Lilly

by Conrad, Angela

She would leave. Decided, she shifted and noticing voices near her, Lilly stood, catching her skirt on a splinter of wood and tearing a strip of fabric loose and creating a hole in the side of her skirt. Wonderful, she thought, I have one outfit and I damaged it. New tears filled her eyes and just when Lilly felt she might give in to panic, she remembered her aunts and sighed with relief. How had she forgotten them? She knew the name of the street where Aunt Ellen lived. She’d need directions, but she was a strong walker, she could find them. She must arrive before it grew dark. Lilly tried to smooth down her gown, hiding the hole and straightened her hair.

  Going out of the park and back into the street, Lilly approached two maids walking and carrying packages. She asked for directions to Green Street and learned she was several blocks away. They were also going in that vicinity and Lilly joined them, listening to their chatter and trying to keep her spirits up. She finally arrived at Aunt Ellen’s front door at five in the afternoon.

  ……….

  Reece accepted a drink, then another and as the brandy flowed, the women hugged him and kissed him in their ingrained pattern. The gentlemen sat at card tables, formed into groups. They all played high stakes, the ladies either joining them, or standing behind men’s chairs to watch. Several women asked Reece to back them with a loan and winked. This habitual behavior snapped into place around and inside Reece. He’d lived for fifteen years enjoying evenings just like this, so natural and familiar he sank back into it like stepping into mud.

  Food was brought in and everything reverted to its usual form. The servants performing tasks that made up their daily lives in the earl’s employee. It was so common to Reece, his friend’s rudeness, and the current jokes about his wife, everyone staying all afternoon and planning to stay into the night, unless he stopped it.

  Unexpectedly, Reece realized he hated it. The women’s laughter ran like a cat’s scratch down his spine. He studied their faces and none could compare with the sweet loveliness of Lilly. Their overexposed bosoms, their strong perfume, the practiced manner of posing and offering invitations with their eyes, Reece noticed it all with a new clarity.

  The gentlemen overloud, drunk, failures the lot of them. Were these people really his friends? Not one of these guests really cared for him, they all used him, drank his liquor, spent his money, entertained themselves in his house. For the first time Reece viewed them as Robert saw them, like Lilly would see them and he was ashamed of the way he lived.

  He looked around the room for Lilly, but did not see her. She must have gone upstairs and to bed. He couldn’t blame her, facing this crowd of loose women and out of control men was an ugly welcome to a new home. She must be tired.

  Finally at six in the evening he could stand no more. Reece stood and announced the party was over. At first they all looked at him, stunned and waiting for the jest, but then they became aware the earl was serious. He thanked them all for coming, but told them in future not to enter his house again without his permission. That shocked them. A hollow laugh from a few ladies followed, a few whining complaints about how he had changed, but they gathered their things and left.

  Reece climbed the stairs on restless feet, anxious to see Lilly. He entered his bedchamber. It was empty. He went through the connecting door of the dressing room and the countess chamber was also empty. The bed wasn’t even made up and dust covers cloaked the wooden furniture. He’d forgotten to send word ahead that his wife would be accompanying him, a change of his previous plans.

  He rang for his valet.

  “Where is the countess?” Reece asked.

  “Who your lordship?”

  “My wife, the lady that came here with me,” Reece said in anger.

  “I never saw her your lordship.”

  Reece rang for the housekeeper.

  “Where did you put the countess?” Reece snarled.

  “I don’t know a countess your lordship. Do you mean the young lady that was first with you, dressed in green?” Mrs. Faraday asked, a flash of fear crossing her face.

  “Yes, that’s Lilly. Where is she? I want to see her.”

  The housekeeper and the valet exchanged worried glances.

  “Lord Randall, your crowd pushed her back and practically out of the house. No one knew who she was. She left about four hours ago,” Mrs. Faraday confessed, surprised at her lordship’s incensed face.

  Reece stopped breathing. Pushed out the door? Had he not even introduced her? He remembered all the women’s kisses, the mouse jokes, and hadn’t he said out of habit something about unpleasant business? Damn what an ass he was.

  “What do you mean she left? She left the townhouse? Lilly never came back?” Reece asked, his voice growing sharper with each new question.

  “No your lordship. She looked tired. Does she have a place to go? A purse with her?” The housekeeper asked.

  He ran his hands down his face and tried to think. Where would a young lady go unaccompanied, with no money, in a strange city like London at night?

  Reece was sobering up fast.

  ……….

  Lord Hawken Town House

  Residence of Viscount Hawken

  Green Street

  London, England

  After settling Lilly in, offering her a chance to refresh herself and have a light meal, the shocked aunts met Lilly in Ellen’s heavily patterned drawing room. They sat close, holding hot tea and trying to suppress their surprise and anger at poor Lilly’s experience in town.

  “I’m thinking I might just disappear. Reece will soon forget me, he forgot me today,” Lilly told her aunts.

  “What a cad, he didn’t introduce you?” Aunt Ellen cried, adjusting her lace cap.

  “He let them continue those awful jokes about you?” Aunt Mary fumed, yawning and wishing for a brandy.

  “Yes to both. I never dreamed people could be so cold and mean spirited. Nothing like the people who live in the village. So, I’ve decided to go back to Suffolk, to father,” Lilly declared, feeling stronger surrounded by her dear aunts who loved her.

  “Are you sure you will not stay here? Winfred is in the country hunting,” Aunt Ellen said, mentioning her husband. “No one will stop us. We will introduce you as a niece. Where are all your clothes?”

  “Sorry Aunt Ellen, what you see me in is all I have and I don’t want to stay in London.”

  “Let us take care of you here darling. We must change your name,” Aunt Mary stated, looking at her beloved niece and trying to smile.

  “I changed my name to Lady Randall, Countess of Suffolk, now I’m changing it back to Lilly Castleford and I’m going home.” Lilly said, trying to ignore the fact that her heart was breaking.

  “Go up to bed dear and we will sort this all out tomorrow. Perhaps we’ll have clearer heads and better thoughts then,” suggested Aunt Ellen.

  “Yes, after your journey and terrible incident, you must be done in,” offered Aunt Mary, noticing Lilly’s sad eyes and pale face.

  Lilly felt guilty causing her aunts such worry and wished she could stop her mad thoughts and sleep for days.

  “I don’t even have fare for the London Express coach,” Lilly sighed. “I can’t let you pay again Aunt Ellen. If only Reece had given me something I could pawn.”

  “He gave you nothing?” Both aunts asked.

  “Wait, he did hand me this brooch on our wedding night.”

  Lilly reached into her pocket and pulled it out.

  The two aunts gasped.

  “What? I’m sure it’s just paste,” Lilly laughed, “he’d give me nothing valuable.”

  The two aunts reached for it at the same time, and a little tugging ensued.

  “Those are diamonds!”

  “Are you sure, there’s too many of them?” Lilly asked, in amazement.

  “No, these are diamonds, I know my stones,” Aunt Ellen said, wrestling the brooch from her sister’s hand.

  “Would you pawn it? A wedding gift I mean?” Aunt Mary asked.

  “Certainly.
It was probably something his mistress Marlena left on a table anyway. I’ll have to pawn it, or sell it and I’ll use those funds to pay coach fare and perhaps have some left over for emergencies,” Lilly said, a heaviness settling on her shoulders.

  The thought of never being with Reece again brought on a flash of blackness and Lilly felt like she might faint. How could she go on? Where could she stuff so much pain?

  ……….

  Reece started his search with his heart intact, sure he would find Lilly quickly. He assumed she would soon return and was just teaching him a lesson. He had his butler question the other servants. He checked his mews, but all his horses and carriages were there. Reece waited.

  He sent word to Robert’s townhouse asking if he’d seen Lilly. He received a reply that Lord Randall was not in residence and no visitors had come around.

  By seven, his face was sweating and his head was pounding. He’d never felt such fear, it was a mixture of nervous anger colored heavily by terror.

  Reece had his horse brought around and rode in the nearby park, circling the paths, scanning the area, until he noticed a piece of dark green fabric caught on one of the wooden park benches under a tree. He recognized it at once, Lilly’s traveling gown. He dismounted and took the cloth in his hands and pressed it to his chest. Troubling ideas flooded his mind. Lilly came here and sat, nowhere else to go, what happened? Did she stand suddenly? Was she pulled off this bench? Why was her gown ripped? A sickness formed in his throat and Reece spat into the grass. He closed his mind to the horrible thoughts that tried to enter.

  What if he never saw Lilly again? It would not leave, this thought, this dread, it just kept rerunning in his head. What if he never saw Lilly again?

  Reece realized nothing mattered but Lilly, nothing.

  Just when he feared he must call in a Bow Street Runner, he had a relieving thought.

  “Her aunts!” Reece hissed. “She’d go to her aunts.”

  Aunt Mary Castleford and Aunt Ellen, Gads, what was her last name? He frantically ran through his list of the peerage in his head until he remembered the name, Lord Winfred Hawken. An elderly balding man, he had a townhouse on Green Street.

  ……….

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Lady Randall

  Lord Hawken Town House

  Residence of Viscount Hawken

  Green Street

  London, England

  Lady Lilly Randall, the new Countess of Suffolk, was relieved to be safe with her aunts, but she ached for Reece. Lilly wasn’t sure how she could put aside these feelings for her husband. In the four days after their wedding, Lilly had seen another side of Reece. He was gentle with her, kissed her with a fiery passion that seemed real and deep with emotion. He had laid beside her in bed and just stared into her eyes, forming a connection that still burned inside her. Lilly had believed in those moments she had found her grand romance, her shared passionate feelings and love.

  Lilly’s anger diminished. She had a better perspective now. She was married and would be for the rest of her life. It was time to grow up and mature, no longer an unmarried lady, Lilly needed to become a woman. She should not have expected a sudden change from Reece. He had lived a shallow life and she had agreed to become a part of it. He would need time.

  On her next encounter with his friends, she would be better prepared. Lilly regretted not pushing herself forward. She would have, if any of his crowd resembled people she cared to know. Did they really push her back, or did she willingly retreat like a coward? Run out the door on her own steam, avoiding something difficult. Not only did Lilly wish Reece had fought for her, but she had fought for him.

  Lilly questioned her decision to return to Suffolk.

  ……….

  Reece had never been so affected, so changed. The constant ache of Lilly leaving, sick with worry, dread in his heart, he knocked on the front door of Lord Hawken’s townhouse at almost ten in the evening.

  What would he do if Lilly was not here? She had to be, had to be, Reece repeated to himself as he secured his tired mount and approached the black door on Green Street.

  While he waited, Reece opened himself and let all of his new emotions in. The love he felt for his wife, the longing to see her, the way she had changed him with her sarcastic wit, showing him how ridiculous he’d become. Reece absorbed every feeling and gave up trying to hide the fact that he loved Lilly, madly and overwhelmingly. It was about time he grew up and faced his fears of losing control. He feared losing Lilly much more.

  ……….

  Lilly, just preparing to climb the stairs, heard the frantic knocking at the front door and knew it must be Reece. She approached it carefully and opened it herself, the servants long to bed.

  Lilly was nervous. Reece was bound to be furious. Lilly gazed up at the imposing sight of her husband and stopped.

  His face looked haggard, his eyes dark circled.

  Lilly felt guilty seeing him so upset. She motioned him inside.

  “I’m sorry if you were worried,” Lilly offered.

  Suddenly he grabbed her and pressed her tightly against him. He bent his head and laid it on top of hers.

  “I don’t know if I want to make love to you or shake you. Why did you leave Lilly?” Reece asked, his voice hoarse.

  He pulled back and looked at her. His eyes ran over her lips, her red rimmed eyes, and he trembled to know Lilly was safe and he’d hurt her again.

  “Reece your friends are so cruel. You didn’t stand by me, not even for the first few minutes,” Lilly accused.

  He couldn’t stop himself, he lifted her and kissed her with a maddening hardness. He held her so tightly she felt like fainting.

  “No, I left you to fight a battle I caused. It was unforgiveable, but I hope you will forgive me. You will never leave me again Lilly,” he whispered, running his lips over her neck and around to her face.

  “Why did you let them all joke about me? You said nothing,” Lilly asked, trying to concentrate while he continued to kiss her.

  “I know, I’m an ass, I guess even I wasn’t prepared for their hardness. I assumed they would stop and be civil. I thought you’d gone up to bed. I never dreamed you were out of the house,” Reece said sitting her down and running his hands down her back.

  “It was so much worse than I expected. All those women kissing you, the loud drunken men, you melted back into them like a bee returning to its hive. I’m going to return to the country,” Lilly offered.

  “No, never. It will be different. I’m different. I don’t want that life anymore Lilly. I’m married and I want a family. You changed me and I fought it, but now I am thankful. I can be a better man with you Lilly,” Reece admitted, an honest expression lighting his face.

  “A few days ago you didn’t want me to stay.”

  “I always wanted you to stay, I was afraid of my feelings for you Lilly. You took control of my every thought. I was afraid of your power over me.”

  Lilly looked at him in surprise and Reece took his hands and pushing back her hair, held her face up and looked directly in her eyes.

  “I love you Lilly. I am nearly mad with loving you.”

  “You do, you are?”

  “I am. Since I saw you on the road I’ve wanted you. I pressed this marriage and sent your father money, so you could not say no. I wanted to shoot my own brother when I saw him kiss you. Those last few days at Hillside Park were the best of my life. I don’t want to ever lose you again.”

  “Then why did you get so cold on our trip here?” Lilly asked, pressing her hands against his waist.

  “I was protecting myself, trying to distance myself. I could not function for thinking of you.”

  He looked at her youthful, sweet face and wondered if Lilly would ever forgive him. He noticed her brooch and touched it gently with his hand.

  “It looks good on you.”

  “This brooch Marlena left behind?” Lilly asked.

  “You thought I would give you a forgotten piec
e of my mistresses’ jewelry?” Reece asked in dismay.

  “Yes. Don’t look that way, it’s alright. I didn’t expect anything.”

  “That’s your problem Lilly, you never expect anything from me. You think I’m a cad and I never disappoint. That was my mother’s brooch.”

  “I’m sorry Reece. You’re right, I protect myself too by expecting little.”

  “Expect more. I will give you more. All that matters to me is you.”

  Lilly had never seen Reece look this way. He was different. She wished she could trust that it would last.

  Suddenly he picked her up again and carried her out the door. Lilly looked up and saw her aunts watching from over the upstairs balcony. She waved at them and they both grinned and waved back.

  Reece carried her outside and put her into his carriage. He pulled her to him and held her tightly.

  “We’re going home Countess. You are my heart and I will introduce you as my most beloved wife. I shall hang on your arm, dance with you, every dance, never be without you. I love you Lilly, please give me a chance to show you how much.”

  “I’m beginning to think you have changed Reece. You are different, much improved.”

  “You improved me Lilly. In time you will see how much. No other women, I’ll cut my old group of partiers, I’ll be a husband and I hope a father. When I look back on my life in London, before you, I see now what Robert saw. It was a useless, wasted life. I must send Mr. Common’s a bonus for finding the perfect lady for me, for I could not find you myself.”

  They arrived back at Lord Randall’s townhouse and he insisted on carrying her inside and upstairs to his bedchamber.

  “This is getting to be a habit,” Lilly laughed.

  “Yes. I’ll carry you up here and lock you in and make love to you until you love me back Lilly. Can you?”

  “I’m afraid to admit it Reece, but I love you already. You think after our four days together at Hillside Park that I do not love you?”