Risk the Fall

by Steph Campbell

  I will not roll my eyes. I will not roll my eyes. I will not roll my eyes.

  Quinn scoffs. “Well, we can’t all be blessed with an overactive gag reflex,” she says.

  I elbow her in the ribs, but it doesn’t remove the smirk from her face.

  “Quinn!” I snap, as Shayna squints her eyes at us and drags Grant away.

  “What?” she asks, trying to sound innocent. She isn’t a very good actress.

  “So, what’s going on with you and Grant?” Tessa asks.

  “Nothing, we were just saying hello,” I mutter and finally shove the crostini into my mouth.

  “Is that allowed?” Quinn asks.

  “Stop,” I say, swallowing. “Are you guys having fun?” I ask, trying to change the subject. This is becoming a common practice.

  “Not really,” Quinn says. “Prom is pretty lame. I wish I was coming out to the lake house with the rest of you.”

  I tense up again, realizing how close the big event is.

  “How are you and Oliver getting along?” I ask Tess.

  “Okay. He doesn’t talk much, though. We danced a little. I just don’t know if he’s really into me,” she says. I polish of the melon and throw my plate into the garbage. I look up and see Trevor headed our direction. The smile on his face leads me to believe he didn’t see me talking to Grant, and I’m surprised at just how relieved I am.

  “Hey you, wanna dance?” he asks, pulling me away from Quinn and Tessa.

  We dance a few more songs. Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of Grant and Shayna on the dance floor. They look like they’re supposed to be together, and that makes me cringe a little. Grant looks so at ease with a handsome smile on his face and his hand resting on her twenty-two-inch-waist. I can’t stop my mind from wandering back to how safe I felt cradled in his arms the night I fell asleep at his house.

  “Syd?” Trevor says. I shake my head, dissolving the thoughts of Grant. “Hey, lost ya there for a second.”

  “No way, I’m all yours,” I say, smiling up at him.

  “In that case, are you ready to get out of here?”

  I look around the room, suddenly noticing how much it has cleared out.

  “Sure, ready when you are. Just let me say goodbye to Quinn and Tess.”

  “Okay, I’ll meet you out front,” he says, kissing me on the cheek and breezing past me.

  I find Quinn and Daniel dancing closely near an archway. I run over and whisper that I’m leaving.

  “Good luck, be safe,” she whispers back. Daniel smiles knowingly at me.

  Nice, Quinn, way to keep your mouth shut.

  Across the room, Tess and Oliver are sitting comfortably side-by-side. His arm is draped casually across her shoulders, and she’s leaning into him, looking totally engrossed in their conversation. I turn back, glad that they’ve finally connected. I’ll catch up with her tomorrow.

  When I finally make it to the exit, my skin prickles with anticipation even in the warm, sticky Atlanta air. The streets are crowded, and Trevor and I sit in traffic for a long time before we’re able to make our way to the interstate. I stare out the window up at the clear sky. The moon is massive tonight. I always feel so small when I really take the time to look at the moon, like I’m such a tiny speck in a massive universe. Tonight, it brightens the dark night in a peaceful way. I wonder if things that have always looked the same to me, like the moon, will somehow look different after tonight. Will I be the same Sydney when I wake up? I wonder if Trevor will look at me differently after we sleep together.

  As we pull on to the ramp, I glance over at the car next to us. I jump a little in surprise as I see Grant and Shayna laughing together in his sleek, black car. I try to imagine what they’re talking about. Is it a lighthearted chat like he and I had while we worked on our project? I imagine all of the interesting things that Shayna will have to add. Quickly I turn my attention back to Trevor and squeeze his free hand in mine. He speeds around the convertible in front of us, leaving Grant and Shayna far behind. Exactly where they belong tonight. On our night.

  The lake house is tucked deep back in the woods off of a narrow dirt road. I guess I’d sort of expected that Trevor and I would be the first ones to arrive, being that it’s his family’s house,, but, surprisingly, when we pull down the drive, the place is packed.

  I barely recognize any of the faces we pass as we make our way into the house. They’re all Trevor’s friends from our school, and some from his league lacrosse team. I can’t help but feel a little out of place, even at his side. I really wish that Quinn or Tess were here.

  After endless conversations in which I have zero participation in, the house starts to clear out. I’m standing in the doorway, watching the dozens of headlights disappear into the woods when Trevor comes up behind me. His touch signals a chill that starts at the top of my head and travels down through my toes. He brushes the hair off of the nape of my neck and presses his lips to it lightly.

  “Well, hello there, stranger,” I say, turning to face him. I wrap my arms around his neck.

  “Hi, yourself,” he says. He leans in and his lips part mine. Our mouths move together like this is their sole purpose. I’m completely lost in the moment, totally uncaring that there are still other people in the house. How did I get so lucky? How did I end up here tonight, with someone who loves me so completely? And then, I remember the lie I had to tell to be here. And my dad.

  “Shoot!” I say, pulling away. Trevor grunts in frustration.

  “What?” he asks, breathlessly.

  “Just give me a minute, I forgot to call my dad,” I say. Trevor rolls his eyes as I hold up a finger to signify one minute. I grab my iPhone off of the counter and make my way upstairs to find somewhere quiet to make my call.

  Trevor’s room is at the end of the hall. I’ve been here before with him and his parents during the summer. I close the door behind me and plop down on the enormous bed. I’m absolutely dreading making this call. I take a deep breath as I count the rings. One…Two…Three...please go to voicemail, please go to voicemail, I silently plead.

  “Sydney?” Dad grumbles. Crap, I’ve woken him up.

  “Hey, Dad, sorry to wake you. We’re just headed to bed,” I say quietly. I hold my breath waiting for his response.

  “Okay, Syd. See you in the morning,” he says in a groggy voice. My lungs thank me as I finally exhale.

  “Okay, love you, Dad.”

  That was easier than I’d expected. I set my phone down on Trevor’s desk and open the bedroom door. As I step out into the hall, I hear obnoxious giggling that can only belong to one person. It isn’t the kind of laugh that makes you want to join in – it’s the kind that annoys the crap out of you, especially in the dark, quiet house. I spin around, wide-eyed. Shayna and Grant stand at the end of the hall. What are they doing here? Why is Grant trying to ruin my night? Shayna’s laughter is deafening and I can’t even imagine anything in the world that could be that funny. Her back is pressed up against the wall and Grant is leaning in, trying to quiet her down. Talking softly. Too softly for me to hear. Damn. He leads her into one of the other bedrooms at the end of the hall, and closes the door behind them. I scowl at the closed door.

  “Stupid rah-rah,” I mumble under my breath.

  I decide to wait for Trevor in his room instead, to avoid the risk of running into Grant and tip-toe back into his bedroom and quickly change out of this stupid dress and into my requisite pajama pants and tank-top and lay my pearls on his desk neatly. When Trevor finally finds me, my face is still hot with anger.

  “What is Shayna Gillan doing here?” I demand. His head jerks back in surprise.

  “Uh, I pretty much invited everyone, Syd. What’s the problem?”

  Grant having the nerve to show up here with her is the problem.

  “Nothing,” I sigh. “I just…I just didn’t expect to see her here I guess.”

  “Okay,” he mutters, shaking his head like I’m a crazy person. Which, obviously, I
sort of am for worrying about Shayna and Grant right now. “Everything cool with your dad?”

  He’s changing the subject. He’s probably chalked my mood up to being irked by his long ago confession that he once hooked up with Shayna. Then again, what guy within fifty miles hasn’t?

  “Yeah, I told him I was about to go to bed,” I say.

  That gets his attention. He lets the bag that he’s holding fall to the ground and pulls me in close to him. His warm breath envelops my face, which surrounds me with familiarity, and anticipation of the new things that are about to happen.

  “Well, then, I think that’s exactly what we should do. Wouldn’t want to lie to dear old Dad, would you?” he laughs.

  The twisting nerves return to my stomach. His lips find the back of my neck again, his favorite spot, and then he pulls me down on to the bed with him.

  “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, cupping my face in his hands.

  “I love you,” I say.

  He slides me closer to him, pressing himself against me. Every inch of me is shaky. And tingly. And perfect. The weight of him on top of me should feel crushing, but instead, it feels safe. It feels good to be so wanted. My hands fumble through his hair, down his strong arms. Trevor locks eyes with me as he pushes inside of me. Gently at first, and then thrusting deeper. I twist one fist into the sheet as my other hand fumbles over any bit of his skin I can touch. Anywhere. Everywhere. I just want to be closer. I try to concentrate on Trevor and how much I love him, rather than the pain that surprises me, even though it shouldn’t. He moves slowly, trying not to hurt me. And for a while I let the closeness envelope me. But even being with Trevor, as perfect as it feels can’t keep everything away. Tiny thoughts of Grant—down the hall—with Shayna claw at the edges of my thoughts and try to pull me away from this moment that I’ve waited for for so long. No.

  No.

  I’m here with Trevor now. Grant and that half-wit he’s locked away with don’t get to ruin this for me. My nails claw into his strong shoulders.

  “Easy there, kitten,” he rasps in my ear. “I’m not going anywhere.” He pulls my earlobe into his mouth and nips at it with his front teeth.

  This is where I belong.

  My internal clock wakes me up the next morning when the room is still dark. I’m curled up next to Trevor, wearing his undershirt. I want to kick myself for promising Sam I’d workout this morning. I slide silently off of Trevor’s warm chest and to the edge of the bed.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he asks in a raspy, sleep filled voice. He reaches over and runs his fingers through my hair, tugging on it softly. A chill runs through me and I close my eyes, wishing more than I can remember wishing for anything before, that I could crawl back into bed with him.

  “I have to go the gym,” I say.

  “I don’t think so,” Trevor says, pulling back down again and kissing my neck.

  “I can’t miss, I did yesterday.”

  “You worked out plenty last night,” he says with a wink.

  I frown at him. “You aren’t making this easy.”

  His mouth finds the spot on my neck again. “Please stay. Who knows how long it’ll be before I get to wake up next to you again?”

  God I want to stay. I’d waited so long for this, and now I doubt it’ll ever get old. I want to feel his arms around me again. I want to hold on to his strong bicep while he moves above me. I shake the thoughts from my head.

  “I’m sorry. I have to go,” I say, crawling toward him and kissing him lightly. He responds by biting on my bottom lip. He’s so not making this easy.

  “Come on, get up. I’ve got to get dressed and then you have to take me to my car.”

  Trevor sighs and flops back down onto his pillow. His annoyance with me is obvious, and after our phenomenal night, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting.

  I gather up my clothes and peek out the window at the rising sun over the lake. Outside, I hear a beep and glance toward the porch. My mouth involuntarily falls open. Grant. Wearing a white undershirt and his suit pants, and carrying Shayna in his arms to his car. Just like he cradled me at his house the other night. I push the anger away. I’ve just had the most incredible night of my life with Trevor. Who I love. Why should I care if Grant spent the night with Shayna?

  I don’t care.

  I unlock the door and flip on the lights inside the deserted gym. The familiar buzz of the overhead lights calms me and reminds me that I’m still the same Sydney I was yesterday.

  Stretching on the springy mat feels good. I’m not only sore from missing yesterday’s work-out, but from my other activities. I decide to work on floor exercise today since I’m alone. No equipment to fall off of, plus, Sam and I had added a new tumbling pass that I’m just getting used to for Nationals. I’m hoping to iron out some of the kinks and impress him in the morning.

  I pound out one pass after another, until I’m about to drop from exhaustion. I decide to take a little break and grab my water bottle. It’s near lunch time. I picture Quinn and Tessa still sleeping. Trevor probably drove back out to the lake house and passed back out after dropping me off at my car. I try to block the images from last night out long enough to get in a couple more tumbling runs.

  “You made it!” Sam exclaims, startling me.

  “Of course I did, I told you I would,” I say. I wipe the sweat from my brow and smile.

  “Pass looks great, kid. Good work,” he says.

  Sam and I have worked together for years. His demeanor is usually nonchalant; he never gets overly excited about much that I do, even when I win- so making him proud feels amazing.

  “So, you really came by to check up on me?” I ask.

  “Not entirely. Your dad called.”

  My entire body stiffens. Crappity crap crap crap.

  “The producers of the documentary called him last night. Did he tell you this yet?” Sam asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Okay, well, they’re concerned about the material that you’ve been giving them.”

  I think back over the last couple of weeks. I have been slacking on my confessionals. I didn’t do any spots while I was sick, and the ones I have done so far, have been more recaps of gym, leaving out anything personal. I know that’s not what they were looking for.

  “So, what does that mean?”

  “It means that they’re coming with us to Nationals. It means that they’re going to be filming a lot more here. Also, your dad is supposed to talk to you about them filming social things. What’s that boyfriend of yours name?”

  The air leaves me.

  “Trevor,” I squeak.

  “Yeah, have him take you out. Go out with Quinn. She should have plenty of time, it’s not like she’s ever here.”

  I nod. I can’t say no. I’ll finally be able to do something to help take the burden off of Dad with this documentary. But…

  Trevor is going to freak.

  “I went to prom over the weekend. It was the first school dance I’ve ever been to. I went with a group of friends.” And my boyfriend, Trevor. “It was amazing. I had such a great time.” I had sex for the first time. “When I got home the next day, I watched a movie with Dad and Maisy.” I wished the entire time that I was back at Trevor’s lake house with him. In bed. “My workouts are running longer and longer in preparation for Nationals, but I think I finally have my tumbling pass near perfect. At least I hope so. I saw the list of names of the girls that I’ll be competing against at Nationals, and it’s a little nerve-wracking. I just hope to do well.” I’m the new girl to them; they have more experience than me. I have something to prove.

  “Morning, baby,” Trevor says. I almost jog right past him on my way to first period, trying not to be late. I back up and kiss him quickly. “Did you oversleep?”

  “No, I just lost track of time at gym. Then I had to get back home to make sure Maisy was up…”

  “You take on too much,” he says, pulling me in as we walk together. I t
ry to pick up the pace. I really don’t want to be late, but Trevor is in no hurry. He’s a senior and it’s second semester. He’s got all the time in the world.

  “Not any more than usual, I guess.”

  “Maybe not. I just wish we could spend more time together,” he says.

  “We spend a lot of time together,” I say.

  “Not really. Not outside of school anymore. Think about it, when was the last time you let me take you to dinner?”

  I shrug.

  “It’s just Nationals are coming up, and I’ve been swamped with homework…”

  “Okay. But will you let me take you out?”

  I smile. I love this new attentiveness but when Trevor finds out about the cameras wanting to follow me around even more now… As quick as I think it, I replace the thought with the look of Dad’s look of relief when I was picked for the show. Though he’d never said anything, I know what a big deal it is. How much it will help.

  “Yes. Absolutely. We’ll talk about it at lunch.”

  I slip into the door of Oceanography just as the second bell rings.

  Grant glances up as I slide into my chair. As soon as I see his face, I remember my annoyance from Saturday night. I unpack my binder and book and don’t give him the satisfaction of acknowledging him, but I can feel him staring at me.

  Mrs. Drez walks down the aisles passing out permission slips for a field trip to the Atlanta Aquarium. Quinn would be happy to know that her assessment of the class’s activities was half true. Instead of sliding mine to me, Grant holds it hostage.

  “Sydney?” he says, holding the paper to his chest.

  He’s going to freaking force me to have to look at him.

  “What?” I ask, reaching for the permission slip. He doesn’t hand it over.

  “Did you have a good time Saturday night?” he asks politely.

  “Did you?” I snap.

  He doesn’t seem affected by my sour tone.

  “Eh,” he says, shrugging his shoulders.