Adventures of the Mad Monk Ji Gong

by Guo Xiaoting

  And the gems on the leaves

  Left and right in the light

  Gleam like fires.

  And the men who see them shake,

  Cringe and quake to his face,

  But they would like to take his place.

  Though the mind may range free

  Over land, over sea,

  It is hard to read men’s hearts.

  Though the kingfisher’s feathers

  Often decorate a hat,

  Does the bird think of that?

  Does the pig ever think

  What a feast men will make

  Of its fat?

  He has risen like a bird

  In the sky,

  But his home is on the ground.

  And of those who rise so high,

  Very few look around.

  Very few look back.

  Very few look down.

  While the monk was singing his country mountain song, the prime minister was unconsciously nodding his head in time with the tune. When the song was finished, he said to himself, “The monk knows; he knows.” The prime minister realized that somehow, the ragged monk understood his problems. Together they came to Qin Da’s library in the west flower garden and heard Qin Da there coughing ceaselessly.

  When the monk came into the room he said, “Oh, what a big head indeed! This is terrible!”

  As Li Huaiqun heard the monk’s words, the doctor had a shock and said to himself, “After taking all this trouble to invite the monk here, if he cannot cure the prime minister’s son, I am done for.”

  The prime minister was also shocked, and at once asked, “Can you cure him or not?”

  The monk replied, “There is nothing to worry about. I can cure even the biggest heads. This illness has a special name—it is called the big jar head. The head, you see, looks like a big jar.” After saying this, the monk felt about inside his pockets and then said, “Oh, but this is terrible! I have lost the medicine!”

  “What medicine?” Prime Minister Qin asked.

  The monk replied, “The medicine that cures the big jar head!”

  When the prime minister heard this, he was quite taken aback and asked, “Is it possible that you knew, when you came to my estate, that my son would be stricken with the big jar head disease?”

  The monk replied, “No, it is not, but there is a certain Wang Yuanwai whose son has this same illness. Anyone who gets this disease is not a virtuous person. He is one who goes outside of the home and does bad things, seizing young girls and women by force and so on. Then this illness appears. Wang Yuanwai’s son had offended heaven and earth and came down with this big jar head sickness. I was invited to cure him. I was carrying the medicine with me and was just about to go when I was seized by the prime minister’s men and put in chains. At the time when I was brought into the prime minister’s mansion, I felt in my pocket and it was there. Will the prime minister direct some of his people to search and find it?”

  Everyone called, “Monk, your medicine, was it a pill or a powder? Tell us and we will go and look for it.”

  “It is a pill in the shape of a bead as big as a grain of rice. It is the color of a banana peel, and it is not wrapped in paper,” Ji Gong replied.

  Each one said, “I will go!”

  “Great One,” said the monk, “this illness of your son could take a turn for the worse. This is only the lesser third stage. If it becomes a really big jar head, there may be no way to treat it.”

  “Then what must we do?” the prime minister asked.

  The monk answered, “I must eat and satisfy my appetite. If I try to cure him without satisfying my appetite, the more I try to cure him, the worse he may become.”

  As soon as the prime minister heard this, fearing that his son would go into the worst stage of big jar head, he directed his people to set up three tables of wine and food in the large reception room. He then asked the monk to come into the hall to eat and drink and, afterward, as soon as he had finished, to cure the sickness. Li Huaiqun came up the steps into the room with the monk. The monk, seeing the three tables, did not stand on ceremony, but immediately sat down at the head in the place of honor.

  The prime minister was a little unhappy at seeing this, and thought to himself, “There is something unusual about this monk. He sat down at the place of honor as if there were no such rank as prime minister.” But there was nothing the prime minister could do. He sat down on one side of the seat of honor and invited Li Huaiqun to sit on the east side.

  After the third round of drinks, the monk said, “Great One, this is melancholy stuff, like solitary drinking. There is no point in it!”

  Prime Minister Qin asked, “What would you like to do to avoid this spiritless drinking? I rely upon you.”

  The monk replied, “Riddles, forfeits, matching words, and defining words are all ways to relieve melancholy and tedium.”

  The prime minister asked, “Are you able to recognize written characters, monk?”

  Ji Gong replied, “Oh, though I would not dare to say that I recognize written characters, I do know one or two.”

  “If we were to do forfeits,” said Prime Minister Qin, “would you like to forfeit by drinking or would you rather risk something else?”

  The monk answered, “I do not want to wager drinks. If the Great One will give a sentence to be matched and I then match it, I will win ten thousand ounces of silver from the great man. If I cannot match it, I will lose ten thousand ounces of silver. The Great One is wondering how I, a poor monk, could afford to lose ten thousand ounces of silver. Does not the Great One wish to tear down the Great Memorial Pagoda of mine? If I lose, I will give the memorial pagoda to the Great One.”

  When the prime minister heard this, he was delighted and said, “I will first try out your literary style. If you truly are a man of learning, then I will make wagers with you. I will first give you two words to match.”

  The monk said, “Speak, Great One.”

  “‘Secluded study,’” said Prime Minister Qin.

  The monk said, “I will match it with the words ‘thatched cottage.’”

  The prime minister nodded and said, “‘Open window.’”

  The monk said, “‘Closed door.’”

  Prime Minister Qin said, “‘Read books.’”

  The monk said, “‘Write words.’”

  The prime minister said, “You have lost, monk. My six words together make a sentence: ‘The window of the secluded study is open while the books are being read.’ Your ‘thatched cottage closed door write words’ is not a sentence.”

  The monk countered, “Those six of words of mine together also make a sentence: ‘The thatched cottage door was closed when the words were written.’ Prime Minister, you have just lost the seat of your britches.”

  Prime Minister Qin exclaimed, “Do not fool around, monk! I will now give you some words by splitting up the characters. If you match them, I will have lost ten thousand ounces of silver to you.”

  The monk said, “That is also all right.”

  The prime minister said, “The character for ‘ripe’ and the character for ‘finally’ together make the character for ‘intoxicated.’ The character for ‘eye’ and the character for ‘drop’ together make the character for ‘sleep.’ My sentences are: ‘The poet Li Taibo sleeps on the mountainside, holding his arms around a large jar of wine. He is not aware that he is asleep and he is not aware that he is rather drunk.’”

  The monk drank a cup of wine and, laughing loudly, said, “Ha, ha! This is a good one to match. The character for ‘moon’ and the character for ‘increase’ together make the character for ‘extend.’ The character for ‘moon’ and the character for ‘half’ together make the character for ‘fat.’ My sentences are: ‘Madame Qin walks around the courtyard, holding her arms around her large stomach. She is not aware of how far it extends, and she is not aware that she is rather fat.’”

  As the prime minister heard this, he shook his finger at the monk sayi
ng, “Do not make jokes, monk!” He thought to himself: “This monk is really mischievous. I will give him another set of words to match and let him know that Prime Minister Qin is a learned and elegantly literary man.” He searched his mind for something with an ornamental style, but with a hidden pearl of meaning. Then he asked, “How was it that, when the original Buddha released all other beings from bondage, he seemed to do just the opposite with the monks? Was that not a blunder?”

  The monk replied, “Ah, Great One, that is really very good, but my mediocre talents are very shallow.”

  Prime Minister Qin said, “Match it and I will have lost another ten thousand ounces of silver. If you cannot match it, I will tear down your memorial pagoda.”

  The monk said, “Good,” and after drinking a cup of wine, continued. “I will give you a match. It is just as it is when the Son of Heaven takes up the jade lock and chain and places them about the neck of a great minister and commissions him as the prime minister. Again I have won ten thousand ounces of silver.”

  Prime Minister Qin thought, “It is just as I expected. The monk is full of talent. I cannot win by matching words with him.” Then he said aloud, “Let us not match words any more. Let us try forfeits.”

  The monk said, “If it is to be forfeits, we will do forfeits. The Great One has said it, so the Great One may start.”

  The prime minister said, “I want to talk about two men of ancient times and two things. These two men were both quite fat. Their occupations were the same, but they had different opportunities. Therefore, in the picture, which we may now imagine, one is moving and one is still. If you also can describe such an imaginary picture, you will be the winner, and if you cannot, you will be the loser.”

  The monk said, “Tell me more about your imaginary picture first, Great One.”

  Prime Minister Qin said, “Monk, you must listen carefully. In the distance we see a tall shrine; in the foreground we see a water buffalo. Lu Dongbin is drunk and is sleeping in the Yueh Yang shrine. Sun Binjia is stealing a ride on the water buffalo.”

  The monk said, “In the distance we see a hut; in the foreground we see a fish. Zhang Fei reflects in his hut; Ching De hangs up a fish by its heels.”

  The prime minister said, “Monk, you have lost ten thousand ounces of silver. As for Zhang Fei reflecting in his hut, you may even say that Zhang Fei reflects in his hut three times over. But Ching De hangs up a fish by its heels! Where do fish have legs?”

  The monk answered, “A fish may have all four legs if it is a griddle fish, and that is what we call the green turtle.”

  Indeed, there was in that very room a griddle shaped like a turtle, with four legs and a turtle’s head and tail, commonly used over open fires; the green turtle had taken its nickname from such griddles. The prime minister was left with no further argument and again he admitted that the monk had won another ten thousand ounces of silver. Then he thought to himself, “I must still think of a way to triumph over him.”

  Going outside, he said to the servant Qin An, “Take a gift presentation box and put into it some chilled gelatinous rice cakes. Then wait outside. The monk will be asked to guess what is in the box. If he guesses that the box has nothing in it, take the box of rice cakes and bring it in. If he guesses that the box has something in it, then you bring in the empty box.” Qin An nodded in assent.

  The prime minister went back inside and said, “Monk, I have been wondering for a long time whether you could predict the past and the future. Therefore I have just sent a man to get a box, about which you may make a guess. Guess whether the box has anything inside or not. If you guess correctly, I will have lost another ten thousand ounces of silver. If you guess incorrectly, I will tear down your memorial pagoda.”

  The monk said, “Great One, you are becoming too reckless.”

  Prime Minister Qin said, “I am not taking reckless chances at all. I want to test your abilities.”

  The monk drank a cup of wine as if to maintain his composure before saying, “The intentions of the great Qin are of the highest, and this method is remarkably ingenious. To begin with, there was an empty presentation box with nothing in it.” After these words, the monk drew a long audible sigh. Hearing the monk say that the box was empty, Qin An quickly picked up the box with the cold rice cakes and brought it in. Just as he came into the room, the monk went on speaking: “That which was put inside is cold gelatinous rice cakes.” When Qin An heard the monk’s words, he was astonished. The monk had guessed correctly after all.

  Prime Minister Qin suddenly thought to himself, “It is getting late. You had better stop the matching games and go to cure your son.” Having decided, the prime minister said aloud, “Monk, if you have had enough to eat and drink, what about curing my son’s illness?”

  The monk replied, “I have already eaten and drunk sufficiently. Ai ya! Have your people found the medicine?”

  The household people answered, “We have been crawling around on our hands and knees until our noses are all black and dirty, but we have not found it.”

  The monk reached in and took something out of his pocket, saying, “I do have a little medicine here, and if I add a couple of things to it, that will do.”

  Prime Minister Qin went over to look, but the characters on the paper packet were written in a scrawl that he could not read. When the little packet was opened, there was something white inside.

  When Dr. Li Huaiqun looked at it, he recognized it as a piece of bread like that which they had just been eating and which he had just seen the monk rolling between his thumb and finger. “What is this?” he asked.

  The monk replied, “It is called the essence of Buddhist wisdom.”

  “What else is needed?” asked the prime minister.

  The monk answered, “One ounce of cinnabar, four ounces of white flour, a small box, boiling water to make an infusion, and a brush.”

  Prime Minister Qin ordered that the materials should be prepared immediately. The household people went to do so and in a short time returned to say that all was in readiness. The monk put down his cup and chopsticks and followed the prime minister toward the library. Ji Gong was now about to cure the big jar head disease with his Buddhist arts.

  CHAPTER 15

  Changed beyond recognition, an honored monk returns to the Monastery of the Soul’s Retreat; Ji Gong’s money is stolen by a bold ruffian

  AS Ji Gong entered the library in the flower garden together with the prime minister and Dr. Li Huaiqun, the monk first saw Qin Yu, one of the household people. He was holding a box of flour paste mixed with the cinnabar. There was a brush inside the box.

  The monk reached out and took the brush, saying, “Whatever the Great One wishes may be done.” Then he began writing on Qin Da’s head. Wherever the reddish brown paste adhered, the swelling immediately subsided, and the young man’s head went back to normal. At the same time, Qin Da’s illness left him completely.

  The monk said, “This illness sometimes recurs. It is necessary to rest carefully. I will now prescribe some directions for you to follow, which I will write down on paper. If the illness comes back, simply read what I have written. Follow my directions and all will be well.”

  The prime minister realized that this was an example of the monk’s subtle arts. He invited Ji Gong into the great hall at the front of the estate.

  Li Huaiqun said, “I will not be able to accompany you, and now will take my leave. There are still several families who have invited me to cure sickness, so I should go.” The prime minister sent some people to see him out.

  Ji Gong talked with the prime minister in the library. There was a true meeting of minds as they discussed a wide variety of subjects. The monk’s answers to the prime minister’s questions came gushing out like a stream.

  The prime minister was so delighted he exclaimed, “Oh, that I might leap out of the red dust of this world to study and cultivate my mind in some ancient temple. I would not ask about the rise and fall of nations or whether our
country was prosperous or not, but chant the sutras and respect the name of Buddha. That would be happiness indeed! Though I am a high officer in the present reign, to live in the company of a ruler every day is like living with a tiger. Granted that there may have been some reigns during which this was not so, there is now not only the danger one must face, but also the danger hanging over one’s family to fear.”

  The monk asked, “Great One, where do such words come from? The Great One’s office, fixed by the three councils, is that of prime minister. You are beneath one man in the nation, but above all others. With your vital talents you assist in carrying out the emperor’s plans, examining all other officials and keeping the populace peaceful.”

  “Ai ya, monk,” said the prime minister. “Say no more about the present reign. The three councils had no such reign as this in mind. As soon as the words are mentioned, I realize that in my heart I am apprehensive. There is a common saying: ‘A great office attracts danger, a great tree attracts the wind, and great power attracts scandal.’ Ever since I came into office, I have been as if in the shadow of dreadful wings. In doing the sovereign’s business, though I am prudent in all things, outside people are fond of saying all sorts of ugly things about me. How can I ever have repose and contentment such as yours, without anxieties or sorrows? There is a popular saying that expresses it well: ‘In the darkness, the general in armor crosses the frontier. At the cold fifth watch, the court official awaits the signal for the audience. In the mountain temple the sun is high, but the monk has yet to rise. He knows in his wisdom that leisure is better than fame.’” The prime minister continued, “I am thinking of asking you to be a monk in my stead, as a substitute for myself, but I do not know how you may feel about this.”

  Ji Gong said, “Great One, of course, I would be willing, but a monk such as I would never dare to ask for such an honor.”

  Just as he said this, a servant came in from outside to report. “The honorable young master’s illness has returned, and his head is as big as it was before.”

  The monk said, “There is no need for me to go to the young master. Just tell him to open my prescription. If he carries out my directions, he will be all right by himself. If, however, he fails to follow the directions, he will get worse each time an attack comes on.”