The Butterfly Room

by Lucinda Riley

  ‘Truly, Mum, I never meant to hurt Amy. I love her.’

  Posy ignored his remark and continued, ‘What I suggest is that I pay for you to go into one of those rehab centres, where they can help get your alcohol and anger issues under control. What I won’t do is subsidise you continuing to live like this. You won’t get another penny out of me, and without Amy’s salary coming in, I assume you would have to go on the dole, or whatever they call it these days. So, what is it to be?’

  Sam stared at her as though she was mad. ‘Mum, please, stop! I know what happened last night was wrong, but I don’t need to be sent to a bloody funny farm to dry out! I’m not drunk today, am I? Look at me! I’m fine.’

  ‘I’m sure you are, but when you drink you obviously have a tendency to become violent, Sam. You could have killed Amy last night if Freddie hadn’t arrived. You had your hands round her throat, for God’s sake!’

  ‘I honestly can’t remember, Mum.’

  ‘Which makes it all the more important you go and get help. Otherwise, you really could kill someone one day. Sam, you must accept how serious this is. Someone else saw what you did, and the A&E doctors too. You could even be charged with attempted murder, so Freddie said.’

  ‘And what does he know?’

  ‘He’s an ex-criminal barrister, Sam. He knows a lot, I’m afraid. Anyway,’ Posy stood up, ‘I can only advise you, offer you the help I think you need, but I’m not going to force you. Right, I must go.’ She began to walk towards the door.

  ‘Mum! Where are you going?’

  ‘To take Amy’s and the children’s things to them. Should I add an apology from you to that? I haven’t heard one from you so far.’

  ‘I . . . well of course I’m sorry, but—’

  ‘No “buts”, Sam. It’s about time you started taking responsibility for your actions. Give me a call when you’ve decided what you want to do. Goodnight.’

  Posy climbed into the car and slammed the door behind her. As she sat behind the wheel, she heard her breath coming in short, sharp bursts and saw that her hands were shaking. Sam was standing on the doorstep staring at her. Before he could jump in his car and follow her to Freddie’s, she started the engine and drove off.

  Chapter 36

  ‘You look done in, dear girl,’ Freddie said as he opened the door to Posy.

  ‘I am. Sorry to bother you yet again, but Amy and the children weren’t in the Hophouse and their clothes and toys are sitting on the doorstep.’

  ‘That’s because they’re in here with me. We’ve just finished supper.’

  ‘Right. Well, if you could tell Amy that I brought . . .’

  Posy swayed suddenly and for the second time that day, thought she might pass out.

  Freddie grabbed her arm and half carried her into the sitting room. ‘You stay there. I’ll get you a brandy and tell Jake and Sara their toys have arrived. That will send them running back to the Hophouse.’

  ‘Thank you. I can’t face them just now.’

  Freddie closed the door behind him and Posy looked round the wonderfully cosy room, the fire burning brightly in the grate, the lights of the Christmas tree twinkling in the window. Her heart began to slow down, her eyelids became heavy and by the time Freddie walked in with her brandy, she was almost asleep.

  ‘All clear. They’ve gone back to the Hophouse. There,’ he said. ‘Drink that.’

  ‘Actually, I can’t, because it would go straight to my head. I haven’t eaten a thing since breakfast.’

  ‘Then I’ll get you a bowl of my lamb hotpot – Amy and the children devoured it – and swap that brandy for a glass of white wine. Two ticks and I’ll be back.’

  It was such a very long time since anyone had looked after her – brought her a drink, cooked for her – that whilst she waited for Freddie, she felt very emotional.

  ‘There we go, dear Posy.’ Freddie placed a tray – which also contained a linen napkin and tiny salt and pepper pots – on her knee. He lifted the glass of wine from it and handed it to her. ‘I’ll go and clear up the kitchen. Nothing worse than being watched whilst one is trying to eat.’

  He’s so thoughtful, she thought again as she spooned up the hotpot, and so kind . . .

  When she’d finished, she carried the tray into the kitchen.

  ‘Feeling better?’ Freddie asked as he dried up a saucepan.

  ‘Much, thank you. That was delicious.’

  ‘Thank you. Mind you, don’t get too carried away. My wife always teased me that I only had two recipes – a barbecue in the summer and that hotpot in the winter! Shall we go and sit down?’

  Posy supposed she should go home, but it felt so warm and cosy here compared to the vast and chilly Admiral House that she agreed. Freddie stoked the fire and sat in the armchair opposite her, nursing a brandy.

  ‘How did it go with Sam?’

  ‘I really don’t know. I made him my offer – to pay for treatment for his alcohol addiction at a clinic – but he’s still in denial.’

  ‘Bullies always are, I’ve found. It’s always someone else’s fault, they did nothing, et cetera et cetera.’

  ‘That’s interesting. Sam was always telephoning me from school, complaining about how he’d fallen out with his friends. Anyway,’ she sighed, ‘would you mind if we didn’t talk about it any more? For tonight at least, Amy and the children are tucked up safely next door and I’ve done all I can. Thank you again, Freddie. You should have called me on my mobile last night. I would have taken Amy to A&E.’

  He looked at her quizzically. ‘Would you have answered it when you saw it was me?’

  ‘No, probably not.’ She gave him a small smile.

  ‘Then you’re still angry with me for telling you what really happened all those years ago?’

  ‘No, not angry. How could I be? I just needed some time to take it all in. Readjust the view of my father after over sixty years of placing him on a pedestal.’

  ‘If I hadn’t walked back into your life, you might never have known.’

  ‘And would that have been right? To go to my deathbed never knowing the truth? No, in retrospect, now I’ve calmed down, I’m glad you told me.’

  ‘You do understand why I had to leave you all those years ago?’

  ‘I do. I hardly think your mother would have been pleased with your choice of bride.’ Posy sighed. ‘The daughter of a man who murdered her husband.’

  ‘The husband who had betrayed her for years with your mother,’ Freddie added quietly. ‘You know, after I realised who you were, I remembered that you and I did meet once when we were much younger.’

  ‘Did we?’

  ‘Yes. I was about five and you were no more than three. Your parents came to stay with us and brought you. I remember waking up in the night and hearing the most almighty racket from my parents’ bedroom. My mother was crying hysterically and my father was trying to calm her. In retrospect, I reckon she had discovered something was going on between Father and your mother.’

  ‘Even I remember Uncle Ralph appearing at Admiral House regularly when Daddy was away. The affair must have gone on for years. And I recall Daisy, our maid, saying something about Maman wanting to get us away from the house for Christmas when we were both packed off to Granny’s. Were your parents still together when . . . it happened?’ she asked him.

  ‘By that time, I was away boarding at prep school, but yes, they still shared the same house, if not the same bed or conversation. The marriage was obviously over, but my mother was completely dependent on Father financially, as most women were in those days. Perhaps she had just accepted the situation because she had no other choice. And because,’ Freddie sighed, ‘she loved him. She was heartbroken when he . . . died. She never got over it, led the rest of her life as a widow, lonely and bitter. I remember telling you how miserable our Christmases were. New Year’s Eve in particular, as you can imagine.’

  ‘Oh, I can, yes,’ Posy agreed. ‘I wonder if my father knew before he . . . caught them togeth
er?’

  ‘We humans have an incredible capacity for ignoring things we don’t wish to see, Posy.’

  ‘You’re right. Look at me with my son. Daddy worshipped my mother. And if he didn’t know, to find them there, in his special butterfly room, in flagrante, I . . . well, I can understand why he did what he did, however wrong.’

  ‘Especially given he’d been risking his life flying Spitfires for the past five years. What that must have done to his state of mind, well,’ Freddie shuddered, ‘many never got over it.’

  ‘Still, it’s no excuse for cold-blooded murder.’

  ‘No, but it should have been taken into account at the trial. I don’t believe he should have been hanged and nor did many others.’

  ‘And what about you, Freddie? Did they tell you what had happened?’

  ‘Not at first, no. I just remember a knock at the door and two policemen appearing. I was told to go up to my room and few moments later, I heard my mother screaming. The police left and my mother came into my bedroom. She was hysterical, as well she might be. She ranted that my father was dead over and over again until our maid called the local doctor. He virtually dragged her from my bedroom and must have given her a sedative to calm her down. The next day I was back at school. Subsequently, my fellow pupils filled me in on all the gory details from the newspapers.’

  ‘Oh Freddie, I’m so very sorry. You were only ten. It must have been quite dreadful for you.’

  ‘In truth it was, but you hardly need to apologise, my dear Posy. It really was a case of the sins of our fathers,’ he smiled weakly. ‘And at least I knew the truth, however brutal, and had no choice but to come to terms with it. The most tragic part of it for me, was when I realised who you were. And that you didn’t know. I’d heard you talk about your father so often, and with so much love . . . I knew I couldn’t break your heart by telling you the truth.’

  ‘I wish you had.’

  ‘Do you, Posy? Well, perhaps it’s easy in retrospect to say that, but I doubt you would have been able to marry me once you knew. It would have been all too much. Wouldn’t it?’ Freddie prompted her.

  ‘Yes.’ Posy gave a deep sigh. ‘I was utterly heartbroken when you left me. I . . . hated you.’

  ‘I can understand why, but what else could I do?’

  ‘Nothing, I know that now. I decided then and there that true love was a fantasy and that I’d live my life alone as a spinster.’ Posy looked up at Freddie and gave him a sad smile. ‘And in fact, my wish almost came true. I’ve spent the vast majority of my adult life alone, apart from the twelve years I was with dear Jonny.’

  ‘How did you come to marry him, Posy? I mean, after telling him about me and breaking off your engagement?’

  ‘We met at a party Andrea threw a few months after you’d left me. Jonny was on leave – he’d finished his training – and was just about to be posted overseas. He asked how I was, whether you and I were still together, and I told him it hadn’t worked out. He invited me out for supper a week or so later and for want of anything else to do, I accepted. He was so very calm and kind to me, Freddie. He said he forgave me about you – that it was understandable given the amount of time he’d been away. Which it absolutely wasn’t – understandable, I mean.’ Posy blushed. ‘He asked me out again, and after grieving for you for months, it was a relief to at least smile at one of his stories. It felt comfortable to be with him, as it always had done, and he made me feel loved and wanted when I needed it, so when he asked me if I’d reconsider marrying him, I said yes. I wanted to get away from the memories of you, so I left my job at Kew Gardens, got married in rather a hurry, and went with Jonny to his first posting in Cyprus.’

  ‘And were you happy with him?’

  ‘Yes, I was. It was a good life,’ Posy reminisced. ‘I lived in some very interesting places, including Malaysia. Even though I wasn’t working any longer, the flora and fauna in the jungles was breathtaking.’ She smiled. ‘I was able to continue with my botanical drawings.’

  ‘Did you love him?’

  ‘I did. Not in the all-consuming, passionate way I felt about you, but I was certainly devastated when he died. He was a very good man, and a wonderful father to Sam. It was so terribly sad he never met Nick, or had a chance to enjoy life on civvy street at Admiral House, but as we’ve both learnt to our cost, life can be terribly cruel. I’ve learnt that one must do one’s best to seize the day.’

  ‘Yes, and talking of which . . .’ Freddie leant forward and reached for Posy’s hand, ‘can you forgive me, Posy?’

  ‘Goodness, Freddie, there’s nothing to forgive.’

  ‘Then can you . . . can we try again? I mean, you know now, so it seems to me that for the first time in our relationship, there’s nothing stopping us being together.’

  ‘No, there isn’t,’ Posy agreed.

  ‘Well?’

  ‘I . . . yes, we could certainly try. If you want to, that is.’ Posy could feel herself blushing.

  ‘I do, desperately. I love you, darling girl, and I always have. I don’t want to waste any more time than we already have. Who knows how long we have left? Surely we owe it to ourselves to take some happiness now whilst we can?’

  ‘Oh Freddie, you already know how complicated my family is and—’

  ‘All families are complicated, Posy, and better that than living a solitary, empty life. We both know how that feels, don’t we?’

  ‘We do, yes.’ Posy yawned suddenly, the stress of the day catching up with her.

  ‘You’re exhausted, dear girl. How about you stay here overnight?’

  She eyed him silently, and he chuckled.

  ‘Goodness, what do you think I am?’

  ‘I know exactly what you are, Mr Lennox,’ she replied as she gave him a wry smile. ‘And I remember rather enjoying it.’

  ‘Well now, for tonight at least, I have a perfectly comfortable guest room which you are welcome to use, and I promise your honour will not be compromised.’ He stood up and held out a hand. ‘I’ll take you up and show you the facilities.’

  ‘Thank you. I really am too weary to drive home.’

  Posy took Freddie’s hand and he led her up the stairs and onto a narrow landing. ‘There now, this is your room,’ he said, opening a door and switching on the light.

  ‘It’s utterly delightful,’ she said, taking in the restful colours and the smell of paint and new carpet as he shut the thick curtains. ‘And so warm.’

  ‘I’m glad you like it. Now, can I offer you a T-shirt of mine to wear in bed?’

  ‘That would be most kind,’ she agreed.

  ‘Back in a tick,’ he said as he left the room.

  Posy sat down on the bed, noticing how comfortable the mattress was compared to the old horsehair one on her own bed at home, and equally, how comfortable she felt here in Freddie’s home.

  ‘Could we really have a future together after all that’s happened?’ she whispered to herself. Well, there was nothing to stop them trying, and what did she have to lose? Posy experienced a tingle of what felt a little like happiness running through her.

  There was a polite tap on the door, before Freddie entered with a T-shirt and a mug.

  ‘I made you some cocoa, dear girl. It might help you sleep,’ he said as he put the mug down on the bedside table.

  ‘You are sweet, Freddie. Thank you.’

  ‘Well now, sleep well and pleasant dreams.’ He leant forwards, cupping her face in his hands and planting a light kiss on her lips. Then, as she didn’t move away, he kissed her again, properly, and as his arms wound round her body, Posy felt the heady feeling of arousal sweep over her.

  ‘I’d better be off before I misbehave,’ he smiled as he stood upright. ‘Goodnight.’

  ‘Goodnight, Freddie.’

  Posy switched off the light and lay in the comfortable bed, a hundred thoughts spinning around her head. It had been quite a day.

  ‘As Scarlett O’Hara once famously said, I will think about it tomorrow,�
�� she told herself as she settled down to sleep.

  Chapter 37

  ‘Hi,’ Tammy said tentatively as she opened the door to Nick’s shop. ‘Thought I’d pop in on my way home to see how you’re doing.’

  ‘I’m getting there, slowly,’ he smiled at her as he heaved a 1930s mirrored dressing table across the showroom.

  ‘That is heavenly, Nick. I wish I had enough money to buy it.’

  ‘Well, if I sell it at a good profit, I’m sure I can find a similar one for you.’

  ‘Have you decided when you’re going to open?’

  ‘I’m going to leave it until Clemmie has gone back to school after Christmas. She needs all I can give her just now.’

  ‘Of course she does.’

  A silence hung between them. Eventually, Nick walked over to her.

  ‘How have you been?’

  ‘Okay. Yes, okay. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.’

  ‘Right. And . . .?’

  Tammy looked at the hope in Nick’s eyes. ‘And . . . I thought I should meet Clemmie.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. No promises, Nick, but just to see how we get on.’

  ‘Okay. Well actually, I really need to go and see my mother, try to explain everything. She needs to know she has a granddaughter and what has happened to Evie before it’s too late. She was very fond of her.’

  ‘Yes, you must, Nick.’

  ‘I was thinking of going this Wednesday. So would it be possible for you to look after Clemmie for the day?’

  ‘I don’t know, Nick.’ Tammy frowned. ‘I’ll be at the shop. What will I do with her?’

  ‘I’m sure you’ll find something to keep her amused, Tam. If not, she can stay with Jane and Paul.’

  ‘Surely, if you’re going to Southwold, Clemmie will want to see her mother?’

  ‘Evie’s been taken into hospital in Ipswich. She’s very ill, I’m afraid. She has a kidney infection and they’re trying to stabilise her. I’ll obviously go to see her, but she doesn’t want Clemmie to visit just now.’