Always You

by Stephanie Rose

  “Feeling better?” he whispered, still playing with my hair.

  “Mmm hmm. That feels good.” I snuggled closer to him and he kissed the top of my head. I lifted my head up to kiss him on the cheek, but he turned his head and I got his lips instead. It started out a soft and sweet kiss and got deeper and urgent. I was sixteen again and making out with a guy I liked on his couch. Except for the fact none of the guys I knew then, or ever, had moves like this.

  Feeling a little bold, I climbed on top of Lucas and straddled his lap, our lips still moving. I rubbed myself against him and he moaned.

  “I’d say someone is feeling much better,” Lucas murmured against my lips. I smiled as he found the hem of my tank top and lifted it up and over my head. He dragged his hands over my breasts and gazed up at me.

  “So beautiful…” Lucas grabbed the nape of my neck and brought me back to his lips. He unsnapped my bra, but didn’t take it off right away. He pulled me closer as he inched the straps off my shoulders. When it was finally off, he looked up at me with a smirk. “I may be here for a while…” He cupped both my breasts with his hands, and when he brought one to his mouth to suck on my nipple, I squirmed in his lap. He brought his hands to my hips to hold them in place. “Stay still, you aren’t going anywhere.” He sucked on the other nipple and let it go with a pop.

  Lucas put his hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb across my lips. I thought back to when he did that in his bed the last time I was here, how he made me feel worshipped, desired, loved—even though I wouldn’t dare say that word out loud … yet.

  Lucas unzipped my jeans and slipped his hand inside my panties. The second his hand felt my wet and swollen flesh, he dropped his head back and groaned.

  “Shit, the condoms are in my nightstand drawer.” He lifted me up to get off the couch, but I didn’t move.

  “I’ve been on the pill for a long time, for health reasons. When I found out about—anyway I got tested and I’m clean. I haven’t been with Marc since, or anyone—until you.

  Lucas cupped my cheek and rested his forehead against mine.

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind using—” I put my finger on his lips.

  “Yes. I want to feel you, all of you.” I grabbed the back of his head and devoured his lips. This went against “going slow”, but I felt the need to give myself to Lucas completely—without anything between us. I may’ve been opening myself up for a world of hurt, but I felt safe with Lucas.

  Lucas flipped me over on the couch so he was on top of me. I lifted my hips as he pulled my jeans off and tossed them behind him. He took his clothes off in record time. I was a little disappointed since I wanted to strip him. He hovered over me for a moment, and I allowed my fingers to drift over every ripple and muscle in his chest.

  “You feel so good…” Lucas’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he moved inside me. That familiar buildup grew as he went in and out, deeper and deeper. Slowly at first and then he picked up speed. Suddenly he stopped, lifted my left leg, and slid back in quick, hard, and really deep. When the shock of his movements and the new angle felt like they were too much, he drove into me even harder. My insides tightened until I couldn’t take the throbbing anymore. I came harder than I probably ever did in my life.

  Lucas soon followed and we both collapsed on the couch.

  “I guess I didn’t need all those clothes.” I laughed as he grabbed me and pulled me on top of him.

  “I was afraid you’d never be here like this again.” He rubbed my back and looked at me with a sad smile.

  “Believe me, there was never a time I didn’t want to be here with you. I needed time to make sure I was ready for it.”

  “I know, and I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” He ran his fingers through my hair, grabbing the back of my head and inched his lips towards mine. “I’m just glad you’re here.” He gave me a soft kiss that became deeper and urgent, and I felt him getting hard again under me.

  I pulled back from the kiss, my eyes wide.

  “Really? You could do that again so fast?” Lucas smirked at me and cocked an eyebrow.

  “Not bad for an older guy, right?” He slapped me on the ass, making me giggle.

  As much as I was trying to take it slow with Lucas, there was no going back now. Every second I spent with him, I wanted him more. I was all in, and there was no way I could hide it.

  I looked at my reflection in the restaurant window and cringed. What the hell was I thinking when I bought this dress? It was black satin and tight enough for anyone to see what I had for breakfast—yesterday. It wasn’t too short or low cut, but since I was packing double Ds, my boobs took over anything I wore. The dress was sleeveless, so I threw on a black shrug-length sweater over it. I’d gone shopping on my lunch hour with my friend Tabitha yesterday, and when I told her Lucas was taking me to the new trendy restaurant in the meatpacking district, she insisted I buy this dress. She even convinced me to buy a new pair of silver stilettos. I had a short window of time before the shoes gave me a pronounced limp, and prayed we were hopping right into a cab back to Lucas’s apartment after dinner. Since it was a night special enough for painful heels, I took extra time with my hair and makeup—even breaking out the hot rollers. I took a second glance at my smoky eye makeup and soft waves in my long dark brown hair. Although I didn’t quite feel brave enough to pull this dress off, I thought I looked kind of hot. Hopefully, my date agreed.

  Over the past month, my label-less relationship with Lucas had progressed to the stage of keeping clothes at his apartment for my overnight stays, thus eliminating the need for an overnight bag. Thank goodness, as I could barely carry myself in these heels as I made my way to meet him at the restaurant.

  I asked Lucas to meet me by the bar. I wanted to surprise him tonight with my more primped than usual self. I noticed him right away, and thought how unfair it was that one person could be that damn good looking. His blue button-down shirt clung to every muscle in his torso, and his black pants fit him to perfection. He looked like he had stepped off a runway, and I hoped my ridiculous shoes didn’t make me fall as I strolled over to where he sat.

  Lucas didn’t see me approach. I came up behind him and wrapped my hands around his waist.

  “Hey, handsome.” His cheeks turned up in a smile as he reached for me.

  “Hey, yourself, baby—” Lucas stopped speaking mid-sentence and his face fell.

  Crap, I knew I couldn’t pull this dress off.

  “You hate it. Ugh, I knew it.” I looked down at myself, shaking my head.

  “Hate it? Um, no. You look—” Lucas’s eyes traveled up and down my body, giving me a smoldering gaze that made my heart beat faster. “I can’t even put into words how amazing you look tonight. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to get through an entire dinner without ripping that dress off of you.” He stood from his seat at the bar and wrapped his arms around me.

  “I should be prepared to get in a fight tonight. You’re going to turn the head of every man in this place looking like that. So, let’s make sure everyone knows you’re with me.” He pulled me into a deep kiss and slid his hands to the small of my back, pulling me closer. Forgetting where I was, I moaned into his mouth as his tongue caressed mine.

  “Ahem, sir. Your table is ready.” A voice belonging to a six foot tall Amazon interrupted us. I guessed you had to be a supermodel to work here. She led us to our table and Lucas took my hand, paying no mind to the gorgeous woman who handed us our menus.

  Since we said our passionate hello, Lucas hadn’t stopped touching me—his hands and lips taking turns staking his claim as he moved his chair closer to mine. To say he was acting possessive was an understatement, but I loved every second of it.

  After the waiter took our order, Lucas leaned in like he was about to tell me a secret.

  “So tell me, Sam. I’m a little curious—how long did you have that huge crush on me?” He smirked at me and raised his eyebrows.

  I rolled my eyes at him.
“Really? You have to ask? You didn’t know?”

  Lucas shrugged and tried to hold back a smile. “I may’ve had an idea.” I kicked his leg under the table and he laughed. “I felt your eyes glued to my ass when I taught freshman seminar.”

  “My eyes, those of every straight girl in the class, and even a couple of not so straight guys. What brought this on?” I took a sip of my wine. We were ‘together’ now, but I hated that it was common knowledge how I’d pitifully carried a torch for Lucas throughout almost all four years of college.

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me how you felt?”

  My eyes grew wide. He had to be joking.

  “Why didn’t I tell you? Lucas, I was nothing more than a kid to you. You practically patted me on the head when you saw me. I heard the stories about all the hook ups. I could never compete with any of those girls. Yet, I followed you like a sad little puppy dog, hoping you’d notice me. That day never came, so I accepted we would only be friends and moved on.”

  “Moved on to Marc.” He looked away, shaking his head as he bit into a piece of bread.

  Yikes. This conversation was taking on a more serious tone than I expected.

  “He wasn’t always so bad.” I shrugged and put my hand on top of Lucas’s. “And I never blamed you. You were a great friend and always so nice to me. But you were Lucas Hunter. Lucas Hunter’s don’t notice Samantha O’Rourke’s. It’s just the way life is. You were gorgeous, smart, and had your pick of any woman you wanted. I was just a kid in a lot of ways.”

  “Lucas, is that you?”

  Standing next to our table in a tight white dress—still a fan of transparent clothing—was Nicole. With long blonde hair and a perfect tan, she was still stunning and seemed like she hadn’t aged a day since I last saw her over a decade ago.

  “Hi Nicole. You remember Samantha?” Lucas was polite, but not what I would call friendly. He hardly made eye contact with her, but she didn’t seem to notice or didn’t care.

  “Oh yeah, your cousin’s little friend.” She didn’t deem me worthy of a hello. “When did you get back from California? I haven’t seen you since that night in San Diego. When was it—two years ago?” She put her hand on Lucas’s arm, and I wanted to twist it right off her perfect body.

  Nicole saw Lucas when he lived in California? I knew they sometimes hooked up while he lived in New York, but knowing she was a part of Lucas’s life while he lived on the West Coast bothered me.

  “Yes, I think so. It was nice seeing you, but I’d like to get back to my date now.”

  Lucas put his arm back around me and kissed the top of my head. I enjoyed the look of confusion on Nicole’s face. He turned toward me and gave me a wink. Nicole had to have gotten hint by now.

  “Oh, well it was good seeing you too. I still have the same cell number if you ever want to catch up, for old times’ sake.” She was a brazen little bitch, another thing that hadn’t changed about her after all these years.

  Lucas nodded at her. “Have a good night.” Nicole strutted away, and Lucas took my hand.

  “Sorry about that. Back then—”

  I shook my head and held up my other hand. “No need for explaining. None of my business. I could use another drink. Have you seen our waiter?” I craned my head to see if I could find the waiter to ask for something a little stronger.

  Lucas wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. He kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear.

  “Every year, you got the same Jansport backpack in a different color. You always carried an old Discman around with you, and the CD inside was either Journey’s Greatest Hits or Bon Jovi Crossroads. I saw you at an internship open house in the career center one afternoon. You wore a tight blue jacket and skirt. You may’ve thought I only saw you as a kid, but I couldn’t take my eyes off your amazing body. You were beautiful then, just like you are now.”

  My eyes filled with tears. All those years I thought Lucas hadn’t given me a second look—I was wrong.

  “You…remember all of that?” A tear ran down my cheek and Lucas wiped it away with his thumb and nodded.

  “I remember a lot. Lucas Hunter’s notice Samantha O’Rourke’s, but sometimes they mess up and let them go.” Lucas lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my wrist.

  “If they get a second chance, they don’t make the same mistake twice.”

  Lucas and I had been together for five months, and he still hadn’t met Bella. I realized I was compartmentalizing my life and living as two different people. There was Sam, the carefree girl dating the man of her dreams, and Samantha, a single working mother trying to be both parents and not completely screw everything up.

  I admit, a big reason why I didn’t have them meet was because I was afraid. Lucas really didn’t know me as someone’s mother. I wasn’t sure if actually seeing me with the little person I was completely responsible for would make him think differently of me, and make him question what he was getting into. Lucas was a good guy, and the idea of Bella didn’t scare him off, but having them meet definitely took what we had to another level I hoped we were ready for.

  Bella and I were sitting at the breakfast table, and I was trying to decide how to spend the day. I tried to make our weekends as fun as possible. Marc not being around was a good thing, but she was still without a father.

  “Can we go to the zoo, Mommy? They have a new baby giraffe.”

  “Sure!” I wondered if this would be a good way to introduce Bella and Lucas. Maybe meeting us there would take the pressure off, and he could see what it was like to entertain a five year old.

  “Would you mind if an old friend of Mommy’s meets us there? I know he’d love to meet you.” At least I hoped he would love to meet her. It was time to find out.

  “It’s a boyfriend?” My daughter had an innocent but excellent question—one that I didn’t have an answer for at the moment.

  “Yes, he’s a boy who’s my friend. Is that alright with you?” She nodded yes and went back to her Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

  Why it had taken fifteen minutes to work up the courage to call him and ask him, I couldn’t say. I was going to be a chicken and send him an aloof text, but you couldn’t hear someone’s emotional reaction to something over a text message—even with shouty caps or cute little emoticons. If he had an issue with spending time with Bella, it was best for all of us if I knew now.

  Of course he picked up on first ring—I wasn’t even halfway through rehearsing how I was going to ask him in my head.

  “Hey Baby Girl, what’s up?”

  “Hey Lucas. Would you want to come to the zoo with Bella and me? It’s okay if you don’t want to but I thought I would ask.” I must’ve said it all in one breath, and I winced as I waited for him to answer. I should’ve sent the chicken text message.

  He laughed. “Were you afraid to ask me for some reason?”

  “No, not afraid. But I wasn’t sure if you were a kid person since we never really talked about it and—”

  “Yes, I would love to meet Bella and come to the zoo with you.” Thank God he put me out of my misery—and it looked like he was the kind of guy I hoped he was.

  “Probably easier to meet us in the Bronx than to come here and then go together. Can you meet us in front of the World of Birds at like twelve?”

  “Sure, thank you for asking me. What’s Bella’s favorite place at the zoo?”

  “Definitely the butterfly garden. She loves butterflies, they’re all over her room.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. Silly question, but who should I tell her I am?”

  “I told her you were an old friend of mine who wanted to meet her. Let’s not confuse her with labels right now.” Or us, since we never used any.

  I relaxed a little bit. If he wanted to meet her, it meant that me being someone’s mom wasn’t a problem for him, and he wasn’t afraid of what meeting Bella meant. Introducing Bella to Lucas was a big deal to me. Of course, legally I was still married to Marc’s loser ass, but I could dea
l with only one milestone at a time.

  When we got to the World of Birds and I pointed Lucas out to Bella, she grabbed my leg and hid behind me. She always took a long time to warm up to new people. I gave him a look that said sorry and a shrug as I tried to pry her off me to introduce them.

  Lucas gave me a warm smile and squatted so they were eye level. “Hi, Bella. My name is Lucas. I’m very glad to meet you.” She peeked out from behind me.

  “Your mom told me you liked butterflies, so I got here a little early to see if I could find one for you.” He showed her a plastic bag and handed it to her. She could never resist a surprise. She looked inside and there was a pink and purple butterfly stuffed animal. We usually got one when we come to the zoo and she put them on her bed, but we’d never found a purple one before. Her eyes lit up and she smiled at him.

  “Bella, what do you say?” I prompted her. She replied with a quiet thank you.

  “You know, I haven’t been here in a really long time.” He leaned in and whispered, “Do you think you could show me around?” He offered her his hand, and she let go of my leg to take it. I was in shock. I expected to be walking around with her pulling on me for a good half hour. Lucas sure knew his way around a pretty girl.

  “Come on, Mommy. Let’s go!” she grabbed my hand and pulled me along with them.

  After a couple of hours of dragging Lucas by the hand everywhere, we stopped to have lunch.

  “So Bella, where should we go next?” Bella giggled at Lucas. I was still amazed that she took to him so well. I’d been afraid she’d associate all men with her miserable father—like I had been doing until Lucas.

  “Definitely the Butterfly Garden! But don’t touch the butterflies, you’ll get in trouble.” Bella gave Lucas a stern look, and he nodded.

  “I definitely won’t. Promise.” Lucas gave me a little smirk.

  “Are you done? Because we could go now.” Bella popped out of her seat and tried to pull Lucas by the hand to stand up.