The Butterfly Room

by Lucinda Riley

  ‘I . . . okay. How bad is she? I mean—’

  ‘Is this it?’ Nick said the words for her. ‘Who knows? She may well pull through this, but sadly, it’s only a matter of time until she doesn’t.’

  ‘God, Nick, it’s so dreadful. I just can’t imagine how she must feel. And of course I’ll look after Clemmie,’ Tammy agreed.

  ‘Thank you.’ Nick gave her a tight hug. ‘Right, I’ll go and ring Mum and then I’d better be off to collect Clemmie from Jane and Paul’s. She’s been out on a photo shoot with Jane today. She was very excited – it’s a video for some boy band’s latest single. I’d never heard of them, but she has.’

  ‘Blimey.’ Tammy rolled her eyes. ‘Being at the boutique will be a bit of a comedown.’

  ‘I’m sure it won’t. I’ll see you on Wednesday, then.’

  ‘Okay. Bye, Nick.’

  Tammy kissed him, then left the shop. Climbing into her car outside, she sighed heavily. ‘What have I got myself into?’ she asked herself as she turned on the engine and headed for home. Committing to Nick had been one thing, but being presented with his child was another. She didn’t know whether she had a maternal bone in her body.

  ‘What if she doesn’t like me?’ Tammy bit her lip as she sat at a set of traffic lights. ‘What will I do then? Besides, I have my business, and I can never replace her real mum, and . . .’

  Arriving in front of her house, Tammy parked, then opened the front door. She poured herself a large glass of white wine from the fridge and took a hefty slug. There was no point in panicking about it. She would just have to see how Wednesday went.

  ‘Hi, Tam, here we are.’

  Nick walked into the boutique holding Clemmie’s hand.

  ‘Hello, Nick – hi, Clemmie.’ Tammy smiled down at the little girl and received a shy smile in return.

  ‘Hi, Tammy.’

  ‘I hope you’re going to help me out today.’

  ‘I’ll try,’ Clemmie said, ‘but I’ve never worked in a shop before.’

  ‘Right then, I’ll be off. I’ll give you a call when I’m leaving but I should be back by six.’

  ‘No problem, Nick. Send my love to your mum,’ said Tammy.

  ‘Will do. Bye, Clemmie.’ Nick kissed his daughter on the top of her silky head. ‘Be a good girl.’

  ‘I will. Bye, Daddy,’ she said as Nick gave her a wave and left.

  ‘And who do we have here?’ Meena appeared from the office and bustled across the shop towards them.

  ‘I’m Clemmie. It’s nice to meet you.’

  ‘And I am Meena. What beautiful manners you have, Clemmie. Now then, how do you feel about coming downstairs with me and making a necklace for your mummy for Christmas? I have many different coloured beads, and you can choose which ones she would like.’

  ‘I’d love to, thank you.’

  Tammy watched them go downstairs and sighed. Meena was a natural with children, having had so many of her own, whereas she, well, she didn’t know where to start.

  Thankfully, the boutique was busy and Tammy was kept occupied with customers all morning. With the party season about to arrive, she sold more stock in one morning than ever before.

  Meena and Clemmie appeared upstairs at lunchtime. ‘We are going out to the deli. Anything you would like, Tammy?’

  ‘My usual salad would be great, thanks. And a Coke. I need the caffeine,’ she said as she watched Clemmie wandering along the rails of clothes.

  ‘Your dresses are so beautiful, Tammy,’ she breathed.

  ‘Thank you, Clemmie. I . . . well, I will see you when you’re back.’

  Tammy turned away and walked into the office, kicking herself for sounding so insincere. She was the adult, yet she felt completely tongue-tied, her head emptying of anything to say to Clemmie.

  The two of them were back ten minutes later with lunch, and they all took the food into the back office and sat down to eat.

  ‘I love Coke, but my mum doesn’t let me have it. She says it rots your teeth,’ said Clemmie as Tammy took a sip from her can.

  ‘Your mum is right, it does,’ Tammy agreed.

  ‘Well, your teeth look perfect, Tammy,’ Clemmie said, eyeing the can.

  ‘Would you like some? A small amount won’t hurt, I’m sure.’

  ‘Yes please, but don’t tell Daddy or he might be cross.’

  ‘I won’t, promise,’ Tammy said as she poured some into a glass. The bell tinkled to inform them a customer had just come in.

  ‘I’ll go,’ said Meena. ‘You two eat your lunch.’

  ‘Meena’s so nice,’ said Clemmie. ‘She said she’ll make me a curry next time I come. I love curries, but I’ve only ever had them from a takeaway, not from a home.’

  ‘Prepare to have your head blown off, then. She makes them very spicy.’ Tammy smiled, and Clemmie giggled.

  ‘Daddy said you were a model before you had a shop.’

  ‘I was, yes.’

  ‘You have beautiful hair, Tammy. I wish I had hair like yours. Mine’s boring.’

  ‘No it isn’t. It’s thick and shiny and straight, which is what I’ve always wanted.’

  ‘I bet you had your hair done loads of times when you were a model.’

  ‘I did, yes, and I hated it.’

  ‘Did you enjoy being a model though?’

  ‘Bits of it, yes. I liked travelling and seeing new places and some of the clothes I got to wear were gorgeous, but it’s actually really hard work.’

  ‘I thought models married princes.’ Clemmie took a sip of her Coke, then looked at Tammy apprehensively. ‘So why are you with Daddy?’

  ‘Because I love him,’ she shrugged.

  ‘I love him too. I didn’t know whether I would when Mummy told me about him, but I’m really glad he’s my dad now. Have you met Posy?’

  ‘Yes, once. I really liked her. Do you?’

  ‘A lot. She’s very young for an old person.’ Clemmie took a bite of her baguette. ‘Did you know she’s my granny for real?’

  ‘I did, yes.’

  ‘Daddy’s gone to tell her about me today. I wonder what she’ll say.’

  ‘I am absolutely sure she will be thrilled. Your mum and her used to be very good friends, so your Daddy told me.’

  ‘I know. Daddy said I have cousins and an aunt and uncle too. I’ve never had a family before. It was just me and Mummy.’

  Clemmie gave a long sigh and her eyes filled with sadness. Instinctively, Tammy reached for the small hand and took it in hers. ‘And they, and Daddy, will all be there for you.’

  ‘I think she might die quite soon, Tammy. I heard Daddy speaking on his mobile to the doctor. I hope I can see her before she does. I want . . .’ Clemmie bit her lip as tears filled her eyes, ‘I want to say goodbye.’

  ‘Of course you do. Come here.’ Tammy reached for Clemmie and sat her on her knee. She stroked her dark hair gently, feeling a lump lodged in her own throat. ‘You know what, Clemmie? I think you are about the bravest person I’ve ever met.’

  ‘No, Mummy’s the bravest.’

  ‘Well I haven’t met her, but if I had, I’m sure she would say you were too.’

  ‘It’s quite hard to be brave sometimes, but I’m trying for her.’

  ‘She must be so proud of you, Clemmie. I would be if you were my daughter.’

  ‘Well, I will be your daughter when you marry Daddy, won’t I?’

  ‘I . . . yes, and I’ll be the proudest stepmum ever, promise,’ Tammy said, gulping back tears and realising she meant it. ‘I know I can never be your real mummy, but I so hope we can be friends.’

  ‘Yes.’ Clemmie took one of Tammy’s hands in hers and looked at her fingernails. ‘I really like that colour, Tammy. Can I paint mine the same?’

  ‘Course you can. I have the nail varnish in my handbag.’ Tammy pointed to it. ‘Can you get it out? I’ll paint them for you now.’

  ‘But you have customers.’

  ‘Meena’s looking after them. Close the door
and I’ll tell Meena we’re in a meeting.’

  She winked at Clemmie conspiratorially as the child climbed off her knee to reach the handbag and then, with a grin, pushed the door closed.

  ‘Hi, Mum, how are you?’ asked Nick as he walked into the kitchen at Admiral House.

  ‘Nick, darling boy! How are you?’ Posy asked as she put down the wooden spoon she’d been stirring soup with and walked over to embrace her son.

  ‘Yes, I’m okay, Mum, I just . . . needed to talk to you, that’s all.’

  Posy saw the serious expression on her son’s face. ‘Should I open the bottle of wine that’s sitting in the fridge?’

  ‘I’ll open it, though it’ll just be a small one for me. I’m driving back to London later.’

  ‘Really? I was hoping you might stay for the night.’

  ‘I’m afraid I can’t,’ said Nick as he pulled the bottle of wine from the fridge.

  ‘Is Tammy expecting you?’

  ‘Yes. Mum, shall we sit down?’ Nick brought the bottle to the table and poured it into the two glasses Posy had already set for lunch.

  ‘Right, well, you go first, because I have some things to fill you in on too,’ said Posy. ‘Where have you been for the past couple of weeks, Nick? You weren’t answering your mobile.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Mum. I should have said where I was, but . . . unfortunately I had other things on my mind. Are you all right?’

  ‘Yes, I am now, but I’ll save mine for later. Tell me about what’s happened to you, Nick.’ Posy took a sip of wine to steady her nerves. She only hoped it wasn’t more bad news – she wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

  ‘You remember Evie Newman?’

  ‘Of course I do, Nick. You know how fond of her I was. She’s moved back here and I took her daughter out once – such a sweet little thing – but Evie doesn’t seem inclined to be friendly.’

  ‘No, well, I hope that after what I’ve told you, you’ll understand why, Mum.’ Nick took a gulp of his wine and did his best to gently explain what had happened.

  ‘Right.’ Posy’s brain was struggling to compute what Nick had told her. ‘Goodness.’ She looked up at Nick. ‘Are you trying to tell me that Clemmie is your daughter?’

  ‘I am, Mum, yes.’

  ‘Which means that she’s my granddaughter?’

  ‘Yes, she is.’

  ‘I . . . How long have you known?’

  ‘Only since I came back here to England.’

  ‘Is that why you came home?’

  ‘No, it was pure coincidence. Evie had written to me in Australia – she’d found me through my business – but then you told her I was home, so she dropped in that letter for me to the gallery, asking me to contact her.’

  ‘I see, I think. But why now, Nick?’ Posy frowned. ‘Why did she wait ten years to tell you?’

  ‘Mum, I’m afraid this is where it gets painful. The reason she contacted me is because she’s very, very sick. She has leukaemia, and there’s a very good chance she won’t make it until Christmas. I’m so sorry, Mum; I know how fond you were of her.’ Nick reached a hand across the table towards his mother and took hers in his.

  ‘Oh dear, oh dear, such a beautiful little thing, and so young . . .’ Posy dug for a handkerchief in her pocket and blew her nose. ‘When I’m sitting here at almost seventy, as hale and hearty as you like. Life is just so damned unfair! Mind you, I should have known something was up. She looked utterly terrible when I called round to take Clemmie out.’

  ‘I know, Mum, it’s completely tragic.’

  Mother and son sat together in silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts.

  ‘So, Evie contacted you because of Clemmie,’ Posy said eventually. ‘Because you are her father.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And of course Evie has no other family . . . she herself was orphaned young. How is Clemmie?’

  ‘Amazing under the circumstances, but that’s partly to do with the way that Evie has handled it. She’s been so brave. They both have.’

  ‘And do you and Clemmie get on?’

  ‘We more than get on, Mum. I was so nervous to meet her, but from the start it felt completely natural, as if we’d always known each other. I know I can never replace Evie and I’m not even going to try, but I’ll be there for her every step of the way.’

  ‘And what about Tammy? How does she feel about the situation?’

  ‘I’m afraid I didn’t handle that very well at all,’ Nick shrugged. ‘I was so scared of losing Tammy that I didn’t know how to tell her about Clemmie, so I just cut and ran. It was only because of Jane and Paul getting us together that I ended up telling her the truth. She’s been fantastic about it and in fact, she’s looking after Clemmie at the moment. It’s weird, Mum, I’ve been by myself for over ten years – longer if you count the time I was in love with Evie – and suddenly I seem to have got myself a family.’

  ‘Both Clemmie and Tammy are very special, Nick. I hope you count yourself lucky.’

  ‘Oh, I do. Tammy was very nervous about spending time with Clemmie today. I just hope it all goes well.’

  ‘I’m sure it will. It shows just how much she loves you, Nick.’

  ‘I know, and I swear I’m going to do everything I can to show her how grateful I am.’

  ‘Do you love her? Seeing Evie again must have stirred up a lot of feelings.’

  ‘Yes, it did – does – but I think I put her on a metaphorical pedestal. What I feel for Tammy is very different. It feels –’ Nick searched for the right word – ‘real. She feels real.’

  ‘And Evie? Who is caring for her, Nick?’

  ‘She’s in hospital at the moment, in Ipswich. But when she’s at home, there’s a round-the-clock nurse with her.’

  ‘I only wish I’d known – I could have helped – but she made it very clear to me that she didn’t want to see me.’

  ‘She was embarrassed and ashamed at what she’d done, Mum, but now that you know, I’m sure she’ll be happy that you can officially play a role in Clemmie’s life.’

  ‘Absolutely, Nick. Well, please assure her that I’ll be there for Clemmie. Now.’ Posy cleared her throat and stood up. ‘I think we should both have something to eat. Soup?’

  ‘Lovely, Mum.’

  Posy filled two bowls and added some warm bread from the Aga.

  ‘So,’ Nick asked, ‘what’s been going on here?’

  ‘A lot, I’m afraid, and some of it not good.’

  ‘Sam?’ Nick took an educated guess.

  ‘Yes,’ she replied as she sat down. ‘Let’s eat first before the soup gets cold. It doesn’t make pleasant listening.’

  Over coffee afterwards, Posy filled Nick in on the aborted sale of Admiral House.

  ‘I’m sorry to say, but it’s bloody typical of him. So will the police charge him?’

  ‘If he’ll testify against this Ken Noakes, which I’m sure he will, he’ll probably get off with a caution. But I’m afraid that there’s something else, Nick, something far more serious.’

  With a heavy heart, Posy told Nick about his brother’s abuse of his wife.

  ‘And he’s still refusing to go to a clinic to sort out his problem. He doesn’t believe he has one.’

  ‘Well, he does, Mum,’ Nick said firmly. ‘I could have told you about it years ago. He bullied me for most of my childhood.’

  Nick watched his mother’s face drain of colour.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Mum. Hearing this must make you feel dreadful, but you need to know that what happened to Amy isn’t a one-off. I know he also bullied other boys at school, but somehow, he always managed to wriggle out of punishment.’

  ‘Nick, I don’t know what to say. Did he hurt you badly?’

  ‘All brothers fight, but you know I wasn’t the aggressive type, so I didn’t want to fight back. Anyway, it all stopped when I got to thirteen and grew taller and stronger than him. I’m afraid I landed some punches he’ll never forget. He left me alone after that.�
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  ‘I should have seen . . . Why didn’t you tell me, Nick?’

  ‘I was too scared of retribution. That’s how bullies get away with it. Amy should press charges. Sam certainly deserves it, that’s for sure. Are you all right, Mum?’

  ‘To be honest, no. How could I be? I mean, when you were growing up I sometimes worried that Sam’s unruliness was the result of him losing his father so young, but I never believed him capable of such malice. And knowing that you spent your childhood in fear of your brother? It all makes me feel like a terrible mother. I should have recognised the signs and protected you, Nick, and I failed to do so.’

  ‘Seriously, my life was never in danger and you were – are – a wonderful mother and grandmother.’

  ‘Goodness!’ Posy reached for her hanky again. ‘What a few weeks this has been, one way and another. Anyway, I won’t sit here feeling sorry for myself – Evie’s situation puts everything into context, doesn’t it? I can only say how sorry I am that I didn’t realise what Sam was doing to you.’

  ‘Listen, Mum,’ said Nick, ‘why don’t you leave Sam to me? I’m going to pay him a visit on my way to the hospital. Help persuade him he needs to go to rehab.’

  Posy eyed him. ‘That sounds ominous. You won’t hurt him, will you?’

  ‘God, Mum, of course I won’t! He’s far more likely to hurt me. You’ve done enough. Let me handle this.’

  ‘Thank you, Nick. Please tell him it’s for his own good.’

  ‘I will. Right, I’d better be on my way.’ Nick stood up. ‘I was thinking that perhaps I’d bring Clemmie up to stay here at Admiral House for a while, if you don’t mind. That way, we’re closer to the hospital in case anything happens.’

  ‘I’d love that, Nick, of course. But what about your work?’

  ‘All on hold until the new year. For once I’m getting my priorities in order,’ he smiled.

  ‘Well, I’m happy to be here for Clemmie as much as she needs me. And Evie too. Please send her all my love, won’t you?’

  ‘Of course I will, Mum. And when we have more time, we need to talk about Admiral House.’

  ‘Yes, we do. I’m certainly back to square one with it, but that’s the least of your worries at the moment. And just to end on something positive, Nick. I . . . have someone I’d like you to meet,’ she said as she walked him to the back door.