Adventures of the Mad Monk Ji Gong

by Guo Xiaoting

  Zhao Bin went there at once. Naturally, it was just as Ji Gong had said, and Zhao Bin returned with the gold and silver.

  Ji Gong then asked Wang Xing, “Where did your family originally live?”

  Wang Xing replied, “I came here from Yuhang prefecture.”

  Ji Gong said, “Wang Xing, take this gold and silver with you. Tomorrow you must hire a boat and go back to Yuhang prefecture with your wife and mother. Give all the old and broken things in your home to Zhao Bin. When you reach your former home, use the gold and silver that you have to buy land and go into business. There will be enough to support you and your family.”

  When Wang Xing heard this, he immediately knelt before Ji Gong, saying, “I kowtow to the lohan Buddha.”

  Ji Gong said, “Zhao Bin, you shall go with them and see that they get back safely.”

  Zhao Bin asked, “Teacher, will you yourself not need someone? I had at first been thinking that I would kill the prime minister and avenge you, sir.”

  Ji Gong replied, “Do not ask how, but I have my own ways. After three days you will receive news of me.”

  Zhao Bin bowed his head in assent. Just as the three were about to leave, they heard some people talking a little distance away. Someone said, “Come with me, young fellows, and see whether Wang Xing’s wife will yield to me or not.” Several voices replied, “Yes.”

  By lantern light, the second young master, Qin Da, with several of his thugs could be seen coming back from the prime minister’s courtyards. When Qin Da had heard that hobgoblins were creating a disturbance in the western buildings, he went to pay his respects to the prime minister. Prime Minister Qin had a deep love for his son and, fearing that he would be frightened, would not permit him to enter. Instead, the prime minister told Qin Da to go back to his own flower-garden courtyard and take care of himself. Therefore, Qin Da had come back, bringing his people with him. Just as he reached the flower-garden, he remembered Wang Xing’s wife. “Young fellows,” Qin Da said, “go and see whether Wang Xing’s wife is ready to submit to me or not. If not, as I live, I will have her beaten to death!”

  When Zhao Bin heard this, it was a horrible shock to him. He whispered, “Teacher, this is terrible! We will have to hide somewhere inside!”

  Ji Gong said, “Do not worry.” Pointing outward with his hand, he recited the six true words, “Om Ma Ni Pad Me Hum.”

  Qin Da was suddenly struck to the ground by a cold chill. His household people all rushed to help him. Taking advantage of the confusion, Zhao Bin led Wang Xing and his wife out of the flower garden by a corner gate. Once they were through that, he quickly saw them home.

  Early the next morning, following Ji Gong’s suggestion, Wang Xing gave his family’s furniture and household things to Zhao Bin. Then, together with his wife and mother, he went away secretly by boat, far beyond the reach of Qin Da and his evil hirelings.

  Now, after Ji Gong had seen Zhao Bin and his family leave the prime minister’s estate, the monk finished his dinner and went back to the empty room in the eastern part of the estate. Meanwhile, Qin Da was still in the flower garden, where he had fallen flat. He was nearly out of his head with terror as his people helped him to his room.

  “Ai yah! How hot it is!” Qin Da exclaimed. Qin Yu removed his hat.

  Qin Da still said, “Hot!” His people than took off his robe.

  He again said, “Hot!” They quickly took off his shirt.

  He repeated, “Hot!” Qin Yu pulled off Qin Da’s boots and stockings.

  Once more Qin Da said, “Hot!” Qin Yu removed Qin Da’s underclothes.

  When Qin Da said “Hot!” again, Qin Yu started fanning him.

  Even though the servants were fanning him, Qin Da was still hot. Qin Yu called upon the others to hurry and bring in two large blocks of ice. At once they brought in large perforated ice chests to cool the air. Then Qin Da said he was cold, and they took them out.

  Qin Da now said, “Cold!” They pulled his pants on.

  Once again he said, “Cold!” They put his stockings and boots on.

  When he said, “Cold!” again, they put his robe on. With his robe on, he was still cold, so they put his hat on. After his hat was on, he still felt cold, so they spread two quilts over him. Qin Yu called for a fire, and a brazier of hot coals was brought in.

  Then Qin Da called out that he was hot. They took out the fire, but he was still hot. Then they took off his clothing again. In short, he was hot and cold four or five times in all.

  At this time it was not yet daybreak. Qin Da suddenly said that his head itched severely. “Quickly, someone, scratch it for me!”

  Qin Yu came to him and began to scratch with his hand. To his surprise, the more he scratched, the larger Qin Da’s head became. In just a quarter of an hour it became as big as a basket used to measure a peck of grain. Qin Yu was terrified and did not dare to scratch any more. Everyone was standing around with eyes and mouth wide open. As soon as it grew light at dawn, Qin Yu said, “Quickly, send word to the east residence.”

  When the news was brought to the east section of the estate, Prime Minister Qin was neither attending the morning audience at the palace, nor had he gone to ask for a leave of absence. He had been disturbed for more than half the night by hobgoblins, and he had not had an opportunity to question the monk. At daybreak he was trying to get some rest when a servant came in to report that the young master was sick. When the prime minister heard this, he was filled with paternal concern. Taking some people with him, he went at once to Qin Da’s pavilion in the flower garden.

  Prime Minister Qin entered the room where Qin Da was lying on a brick platform bed. He was tossing and turning about with his head swollen to the size of a peck measure. The prime minister said in an exasperated tone, “You slaves are truly infuriating. With the young master as seriously ill as this, why did you not notify me at once?”

  Qin Yu replied, “The honorable prime minister does not understand. Last night when the young master returned from the east residence, he was struck with a chill. When we brought him into the room, he said he was hot. When he was disrobed, he said he was cold. When he had his clothes back on, he was hot again. This happened several times. After that, he said his head itched. This slave scratched his head. The more I scratched, the bigger his head grew. This illness came on in a very strange way.”

  Prime Minister Qin immediately instructed his people to invite a famous doctor to come to diagnose and treat Qin Da’s illness. The servants said that within the walls of Linan there were two such famous doctors. One was named Tang Wanfang. The other was Li Huaiqun. The household people quickly reached the home of the latter and asked him to accompany them.

  When Li Huaiqun heard that the call was from the prime minister’s estate, he could hardly fail to go. Led by the household people, he quickly arrived at the prime minister’s gate. The prime minister felt as if his heart were on fire. He hastily asked the doctor in. As the prime minister did so, he noticed the doctor’s square cap, blue gown, and generally austere and remarkably dignified appearance and expression.

  The doctor was taken at once to see Qin Da. Tea was served as the doctor felt the patient’s pulse. Li Huaiqun felt alarmed at seeing that the young man’s head was so big. There were, however, no other signs of a physical illness. After the doctor had observed Qin Da for some time, he could not discover any reason for the trouble with the patient’s head. Truly, Li Huaiqun had no medical remedy for Qin Da’s condition. He said, “My scanty learning is such that the prime minister should ask someone greater. I truly cannot cure your son.”

  The prime minister asked, “How can I know what greater one to consult? Doctor Li, you must know some gentleman that you can recommend.”

  Li Huaiqun thought to himself, “If I cannot cure him, Brother Tang Wanfang cannot cure him either, and what he cannot cure I cannot cure. Beyond the two of us who is there that I could recommend?” After thinking he said, “Honorable Prime Minister, I truly have no one whom I can r
ecommend.”

  As soon as Prime Minister Qin heard this, he was genuinely upset and said heatedly, “Since you cannot cure my son and there is no one whom you can recommend, you may forget about the possibility of leaving my estate today!”

  Hearing this, Li Huaiqun was concerned only about the power that would soon crush him. Suddenly he thought, “Why do I not recommend Ji Gong?” As he thought this, he spoke: “If you wish to cure the young master, there is only one person I can name. That is the drunken Ji Dian, but his appearance is most untidy. I fear that the prime minister would take offense at him.”

  “What would that matter, if only he can cure my child?” Prime Minister Qin countered.

  “But he is a monk,” said Li Huaiqun.

  “I do not care whether he is a monk,” Prime Minister Qin said, “if only he can make the sick well. Quickly, say his name again, please!”

  “It is Ji Dian of the Monastery of the Soul’s Retreat at the West Lake,” said Li Huaiqun.

  When Prime Minister Qin heard this, he said, “Ah, so it is he. The mad monk is locked up in my east courtyard.”

  The moment Li Huaiqun was told by the prime minister that he had locked up Ji Gong, Li Huaiqun suddenly understood the cause of Qin Da’s mysterious illness. “There was something strange about his head swelling up with no other symptoms. That was it!” he said to himself.

  Prime Minister Qin immediately sent one of his household people to summon the mad monk. “If he can cure my son’s illness, I will pardon his crimes and let him go back to the monastery.”

  The household people hurried to the east courtyards. When they arrived, all the monks stood up. A household person said to Ji Gong, “Monk, your luck has turned.”

  Ji Gong said, “For a big cooking fire, one must waste a little firewood.”

  The man then said, “Our prime minister has called you to cure the young master’s illness. If you can do it, he will release you to go back to the monastery.”

  The monk said, “Your master had me locked up. If he sends an order for me to come, I will be there. If he asks me as a monk to cure illness, you must say that I said I am in disgrace.”

  The household person said, “Good. I will take your message back to the prime minister.”

  The men returned and, when they saw the prime minister, the household person reported: “Honorable Prime Minister, we have returned. I told the monk that the chief minister called upon him to cure illness. He replied that, if there is an order for him to come, he will be here. If, however, he is called upon to cure illness, he is in disgrace.”

  The prime minister did not understand Ji Gong’s message and asked Li Huaiqun what the monk meant by “in disgrace.” Li Huaiqun half concealed a smile, saying, “This expression is really a kind of jest. If the prime minister wishes to have Ji Gong cure the illness, the prime minister might add the word ‘invite’ to the message.”

  The prime minister, still concerned for his child, said, “Good. You people go and say that I invite him to come and cure this illness.”

  The household people immediately thought, “The monk is really in luck,” and hurried to the east courtyard. Upon seeing the monk, they said, “Really, monk, you are putting on airs. Our prime minister told us to come and say that you are invited to cure illness.”

  The monk said, “The position your prime minister holds is one conferred upon him by the three councils. Ordinarily, as monk I actually should not be exchanging visits with him. If he associates with Buddhist monks and Daoist priests and the imperial censors learn of it, you will all be censured.”

  The household people hearing Ji Gong said, “Good, monk. You put it well. We will go and report for you to our great one.” When they arrived at the west flower garden, they said, “Honorable Prime Minister, we return and report. We went and saw the monk there, and we slaves said that the Great One had invited him to cure illness. The monk said that the Great One’s position was conferred upon him by the three councils. He also said that he did not commonly visit back and forth with the Great One and that, if the great one associated with Buddhists and Daoists and the imperial censors heard of it, the Great One would be censured.”

  When the prime minister heard these words, he broke into a rage: “That monk has a lot of gall!” he said.

  Li Huaiqun interposed, “Honorable Prime Minister, do not lose your temper. If he wants to get the monk to cure the young master’s illness, the Great One must go himself.”

  The prime minister looked at his son tossing on his bed. There was nothing else to do. “Dr. Li,” he asked, “will you go with me to see what the monk is like?”

  “Certainly!” Li Huaiqun replied, and went with Prime Minister Qin to the empty rooms of the east section courtyards.

  There, the prime minister made a coughing sound. He informed the doctor, “Clearing my throat tells my people that I am coming and that they must all be on their best behavior.”

  Of course, hearing the sound, all the household people quickly stood up respectfully and said, “The Great One has come.”

  Ji Gong asked, “Did I hear a dog bark?”

  Everyone quickly admonished him. “Do not talk nonsense! The Great One has come.” Then they saw Prime Minister Qin and Li Huaiqun enter and come before Ji Gong.

  “Because my little child has become afflicted with a strange illness,” began Prime Minister Qin, “I, the chief minister, have come especially to invite you to cure his sickness.”

  The monk said, “But I was brought here in chains and locked up by the Great One. I was by no means invited here to cure sickness.”

  When Prime Minister Qin heard this, he again became furious and angrily exclaimed, “Very well!”

  Li Huaiqun realized that things were going badly and at once intervened. “Great One, be patient and try to quell the thunder of your anger. Allow me to go forward and invite Ji Gong to come.”

  Prime Minister Qin stepped back and saw Dr. Li go forward to speak to Ji Gong.

  CHAPTER 14

  A subtle medicine is used to play a joke upon the prime minister’s household; a talent for matching couplets amazes the prime minister

  As hastening travelers in boats with slackening speed

  May, with unreasonable force,

  Curse at the river’s sluggish flow,

  Men in their journey through this toilsome world

  May have perception

  Injured and impaired.

  So in most melancholy times,

  If entering despair usurps the better mind,

  It may not be unwise to turn aside

  And briefly leave material things behind.

  UPON coming face to face with Ji Gong, Li Huaiqun said, “Teacher, we have been separated for too long a time. I offer you most courteous greetings. Today the young master Qin has developed a strange tumescent illness. I recommended you, sir, as one who could cure the young master’s sickness. Whatever there may be wrong in this matter, please see that I, your younger brother, am partly to blame.”

  Ji Gong said, “All right. If you want me to cure someone, take all these locks and chains off me!”

  Li Huaiqun looked at them and said, “Very well. Qin, Great One, will you please, sir, have someone release the saintly monk from these steel fetters?”

  Prime Minister Qin immediately had the locks and chains removed.

  Li Huaiqun asked, “Teacher, do you have anything else to say? Will you not go now?”

  The monk said, “The master of the monastery, my teacher who is like my father, is here, and my brother teachers are all here suffering punishment. How could I have the heart to go to cure sickness for someone?”

  Prime Minister Qin, upon hearing Ji Gong’s statement, immediately ordered that all the other monks should be set free to return to the temple. After all the monks had departed, Li Huaiqun said, “Teacher, there is nothing more for which you need to ask. Why do you not go to the young master now?”

  Ji Gong said, “Dr. Li, soldiers have surrounded
the Monastery of the Soul’s Retreat and they are tearing down the Great Memorial Pagoda within the walls of the temple grounds. How could I be willing to go to cure sickness while these terrible things are going on?”

  Prime Minister Qin knew that the monk wanted the soldiers withdrawn from the temple, and there was nothing he could do but agree. He hastily sent his official order to recall the soldiers who were dismantling the memorial pagoda, as well as the soldiers surrounding the temple.

  Li Huaiqun said, “Saintly monk, there is now nothing more that you can desire. Now go.”

  The monk said, “I will go.” He stood up. “Do good works, promote the general prosperity, and be virtuous. Do evil, and you will meet strange misfortunes. I, the poor monk, now advance to meet a swarm of evils. I only fear that they may be difficult to understand.” He was laughing and talking as if to himself.

  The listening prime minister said, “The monk is getting off too lightly—if he really makes my son well again, I will still tear down his memorial pagoda. If I do not, I will be the laughingstock of everyone. He will have beaten up my deputies but not been punished, and I will have had him locked up, but not punished. Once he has cured my son’s illness, I will then go ahead and tear down his pagoda.”

  Behind, Ji Gong heard him and laughed loudly: “Ha ha! Good, good! Goodness indeed! I will sing one of my little monk’s songs for the great one to hear.”

  In his hat, in his hat,

  In his black official hat

  And uncomfortable gown,

  He’s the first among all men,

  Among merely mortal men,

  Most disliked among all men,

  Among merely mortal men.

  From his hat, from his hat,

  From his high official hat

  There are streamers that hang down.

  Left and right, two great leaves

  Dance and shake on their stems

  Made of wires.