Breathe Again

by Rachel Brookes

  “I’ll tell you why you have absolutely no part in my life, not even a minuscule part. It’s because within a week you have gone from fucking up my life to now affecting the lives of the two people who mean the most of me—my girlfriend and my unborn child. I have a girl who has finally healed all of the fucked-up hurt you put on me and now she is hurting because of you. And I have an unborn child I would die for but now I am so petrified of screwing up because of you.” My eyes ran over his face to memorize the monster I didn’t want to become. His blue eyes were void of any emotion or life. “Actually, come to think about it, I do have something to thank you for. Thank you for showing me the kind of man I never want to become. Thank you for screwing up so much that I will never inflict that on the people I love, and thank you for showing me everything I don’t ever want to be. Now get the fuck out of my bar and my life before I call the cops.”

  I didn’t wait for him to respond. “Blake, you and I are celebrating. Let’s go.” Making my way through the bar, I jumped at the sound of the entrance door slamming as my father left. Finally, he’d gotten the point.

  “What are we celebrating?” Blake asked nervously.

  I smiled at him as best I could. “Freedom.”

  SAVANNAH WALKED through the doors and anxiously looked around the bar. Friday nights were always busy and tonight wasn’t any exception. I watched her from across the bar before I moved towards her. I just wanted to enjoy her innocence. Her head darted around the bar as she tried to find me. Her eyes connected with mine and a smile filled her face. I put the empty glass I had just collected on the bar and strolled through the people towards her.

  “Hey, Sav.”

  “What’s going on, Tate?” she asked anxiously, grabbing my hands and pulling me close. I had asked everyone to come down to the bar tonight. Tonight was the first day of my new life. “Is everything okay?”

  “Everything is perfect, Sav. You are perfect. This little one is perfect,” I cooed, placing my hands on her eight-months-pregnant belly. “Can we talk?”

  “Of course.”

  After I laced my fingers with hers, we moved through the bar towards my office. I halted as Sav stopped dead in her tracks. I shifted around and followed her gaze to the table where Jack, Tanzi, Blake, and Lucas were sitting. Tanzi was sitting on Jack’s lap and Blake was laughing at something Lucas had said. Her eyes darted between the table and me as a questioning look flooded her face.

  “That’s what I need to talk to you about.” I tugged on her hand and we made our way into my office. I closed the door behind us. Sav stood before me and I finally got to take in the sight before me. She looked stunning, absolutely glowing. The dress she was wearing hugged all of her curves, and Jellybean was on full display. She was so proud of showing off her baby bump. Her hair was swept into a low braid that hung over her shoulder and she had no makeup.

  “Today I faced my father.” Sav’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak. “Let me speak, Sav.”

  Walking towards my desk, I sat on the edge and pulled Sav between my open legs, flush against my body. My hands rested on her lower back before trailing down and cupping her perfectly inviting ass. My eyes roamed her face, taking in her invitingly pouty lips that were covered in a sheen of gloss and her wide, green eyes that were looking at me with question and anticipation. Fuck, I was a lucky bastard.

  An air dense with need, want, and anxiety thickened and shifted around us the longer our eyes hunted each other’s. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders and my eyes closed as her fingernails raked through my hair. The sounds of the bar beyond the closed door flitted into the office, but all I heard was the broken breathing coming from Sav.

  “I love you so fucking much, Savannah.”

  A tormented sigh escaped her mouth as my lips crashed on hers, forcefully taking the air from her chest. Softly my tongue ran the length of her bottom lip, sweeping, tasting, and caressing her sensitive flesh. As I pulled her lip between my teeth and nibbled the flesh I wanted to devour, a moan rose from Sav and her hands gripped my hair tighter, pulling me desperately closer to her and deepening our kiss. Our tongues swept each other’s mouths, claiming the loss the past week had given us, a week where our affection had been a kiss on the cheek here and there, a week I would never ever let us experience again.

  “Do I have you back?” Sav hesitated against my lips, her breath dancing with mine as she spoke. Dropping my forehead against hers I drank her in. “I need you here Tate.”

  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I’ve said goodbye to my past today, Sav, and that means I told my father I couldn’t have him in my life in any way. I want my relationships with people in my life to be positive. I am going to try with Blake. He is my brother, Sav, so I need to try.” I cupped her face with my hands and looked at her with a smirk begging to show. “You are my life now, this baby is my life, and your incredibly distracting new set of boobs are my life.”

  “Well I won’t have these distracting boobs for much longer once Jellybean arrives,” Sav scoffed and squarely slapped my chest.

  “I’ll always have the memories. Memories like those are burned into my brain. I have a month to do some serious motorboating on those bad boys.” I kissed her lips lightly and groaned as another slap ricocheted off my chest.

  She wrapped her arms around my waist and dropped her head to rest of my chest, just above my racing heart. Complete silence surrounded us. Everything about today, the last week, all boiled down to this moment. Every fear I had, every thought that consumed me, and everything regret that swallowed me—it all boiled down to this. Finally I could smile at the thought of the future.

  “I finally feel like I’m going to be the best dad in the world, Sav,” I whispered into her hair.

  She lifted her head from my chest and her entire face smiled at me. “I’ve known since day one.”

  Savannah

  MY BODY felt stretched to full capacity, like at any moment my insides were going to explode through my tightly pulled skin. Graphic, I know, but that’s how I felt as the full term of my pregnancy had come and gone. This wasn’t fun anymore. Sleep evaded me for what felt like days, and every time Jellybean decided to move, a wave of nausea rolled over me, which had resulted in the doctor now watching me like a hawk for fear of dehydration. And with this news, Tate had gone all protective and refused to leave my side. I had to force him out of the apartment to go to work most days, and then the hundred or so text messages would begin. To say he was invested in this pregnancy was an understatement.

  All I wanted was to meet my baby. The date was marked on the calendar, circled with thick red sharpie. Today was the last day I was being allowed to go naturally before the doctor would order me to have a Caesarean. I woke today hoping that it was the first day of the rest of my life.

  “Sav, where are you?” Mr. Davenport’s voice echoed from the front door. I popped my head out from around the door of the bedroom and smiled as I gazed at him. He held a bunch of flowers, his eyes darting around the empty apartment in search of me. I stepped out into view and his eyes lit up when he saw me. “Well look at you!”

  “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work?” I moved towards him and instantly wrapped my arms around him.

  We walked towards the couch and I lowered myself on, wincing as a shot of pain roared through me. It had been happening all morning, but I’d kept it to myself. No need to worry protective father to be.

  Mr. Davenport sat with me for an hour, his hand constantly on my stomach, waiting for Jellybean to kick. “How are you feeling? Is my grandbaby behaving?”

  “I’m nervous,” I admitted, resting my hand on my stomach as a torrent of butterflies swarmed within me.

  “You’ll be spectacular.” He genuinely smiled at me as I fidgeted with the loose-fitting top that was stretched to capacity over my stomach. “How’s Tate faring?”

  Shaking my head, I laughed softly. Amazing wasn’t even the word that could explain how Tate had been over the p
ast few months. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner. He was there at two a.m. when I wanted peanut butter and banana sandwiches, he was the one who sat with me in the bath when my body was aching, and he was the one who held me as we both spoke of our fears. But mostly he was the one who made me feel completely and utterly loved.

  “He has been incredible. I think he is more excited than I am. He even got a little jumpsuit made up with the Red Velvet logo on it.” Suddenly my phone vibrated on the table in front of me. Leaning down, I picked it up and looked at the screen. “Speak of the devil.”

  Hey baby momma, I’ll bring you avocado and chicken sandwich home for lunch. How’s my little one doing? Causing mommy grief?

  “I never thought I’d admit this, and don’t go around telling people, but I am definitely Team Tate. You have a good man there.” He stood from the couch while I was left sitting there completely flabbergasted. “Shut your mouth, woman. You’ll catch flies.”

  I put my hands behind me and slowly levered myself off the couch while Mr. Davenport stood above and looked at me amusingly. Bastard. I’d known there was a reason I didn’t sit on the couch anymore. My amazing couch which I couldn’t enjoy anymore because I would sink so far into it that I would have to be pulled out of it. Tate had found this hilarious time and time again. I’d called him an arsehole and refused to sit with him, sitting instead on the floor.

  “You make sure you have Tate call me as soon as there is any news. I want to be pacing that hospital corridor like the excited grandfather I am.”

  Just hearing him say those words turned on the waterworks and tears spilled down my cheeks. My emotions were a mess. I didn’t say a word. I just leaned into Mr. Davenport’s chest and sobbed as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. Just us. His arms had provided me with so much comfort over the years, and now that I was about to turn over to the next chapter in the book of Savannah, there was nowhere I would rather be.

  “I love you.” I sobbed.

  “I love you too. You are my girl, Savannah.”

  DURING MY tenth waddle around the apartment, which seemed like the only plausible means of settling the dull ache that had come on after Mr. Davenport had left, I felt a sudden and brutally intense pressure ricocheting through my body. I grasped on to the kitchen bench, my eyes slamming shut and my breath hitching as I leaned over, desperate to find relief. Then out of nowhere there was an instant release and whoosh. My legs spread instantaneously, and soon enough, my thighs were coated in a warm liquid as my body contracted in the middle of the kitchen.

  I stared at the puddle beneath my feet with wide eyes, and a sense of panic ran through my body, which was followed by fear, excitement, and exhilaration. It was eight p.m. and I was at home alone, as Tate worked the close shift at Red Velvet. I’d known my child would be a night owl, and Jellybean had just proved my point. I stood in the kitchen looking at the mess on the floor as realization hit. I was officially on my way to becoming a mum. A mum. My first instinct was the clean the mess, so I grabbed the mop and cleaned up as my mind ran crazily out of control. A mum.

  Jellybean was ready to meet us. After nine months of falling in love with this little person, I could now be only hours from holding him or her in my arms. Savannah Rae, a mother, having the responsibility of this little person.

  My confusion increased as I stood in the kitchen and looked down at my stomach. Wasn’t I meant to be feeling different? Like, wasn’t I meant to be huddled over, grasping on to the bench as pain ripped through me?

  I stumbled through the apartment in an oblivious state and searched for my phone, anxious to call the hospital to find out what the hell was happening. All those visits and information I had desperately crammed into my head from the pre-birth class had vanished from my mind.

  After speaking with a midwife and finding out that everything seemed to be okay, I felt a little more relaxed, but still, I needed Tate here. A sense of calm would sweep through my body but then, boom, panic would set it.

  His panicked voice boomed down the phone when he picked up. “Sav what’s wrong?”

  “My waters broke.” I sighed into the phone. “We are going to become parents.”

  “What! Okay. I am leaving now. I will be there in ten minutes.” His astonished voice filled my ears and instantly I felt comforted. “I’ll be home soon.”

  Holding my phone close to my chest, I smiled at Tate’s words. He loved me, we had a home, and now we were going to be having a baby. I was about to give birth. Both Jack and Lucas loved teasing me, reminding me daily that giving birth would be like trying to fit a watermelon through a pinhole. Seriously, I had freaking arseholes as family.

  I walked through the apartment towards the bedroom, where I lay down as my mind went crazy. It all came down to this. Tate and I were prepared. We had everything organized and waiting for our little one to arrive. My heart was ready to meet my next great love.

  I gasped as the door suddenly flew open and Tate’s panicked face looked over me. He took a seat beside me, frantically grabbing my hands and lifting them to his lips, kissing each knuckle.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “Did you break every traffic law getting here?”

  “There is no time to think of traffic laws, Sav. I have to get you to the hospital. Have you called the hospital? What did they say? What do I need to do?” His panicked voice rang through the room.

  “You need to lie down on this bed with me and let me look at you. I am all right. The midwife told me to come in when the contractions start. I am only having little ones at the moment.”

  “We are about to have a baby, Sav,” he sang. He climbed on the bed beside me, rolling to his side and watching me. A look of panic yet calm filtered over his perfect face.

  I lifted my feet up and rested them over his to ease the stab of pain that had shot through me. “We should probably call your mum and Mr. D. I know Tanzi, Jack, and Lucas will want to know,” I rambled, squeezing my eyes shut as the pain rushed through me and then eased.

  “Let it just be us three right now. I just need you and Jellybean.”

  We stared at each other in complete silence, the only sound coming from our excited breathing. With our eyes, we read each other and spoke our feelings without words. My love for the man lying beside me was immeasurable by words, and for some crazy reason he loved me just as much.

  Never in a hundred years had I ever thought I would be here with the man who had saved me from myself and about to have his child. The universe had thrown me curveballs, but it all lead to this very moment, a moment where the heartache of losing my parents was slowly being repaired by this man. No, I didn’t have my parents here with me, but I knew they were in my heart. They were protected away from the world and they were mine. I was one of the lucky ones. After years of feeling sorry for myself, I had come to realize just how lucky I was. I had had the opportunity to live with two families—my parents and now my current family. My heartache was nothing compared to others and I had to remember that. I had to live for my present and future, not for my past.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. My hands rose to his face, cupping his cheeks, and my thumb grazed his bottom lip. His eyes softened but didn’t leave mine. The blueness I wished our baby would inherit glistened in front of me.

  “What are you thanking me for?” he whispered back.

  “For everything. You gave me a reason to love again, Tate Connors. I love you more than I could ever express to you and there is no one else in this world for me. Forever you will be my heart. Will you mar— Holy shit!” I groaned, my hands dropping from his face to clutch my stomach as a pain I had never experienced ripped through me. Tears came to my eyes and my teeth clamped shut.

  Tate shot off the bed, clasping my hand and pulling me up. I fell against his chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

  “I am taking you to the hospital.” He ran to the room that was going to be Jellybean’s room and fetched my hospital bag before running b
ack into the bedroom. I had never seen him this frantic.

  Grabbing his hand, I pulled him to a stop. “We are about to meet our baby, Tate.”

  Tate

  “TATE, I am so tired,” Sav whispered as she tucked her head deep into my shoulder. I felt the wetness of her fresh tears dance over my skin as her emotions and exhaustion took their tolls. We had gotten to the hospital in record time. I was sure that I had broken numerous laws getting her here, but all I could focus on was her and our baby. Jellybean.

  Pushing a strand of her sweaty, matted hair from her cheek, I kissed her forehead softly. Her eyes were tired, her face showing signs of fatigue and her body about ready to give in. This had been hell. Ten hours of hell. I hated that I couldn’t do a damn thing to take away her pain. Watching her squirm, cry, moan, and scream had caused my heart to twist time and time again.

  “Baby, we are almost there. We will see Jellybean really soon. You are doing so well.” I kissed her lips tenderly before pulling away and taking a close look at her. Even in the middle of labor with a person trying to rip itself out of her, she was still the most beautiful girl in the world.

  There was something so unique and life changing about watching the one person who was your universe attempt to give you the most precious gift. This woman lying before me in all of her pregnant glory was about to give me a child. We were about to share blood.

  “Can you go and make sure Mr. Davenport is here?” Her eyes begged me. “I need him to be here.”

  I nodded at Savannah before shooting a questioning look at the midwife. “You have time,” she said, confirming my unasked question.

  After I rushed out of the room like a windstorm, my eyes darted around the sterile-smelling hallway as nurses and doctors hurried around me. The light above shone brightly, causing my eyes to squint under its annoying glare. I took off down the hall almost colliding with a lady wheeling the food cart and crashed through the door of the waiting area. My heart stopped when I found my family. Everyone was here; Tanzi, Jack, Lucas, Ali, Blake, Mr. Davenport, and mom.