Divided

by Kaesey Stobaugh

  I scoot over to him on the cot and lay my head on his hunched shoulder.

  “Willa, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was too upset-”

  “Shhh, I understand. You don’t have to say anything else, Nate. I can’t imagine what I would do if I ever lost Georgie.” I can’t find it in myself to be angry with him anymore. Leila’s gone, what could be worse?

  After a long time of listening to him weep, he looks up at me, all the hardness is gone. He’s my original sweet Nate again, but a little broken inside. “I…don’t know what to say. Thank you for being here for me, and not just in the good times. Even when I’m falling apart.”

  “That’s what I’m here for, because in the end, we’re something special, aren’t we?”

  He manages a small laugh. “Yeah, we definitely are. The most screwed up couple I’ve ever witnessed.” He pulls me close and holds me. Instantly, I know that I’m going to be okay.

  “Please come with me into the wilderness. I know what it feels like to lose you now. I never want to feel like that again.” I mumble into his shoulder. He doesn’t answer for a few minutes.

  “Okay, I’ll go. I’m realizing how much I need you, and how much I think you need me. What happened to you? You’re thinner and you look like you’ve been sick.”

  “I was so worried when you didn’t show up. I’ve gone back every night but you never came. I haven’t been able to eat and I haven’t slept in forever. I haven’t left my bed in days.”

  “Oh, Willa, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to do that to you.” The pain in his voice kills me.

  “I know. Don’t worry, I’m not angry anymore.”

  “What happened to your ankle?”

  “I fell off the tree trying to get over The Wall.”

  “The dead tree? The one I climb over?” There seems to be some sick guilt eating away at him.

  I nod, “That’s the one.”

  “Is it broken?” He moves to examine it.

  “I’m not sure, but it hurts.” He runs his hand down it, holding it securely, and occasionally applying light pressure. I wince. He slowly rotates my foot around, his strong hands warm against my freezing ankle.

  “It’s not broken, just sprained, but it’s pretty bad.”

  I sigh, not broken is good.

  “I’m gonna take off your shoe before the swelling gets too bad.” He has to pull the laces out as far as they go to get my foot out. “What you need is to put ice on it, but we don’t have any here. Not until the snow starts.” He looks down like he’s ashamed.

  “That’s alright. It’s not your fault.” I put my hand gently on the side of his face and make him look at me, “Nathan,” I start, a little afraid to try and regain his affection, “do you still want to be with me?”

  He smiles gently and leans in to kiss me. I wrap my arms around his neck as happiness takes me over once again. I run my fingers through his thick, dark hair as he lifts a hand up to hold my face. His thumb traces my jaw line while his fingers get tangled in my dirty locks, though he doesn’t seem to notice. His kiss feels the same as the first time. Real and sure. He never stopped loving me, the same way I never stopped loving him. I can’t let him slip away again. I can’t go back to life without him.

  Just then, the door is pushed abruptly open. We break away quickly, looking up in surprise. His mother is standing in the doorway, staring at us in awkward shock.

  “Nathan, I want some answers now! What is going on?”

  Nate stands to meet her gaze but he seems to be at a loss for words. I stand and move to his side in encouragement. He looks at me and seems to feel better.

  “Okay, um… Mom, this is Willa. She’s my best friend and the love of my life.” He says without taking his eyes off me.

  Hearing him say that is music to my ears. We’re going to be together now; he’ll come away with me. Hope is all I feel. We can make this work.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Nathan

  Her stare is deadly, gazing into me as I hold my head high, pride intact. Willa clings to my arm to keep balance without the use of her ankle. My mother’s gaze quickly turns to Willa, the place I don’t want it to go. Willa is shaking, I’m not sure if that’s because of the horrible night she’s faced, my mother’s intense stare, or she’s just cold, but her shivering sends a rush of blood to my face. Her teeth start to chatter and her hand in mine is trembling so hard I have to hold it tighter to try and contain it. I can tell she doesn’t feel comfortable here which only makes me want to get her home even more. Seeing her like this is almost unbearable. She’s soaked from the waist down, her hands are like ice, her ankle’s swelling is getting worse, her face is pale, she’s so thin, and I can tell she hasn’t been sleeping by the dark circles under her eyes. Her physical appearance makes my heart heavy because I know I’m the one who did this to her.

  After a minute of my mother grinding her teeth and judging Willa, she finally spits at her, “Get out!”

  Willa flinches and takes a step back. I squeeze her hand, holding it tight to keep her in place.

  “Look, she can’t leave-” I try explaining.

  “I don’t care! I won’t have that mess of a young lady near my children.” She stares at Willa who is now standing behind me, quiet as a mouse. “Girl, I don’t know who you are but I want you out now!”

  She turns to the kitchen and I start after her but Willa holds me back, “It’s okay. I’ll leave. I didn’t want to barge in anyway and certainly when I’m not wanted.”

  “No! No, you are wanted here.” I force her to sit back down. “She’s like this all the time, alright? It’s not just you. And I know she’s still really hurting so I’m trying to cut her some slack. Just stay. I’ll take care of you here.”

  I see a smile sneak across her face but quickly fade when she hears the commotion coming from the kitchen between my parents. I turn my head towards the door to listen better. I sigh when I realize I’m going to have to explain this to them.

  I turn back to Willa and meet her eyes, keeping my voice smooth and my face calm, “I’d better go explain some things to them. Look, they’re not kicking you out, okay? You’re safe here. I’m gonna keep to the truth as much as possible without giving our secret away.”

  She nods slowly and looks down at her ankle. I jump up to find some clean clothes and a blanket. I find the warmest clothes I have and set them down next to her.

  “These will be huge on you but they’re warmer than what you have on. I’ll step out and give you some privacy. Try not to stand on your ankle and…” I try to think of further instructions for her. “Just don’t move. Stay right here until I come back.”

  She nods again, still shaking.

  “I’ll be back.” I say as I swing out the door, closing it behind me. I march to the kitchen where I find both my parents waiting for me. I glance into the girls’ room where they have the door cracked, sitting on the end of their bed, hoping to get a peek at the stranger I rushed to my room. They fling themselves to the front of the bed and pretend to be asleep when they see me.

  I stop in the doorway, not wanting to be any farther from Willa in the other room. I stick my hands in my pockets and glare at my mother who is watching the door behind me with hateful eyes.

  “She’s not following me because she’s not leaving.” I answer her unsaid question. Her eyes move back to me and she’s quiet, waiting for my father to start, I’m sure.

  After a while of silence, my father lifts his head from his hands and looks at me hard. “Who is she?” He asks flatly.

  “And I want a real answer!” My mother snaps.

  “I meant what I said back there. That was my real answer.”

  “Nathan! I want some answers that explain things. This might take a while so sit down.”

  I don’t move, standing my ground, “I can answer your questions standing up.”

  “Who is she?” My father asks again.

  “Her name is Willa. I told you that.”

&
nbsp; “Why is she here?”

  My brain races to think of an answer. “Well…I’m not exactly sure yet. You-”

  “What kind of a selfish, foolish girl barges in on a family in mourning-” My mother cuts in but I interrupt her just as fast.

  “You haven’t really given me a chance to talk to her!”

  “She said…she said you stopped going to see her. What did that mean?” My father’s voice is calmer then my mother’s.

  I didn’t think this through as well as I should have. My mind races again. “I’ve been visiting her after work. I stopped when Leila passed.”

  “Who is her family? Do we know them?” My mother crosses her arms.

  I laugh sarcastically. “No, probably not.”

  “How did she hurt herself so bad just by walking here?” They’re getting suspicions, I can tell.

  “Well…she’s very clumsy, accident prone. She lives pretty far from here.”

  “Nathan, would you just tell us what your intentions with her are?” My father’s face is pale and bitter. I don’t answer. Right now, running is the only bit of our future that we have planned. My intentions? Keep her alive.

  Their glare is intimidating. My mother speaks with a softer voice now. “You meant what you said about her in the bedroom?”

  “Yes. I did.”

  “You’ve never shown any interest in…finding a wife.” She chokes out the last part.

  I feel my stomach turn, my palms are sweaty and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. I’m silent, trying to take every bit of what she said into consideration.

  “Do you intend on making her your wife?” My father asks, interested. I know why he’s curious. I’ve always said that I’d never get married and my family have always supported that decision, but only because they don’t want me to leave them. They want me to work forever.

  “Look, I’m just trying to keep her from freezing at the moment.” I snap as I turn back for my room.

  “Would you tell us if you did?” My mother calls after me. I ignore her.

  They don’t understand; that’s not what’s happening here. Do I love Willa? Yes. Is marriage an option given our situation? Probably not. But would I marry her if I could? Good question. I’ve always been so opposed to marriage. That was before I met Willa, of course.

  I knock lightly on the door before entering. Willa has changed and is leaning against the wall. Sitting in the same place I left her, knees pulled up against her chest, her lips turning dark blue, her teeth chattering, and her hands pressed to her mouth.

  “Oh, Willa,” I whisper, covering her with blankets. “You’re freezing.”

  “I’m sorry.” She mutters as she pulls a blanket up to her neck.

  “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.”

  “I can’t feel my fingers.” She says, looking over her hands.

  I slide down the wall until I’m pressed close to her side. Taking both her hands and holding them tight in mine, I attempt to warm them with my own body heat. She shivers as she leans down and lays her head on my shoulder.

  “How’s that?” I ask, rubbing her ice cold hands in mine.

  “That’s nice.” Her voice is rough and faded. “What did you tell your parents?”

  “The truth, I just left some details out.”

  “Did they believe you? How did you pull it off?”

  I laugh faintly and shake my head. “I’m a good lair, Willa. I have to be around here. Everyone does.” I chuckle, trying to think of a good reason for the humor but my mind is elsewhere.

  Instead, I remain quiet, hoping she will fall asleep. I play with her fingers which are now turning back to their normal color, listening to the gentle rhythm of her breathing.

  “Yeah, I guess so.” She finally says with a sleepy voice. She doesn’t share my humor. She sighs and closes her eyes. I gently touch her cheek and then her forehead.

  “Willa, you’re burning up.”

  “Yeah, I feel like I’m running a bit of a fever.”

  “A bit? I’m going to get you some water.” I announce, jumping up. “Here, lay down.” I help her get comfortable, piling blankets on top of her.

  “Where are you going to sleep?”

  “That is the least of your problems. Just relax and sleep.”

  “You’re not leaving, are you? You’re going to stay here with me?”

  “I’ll still be here when you wake up. It’s gonna be a lot harder to get rid of me now.” I smile at her to calm her worries, “It’s going to be okay now, Willa. You’re going to be okay.”

  She smiles back but doesn’t reply. I think she’s already asleep. I gently kiss her forehead before pushing myself up off the floor and making for the bedroom door.

  My parents have gone to bed and the water I’ve been saving is mine for the taking. I pour a glass and return to the bedroom where I find her sound asleep for sure. I set the water on the floor by her and I sit down, facing her. I watch her for a long time, thinking about what I would do if she got worse. Leila dying from sickness isn’t helping my worries about Willa at all. My legs are stiff and numb from not moving for hours. Every now and then I reach over and check for a fever, and every time she’s on fire.

  I feel my eyelids getting heavy as the lack of sleep from the past three nights of mourning catch up with me. I force myself to stay awake but soon sleep wins the long battle.

  I wake up to the roars and cracks of thunder and lightning, but it’s not raining yet. My face is pressed against the floor and my cheek bone feels sore. I must have collapsed and face planted onto the floor…great.

  I suddenly remember my patient who was knocking on death’s door last night. I jump to my knees and swing around to face her. She’s still asleep and it looks like she’s thrown off all of the blankets I dumped on her, all except the coat I use every night that she gave me. I exhale deeply, relieved when I reach over to feel that she isn’t running a fever anymore. The swelling in her ankle has gone down too but I’m sure she still can’t walk on it. I sit up and watch her in relief until she wakes up.

  About fifteen minutes have passed before she starts to shuffle. I watch her eyes slowly open from the blare that the lightning causes, flashing the room. One moment, she’s still and down deep. And the next she’s returning from the dark, coming to the surface.

  She smiles at me instantly and says with a moan as she stretches, “I’m so happy that wasn’t a dream.”

  I laugh and nod, agreeing with her.

  “What time is it?”

  “Probably around seven. You can sleep longer if you want.”

  “No, I’m okay. I’m feeling better.” Her beautiful smile is soothing. She survived the night.

  “Good. I was worried when-” My head turns to the closed door. Hers follows. I hear whispering and movement coming from the other side. I want to smile when I realize what it is but I keep a blank face.

  “What is that?” Willa asks in a whisper. I turn to her and force myself to be serious.

  “I’m sorry, Willa, but I can’t keep them away anymore; they’re too strong.” Her face goes pale and fear floods her eyes. The amount of terror in her features breaks my act. I throw my head back and laugh. She quickly understands and reaches over to hit me.

  “That’s not funny, Nathan!” She smiles, still curious about who’s behind the door.

  “Yeah, I know. But seriously…I’ve got two little girls who are dying to see what I have stashed away in here… if you’re up for it.”

  “Are you kidding? Yes! I’d love to meet them.”

  “Alright,” I jump up and swing the door wide open.

  Gabby and Cinda are sitting on their knees with their ears to the door, jumping back when they realize they’ve been caught.

  “You’re not as sneaky as you think.” They smile up at me with innocent eyes, “Would you like to meet her like a normal person?” They both bounce up. Cinda enters the room without a thought of hesitation and scans it until she finds Willa. Gabby stays in the do
orway close to me, staring at Willa in amazement.

  Cinda wastes no time introducing herself, “Hi!” She greets happily.

  “Hello! You must be Cinda.”

  “Yes, I am. Who are you?” I roll my eyes and Willa laughs.

  “My name is Willa, nice to meet you.”

  Cinda smiles and sits down next to Willa. Gabby doesn’t budge from my side, though her gaze stays glued to Willa. I push her forward a bit but she jerks herself back, adamant to keep her distance. Cinda chatters on and on about who knows what and Willa seems completely interested.

  I lean down and whisper in Gabby’s ear when I’m sure Willa isn’t paying any attention, “Is Mom up yet?” She shakes her head, not looking away from Willa.

  Willa looks over at me and then Gabby. I push Gabby again and mumble under my breath, “Say something.” She takes a few cautious steps towards Willa, not taking her eyes off her.

  “Hi.” Willa says with a smile.

  Gabby remains mute, so I speak for her, “Willa, this is Gabby.”

  “Hi, Gabby.”

  Gabby is quiet a minute longer until finally, she says in a soft voice, “You’re very beautiful.”

  Willa smiles and blushes as Gabby turns on her heels and dashes out of the room.

  Cinda nods and adds her thoughts. “Yes, you are. You have very nice hair.”

  “Oh, thank you. That’s so sweet.”

  “It’s so light,” She remarks, “It almost looks yellow.”

  “Cinda,” I warn.

  Willa shakes out her head of tangled locks. Her hair falls gently around her face, and even while it’s frizzy and matted from last night’s journey and sleep, I have to catch my breath at her sudden and striking beauty. Her hair does look yellow in the dim light coming from the window, but not in a bad way, not a bright, obnoxious yellow, but soft. Like a lemon, I decide. I may have scolded Cinda for pointing it out the way she did, but I can’t really blame her. Girls don’t have blonde hair on our side. Boys don’t either. This is probably the first time she’s ever seen hair the shade Willa’s is. I swallow a new lump in my throat. While my mother may not have noticed this simple fact that makes Willa stand out so much last night, I have no doubt she’d notice this morning.