I LIKE THE WAY YOU HURT: A Dark Interracial High School Bully Romance

by Lorrain Allen

  “I have proof.”

  I stop in my tracks. She walks around me, holding her cell phone out.

  “Cocoa and Jake look awfully cozy shopping together at the mall.”

  I snatch the cell phone from her grasp and start scrolling through the pictures. Jake has his arm wrapped around Cocoa’s waist in one picture. In the next picture, it looks like they were kissing. In the last picture, they’re smiling as they walk down the mall. I give Victoria her cell phone back. I’ve seen enough.

  I stop in my tracks, hiding behind a wall when I see Maverick and Victoria in the hall.

  “Am I supposed to care? Cocoa is just a nigger I like to fuck.”

  My heart breaks at his words.

  “So, she doesn’t mean anything to you?”

  “No, she doesn’t, and I’ll prove it at lunchtime.”

  I press my hands to my mouth to keep from crying out.

  “What do you have planned?” asks Victoria in glee.

  “I’m going to show everyone what a dirty slut Cocoa is.”

  Victoria claps her hands. “I can’t wait.”

  “I’m coming over tonight, so leave the door unlocked for me.”

  “Okay, I’ve missed your visits Maverick.”

  When they leave, I slide down the wall and breakdown.

  How could I be so stupid?

  I knew better than to fall in love with someone as damaged at Maverick. Was this just a game for him? Were they all involved?

  The bell rings signaling the lunch period. I jump up from the floor and run to my locker, wiping tears from my face. I have to get the hell out of here. I won’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me like this. Fuck them all. Once I retrieve my car keys I move towards the exit.

  “Cocoa, where are you going?” I hear Jamal call out to me.

  I don’t acknowledge him, I move faster. If I talk to him, I’ll break down in front of everyone. I want to suffer alone. When I arrive home, I climb into my bed, ignoring texts and phone calls. When Mom and Michael come home, I pretend that everything is okay. If I tell my mother what has happened, she’ll cancel her honeymoon. It was so hard to sit through dinner and act like I was okay when I was dying inside. The next morning, I drop them off at the airport. Traffic is heavy since its Christmas Eve. When I arrive back home, the reality of spending Christmas sad and alone hits me.

  It’s the day after Victoria showed me the pictures and I’m a complete fucking mess.

  “Maverick, what’s going on with Cocoa and you?” asks Dee.

  “You were supposed to spend the next two weeks in bed with her, but instead, you’re in my game room with us. I doubt we’re better company,” adds Nix.

  I don’t respond to him, instead I take a drink of my beer. I feel like a raging river, my emotions being tossed about, and I can’t stop from going underneath the murky surface.

  “Talk to us man, we can help,” continues Nix.

  He’s a persistent son of a bitch.

  Nix and Dee are playing air hockey, while I sit in a chair watching the battle.

  “Cocoa is a fucking slut.”

  “Whoa man, what brought this on?” asks Dee as he straightens from the table.

  “You two were hot and heavy, and now this.” Nix raises an eyebrow.

  “She’s a fucking vixen. She’ll spread her legs freely for anyone.”

  “Come on, she made you a better person. I can’t believe you’re talking about her like that,” Dee yells.

  I stand up and throw my beer bottle against the wall. Glass shatters everywhere. I gave her the power to break me.

  “She was seen with Jake,” I shout.

  “Seen doing what with Jake?” asks Nix.

  “She was walking through the mall with him.”

  “Who told you this?” asks Dee.

  “Victoria showed me pictures.”

  “So, Victoria showed you pictures of Cocoa walking through the mall with Jake? I’m not following. What does that prove? They could’ve just bumped into each other. Did you ask her about it?” asks Nix.

  My look is answer enough for them.

  “Come on Maverick, use your fucking brain. Victoria will say anything to separate Cocoa and you.” Dee throws his hands in the air, exasperated.

  “In one picture, Jake had his arms wrapped around her waist, and in another, it looks as if they were kissing. They were fucking smiling, having a good time.” I can barely control my anger.

  “I call bullshit,” says Dee.

  “I saw the fucking picture myself, damn it!”

  “Maverick, a picture can tell a thousand different stories. You should’ve asked Cocoa about it, not jumped to conclusions. Call her and talk to her. Give her a chance to explain,” says Nix.

  Victoria is vindictive, but I was too blind by jealousy to use my common sense.

  I walk out of the room to call Cocoa in private. I call and text her continuously for thirty minutes, but she doesn’t answer.

  I walk back into the game room. “She won’t answer my calls or respond to my texts. I’m going over to her house. I’ll see you guys later.”

  I scream when I walk out of the bathroom to find Maverick sitting on my bed. I just got out of the shower, so only a small towel is wrapped around my body.

  “Maverick, get the fuck out of my house. I have nothing to say to you.”

  “What the fuck is your problem?”

  “You’re my fucking problem, Maverick. You can’t let yourself into my house whenever you feel like it.”

  “You didn’t mind before.”

  “Yeah, well, I mind now.”

  Maverick still doesn’t make a move to leave.

  “I know you spent Saturday at the mall with Jake. Tell me, did you fuck him that evening before you fucked me that night?”

  “Fuck you, you fucking bastard. I went to the mall with Jamal, Kate, and Lucy.”

  “Did you like it? Tell me how he fucked you. Did you suck his dick?”

  “I hate you! I didn’t fuck Jake. We bumped into each other at the mall, that’s it!”

  “I saw the damn pictures, Cocoa!”

  “What pictures?”

  “Jake had you in his arms. You were kissing and smiling and walking through the mall!”

  “That’s a damn lie. I tripped and fell. Jake helped me up. When I looked around, we bumped heads. It’s true that we walked together for a few minutes, but that’s it. Nothing happened between us. How could you even think that after everything that’s happened between us?”

  Maverick stands from my bed and starts to walk towards me. “I’m sorry, I thought…”

  “Don’t you fucking come near me. I heard Victoria and you talking in the hall at school. You called me a nigger and a slut. How could you call me such an ugly word after what we shared?” I ask, crying.

  “I was upset.”

  “No, that’s how you really are. You’re just like John.”

  “You don’t think I don’t know I’m fucked up? I’ve wanted to break free of the control John has over me for so long, but the truth is he still has control over me. In the way I think, act, and how inflicting pain is like a balm to my tortured soul.”

  This is his way of admitting to me that’s he’s vulnerable, but it’s not enough. I can’t keep riding on the Maverick train wreck, traveling at maximum speed because, when he crashes, I’ll burn with him. My destination is here and I’m getting the fuck off.

  “The real question is, what are you doing about it?” I ask him.

  My question is met with silence.

  “I didn’t have a normal childhood, Cocoa. I lived in fear every fucking day, afraid of what new nightmares that bastard was going to put me through when he got home. There was no laughter in my house and no loving embraces. Displays of affection were non-existent. I only had John and his fists. I don’t know how to relate to people. My mother’s spirit was broken way before I was born. She might as well have been an entity walking through the house. She didn’t protect me. I
would’ve welcomed the devil himself in hell because that would’ve been paradise compared to the hell on earth I’ve experienced at the hands of John.”

  “You’re not the only one who had a fucked-up childhood, Maverick. Are you going to be a victim for the rest of your life? I’m so sorry you went through something that no child should endure. I won’t pretend to fathom the impact it’s had on your life.”

  I walk up to Maverick, putting my hand under his shirt to rest over his heart.

  “Even though your skin is warm, and I can feel the beat of your heart, it’s still as cold as a corpse. You might as well be dead.”

  “I’ll never be normal, Cocoa.”

  “Get help, Maverick. You won’t be able to continue functioning like this.”

  Maverick looks away from me.

  “This fucked up fairytale doesn’t have a happy ending. I don’t see color when I look at you. I see a boy who has experienced the unthinkable at the hands of the one person who was supposed to protect you the most. How can you become the one thing that you hate so much?”

  “I don’t know Cocoa, but I do know I didn’t know what love was until I met you.”

  “Stop it, Maverick. You don’t know what love is. You can’t just love the white half of me. I can’t be split in two. Please leave,” I say as tears stream down my cheeks.

  Maverick grasps both sides of my face and kisses me like I’m the answer to all his prayers. The towel covering my body drops to the floor. He picks me up and then turns to place me laying the bed. Maverick lies on top of me, pressing our bodies firmly together.

  I snatch my lips away. “No, Maverick, no! If you love me like you say you do, leave, please. When you love someone, you put that person’s feelings above your own. Show me you love me by leaving.” I’m crying so hard I can barely get the words out of my mouth. Maverick moves to sit on the edge of my bed, resting his head in his hands. I roll away from him, continuing to cry.

  Please go before I beg you to stay.

  “I’ll leave you alone, Cocoa.” With that, he leaves my room, and then the house.

  This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt.

  My eyes slowly flutter open when the light from the lamp in my room is switched on. John is standing over my bed with his gun in his right hand, and a bottle of scotch in the other.

  “You did this, didn’t you? You little piece of shit.”

  “I did, John. Merry Christmas.’”

  “How could you destroy your own father? You’ve ruined your own life in the process.”

  “My life was ruined the day I left my mother’s womb.”

  John places the barrel of the gun to my forehead. I don’t flinch.

  “What are you waiting for, John?”

  He takes a drink of scotch.

  “Pull the fucking trigger, John.”

  He cocks the gun back.

  “Do it! You weak little bitch!” I shout.

  I rush John, punching him in the face. John drops the scotch bottle, spilling the contents on the floor. The gun discharges, the bullet zooms past my head, grazing my right ear. The bullet hits the lamp, shattering it. I’m on top of him as we fight over the gun. I’m able to snatch the gun from his grasp. I press the barrel against his temple and get in his face until the tip of my nose touches his.

  “Give me one fucking reason why I shouldn’t end you. You’re nothing but a pathetic bitch.”

  I want to pull the trigger with every fiber of my being. John is shaking, sweat covering his face.

  “You’ll ruin your future.”

  “Not good enough.”

  “Please, Maverick. I know I was hard on you, but everything I did was for your own good. The world is a harsh place. I just wanted to prepare you.”

  “What about my mother? What were you preparing her for?”

  John swallows nervously.

  “It took me some time to figure out the best revenge for all the shit you’ve done to my mother and me. Karma is a motherfucker, isn’t it?”

  John winces when I dig the barrel into his temple.

  “Your life is over. The citizens of Montgomery will know you for the monster you really are. I dreamed of this day. I wanted to make sure I had a front-row seat to your demise. This is my Christmas present to myself.”

  With that, I stand to my feet, allowing John to do the same.

  “I want you to suffer for the rest of your miserable life. Get the fuck out of my room.”

  John stumbles out, not sparing me a glance.

  The town of Montgomery is about to become a damn circus, and my family will be the main attraction.

  This is the worst Christmas ever. I haven’t answered any phone calls or returned any texts yet. It’s close to noon now. I spent the entire night crying. I’m exhausted—my face is dry, as well as my throat. My phone rings again; it’s Jamal for the fifth time.

  What’s going on? Maybe I should answer this time since he keeps calling.

  “Hello?”

  “Oh my God,” he screams in my ear.

  “What happened?” I ask in alarm.

  “You don’t know?”

  “Know what?”

  “Turn to Channel Four.”

  I slowly reach over to my nightstand to pick up the remote. I turn on the TV, switching the channel to the station Jamal indicated. A female reporter is speaking.

  “… video you are about to see is disturbing,” says the female reporter.

  “What am I looking at?” I ask Jamal.

  “Shh, just watch,” he tells me.

  The video that’s shown is very short and unclear since the images are blurred. The reporters continue their story.

  “Just horrific, Diane,” says a male reporter.

  “John Carter has been accused of sexual assault against multiple women,” reports Diane.

  “Oh my God,” I breathe.

  “This shit is crazy!” exclaims Jamal.

  “The local news station anonymously received a flash drive with over a dozen videos of John Carter’s various sexual acts with victims as young as twelve years old,” continues Diane.

  “Where are these acts taking place, Diane?” asks the male reporter.

  “Steve, my source tells me that John Carter has some type of sex dungeon in his home.”

  Steve is silent for a moment as he listens to the information being conveyed to him through his earpiece.

  “John Carter has just been apprehended by police at Beckley Raleigh County Memorial Airport while attempting to flee the country.”

  “This is insane,” I tell Jamal, feeling sick to my stomach.

  I turn the TV off.

  “This will be the talk of the town for years. Mr. Holier-Than-Thou is nothing but a sex-crazed maniac.”

  Something tells me that Maverick planned this, the ultimate revenge. I want to comfort him, be a shoulder for him to lean on, but I won’t. He has Dee and Nix for that. Maverick and I are done. I don’t want to be drawn into that emotional rollercoaster with him. It’s better this way.

  Today has been a hell of a ride. John took money from his safe and left with nothing but the clothes on his back, his driver’s license, and passport, but he didn’t get far. An hour after the story broke police were swarming the entire house. Detectives were in John’s sex dungeon for several hours collecting evidence. The ambulance was called to treat my ear. I declined further medical assistance and refused to be transported to the hospital.

  Only Dee and Nix know I’m the one who mailed the flash drive with the videos to the news station. That’s something I’ll take to my grave, and so will my friends. I trust them with my life. I was going to let Cocoa in on my plans, but I allowed Victoria to fill my head with that bullshit. Several hours after police arrived, detectives tried to coerce me into going to the police station to answer questions, but I refused. I know my rights. They can’t detain me unless I’m being charged with a crime.

  I pack a few things then drive to Dee’s house.

  “
Are you okay, Mav?” Nix asks when I join them in the kitchen.

  Nix is drinking a soda at the island bar while Dee is making a sandwich. They didn’t travel with their families for the holiday, because they wanted to be here for me.

  “Yeah.”

  “This town is about to be a media circus,” says Dee.

  “Tell me something I don’t know.”

  “This shit storm is going to be a mess,” says Nix. “No matter what happens, we’re sticking by your side.”

  “I appreciate it.”

  Over the summer, Dee and Nix helped me install hidden cameras in John’s sex dungeon. I wanted him locked away by graduation. If he was smart, he would accept a plea deal. His attempt to flee is an automatic stamp of his guilt. There is no disputing the video evidence. I plan to stay with Dee while I finish out the school year.

  “What happened with Cocoa?” asks Dee.

  “It’s over.”

  “Why? Just talk to her again. Make her understand,” Nix tells me.

  “No, I told her I’d leave her alone and that’s what I plan to do.”

  “You won’t be able to leave her alone. You’ll see her in school every day. What will you do if she starts dating someone?” asks Nix.

  “I’ll kill him.”

  “You need to admit that you love…” starts Dee.

  “I admit it,” I say, cutting Dee off. “I do love her, which is why I’m doing what she asked me to do and leave her alone.”

  That shuts them both up. I know it’ll be nearly impossible to ignore her for the rest of the school year, but I’m not good enough for her.

  The press surrounds the school the first day back after winter break. Since the story broke, it’s been on the news non-stop. I don’t immediately go inside the building. I lean against my car, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. I know I’m making it harder on myself, but I can’t help it. The semester is over, so we don’t have physics class together anymore. I wonder if we will have any classes together for the second half of the school year.

  It was so hard not to reach out to him. I almost called him several times, but then I thought about the ugly word he called me, and him fucking that bitch Victoria. I beat myself up for being so weak when it comes to him. The rest of the school year is going to be hell, especially if we have a class together. He hasn’t been to the pizzeria, so I think he’s following my wishes, which is a plus.