Magic and Mayhem: Witchin' Impossible 4: Mr. & Mrs. Shift (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Witchin' Impossible Mysteries)

by Renee George

  Great. It wasn’t bad enough that assassins had infiltrated my wedding. Now, I had to contend with the destroyed magical shawl. “What am I going to do? Sandy can’t join us without it. Apparently, it’s been woven by the hands of a thousand virgin witches.” Or something like that. My mind was blanking hard. I snatched the fabric out of Tiz’s paw. “Maybe she only needs a little.”

  Tizzy stared at me.

  “You never know! Gah! Why would someone do this?”

  Lily bumped my arm with her shoulder. “Someone is trying to stop the ceremony.”

  “And succeeding,” Tizzy added.

  “What I don’t get,” Lily said, “is why a gun? Why poison? Why burn the shawl? A good spell could have taken you out long before now.”

  I looked at my BFF. Tanya Flipping Gellar had been right, she really was a smart girl.

  “Why indeed?” I felt my lips turn up in a feral grin. “I pretty sure we can cross all the shifters off this list.” I got Ford’s attention from across the room. “You can let the furries go!”

  Chapter Seven

  “Nooooooooooo!” Sister Sandy wailed. She held the miniscule remains of her magic cloth between her thumb and forefinger. “Whyyyyyy? Whyyyyyyyy? It’ll take a decade for those stupid tailor witches to weave me another. This is how I make my living, for the love of the Goddess.” She slammed her hand over her mouth. “Goddess forgive me.”

  I tried to be cajoling. “What do I have to do to get this ceremony back on track?” Inside, I was freaking out, evidenced by the uncontrollable sparks lighting up my fingertips.

  “Calm down,” my dad said.

  “Soo not the right thing to say to a stressed out witch who is as calm as she can be,” Tizzy said, her high-pitched voice frantic. “You’re going to get us all fried!”

  “Where’s Vivi?” Sandy cried. “Did she do this? Did she burn my shawl?”

  “I’m pretty sure she didn’t,” I said. Though, really, there was no telling when the magical fabric got torched. “Where did you find it?”

  “In the library.”

  “I was in there this morning doing my blessing meditation.” Sandy clutched her dress over her heart. “I made that room sacred. Who would defile it? Defile me in such a way? They will answer to the Goddess for this!”

  “When?” I asked hopefully. Maybe the Goddess could just strike the culprit dead, and I could figure out how to get on with the night.

  “Eventually,” the priestess said. “You know. Karma.”

  “Oh, great, that unreliable bitch.” I happened to know that what went around didn’t always come around. If I was going to wait on karma to exact my revenge on whoever was destroying my wedding, I might be waiting a very long time.

  My dad gripped my shoulder. “I think the time for subtlety is over, princess.”

  “You’re right. Time to kick this into high gear.”

  I followed him back into the ballroom where Sassy was taunting the witch and warlock guests with threats of brain scrambles and exploding assholes.

  “Thanks,” I said to the blonde who put the bomb in bombshell. “I’ll take it from here.”

  Thirteen people scowled at me from the wall. Mercy Langston, Pierce Roberts, Selene Roberts, Lena Ansel, Cheryl Gellar, Becksy Ansel, Mark Ansel, Toby Rosen, Petra Willoughby, Sister Sandy, who I made get back in line, Ralph Dean, Rhoda Benson, and Tom Parker. All of them owned businesses in town, except Toby, who only just returned after years away, and Becksy, who was a senior in high school. It was as if the entire Chamber of Commerce had come out for the dog and pony, or in this case, witch and bear show.

  I’d grabbed Vivi’s Walther PK380 from the Bride’s room earlier, and I pulled it from my Coach bag and tapped it against my palm. “So, which one of you poisoned the jam?”

  “Are you threatening us?” Mercy Langston asked. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  Cheryl Gellar snorted derisively. “Like mother like daughter.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  The witch rolled her eyes but didn’t answer.

  Lily walked the line, ready to pounce on a liar, liar, pants on fire.

  “First question. You can answer one at a time. Which one of you wants to see me dead?”

  The thirteen suspects grew terribly quiet.

  Tizzy said, “That question might be a little broad.”

  “Oh, right.” Just because someone would like to see me dead, didn’t mean they would actually go through with it. “Did you put poison in my jam?”

  Every single witch and warlock said, “No.”

  I looked a Lily. She shook her head. I hoped her mojo wasn’t on the fritz.

  “So, none of you wanted to poison me?”

  “What makes you think it was a witch or warlock and not a Shifter?” Toby Rosen asked.

  There was a rousing chorus of approval from the others.

  I held up the gun, effectively silencing them.

  “First, this gun. Second, the poison, and third the burning of a sacred cloth.” I smiled triumphantly.

  Lena Ansel stuck her chin out. “I have no idea what that means.”

  Her daughter Becksy was quicker on the uptake. “Non-magic means of getting rid of a witch,” she said. “Whoever is responsible wants to avoid witch jail if they get caught.”

  Exactly. No dark or death magic, or using legal magic lethally, and no magic po-po. Human jails would never hold a witch. Whoever was trying to kill me, would basically walk scot-free if I didn’t stop them. “Winner, winner, chicken dinner for the smartest witch in the room.” Except for me, of course. Becksy smiled though. “You can go, Beks. I don’t suspect you.”

  She smirked. “You don’t think I could?”

  “It’s not that.” I hid a pleased smile. This was a little girl I wanted on my team one day. “I just think there are many years of rage behind whoever is responsible. You haven’t lived long enough to be homicidally angry.”

  Becksy pursed her lips. “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve thought about killing Lincoln once or twice in the past week.”

  “We can talk about that later.” I looked at the time. Ten o’clock. Crap on a crackhead goddess. I wanted to cry again. Even if I got this resolved in time, Sandy couldn’t create our bond. What was the point?

  After Becksy left, I saw her dad breathe a sigh of relief. I felt bad now for the waving the gun around, but I was a desperate bride.

  “I don’t know who did the poison thing, Haze,” Sassy said. She’d been standing a few feet back from me. “But someone is full of hate and violence. So much so, it’s making it hard to say exactly who. I’m going to guess it’s one of the dudes though. The energy just feels masculine.”

  Sassy could get into people’s minds and mess around. I’d asked her not to probe too deep, because without a warrant or provocation, I could end up in witch jail for overstepping my authority. I light probe was what I asked for, and surprisingly, that’s what she’d given me. The bad news, I still had five suspects. The good news, no one’s heads exploded.

  “Okay, the ladies can leave.”

  Mercy Langston did not wait to be asked twice. She walked out of the ballroom like her feet were on fire. Lena and the other ladies followed close behind, except for Sister Sandy.

  The high priestess launched herself at the men. “You will drink acid in hell you shawl destroying assholes!”

  “Sister Sandy!” I gasped. “Sassy, can you get her out of here?”

  “I’ll take care of her,” Sassy said.

  My eyes widened. “Don’t do anything crazy.”

  “I’m a mom now. I’m not planning on doing anything fatal.”

  “Awesome.” After she got the priestess out of there, I turned on the five remaining warlocks. “Do we keep playing games, or do I go psycho-bride on your asses?”

  “I don’t have to put up with this, Kinsey,” Pierce said. “You are overstepping your authority.”

  He was going think overstepping when I buried my stilet
to in his backside. I changed tactics. “Look, I’m just a girl, standing in front of a bunch of suspects, asking them to come clean about why you’re so determined to ruin my special day.” Ten-oh-five. Dang it. Time was ticking away. “So come on. I don’t know any of you well enough to warrant this kind of crap. Why do you want to hurt me?”

  “I don’t,” Pierce said.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Hazel,” Toby said.

  Mark shook his head. “I kind of want to hurt you right now, but I’m not behind all this.”

  Ralph shrugged. “I’ve got no beef with you, Chief.”

  Finally, Tom said, “Ditto all that. I’m not behind this. I really liked Gary Gary.”

  I looked a Lily. Her face pinched with anxiety. “All truths.”

  Damn it! This was getting me absolutely nowhere.

  Sassy came running back into the room. “Get your dress on, Haze! I found Sister Sandy a new shawl!”

  Chapter Eight

  Back up in the bride’s room, Lily, Tizzy, and surprisingly Tanya Farthead Gellar hurriedly dressed me for the female procession. Tanya used a little magic to enhance my makeup and my hair. The men would be doing the male version of the pre-ceremony ceremony in Ford’s Groom’s room across the third floor.

  “Are you ready?” Tizzy asked.

  “I…” I fluttered my lashes to keep them dry as tears threatened to spill over. “This isn’t how I thought my day or evening would go.”

  Tiz climbed up on my lap, she reached up and caressed my cheeks with her tiny little finger. She had a cream-colored bow on top of her head that matched my gown. “You are not going to be any less bonded no matter how many people we have to kill to get you there.”

  “I didn’t kill Gary Gary.” I pouted. “You hate Ford,” I blurted. “How is this going to work?”

  “I love you, you foolish witch. And Ford loves you, which makes me not hate him. And you love Ford, which makes me actually love him. I am in this with you, Haze. I may not have said this before, but it doesn’t mean I don’t mean it. I am happy for you.”

  “Aww, Tiz.” I dabbed at my eyes.

  “You’re smudging your makeup,” Tanya said. She dabbed the corner of her own eye. “You have a strange relationship with your familiar.”

  I ignored Tanya. “Tisaphone, I’m happy for you too. Even if I never say it again.” I’d never live it down with Luwithaview. “You’re my family.” I looked at Lily. “Both of you. You’ve been my rocks. I don’t think I could’ve gotten through this day without you.”

  “The days not over,” Tanya reminded up.

  It was eleven now. One out to wedded bliss. “I wish the other shoe would drop already.”

  “Maybe the interrogation scared the person behind the assassination attempts into stopping. Maybe there is no other shoe,” Lily said.

  I looked up at my friend. “Do you really believe that?”

  Her smile faded. “No, but a cougar can hope.” She sat down on the bed next to me. “I love you, Hazel. I’m sorry your day hasn’t been sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns.”

  “The ladies are coming,” Tanya said. “Get up and be ready to take your blessings.”

  Twenty minutes later, my neck had a kink from touching foreheads with Shifters and witches. My soon to be mother-in-law was the last in the parade. “May your life be filled with joy and promise. This is my unending hope.” She touched leaned in, touched forehead with me, then kissed my cheek. “I’m so proud to have you join my family.”

  “It’s time to go,” Lily said. She smiled, her green eyes full of love. I carried Tiz in my left arm and linked my right arm with Lily’s. “Let’s do this.”

  My dad waited outside the door. He and Tanya—gag—joined hands in front of us and led the way down the stairs. All the women were lined up on the left side of the stairs in a long line leading down to the first floor and out onto the lawn. They touched me, murmuring blessings as I passed. It would have been beautiful if I hadn’t been scared one of those hands might hold a knife or something worse.

  The clear night sky sparkled with stars as the full moon seemed to shine down on me like a spotlight. I slowed when I saw Ford standing under a coronation of white roses woven into the open roofed gazebo. Damn, that man took my breath away.

  Sister Sandy stood facing me on the other side of Ford. Lincoln and Patrick Edger stood with Ford as his groomsmen. Tanya took a seat in the first row of chairs. Tiz and Lily both kissed my cheek, and Lily took Tizzy to the stage. My dad turned to me. He looked scared.

  “You okay, kitten?”

  “I should ask you that question. You look like you swallowed a bug.”

  “You’ll make this work. You won’t be a disaster like your mom and me.”

  “Thanks, dad.” I gave him a rare hug. “I’m ready.”

  “I know you are.”

  He took my hand, we began our father-daughter walk toward my mate. The ritual would last for at least fifteen minutes. Lots of incantations and such, but the final bonding moment had to happen at midnight exactly.

  “This is really happening,” I whispered to my sugar bear when my dad handed me off.

  “You are so beautiful, Haze.”

  “You’re not so bad either, hot stuff.” We’d really pulled it off. We hadn’t found the assassin, but the wedding was on. Thank the goddess Sassy had found a shawl.

  Sandy cleared her throat. “Good people of the town of Paradise Falls, we are gathered here tonight to witness the union of two souls. Hazel Marie Kinsey and Ford Harvest Baylor have both agreed to enter this pact willingly and with joy. What magic and love binds together, let no one break asunder.” The high priestess took the magic shawl and wrapped it around Ford’s forearm then took the other end and tied it around mine.

  She pivoted toward the lake. Dozens of teenagers launched their flower boat wishes onto the water. Sandy began her first incantation. My arm began to tingle, and the sensation tickled. I giggled. Ford’s smile made me want to raise my flag on his pole. He was so getting molested the minute this binding was concluded.

  A crack of thunder followed by a blur taking me down effectively halted my euphoric buzz. “Ford!”

  “I’m here,” he said. “We’re sitting ducks on this platform. We have to move.”

  I heard splashing and a few ungoddessly words spew from a wet Sister Sandy’s mouth. Thank heavens. That had been a rifle shot, and thanks to my quick acting babe, the bullet had missed me. We rolled together as another shot tore through the wooden base where we’d just been.

  The crowd of guests were running for cover, not that I blamed them. There was such a thing as collateral damage, and I had a feeling the person shooting as didn’t give a crap if anyone else died. Gary Gary had suffered an innocent’s fate.

  “Do you see the shooter?” I asked Ford.

  “No,” he said. “We need to get moving.”

  “We need to get this fucker.” I stood up.

  Ford tried to yank me back down. “In that dress you are a bright target on a dark field,” he shouted.

  “I’m not playing his game anymore.” Another crack split the night. I twisted as the bullet grazed my arm. “I. Have. Had. Enough!” I bellowed. My aura went from red to green, and I remembered the last time I’d reached out to the goddess.

  “Goddess give me what I need

  To stop the asshole with hasty speed.

  Give me strength to end this tyranny.

  I ask this of you, so mote it be.”

  Flames shot down my arms as powerful energy washed over me. Another shot. I threw up my hands. The bullet stopped two inches from my palms then dropped to the ground.

  I walked forward. Copper rounds bounced away from me in a quick one, two, three succession. Until the fourth one made it through and whizzed past my shoulder.

  “Hazel, the magic can’t stop the mundane. Not for long. Get behind something, now!” my dad shouted. “Ford’s gone after the shooter while you distracted him. Now you do your part again
and stay safe.”

  Toby Rosen crawled over to me. “There’s a stone wall just on the other side of the gazebo. You should be out of harm’s way there.”

  I nodded. Toby directed the way, and I scrabbled behind him. My dress caught on a chair anchor and ripped. “Goddessdamnit!” I hissed as I settled in next to Toby behind the barrier.

  The firing had stopped. I heard someone shout. “He got him! Ford got the guy.”

  Relief flooded my bones. I hadn’t realized how afraid I’d been. Not for me, but for the life I’d started here in Paradise Falls. Finally, I felt home at home, and home was something I never wanted to lose. “Thanks, Toby.”

  Before I could face him, I felt a cold blade against my neck and heard the menace in the voice behind me. “I had a daughter once,” the man said.

  I recognized the voice straightaway. “Why are you doing this, Pierce?” Had he taken out Toby? I prayed another innocent hadn’t gotten caught in the crossfire.

  “I had a daughter,” Pierce said again. “But thanks to your father, she died on her wedding day. Make one twitchy move, Chief Kinsey, and I will slit your throat.”

  The cold blade bit into my throat as Pierce emphasized his threat.

  “Why go through all the trouble of putting a bounty on my head if you’d planned to do it yourself?”

  “I’m not a killer,” he said. “Not like your parents.”

  I was both disturbed and relieved. Pierce hadn’t wanted to get his hands dirty. He’d wanted to hurt my father, but not enough to do it himself. My nerves caused a ripple of sparks over my skin.

  “Ow,” he said. “Stop that.”

  “I’m not doing it on purpose.” I really wasn’t. Sheesh. “How did my parents kill your daughter?”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but I had to keep Pierce engaged.

  “She was standing on that same gazebo as you were, ready to take her vows, when a lightning storm out of nowhere began to throw bolts all over the lake.” His voice trembled. “Lida was struck with a direct hit straight through her heart.”

  “How is that my dad’s fault?”

  “After you killed Adele and the truth about the wild storms in Paradise Falls came out, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. The monstrous druidic magic they were performing caused that lightning storm. They killed my baby girl.”