Full Circle (Urban Books)

by Skyy

  “Not used to what?” Danni asked.

  “This . . .” Lena waved her hands. “The fact that you say and do all the things you are saying and doing with no strings attached.”

  Danni smirked, lowering her head.

  “Seriously, I’m used to people wanting to tie me down. What is your deal?”

  “Lena, we haven’t known each other a month yet.”

  “I know. I’m just wondering, when you say you don’t do relationships, is it something that is a never thing or a ‘possibility in the future’ thing?”

  Danni motioned for Lena to come over to her. With her bottom lip poked out, Lena walked over and sat next to Danni. Danni locked her fingers with Lena’s. Their eyes met.

  “Lena, I’m diggin’ you, boo. Like I said before, I’m not the type of person to just do all the shit I’m doing for a chick. I’m about business. But, baby, today is a good example of why I don’t lock chicks down.”

  Lena continued to listen.

  “There’s something my father taught me at an early age. Never let anything come in the way of your business, and, Lena, locking you down spells disaster for business. I let it happen once before, and I won’t make that mistake again, not for anyone.”

  “So I am a distraction?”

  “No . . . well, honestly, yes. But you are a welcomed distraction, in moderation.” Lena could tell that Danni was serious by her expression. “I’m in grind mode, baby, and I am not in a place to lock anyone down, no matter how amazing the person might be.”

  Lena didn’t know what to think. A guilty feeling came over her. She thought about Denise and the night she turned her away in New York. Denise had blamed Lena for her career loss. She had let her feelings for Lena interfere with the goal she had set for herself, and in the end she lost her basketball contract. Lena hated to admit it, but she knew Danni was right.

  “Lena, I’m gonna keep it a hundred with you right now.” Danni stood up. “You aren’t ready for a real relationship, either.”

  “Okay, what is that supposed to mean?” Lena was offended.

  Danni sighed. “Okay, Lena, real talk. You aren’t girlfriend material . . . yet.”

  Lena’s face dropped. She had always been girlfriend and wife material. Danni could see the irritation forming in Lena’s face.

  “I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s the truth. Lena, it’s more than being a good housewife when you are dealing with a person like me. I’m not trying to just have an arm piece. I want a partner in crime. Ya feel me?”

  “No, honestly, I don’t feel you. I’m not a damn trophy.”

  “Really? Tell me, Lena, what have you done with yourself besides being a stay-at-home basketball wife and mother? Have you ever even had a job?”

  Lena’s face cracked. She had never had a real job. Danni didn’t take her eyes off Lena. Lena felt like Danni was staring right into her soul.

  “Yeah you got married, but, baby, that wasn’t a childish relationship from the jump. You were his high school and college sweetheart, but once in the actual trenches you didn’t last.”

  “Okay, now you are overstepping.” Lena was fuming. “I worked my ass off for that relationship. I gave up a hell of a lot.” Denise entered Lena’s mind.

  Danni shook her head. “No, you didn’t. Babe, when you got to college, from what you’ve told me, you fell for your roommate but never had an actual relationship with her. You never explored the real possibilities. You only got married because it was the right thing to do.”

  “Are you saying I didn’t love Brandon?”

  “No, I’m not saying that. But, Lena, Brandon was your first and only guy, and you’ve messed with only two chicks, and neither one of them was a real girlfriend.”

  Danni’s words stung. Lena didn’t want to admit it, but she knew Danni was right. She was reading Lena like a book. She couldn’t believe she was so transparent.

  “And I know you probably want to slap me by now, but there’s more. Lena, what the hell are you doing with yourself besides taking care of Bria and shopping? Are you seriously content just being a stay-at-home mom? I know it’s more to you than becoming a damn ex-ball wife. You gotta be deeper than that.”

  “Um, okay.” Lena stood up. “So I’m not deep, now?”

  “Honestly, no. You are an excellent mom, but what else can you say about yourself? I mean, what did you go to school for? To sit at home and go shopping? To me, sexy is more than a look. It’s an attitude and a way of life. Wearing hot clothes and having a banging body aren’t sexy. An independent woman about her grind is what’s truly sexy.”

  Lena didn’t know what to think. No one had read her like that before. She felt like shit. She had never thought past being Brandon’s wife and Bria’s mother. Now that she was single and rich, she had never thought about doing anything productive.

  Danni could tell she had hurt Lena’s feelings. She massaged Lena’s shoulder. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. But if you can’t handle what I have said to you, then that’s just another reason why we could never be more than we are right now. It’s a dog-eat-dog world. You gotta have tough skin. I just want you to live up to the potential I see in you.”

  “I know. And yeah, it stung a bit, but I can take it.” Lena held her head up. Although Danni was rough, she knew she had her best interest in mind.

  “Right now you are in a position to do whatever the hell you want to do. Get out there and do it.” Danni’s phone rang. “I gotta take this and go drop this package off. Check flights to Memphis. You need to be there for your friend.”

  Lena shook her head. No one had ever been so direct with her. Danni’s forceful words sank in deep. Danni kissed her on her forehead, leaving Lena to her thoughts.

  Chapter 25

  Cooley walked into the dance studio. Tamera’s face was the first one she saw. She kept her shades on as she watched Sahara’s backup dancers practicing for their upcoming Jimmy Fallon performance.

  Tamera tried to hold her cool. Even though Cooley had shades on, Tamera could feel her eyes on her. She continued to do the routine. She watched as the choreographer greeted Cooley. Cooley and the choreographer watched. Cooley kept a straight face, with her arms folded.

  Cooley wanted to beat the hell out of the traitor. She had trusted the girl with her woman, and they both had betrayed her. She could understand Sahara’s need for a little side piece while she was away, but she knew Tamera’s reason for bedding her woman was that she was hoping for the ultimate come-up.

  Cooley whispered in the choreographer’s ear. Tamera knew it was about her when she saw the disappointed look on his face. Everyone knew what had happened between Sahara and her. It was obvious after Sahara’s meltdown in Los Angeles. When she’d tried to console Sahara, she’d quickly pushed her off and told her to stay away from her. Later Sahara apologized, but the damage had been done. Cooley knew what had happened.

  Cooley left the studio, pulling her phone out of her pocket. Less than a minute later she heard the door to the studio fly open.

  “Cooley!”

  Cooley stopped. She turned to see Tamera storming up to her. Cooley kept her cool. She didn’t flinch.

  “You had me fired!” Tamera yelled. She quickly remembered Cooley had every right to. After all, Tamera had slept with her girl. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “Look, can we please be adults and just talk about this?”

  “What the hell do we have to talk about? You fucked up, Tamera. Did you really think you were going to keep eating off of us after what you did?”

  “Oh, come on. Yes, I . . . we made a mistake. If I could take it back, trust me, I would. But come on. This is my job, my career, and my livelihood. I have a daughter. I need this job.”

  Cooley took two steps toward Tamera and removed her shades. “Maybe you should have thought about that before you fucked where you eat.”

  Tamera wanted to scream, but she kept her cool. “Cooley, please, I need this job. I am sorry. Hell, if
you want to kick my ass, do it. But don’t take my job from me. It was one night, one mistake. I swear to you, it will never happen again.”

  “Oh, I know it won’t happen again. But do you really think I’m gonna let you go on tour with her again? Please.”

  Tamera knew it was too late. She had nothing to lose. “Wow.” She took a step back. “You do know it takes two to tango, right?”

  Cooley’s head snapped around. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

  “You heard me. I wasn’t the only one in that bed, Cooley. It’s not like I drugged her, seduced her, or anything else. We were both drinking, and some shit went down. But I wasn’t alone, and I for damn sure didn’t force her to do anything.”

  Cooley couldn’t speak. She knew Tamera was telling the truth. Sahara never did anything she didn’t want to do. Anger spilled from Cooley’s pores. She wanted to kill them both—Tamera for fucking her girl, and Sahara for being stupid enough to let her.

  “We made a mistake. She regretted it, and so did I. The girl was a mess when she woke up and realized what had happened. I understand you might not want me around, but come on. You are much too smart to think that I’d be dumb enough to do it again, or that Sahara would. What are you gonna do? Make her dance one dancer short for Fallon? And even if you let me go, do you really think, if she wants to do it again, she won’t find someone else?”

  Cooley’s hands began to tremble. Tamera was winning the fight. Firing her didn’t mean there wouldn’t be another slipup at some point. Cooley wondered if she would ever be able to trust Sahara again. Cooley thought about her reputation. Firing Tamera would only make her look like the scorned lover. The one thing people knew about her was that she was cool and confident. She wanted to kill Sahara for messing with her confidence. Tamera stood as still as a statue. Cooley walked back to the studio door. She tapped on the window. A moment later the choreographer joined them.

  “She’s good. She can stay. I’m a professional, and I temporarily mixed business and personal. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  Before Tamera could say thank you, she felt Cooley’s fist connecting her face. She fell on the floor from the blow. The gay choreographer’s face dropped. He covered his mouth, trying not to laugh. Cooley stood over Tamera, who was holding the side of her face, in shock from the blow.

  “That’s what I should have done.” Cooley turned around and walked away, leaving Tamera sitting there, her face throbbing.

  Cooley was baffled. The punch did nothing to help her feel better. She felt empty inside. Sahara had her open in ways she didn’t want or like. Cooley could feel herself losing control of who she was, and it was scaring her more than anything. She looked up to see Sahara walking into the building. Her blood began to boil again.

  “Baby?” As Sahara walked closer, she could tell Cooley was not in a good mood. “What are you doing here?”

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” Cooley snapped. “You know what? Don’t even worry about it. Just go see your fucking girlfriend.” Cooley brushed past Sahara.

  “Wait, please!” Sahara followed Cooley outside. “Carla, please!” Her voice carried, causing people sitting out on the patio at the restaurant next door to look.

  Cooley grabbed Sahara by her arm and took her back in the building. “What are you doing? Are you trying to end up plastered all over the Internet?”

  “You think I care about a fucking gossip blog? The only thing I care about right now is you and me.” Sahara folded her arms.

  “I’m not doing this here.”

  “Carla, I came here to get rid of Tamera.”

  “Why? You already did the dirt. What’s firing her gonna do?”

  Sahara sighed. “I’m just trying to do anything I can to make this right. Just tell me what to do. I’ll do anything. Don’t you see that?”

  “Right now the only thing you can do is get the fuck out of my face.” Cooley placed her shades back on and walked out of the building, leaving Sahara in tears.

  Denise sat on the couch, reading through film treatments and scripts that had been sent to her by her agent. She frowned at the number of gay roles she’d been offered. Cooley and Denise agreed, she didn’t need to play any gay roles unless they were Oscar worthy. She didn’t want the stereotype of being the gay actress.

  Denise was restless. She didn’t realize how anxious she was for the shooting to start. She was back playing the role of the loving girlfriend. Farih had made a vast improvement in a few days. They spent nights watching movies and talking, and were laughing like they used to. Farih didn’t ask to go out to eat, and she had actually cooked a few nights after getting off of work. Although she was trying, something was different. They hadn’t had sex since their argument. Things were nice, but it felt more like a friendship than a relationship.

  The one thing that still bothered her about Farih was the fact that she was helping to solidify Denise as a gay brand. Farih talked about their relationship all the time on her show. Even though she kept it very brief and didn’t go into details, every show she found a way to bring up Denise. Denise wished Farih would take a hint from Ellen, who mentioned her wife, Portia, only on rare occasions on her show. It bothered Denise that the show was using Farih’s gayness as a marketing tool. Anything that happened in the gay and lesbian community was immediately thrown to Farih for her thoughts. Farih would just smile and give her opinion on any and all things gay.

  Denise knew she was overreacting. It wasn’t her career. If Farih needed to use her life to work, then who was Denise to question it? The only thing was, it wasn’t just Farih’s life. It was Denise’s too. If Farih had her way, they would be starring in The Farih and Denise Reality Show on Bravo. The idea of having cameras following her every move repulsed Denise. She loved her celebrity, but she didn’t want to become a Kardashian or a Real Housewife.

  Adele’s “Don’t You Remember” began to play on Denise’s iPod. She thought about Lena. Lena consumed her thoughts more and more each day. Denise wanted to call her, but she was fighting to get over her addiction to Mrs. Jamerson-Redding. Denise couldn’t shake the feeling that Lena was who she was supposed to be with, even though the years told a different story.

  Denise knew Lena was in Memphis with Carmen. She wanted to get on a plane and act like it was a surprise, but something was holding her back. She knew it was her feelings for Farih. Denise had never been so torn in her life. She loved Farih but had a feeling their season was ending. She also loved Lena but knew Lena was too complicated.

  Denise shook her head, trying to focus on the film treatment in her hand. She knew work was the one thing that needed to be on her mind. She wanted her old focus back. She was having an internal battle with herself. She wished she could go back to her college days, when she didn’t let women interfere with her goals.

  The log line caught Denise’s attention. She read the film treatment. The story, about a woman trying to rebuild her life after losing her family in a fire, touched her. She found herself absorbed in the treatment from page one.

  The loud ring of the doorbell startled Denise. The doorbell rang over and over. She went to the door and peeked through the peephole.

  Cooley stood there with a straight face. “Nigga, open the damn door,” Cooley snapped.

  “Okay. Damn.” Cooley walked past Denise before she could get the door fully open. “Okay, what happened now?”

  Cooley paused. She looked at her best friend’s judgmental face. She felt her blood boiling. She hated when Denise automatically assumed it was something bad, even though she knew in this situation it was.

  “Nothing.” Cooley turned away. She knew her face would give her away.

  Denise walked closer to her. “Cool, what is going on?”

  “Nothing, man. Look, I just came by to tell you I need you to come to a meeting with me next Friday, so put it on your calendar.”

  Denise sat on the edge of her couch. She knew Cooley was trying not to look directly at her. Something was wr
ong, but she knew Cooley well enough to know not to press the subject.

  Cooley wanted to talk to Denise about Sahara, but she already knew what Denise would say. She knew Denise would tell her to let it go and forgive Sahara. She knew that Denise would fill her with guilt for all the things she did to Sahara in the past that Sahara put up with. She knew Denise was right about all these things, but Cooley didn’t want that right now. She wanted to vent and have someone have her side.

  “So I was reading this film treatment.” Denise picked up the thick booklet and handed it to Cooley. Cooley looked at the top sheet. “It really seems good.”

  “An MOW? Are you kidding me right now?” Cooley’s mind was back in business mode. Another thing that irritated her about her bestie was her inability to look at things from the point of view of dollars instead of passion.

  “Yes, a Movie of the Week, but it’s a really good one. I was really into the story until your excessive doorbell ringing interrupted me.”

  Cooley sat down on the leather couch. Stressed, she rubbed her hands thorough her hair. “Denise, you can’t go from a blockbuster to a Movie of the Week. Are you serious right now?”

  “C, I don’t care if it’s a blockbuster or an MOW. If I’m going to do this, I want to do things I’m actually passionate about.”

  “You obviously aren’t getting me right now. That’s why you have to come to this meeting. Maybe someone else can talk some sense into you.” Cooley stood up, tossing the film treatment on the couch. “I gotta go.”

  “Where are you about to go?” Something wasn’t sitting right with Denise. She knew her friend was troubled, but didn’t know what to do about it. Cooley had never had women issues, so this was new territory for her. “How about we go get something to eat or—”

  “Nah, I just want to be alone. I’ll see you later.” Cooley walked out the door, leaving Denise dumbfounded.

  Misha watched her son playing in the bathtub. She couldn’t help but laugh at some of his antics. She heard the front door slam shut. She knew that meant Patrick was not in a good mood. She dried Jaylin off and took him to his bedroom.