by Misa Rush
The screen brought up the Indiana Adoption History Registry. She clicked on the link and skimmed the text. As a birth sibling she had rights, but consent had to be granted from her sister. She wondered if she had already consented. If she had not, the way Karsen interpreted the information was that an independent party could contact her for consent. The registry offered this service and it was known as a confidential intermediary. She searched for a contact e-mail, but could only find a brick and mortar address for contact. Great, snail mail, she thought sarcastically as she opened up Word to type the letter.
March 20, 2008
Indiana Adoption History Registry
Attn: Registrar, Vital Records Division
Section B-4
2 N. Meridian Street
Indianapolis, IN 46204
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
My name is Karsen Woods. I have recently learned that my mother Katherine Marie Woods placed a baby for adoption around the time of April 17, 1969. My mother has passed away and I am seeking to find my half sister. My mother’s birth date was May 4, 1953. I believe at the time of birth she may have resided in Wayne County. Please contact me at the number provided.
Sincerely,
Karsen Woods
She printed the letter bolding her contact information in the header and then addressed the envelope. Before placing it in the mailbox, she prayed for a rapid reply.
Brad stood outside the science building in the warm afternoon sun. He wore baggy, cargo shorts and brown flip-flops. Heat radiated through his striped polo shirt and he could feel sweat trickle down the middle of his back. He didn’t care. It had already been three days, and he refused to let his sister avoid him any longer. He felt guilty about distancing himself from and ignoring Hanna, too. He knew they would be in class together and headed toward them hastily as soon as he saw them walk out of the door.
“We need to talk,” he said to his sister. Looking at Hanna, he smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll call you.” She nodded and walked away.
He put his arm around Karsen and grabbed her bag.
“Let’s go somewhere more private.”
They walked through campus and arrived at a shaded bench. A few students lounged under trees studying nearby.
“Sit,” he directed her, and she complied. He wanted to tell her how disappointed he was, how he was tired of sacrificing his life to pick up hers. But he didn’t. She was his baby sister, and she’d been through enough.
“I’m sorry,” she said, nervously fiddling with her necklace.
“I know.”
“Brad, I wanted to tell you.”
“You should have.”
“Hanna wanted to tell you, but I begged her to keep my secret until I could figure things out. Please don’t be mad at her.”
“I’m not. I know you two are close.”
They sat quietly for a moment.
“What about James?”
“Exactly. What about James?” she said bitterly. “He wants me to have an abortion. And, from the last time I saw him, it appears he’s taking no time moving on.”
“Figures.”
“I was going to schedule one, this week actually. But then I got the call from Meg. I need to find her, Brad.” Two girls walked by and she waited for them to pass beyond earshot. “I feel like Mom wants me to find her. Our sister, not Meg. I don’t know what the right decision is, but I need to do this and fast. I don’t know if talking to her will help me make a choice or not, but I have to see.”
“How far along are you?” He asked.
“Right around ten weeks.” Brad understood the urgency. There was a point of no return when three options turned into two. He knew she was scared and he was scared for her.
“How can I help?”
“You can’t. You’re leaving for the show.”
“No, no…Karsen, I’ll just tell them I can’t participate. This takes precedence.” He could hear his own words coming out of his mouth and felt his dreams disintegrating.
“Oh, Brad, you can’t! I can’t…I won’t let you do that!”
“K, you can’t do this alone. I promised Mom when you decided to come to school here that I’d take care of you. Now that she’s gone, I won’t go back on that promise.”
Karsen knew what this sacrifice meant. This opportunity may not come again no matter how talented he was. This was his shot. She leaned forward, placing her forehead on his chest. His lean, track-built body was small compared to many men, but the size of his heart overcame his stature. She felt safe against him.
“Have you talked to Dad?” he asked.
“Not since the phone call. Seeing that it’s been over a week, he’s probably pretty pissed at me.”
“Maybe. But you owe him a phone call.”
She straightened up and tried to compose herself the best she could under the circumstances. “I know. And you owe Hanna a phone call.”
Karsen dialed tentatively, hoping her father would not answer so she could sheepishly leave him a voice mail.
“Hello?” answered the soft, familiar voice.
“Hi, Daddy.” She held her breath, waiting for him to speak, not knowing exactly what reaction to expect.
“Are you okay?” he asked. No scolding, no anger penetrated his voice.
“Yeah. I mean, I guess, considering.” She weighed her words. “Daddy, I’m sorry.”
“I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry, too.” There were few intimate moments between them. They both hesitated uncomfortably considering what to say next.
“Mom would be so disappointed in me.”
“Maybe a little. She didn’t want you to face the same decision she had to make. It tore her apart. But don’t believe for a moment that disappointment undermines love. We both just wanted the best for you, Karsen.”
“I’m angry at her, Daddy. I keep thinking I shouldn’t be, but I can’t seem to let it go. She should have told me.”
“I know you can’t understand, honey. But, right or wrong, she did what she thought was best.”
“I guess.”
“Karsen, your mom had a small amount of life insurance. I had planned to put it away for you and Brad. I wanted to help when you got married or bought a home. But if you need it…I mean if money is weighing on your decision, you can have it now. I’m not your mother and I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll do what I can to help.”
“I know, Daddy…thanks. I’ll think about it.”
The women stared at Brad as he entered the sorority house. The scene in Hanna’s room had tickled its way through the entire clan like a bad game of childhood telephone where the story is hardly recognizable by the end. Brad wondered how distorted the account of his family had become through the layers of gossip. He scaled the steps and tapped on Hanna’s door.
“Come in.”
“Hey.”
“Hey.” She sat at her desk with her laptop open. “I was just downloading a movie. Thought it might take my mind off things for awhile.”
He walked over as she stood from her chair. His arms embraced her tightly. “I’m sorry,” he said, not letting go. “I didn’t mean to push you away. It’s all just too much. My Mom, this whole mess with Karsen.”
“I know. You don’t need to explain. I don’t blame you.” Hanna pressed her cheek into his chest until she could hear his heartbeat. She closed her eyes and lost herself momentarily with his arms curled around her. She couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.
“I withdrew from the show,” he said in a faint voice, which Hanna hardly heard.
“You what?” She pulled back and looked into his eyes with disbelief.
“I withdrew from the show,” he repeated.
“Brad, you …you can’t!”
“I had to.”
“But…”
“But nothing. Karsen shouldn’t be my responsibility, but I can’t let her go through this alone.”
Hanna rested her head back against his chest. “I know.”<
br />
“I could kill James.”
“You’re telling me.”
She pulled back again. “Brad, maybe it’s not too late. I can help Karsen. This could be your big break. Call them and tell them you made a mistake.”
“I can’t. Even if I went, I’d be too preoccupied to concentrate. At any rate, it’s already done. I called the producers before I came here. They’ve probably already filled my spot.”
Hanna could see the disappointment in his eyes. She reached up and pulled his face to hers. Her fingers felt prickly stubble over his typically smooth shaven skin. She kissed him softly. He responded immediately, kissing her passionately in return.
“I can’t lose you,” he whispered with a sense of urgency. She pulled away. He stood for a moment alone, wondering if his words frightened her off and watched as she quietly walked to the door. He sighed and smiled with relief as she closed it and turned the lock.
She walked back and stood in front of him.
“You won’t,” she whispered back into his ear.
He kissed her again. Together, they moved toward her bed.
22
“Slide, Mommy! Slide!” Adelaide chanted.
Emily held her daughter’s hand as she slid down the playground sliding board, giggling with delight. Reaching the bottom, she slipped free of her mother’s grasp and raced back around and up the steps, then slid down again, over and over.
Addison smiled as she watched at Emily’s side. She had agreed to meet Emily because she missed her goddaughter, but Emily dared not tread on uneasy waters. Russell had not been a topic of conversation since their phone call at the office and Addison wanted it to stay that way.
Addison’s phone began to ring in her purse.
“It’s probably the office,” she said, and began to rummage through the Louis Vuitton for her cell.
“Let me take it,” Emily said in an attempt to stop Addison from being pulled into a lengthy business conversation. She knew her friend needed a break as much as she did, but Addison never seemed to turn off.
“Me talk! Me talk!” Adie bounced off the bottom of the slide and ran toward Addison.
“Hello?” Addison raised the phone to her ear, turning away from the toddler. Adie began to scream.
“MEEEE TAAALLLKKK! MEEEE TAAALLLKKK! WHAAAAAAAHH!!”
Emily grimaced and grabbed her by the hand.
“Adie, no! Aunt Addy is talking on the phone. Let’s go slide again.”
“Hello?” Addison repeated, as Emily dragged Adie away kicking and screaming.
“Ms. Addison Reynolds?” a man’s voice questioned.
“Yes, this is Addison Reynolds.” Great, she thought, what now?
“I’m Nicholas Ross with the Indiana Adoption History Registry.”
“Who?” Addison froze.
“Nicholas Ross, ma’am.”
“What’s this about?” Addison’s anxiety rose, her smile replaced by a less attractive scowl. Emily could tell by Addison’s expression that the call was not what she expected.
“I’m a confidential intermediary. You are aware that you were adopted, correct?”
“Yes?”
“Well then, ma’am, we’ve been contacted by a member of your biological family. By law, they cannot contact you without your consent. Are you aware of the procedure?”
“What? NO!” Addison shouted. Emily’s head turned hearing the harsh tone in her voice.
“No, you are not aware, or no you do not consent?”
“No, I do NOT consent. I’m sorry,” stammered Addison, trying to regain her composure.
“Certainly, Ms. Reynolds, I understand. If you were to change your mind, you can call me back at this number, or our contact information is listed online.”
“Thank you.” She ended the call and hurriedly stuffed the phone back in her bag. Rising from the bench, she walked over to Emily.
“Who was that? Is everything okay?”
“Someone tried to contact me,” she said, visibly flustered.
Emily looked confused.
“Who tried to contact you?”
“My mother maybe? The man said he was an intermediary from an adoption registry service. He said someone wanted to contact me, but they can’t without my consent,” Addison continued.
“What did you say?”
“No. I said no.”
Karsen didn’t recognize the number on her phone, but answered quickly.
“Hello. May I speak to Ms. Karsen Woods, please?”
“This is Karsen.”
“This is Nicholas Ross from the Indiana Adoption History Registry.”
“Yes?” Karsen’s heart skipped a hopeful beat. It had been a painfully long week since she’d written to the registry and she was beginning to wonder if she’d ever hear anything.
“We received your letter and we were able to trace your sister. Unfortunately, she declined to give us permission for you to contact her. I’m sorry.”
Karsen’s heart sank. The notion that her sister wouldn’t want to meet her had crossed her mind, but she’d dismissed it. Maybe she wouldn’t want to be best friends or call her a sister, but how could she not be curious at all?
“Are you sure? Maybe if you asked her again. Did you tell her it was her sister trying to contact her?”
“I’m sorry, Miss. At this time, there is nothing further I can do. She has my information if she changes her mind.”
“And in your experience, do people change their minds?”
“Sometimes yes, sometimes no. If she reaches out, we’ll notify you.”
“I understand. Thank you for your time.”
Time. A component Karsen was running out of.
Karsen cocooned herself away for the next two days. The shades in her room were left unopened, creating a somber dark hiding place for her to seclude herself. She rarely arose from her bed except to drown her depression in a tub of rocky road ice cream, the last of which she had finished this morning. There were several unanswered voice mails waiting on her phone, including a reminder for her appointment at the clinic at nine o’clock Friday morning.
It wasn’t fair. Her friends invited her out, but she didn’t want to be the source of their gossip, nor did she want their sympathy. What she wanted was to turn back the clock. To bring her mom back. She wanted to ask her mom why. She wanted to scream at her for deceiving her. She wanted her to tell her what to do.
She had dozed off again when the front door opened.
“Karsen?” Brad’s voice boomed throughout her small apartment.
“Go away!” she yelled out, wishing she’d never given him a key.
He entered her bedroom, followed by Hanna. “You didn’t return my calls.”
“I just want to be left alone.”
Hanna opened the shades, brightening the room instantly. Karsen groaned and pulled her pillow over her head.
“We’re worried about you.” Brad sat on the edge of the bed, placing his hand on hers.
“I’m fine.”
Brad looked at Hanna. She shook her head.
“You’re not fine. Look at you. Look at this place,” he said. Two days and her apartment looked like a fraternity house after a rush party. Empty ice cream cartons littered the floor with the spilled remnants dried in sticky blobs beside them. Furniture was barely visible under piles of unwashed laundry.
“Karsen, consider this an intervention. Come on, get up,” Brad said sternly.
“NO.”
He pulled the pillow off her head.
“Stop it!” she yelled, trying to hold onto it harder.
He tugged harder and the pillow flew across the room, almost hitting Hanna and knocking over a half-empty glass of milk. Hanna flinched.
“F- you!” Karsen shouted at her brother.
Agitated, Brad pulled her up by her arms. “C’mon, Karsen. I’m not kidding. Get up!”
“Wow, K, you look like shit,” Hanna said, noticing – in addition to her lack of housekeeping – Kars
en obviously hadn’t showered in two days either.
“Thanks,” Karsen said sarcastically and glared at Hanna.
“Hey, what are friends for?” Hanna grabbed her keys from the counter and tossed them to Brad. “Why don’t you run out and get some decent food. She needs to eat and there’s nothing here.”
“Sure. Be back in a few.”
“Come on, K. Let’s get you into the shower.”
Reluctantly, Karsen dragged herself into the bathroom. Hanna started the water.
“It’s going to be okay,” Hanna said softly, and gave Karsen a hug. She closed the door so Karsen could clean up in private.
Karsen stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel. The mirror had steamed over from the heat. She toweled off a circle and peered into the mirror, analyzing her appearance. Ten weeks of pregnancy and several gallons of Ben & Jerry’s were beginning to show in her face. She opened her towel and examined her body. Her typically flat abdomen appeared rounded. Not enough to be noticeable in clothing, but definitely filling in. It wouldn’t matter now. She had made her decision and after Friday the weight gain would subside. The feeling of emptiness seemed ironic with her growing physical appearance. She rewrapped the towel around her and secured one around her hair.
Hanna sat on the edge of the bed thumbing through the new issue of Urbane. She looked up and set the magazine aside as Karsen came back into the room. Karsen noticed that Hanna had tidied up while she showered.
“Thanks, Han,” she said.
“No problem.”
“I mean it. Thanks.”
Karsen slumped beside her, hands folded in her lap. “Will you still go with me?”
“Of course.”
“Without Brad, right?”
“That’s up to you. Whatever you want. He’ll understand.”
“I know.”
“Did you tell your dad?”
“No. I figure he’ll realize when… well, when no baby arrives. I can’t face the disappointment.”