks panicked.
“Oh, stop. I need some clothes I can actually fit into instead of over flowing. Although they are comfortable, I’m sick of living in yoga pants with my extending bump.”
“Well, mama,” he grins, offering me his arm, “let’s go and get you some new clothes.” I slip my arm into the crook of his elbow before he continues, “But I hope you know I’m only doing this providing I get a fashion show.”
I roll my eyes.
“We’ll see. It depends how nice you are to me.”
“I can be really, really nice.”
I laugh. “C’mon Romeo.”
~*~*~*~
For all Eric’s moaning about shopping, he actually had a great time and dragged me all over the place until I announced he’d have to carry me back if we didn’t call it a day. We finally made it back to Ramon’s apartment where I could crash on the sofa, blissfully exhausted. I grin down at Eric at the end of the couch and sigh at how wonderful his massage feels on my aching feet.
He has talented hands, but, I’m afraid to say, the only hands I really want on me are Lucien’s, and Eric knows this. I can’t fault him. Between him and Ramon they’ve stopped me from wallowing too much in despair, or at least they have after letting me have my three days of staying in bed crying.
Ramon had gone off early this morning, mumbling something about a brothers meeting. I’ve managed all day to put the meaning behind his words out of my head, but now that I’m relaxing I can’t help wondering if the brothers’ meeting was at Lucien’s place. I’m desperate for word on him and neither, Ramon or Eric will tell me anything. I’m not sure Eric knows anything, but I know Ramon does and I’m planning on pinning him down when I see him. He can only avoid me for so long when I’m living in his apartment right now.
I groan inwardly at that problem. While Ramon has said I can stay for as long as I like, I can’t stay forever. It’s just too awkward since he’s Lucien’s brother. And it is getting harder to stay since my mom knows about my split from Lucien now. Ever since she found out, she’s been trying to persuade me to move in with her. Her argument is that it isn’t appropriate to live with two single men, and that others will think my relationship is with them both. I’m glad she had been on the phone so she couldn’t see my eyes bug out of my head when she mentioned that. It made me wonder what kind of books she reads behind the backs of the book club ladies. That’s something I intend to find out. She isn’t going to get away with it from me, not when she has made such a fuss about those kinds of books. Is she a closet erotic reader?
I smile at the thought.
“Ouch.”
I pull my foot away, but Eric grabs it and rubs where he’s just nipped me.
“What was that for?”
“I want to know what you’re thinking about that has your face alight with mischief.”
I smirk. “I was imagining the kind of books my mother has been reading to suggest that people will think I’m really with both you and Ramon living here. I mean Jane Eyre doesn’t talk about threesomes.”
He pauses while glaring at me. I can see the wheels turning in his head wondering what I’m really getting at.
“Your mom is under the impression that as long as you live here, everyone is going to think you’re doing the horizontal with the both of us.”
“Yes,” I grin, which turns into a laugh when Eric wiggles his eyebrows.
“I’m game if that was a hint,” he laughs.
I push him with my foot as I scoot back into a sitting position.
“You’re incorrigible and remind me a bit of Sebastian. Yes, my mom suggested that, but if you knew her then your mind would work overtime wondering how she worked that out. She has always done the proper thing, like she was raised to do. For years, I felt like I was living in a castle, but looking in, you know. She could never understand why I preferred jeans to frilly dresses. We’ve only really started talking and spending bits of time together since I was in the hospital last. It’s nice.”
“I’m glad you’re finally spending time with her. Make the most of it…My mom was amazing, and after losing her all those years ago, I still remember her singing me to sleep when I was a child. It may sound crazy but as I got older she was always there guiding me and my brothers out of trouble. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for any of us. I was nine when she died, and her passing left a hole in our family that still hasn’t healed.”
“I’m sorry you lost your mom, Eric. She sounds like she was amazing.”
“Thanks.” He shakes his head. “It’s been a long time... All we need to do now is make you irresistible to my idiotic cousin, and I have an idea.”
I groan. “Do I want to know? Your grin is frightening me.”
“Ramon told me a while back that Gavin asked if he could take you to the fundraising event.”
“Huh.”
“Sabrina, think. There is nothing that’s going to get Lucien’s back up like seeing the woman he loves on a date with another man. I’d offer to be the other man, but something tells me he won’t buy that.”
“Lucien doesn’t love me.”
I wish he did.
“Think about what I’ve said, and if it makes you feel better, then tell Gavin the truth and see if he’d be willing to help you out.”
“I don’t know.” I bite my lip. “What if we do all this and Lucien doesn’t show up? Or what if he does, but doesn’t react, or even worse what if he brings his own date? Oh God, I can’t do this.” I place my hands protectively over my stomach.
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll get Ramon involved and he can make sure Lucien attends…and that he attends alone. Now that is all arranged, I should have been elsewhere ten minutes ago.” Eric gets up from the sofa, and with a kiss to my head shoves his feet into his boots and leaves, locking the door behind him as he does.
My mind is buzzing with thoughts about the fundraiser. I just wish I was as confident as Eric appears to be about Lucien’s reaction to it.
Before I even contemplate making him jealous in that way, I need to at least try and talk to him. My heart and body is craving the sight of him. Even if we only talk about the baby, I need to see him. Which reminds me, the DVD and photographs of our baby are still at the doctor’s office. I’d left them there after my last ultrasound when I was too upset to hang around for them. So I could call and pick them up, and use them as my excuse to see him, and hopefully go from there.
~*~*~*~
Entering Lucien’s apartment building, I bump into Ruben, who is on his way out.
He looks surprised to see me.
“Sabrina, what are you doing here?” he asks, surprising me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that as harsh as it sounded. I’m distracted with something. How are you?”
“I’m okay, I guess. I’m on my way up to see Lucien. Ramon won’t tell me how he is. I need to…I mean…”
“Sabrina. I understand. But I’m afraid he isn’t here. He’s left town.”
I can’t hide the shock from my face.
Ruben puts his arm around me, and directs me outside to his truck. Opening the door, he helps me climb aboard the monster of a vehicle before he turns the ignition and gets the heaters working. I wasn’t cold, but I am now.
“Look Sabrina, I know he’s screwed up with you. He didn’t mean to. He just needs some time on his own…So Michael dropped him at the airport a couple of hours ago.”
He left. He didn’t want to see m
e.
“Where…where did he go?”
“He’s gone to his place in Colorado.”
I avert my eyes and gaze out of the window. I really didn’t think he’d leave Lexington. I thought he’d want to make sure the baby was okay. I even hoped that he’d come for me.
“Sabrina, please don’t do this to yourself. He’ll be back. He’s gone to lick his wounds. Trust me.” He takes my hands in his. “He’ll be back for you and his child, just give him time.”
“How much time? I can’t do this without him Ruben.”
He pulls away from the sidewalk. “I don’t think you’ll have long to wait.”
I turn my head, and I watch as his lips turn up in a smile, his eyes alight with mischief.
“He can’t do anything without you either. But that’s all I’m saying. He can beg for your forgiveness himself.”
The rest of the drive is made in silence while I wonder if I really will see Lucien again.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Lucien
Escaping to Colorado wasn’t something I’d thought about doing until Ramon’s speech. I need to tell her everything and man the fuck up to show her my damaged skin. But before I can do that, I decided to come back to my home here in Denver.
It’s a large luxury cabin with nature in its backyard and this is the place that I want to reveal all to Sabrina. We need to be away from my family and all outside forces. I just want to be alone with the woman I love—the woman who is going to be the mother of my child, and hopefully children in the future. So my cabin is perfect, but it needs airing, as I haven’t been here in months. I also need to get some new furniture and make it like a home I want to share with her, instead of the home of a single guy. This is the home that I want to live in the Sabrina. Not our apartment in the city, but here.
Our child will be able to play outside as he or she gets older, and will hopefully benefit from the fresh air of the great outdoors instead of a city. I’d even be willing to buy another in Lexington if Sabrina wants to stay there.
While I’m here I have a lot to do, and the time here will hopefully help build up the courage I’m going to need to show her my disgusting body. I need to get past the sickness I feel when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Because if it makes me feel like that then how can I expect Sabrina to react any differently? I really need to get my head around this and fast before someone else steps in and gives her what she needs.
She needs you.
I wish I could believe my conscience.
As I’m driving along the mountain road to my place, I have my window down letting the cold air blow through my truck to try and get rid of the cobwebs clouding my head.
Knowing what I have to do is so much easier than doing.
It’s no wonder Dante escaped and became a priest. Six years ago he’d just been officially accepted into the church. To this day I’ve no idea what brought on the sudden change in him, but either way he’s damn good and has turned the church around where he is. He’s certainly brought the younger generation back inside its walls. I smile though because I’m sure that has more to do with his looks and physique than anything to do with religion. I don’t think it bothers him as much as it used to.
It was Dante who helped me carry on with day-to-day living after I’d run here to lick my wounds following the fire. And I guess, in a way, its Dante I’ve come back to.
He lives in a small cabin about twenty minutes from his church, refusing to live in the house adjoined to it. I know over the next couple of weeks that I’ve given myself to be here, we’ll be hiking and fishing just like old times.
With a bit of luck, he’ll already be at my cabin, providing he picked his voicemail up that is. He was a last minute call as I boarded the plane.
Out of all my cousins, he’s the one I’m closest too. He’s the same age as I am and when we were younger before his mom passed away we used to hang out. Those were great times, until his mom passed and his dad remarried straightaway. That had cut him and his brothers up something badly and for a while we’d drifted apart, until the fire.
Pulling up the drive to my place, I’m sure I can smell snow in the air. We’re close to the first snow of the season, which I hope happens while I’m here. I’d love to bring Sabrina here when there is fresh snow down because the place looks magical. Which reminds me to add the house lights to my list of things to do.
Hopefully with Dante’s help, everything will be perfect.
I smile as I come to a stop beside Dante’s SUV and climb out. There’s nothing like being here in the mountains.
“Hey, about damn time,” Dante shouts bringing my head up to him as he shuts my front door on his way to me, greeting me with a hug.
“It’s been a while,” I tell him.
“That it has,” Dante replies. “I’ve had the electricity switched back on and I’ve dumped the supplies in the kitchen.”
“Thanks.”
We walk inside, which is already heating up.
“How long are you staying?” Dante asks as I follow him through to the kitchen.
He already has a pot of coffee on. It looks fresh as well with it still steaming.
“Two weeks.” I pour us both a mug of coffee and rest my hip against the countertop. “I’m here to make some changes to the place, and if you’re free I could use some help.”
“What kind of changes?”
“The whole place needs furnishing, but I need it suitable for a…family.”
He pauses mid drink.
“I know it’s been a while since we’ve really spoken, but, um, family? What have I missed?”
“I’ve screwed up badly.” I wince. “I want to bring her here and tell her about the accident and show her where I was burned, and hopefully, if she doesn’t run screaming I want to ask her to live here with me.”
I sit opposite Dante at the kitchen table.
“So you want the whole place furnished to try and what?” He throws his arms out. “Won’t she stay with you even in the sparse rooms?” He frowns.
“Sabrina would stay with me in a shack in the mountains if I asked her, or at least she would have done that before I hurt her. I need to make this right. She’s the one Dante. I’ve known this from the first time I laid eyes on her. She scared the shit out of me and I fought it, but she’s in here,” I press against my heart, “and she’s not going anywhere. She’s also carrying my child.”
I shoot up and pass him a napkin when he starts to choke.
I’m not surprised he’s shocked considering he knew of my sexual problem, and it’s not exactly something you get on the horn to a friend and say ‘Hey, I’m back. My dicks working again’.
“She’s pregnant? Are you sure it’s…,” he sees my pissed expression and back peddles, “good,” he finishes with a wince.
I stare at him for a few minutes.
“Yes, it’s mine. No matter what I do, I’ve been screwing up with Sabrina and it needs to stop. So I want to get this place looking like a home. I want it to look like a place where she would want to live…with me. And I need your help to do it.”
Placing his mug back on the table, he sits back grinning. “Of course I’ll help you. But I want to meet this woman who you’d go to all this trouble for.”
“She isn’t anything like Alyssa.”
“Oh, I know that. You didn’t love Alyssa.”
“What?”
“Alyssa once asked you if you’d change the sofa’s in the main room of your apartment because she thought the color was hideous. Do you remember? You told her they were comfortable and that she knew where the door was if she wanted to leave.”
“She was surprised, and I had to turn away so she wouldn’t see the grin I was trying to hide. She had a wicked temper. Truth be told I’m glad she left—not the way she left—she wasn’t for you. Anyone could see it.”
“But me,” I finish for him.
“Yeah, but you.”
“Sabrina is different and as
soon as you meet her, you’ll realize that.”
“Good. So when do we start this project of yours?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Okay, then tonight we’ll warm up the lasagna in the fridge, and I’ll camp out here. At least tomorrow night, I might get a bed.”
I grin at him. “So how long are you planning on staying?”
“Until you’re sorted.” He grabs a notepad and a pen from the table in the hall, and disappears into the family room.
I lean against the wall and watch him walk around the room making notes when I ask him, “So why are you so keen to come and hide here?” I grin knowing him well.
Dante’s head comes up with a look of shock.
I’m right. It’s not just our friendship that has him here helping me out.
Folding my arms across my body, I wait him out.
“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”
“Not the first time I’ve been called that, and it won’t be the last.”
“Family. My sister to be precise. She’s also a pain in the ass.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about her. Let’s make a start with the downstairs rooms before we eat.”
I stay silent and watch him while I wonder what Emelia has done now. She’s always been a handful, but now she’s living in a different city than her twin, Diego, I guess she’s spreading her wings more. Diego seemed to keep them clipped. And if I remember correctly she’d been angry and upset when Dante had joined the priest hood.
Perhaps Dante’s problems will stop me from worrying about Sabrina, and what she will think once she finds out I’ve left Lexington.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Sabrina
Each evening I stare at the envelope with our baby’s picture and DVD in it, and I do the same before climbing out of bed for the day. So far I’ve been unable to look at them. I desperately need Lucien to be with me when I see them for the first time. He doesn’t deserve my consideration in this. Not when he made the choice to not be here for me…for our baby. No matter how many times I tell myself the facts I still can’t open the envelope.
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