Breathe Again

by Rachel Brookes

  “I love you,” Tate mouthed from across the room as his eyes fell on mine—the perfect blues I could only pray that our son would inherit. In all of our time together, I’d never felt this connected to him as I did in this single moment. That arrogant, self-assured, broken arsehole, who I’d wanted the moment my eyes had fallen on him in the elevator, was now the father of my child. Our love and angst had created this gorgeous miracle.

  “Sav, he is beautiful,” Mr. Davenport’s voice rumbled beside me, breaking me from Tate.

  “Can you believe I created him? It’s kinda freaky.” I laughed softly, sweeping my finger over Max’s soft forehead.

  A cocky smirk formed on his lips. “He is going to be a ballbuster if he is anything like his mother.”

  “You know what scares me the most? Is that this little person is a blank map without coordinates, a book with empty pages, a movie without a script. He can do anything with his life. He can be whoever he wants and do whatever his heart tells him. He has the ability to write whatever book he wants for his life and I am going to be the one who guides him. It scares me. I can’t fail him.” My voice hitched under my admission.

  “You have been and will always be in my life, Sav. You are the one constant, the one anchor, the one fixture. Yes, you have had your falls, but when you rise, you rise with grace and a new determination. You don’t ever fail, Sav. You reemerge stronger, more beautiful, and more focused than ever. I have every faith in you, my girl. You will never fail him. This little guy is lucky to have you.”

  “I need to find you a woman.”

  As he rolls his eyes, I could swear I saw his cheeks flush crimson. “Oh god. Here we go again.”

  “It’s either a woman or you are going to have Tanzi calling you a gilf.” My words played with the smiled swamping my face. I had made the mistake of telling Tanzi that it was only a matter of time before the nickname gilf would be circulating the office. Little did I know that she would be the one leading the crusade.

  His brow rose in question. “Do I want to know what a gilf is?”

  “Grandfather I’d like to fuck.”

  Mr. Davenport shook his head and moved his eyes back down to Max while embarrassment crept up his neck. Before I had a second to warn him, Tanzi slipped up next to him with a familiar smirk planted on her lips. Oh fuck. Here we go.

  “You can be married, single, divorced, gay, or straight and I’d still call you a gilf,” Tanzi purred, wrapping her arm tightly around Mr. Davenport’s shoulders before directing her attention at me. “Sav, I could be the stepmom you’ve always wanted and I could be Max’s grandma.’

  “Sorry, Tanzi, but I like my women blond.”

  “I am willing to dye my hair,” she retorted without hesitation.

  “Maybe a little older.”

  “I am a good actress.”

  “Preferably not in a relationship.”

  Tanzi moved closer and dropped her voice. “I’m willing to leave him.” Tanzi’s face held still as she stared at Mr. Davenport. His eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open at her admission. Mr. Davenport’s eyes darted between mine and Tanzi’s, and I could sense that a billion thoughts were running through his head.

  “Jack, come and get your damn girlfriend away from me!” Mr. Davenport growled in Jack’s direction.

  Jack’s head shot up and he shook his head knowingly. “Are you trying to pick up the old guy again?”

  “Who the hell are you called old? I’ll let you know that I’m a gilf, all right!” Mr. Davenport said, and everyone in the room burst out laughing. God, I loved that man.

  “Jack, I want a baby!” Tanzi shrieked, startling Max. “Oh shit. Sorry, little buddy.”

  Lucas, Jack, Blake, and Tate walked towards the bed, their eyes firmly set on Max, who was still watching Mr. Davenport closely. An instant bond had formed. I slowly and gently moved down the bed, allowing Tate to slide in behind me. I leaned back against his chest as his arms wrapped around me and rested on my hips. He was so gentle with me. The beat of his heart thudding against my back and the warmth his body provided soothed me within seconds. His fingers found my hair, sweeping it off my neck, and his lips found the special spot he knew I loved just beneath my ear.

  “Thank you for giving me the best gift in the world.”

  There will be moments in life

  that will leave you completely

  Until you learn to

  Tate

  Two years later

  “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Maxey!” Savannah’s high-pitched bellow ripped through the apartment. Watching our son playing with his abundant amount of toys on the floor of our living room caused emotion to bubble within me. We were surrounded by family and friends, celebrating our little boy’s second birthday. Savannah sat beside Max, helping him open his presents with pride covering her face. She was the perfect mom. Everything revolved around Max and nothing was too good for him. The moment she became a mom, she’d changed but in the best possible way. She’d opened her heart to possibilities, to new beginnings, and she’d closed some of the doors of her past. But still there were ones I didn’t think we would ever get closed.

  For two years we had been living in pure and utter bliss. Our days had been filled with watching Max, being completely in awe when he’d crawled for the first time, taken his first step, and said momma and dada for the first time. There were still days when we would look at each other and burst out laughing at the fact that we were parents. Tate and Savannah, two people I was sure many people would have cringed at the thought of being parents, were doing a damn good job with this little guy.

  I was what Savannah so lovingly and teasingly called a ‘textbook dad.’ I’d read way too many books on what to expect as a new father, which had left me watching too closely for illnesses and stressing when he didn’t do something the book had told me he should be doing. But he always surprised me. He did everything before he was supposed to. He’d crawled early, he’d said his first word early, and he’d walked early. And every time, I’d felt my chest swell with pride.

  “You have that look on your face again?” Sav cooed as she took a seat on my lap and huddled into my chest. Shooting her a look, I unlocked my arms from around her waist and pouted. Her giggle sounded like music to my ears.

  “You really need to stop with the teasing,”

  “Ahh, are you upset, my little muffin?”

  “And you need to stop with the cute names.”

  “Fine, I’ll start calling you an arsehole again,” she whispered with a raised brow.

  I nodded triumphantly. “That’s better. We don’t want to become that sickeningly cute couple now, do we? If you call me muffin, I’ll call you dear.”

  “You wouldn’t dare.”

  “Try me, dear.”

  Her glare caused my ego to soar. If anything, the stubbornness we’d each possessed had fueled us to the point of fiery arguments and battles that neither of us would ever back down from, but that was Tate and Savannah, and I hoped to Christ we’d never lose the fieriness of our relationship. She kept me on my toes. That’s for sure.

  “I hope you know he clearly gets his awesomeness from his mum,” Sav taunted, looking back towards Max, who now sat with Tanzi and Jack, playing with the Thomas the Tank Engine toy they had bought him.

  “Well it’s obvious he gets his good looks from his dad,” I retaliated.

  “Whatever.”

  I pulled Sav towards me, wrapping her in my arms as we sat in silence, watching Max. Today was about him; every day was about him. Whether it was our early morning snuggles in bed watching his newfound addiction of Thomas and Friends, taking him to the beach and watching him hesitate by the water’s edge, or moments when it was just the three of us cuddled on the couch, it was in those moments where I knew I was the luckiest bastard in the world.

  AS I strode through Red Velvet, ready to start my evening shift, a cold shiver of fear rang through my body. I stopped suddenly in the middle of the crowded bar as a need to scope
out the bar took over my every thought. Everything looked like a normal Saturday night at Red Velvet. Bachelor parties were in full swing, the band was playing on stage, the bar was crowded with people three deep waiting to be served, and the air was thick with excitement, anticipation, and sweaty desire. It was a normal Saturday night, but something didn’t feel right.

  Finding Jack talking with Stevie by the closed door of my office, I marched through as the anxiety I was feeling soared to unrealistic proportions. What the fuck was going on? I spoke sternly when I reached them. “Is everything okay here tonight?”

  They both looked at each other and a look of caution and understanding bounced between them. Instantly a shiver ran down my spine. Something wasn’t right and these two in front of me were keeping it from me. I owned the fucking bar; I deserved to know. My temper and unease flared like a ranging wildfire.

  “Who is going to tell me what the fuck is going on?”

  “It seems Chelsea forgot about her ban from Red Velvet and she has brought someone along with her.” Stevie admitted cautiously.

  Just hearing her name was like getting stabbed in the eye with a thousand knives. Why she continued to haunt me was anyone’s guess.

  Slamming my clamped fists into my pockets, I narrowed my eyes at Jack, desperate to grab onto my rapidly increasing frustration. “Why haven’t you kicked her out?”

  “I didn’t know she was here until about a minute ago,” Stevie, my burly bouncer, stated with a look of failure sweeping his face.

  “Okay, look, just stick with the door. I’ll go over and ask her to leave...as nicely as I can.” I took off to the sounds of Jack calling my name but I refused to wait around and allow Chelsea to stay in my bar any longer than she already had. My only thought was getting her and whoever the hell the poor soul she had latched on to and brought to my bar the hell out of it. I didn’t have time, and to be honest, I couldn’t give a fuck about dealing with her shit. A ban was a ban.

  What I found stopped me dead to the spot and suddenly a wave of nausea hit me. What the hell kind of world had I just stumbled into? There, sitting at the table that everyone knew as Tanzi and Sav’s was Chelsea and my father and she was sitting on his lap, looking like a two-dollar hooker. Blake stood before them, looking like he was ripping them both new assholes, his arms flailing everywhere and the roar of his voice being heard over the pounding of the drums from the band.

  “Here he is. I was wondering when you’d show,” my pathetic excuse for a father spat. After more than two years of having nothing to do with him and barely thinking about him, all it took was one sentence and he had singlehandedly ripped open the gaping wounds he’d caused—the same wounds I had been desperately trying to heal.

  “What the fuck could be your reasoning be for being here?” I questioned, begging every bit of confidence I had to shine through; I refused to allow him to see what he had truly done to me. “What part of never wanting to see you again don’t you understand?”

  Chelsea stood from his lap and moved towards me on unsteady feet. As she stood before me, I looked her over in pure disgust. She placed her palms square on my chest as she looked up at me through drunken eyes. “Where’s the slut?” she vindictively questioned, a smirk filtering over her lips.

  I took a step towards her, pressing my body firm against her palms, and glared at her with fuel burning within me. It took everything in my power to restrain the thoughts running riotously in my head. “Watch what you say, Chelsea.”

  “What are you going to do about it, Tate? You tried to ban me and that didn’t work so what the fuck are you going to do?”

  This time, my father stood and moved beside her, looking at both Blake and me. Déjà vu hit me. We had been in this exact spot when both Blake and I had confronted him before, the last time he’d barged into my bar. Seriously, when the fuck would this guy get it through his head? My anger for my father bubbled just below the surface yet again. I needed to get off this roller coaster of emotions. I didn’t have the strength or desire to allow any more of my thoughts to be taken by him.

  “Are you happy?” I directed my attention squarely at my father. “Does this make you happy?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Are you happy bursting into my bar, the bar that I have spent years building? The bar you are now standing in with the girl who just called the love of my life and the mother of my child a slut. Are you happy with that?” I took a step towards him so we were chest to chest. “I meant what I said. I have moved on from the days of wishing my dad would come home. I’ve moved on from the confusion I felt about why you left. I’ve moved on from everything to do with you. I only need you to do one thing for me and one thing is all I’ll ever ask. Just leave. I’ve lived more of my life without you in it and I’m finally at peace with that. If you do one thing for me, that’s all I’ll ever ask from you.”

  His eyes flashed with regret and realization before they moved from mine to Blake, who stood beside me, silent yet tense.

  “Is that what you also want?” he directed to Blake.

  “Yes. You made your decision and you need to deal with that. This is Tate and me making our decision, so just leave. And while you are at it, get her out of here. No one calls one of the best girls I know a slut and gets away with it.”

  Chelsea snorted and shot a smirk at both Blake and me. “Yeah you would say that, Blake, seeing as you fucked her. When will you two open your eyes and see what she really is? She fucked both of you. If that’s not a slut, then what the hell is?”

  “Chelsea, I would suggest you shut your fucking mouth, turn around, and walk away.” I knew if I didn’t walk away within seconds I would say or do something that would destroy everything I had worked so hard for. That I would become the person I never wanted to be. “Blake, can you deal with her?” I shouldn’t have asked him to do that, but I needed an out and quickly.

  I didn’t even wait for his response. I stormed through the bar, ignoring the people saying my name, and disappeared into the safety of my office. I breathed deeply, leaning over my desk with both palms resting on the mahogany top. My thoughts went straight back to that moment when Sav first arrived, the moment when Blake went for her and got her. It was a moment I’d tried desperately to forget, to move on from, to believe hadn’t happened, but then moments like this would happen and I’d be punched in the face by it.

  A soft knock on my office door echoed through my office, and looking towards the door, I sighed as Blake’s face appeared after it opened slowly. I nodded for him to enter. In his hands, he held two glasses and a bottle of scotch from the bar. Without a word, he poured the amber liquid in the glass and handed it to me.

  “They have left and I doubt we will see them again,” his deep voice announced. His eyes bounced away from mine as awkwardness swept through my office.

  I nodded, tipping the glass to my lips. The scotch was gone in one swift gulp. The sting in the back of my throat made me suddenly realize that this was reality. “Thanks for that.”

  “Is the whole Sav and me thing going to forever be something that will hang over us?”

  “I’ll be honest. It will always be there. It’s not going to just disappear, but I need to deal with it. I know there is nothing between you and Sav any longer, and I have her. I can’t let my issues of that affect my relationship with her now.”

  “Believe me when I tell you this. I love Sav, but I love her as a best friend. I have absolutely no feelings for her. The moment I found out you were my brother, that was it. I will never regret anything when it comes to Sav because she doesn’t deserve that, but you have my word.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  “I must admit though... When you finally let your balls drop and propose to her, it will be strange calling her my sister. If you know what I mean,” Blake said with a shake of his head. I couldn’t stop the smirk that was washing over my face.

  WALKING THROUGH the silence of the apartment after what had been an eventful s
hift at Red Velvet, I made my way down the darkened hall and straight to the protection the bedroom offered. All I wanted to do was wrap myself around Savannah and forget the rest of the world. The moment I lifted the sheet and climbed into bed beside her, she stirred and her body found mine. Sighing in pure contentment, I wrapped my arms around her body, pulling her as close as possible as she nuzzled into my chest, her lips kissing the space above my heart. There was something unexplainable about having my body covered by hers that made the rest of the world nonexistent.

  “How was work?” she asked in a sleep haze, her lips brushing against my skin as she spoke. I shifted my head slightly, allowing my eyes to find her.

  It was after one a.m. and I knew our bouncing and incredibly energetic boy would be awake just as the sun rose, so the thought of discussing the events of the night was the last thing I wanted to do… But that was until I remembered that we had sworn that we would never keep anything from each other. It was catch twenty-two though. I knew I had to tell her, but I also knew she wouldn’t like it.

  “Chelsea and my father turned up,” I whispered so softly, begging the gods that she wouldn’t hear.

  Her head shot up immediately from my chest and she pulled herself up so she was sitting beside me, looking down at me with wide, confused eyes.

  “Wha…what did they want?”

  “Sav, I don’t want to say it.”

  “We said honesty, Tate. I can handle it.”

  “She brought up you and Blake.” I rolled to my side to watch for her reaction. I hated the fact that someone who was so far in my past was still fucking up our lives. I grabbed her hand in mine and brought it to my lips, but her eyes were fixated on the sheet beneath us. “Blake and I told our father we didn’t want anything more to do with him and he left. I think this time he got the point.”

  Her face dropped but I saw fire flame within her deep green eyes. Fuck Chelsea. Fuck my father. “Are you okay?” Sav asked, finally looking at me. Was she serious? Why was she even considering me in this?