Always You

by Stephanie Rose

  “Hey, Miss Bossy, let Lucas finish his lunch.” Bella’s face fell and she sat back down.

  “Sorry, I didn’t want to make him mad.” My insides twisted. She was expecting Lucas to push her off and yell at her, like her father used to. Marc had been gone for almost six months, but was still in her head.

  “Nope, I’m all done—we can go wherever you want. I’d love to go on the monorail, can we go on that?”

  Bella’s face lit up. “I love the monorail. There are new animals there! We never get to go because Daddy hates to walk.”

  Marc hated the zoo, and anything else that involved spending time with his wife and daughter.

  “Then we go on the monorail right after the Butterfly Garden! Come on, Bella!”

  Lucas and Bella walked away hand in hand, and neither looked back at me. I’d never been so happy to be ignored.

  “Remember, you can’t touch them, only look,” Bella warned Lucas as they walked into the garden.

  Lucas turned around and gave me a wink. I was overwhelmed with joy and relief that they were getting along so well.

  The three of us climbed into a car on the monorail. Bella sat between us and pointed out all the animals she saw.

  I put my arm around Lucas’s shoulder and he turned to face me.

  “Thank you.” Lucas rubbed my arm and shook his head.

  “No need to thank me. It means a lot to me that you invited me today. I know why it took you this long to introduce me to Bella. You wanted to protect her. I didn’t need to see you in action to know you’re an amazing mother. But the fact that you wanted me to meet her, it shows that you want me all the way in your life—that maybe you like me or something.” He gave me a playful shrug, making me laugh. He was turning out to be the guy I’d hoped he was—and so much more.

  “Yeah.” I leaned over to kiss his cheek, and whispered in his ear, “Definitely or something.” He laughed and turned his head to kiss my lips. I let him since Bella wasn’t watching and it was only a chaste peck. I wanted today to be fun, not confusing for her.

  After we saw everything there was to see, we exited the zoo and made our way to the parking lot.

  “I had so much fun with you guys today!” Lucas knelt down next to Bella. “Can I come to the zoo with you again?” She nodded with a big smile and gave him an unexpected hug.

  Lucas stood and gave me a lingering kiss on the cheek. He whispered in my ear, “Thank you again for inviting me. I’m going to miss you so much tonight.”

  “Me too.” The words caught in my throat. Seeing how good he was with Bella, and how much he looked like he wanted to be here, was all too much to take. I was in a definite danger zone, and falling hard for this guy.

  “I’ll call you later.” Lucas said before we turned to walk our separate ways.

  “He’s so nice, Mommy.” Bella beamed and a comfortable warmth surrounded my heart. Lucas was turning out to be an unexpected kind of wonderful.

  “Yes, baby. He sure is.”

  “You sure you’re not going to get sick of me? I’m usually not here this early.” Sam teased as we traipsed around Union Square.

  Bella’s grandparents wanted to take her on Friday night instead of Saturday morning, so Sam came over earlier than usual. We shopped at the Farmers Market on Fourteenth Street for a dinner she wanted to cook for us tonight. I shook my head, like I could ever get sick of her. Whenever she’d stayed at my apartment, I hated when she had to go home.

  I pulled her towards me and wrapped my arms around her.

  “Now I’m really going to hate when you leave on Sunday. You’re spoiling me with all this extra Sam time.” She giggled at me as I gave her a soft peck on the lips.

  “Don’t distract me! I have a list!” Sam yanked me by the hand to all the different booths, collecting a huge assortment of vegetables. It was cute how she always liked to be healthy, but I hoped we’d be stop for some kind of meat somewhere.

  We never came out and said we were exclusive, but she was all I wanted—and there was no way in hell I would ever share her. Technically, she was still married—and I hated it. As we strolled around hand in hand like a normal couple, I didn’t need any kind of a label for what we were doing. As long as we were together, that was enough for me.

  “O’Rourke? Is that you?” I turned and spotted an olive skinned muscle head running towards Sam.

  “Jason? Oh my god, what are you doing here?”

  Sam rushed over to him and he lifted her up in a big hug. I was a little pissed off until I recognized who it was. Jason was a freshman the same time Sam was, and I remembered them meeting in the Freshman Seminar class I taught and becoming close friends. I also remembered Jason having a boyfriend in that same class. He was the only guy I didn’t mind touching Sam like that.

  “You look awesome, girl! Even in the sweltering July heat! I’ve been meaning to contact you since I moved back. How’s the family? Marc and Bella good?” I cringed at hearing Marc referred to as Sam’s family.

  “Bella’s good. She’s five now, believe it or not. She starts first grade this September. Marc, well…” Sam scrunched her face at Jason. “Marc’s gone. We broke up and he’s working in Chicago.”

  “Wow, has it been that long since we spoke? I’m, well, sorry—”

  Sam laughed. “Don’t pretend you’re sorry. It’s okay. I know you didn’t like Marc and I don’t blame you. I was stupid for a long time before I finally got a clue and threw him out.”

  “Sounds like a story I’d like to hear over dinner soon. I just moved to Chelsea last month, and I’d love to hear how you tossed him out on his sorry ass.” Sam chuckled and swatted Jason on the arm. He looked over Sam’s shoulder and finally noticed me standing there.

  “Lucas? Hey, I remember you, how’s it going?” Jason reached out to shake my hand.

  “Good! Nice to see you, Jason.” I wrapped my arm around Sam’s waist as I shook his hand. Jason looked between us. His eyes grew wide as he smirked at Sam.

  “You’re with Lucas, now?” Sam rolled her eyes and gave Jason a dirty look. It was adorable how she still got embarrassed about having a crush on me. I tried not to laugh and make it worse.

  “Yeah, you and I have a shit ton to catch up on. Same cell, right?”

  “Yep, give me a call and we’ll make plans.” As she gave Jason a goodbye hug, he whispered something in her ear and she smacked him on the back. I knew he was probably teasing her about me.

  “You know it! Good to see you again, Lucas.” Jason waved as he strutted away, disappearing into the sea of organic farmers.

  Sam finished shopping and we headed back to my apartment. I didn’t want to upset her, but I couldn’t resist messing with her on the walk back.

  “So, how many people knew about the crush you had on me? I’m a little hurt I was the last to know.” I made a sad face and she scowled at me.

  “Please. Spare me. You knew from that first day I met you at Daina’s. Can you let me keep a tiny bit of dignity? Jason was a good friend, and nice enough to listen to me ramble on about a lot of things. He even told me once I should tell you.” She huffed and shook her head.

  I stopped walking and pulled her back.

  “I really wish you had.”

  Sam’s shoulders slumped, and she lowered her head.

  “We’ve been over this. Telling you back then would have probably done more harm than good. We were in completely different places in life. It would have gotten awkward, and maybe even cost us our friendship—which I would’ve hated. Stop feeling bad about it.”

  I nodded and we kept walking. After stopping to get chicken—thank God—we headed back to my apartment and didn’t speak much the rest of the way.

  Sam insisted on cooking alone in my kitchen. I came in to get a beer from the fridge, and she didn’t turn to look at me. I wished I had left it alone and kept my mouth shut.

  “What’s different now?” Sam asked as I left the kitchen, not looking up from what she was stirring.

&n
bsp; I stopped and narrowed my eyes at her. “What do you mean? Different about what?”

  She turned from the stove to face me and folded her arms.

  “All that time, you knew damn well how I felt about you. I was right there for the taking for three years. I meet up with you years later, and everything is different. I guess I don’t understand why for as long as I knew you, I was nothing more than a friend, and then one night at a bar changes everything. When you think about it, it really doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

  It didn’t make sense when you thought about it. I never expected to feel so much for Sam now, and I definitely didn’t expect to feel it so fast.

  I shrugged. “I suppose you could see it that way. Truth is, there were times I saw you as more than a friend, more than I let on. That night you came to see me present at that Finance Club seminar, I caught the way you were looking at me— like I was a superhero, and you were amazed by me. It humbled me to think you saw me that way. When we had coffee afterward and I walked you to the train, I almost kissed you.”

  Sam’s eyes grew so wide they almost bugged out of her head.

  “I thought I imagined that. You really wanted to kiss me?”

  I nodded slowly. “I sure did. But, you were right. We were in totally different places, and I had just applied for a ton of jobs on the West Coast. All the other girls I dated were for fun, nothing serious. If I kissed you, you would have expected more, and I couldn’t hurt you like that. I wasn’t capable of ‘more’ in those days. I didn’t have real superhero status just yet.”

  I gave her a sad smile and strode to where she was leaning against the counter. I put down my beer and took her face in my hands, making her look at me.

  “When I walked into the bar to meet you that night, you were so beautiful. Striking, in fact. I couldn’t take my eyes off you the entire night. You had such a sad and tired look in your eyes, and I wanted to take it away, to make you see what I saw.” I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and she closed her eyes.

  “I made all kinds of excuses to see you again, texted you all the time, forced you to come to Shake Shack with me.” Sam laughed and ran her hand along my jaw.

  “I was too stupid and selfish not to notice how incredible you were all those years ago. But, I meant what I said. I got a second chance with you, and I want ‘more’ with you now. I want it so much.” I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and covered her mouth with mine. I tried to say with a kiss what I wasn’t ready to say out loud yet.

  Sam pulled back and gazed at me with a dizzy look in her eyes.

  “Good answer.” She gave me another quick kiss on the lips. “I spent all day planning this dinner and don’t want to screw it up. I’ll call you when it’s ready, okay?”

  I pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.

  “I can’t wait. Be quick about it, though, I’m starving.” I smacked her on the ass and heard her laughing as I went back into the living room.

  I wasn’t going anywhere this time.

  “Samantha Christensen. How can I help you?”

  “Hi Samantha! I’m looking for someone in your marketing department. She’s a sexy as hell brunette with legs that go on for days and a rack from heaven.”

  I shook my head and smiled. Since work kicked my ass this week, Lucas and I didn’t have a chance to see or even speak to each other. Even our usual nightly phone conversations—that now lead to fantastic phone sex—before I went to sleep were limited this week. Julianna’s older brother showed Bella and Julianna The Nightmare before Christmas over the weekend and Bella was scared to sleep alone. I was cranky, overworked, and missed Lucas like crazy.

  Sometimes, being an adult with responsibilities and obligations kinda sucked.

  “You’re such an ass. It sounds like you may miss me.”

  “Maybe. Any chance you could leave a little early today for a late lunch? My friend Mike opened his deli on Twenty-Ninth and Third and I promised I’d stop by this week. And if I don’t see you soon, I’m going to lose my fucking mind.”

  I laughed. Lucas was too damn adorable sometimes. “How could I refuse such a great invitation? As a matter of fact, I’ve been here before eight o’clock all week and was planning on leaving a little early since it’s Friday. Does three work?”

  “Three is perfect! Can I have a selfie to tide me over until then? Maybe close the door of your office and take one of your—”

  “Really, Lucas? Are you that hard up?”

  “Sweetheart, you have no idea how hard I am…see you soon.”

  Mike’s Deli was a small space that looked like a typical deli. There was a small seating area with wrought iron tables and chairs towards the back.

  When I walked in, Lucas was at the counter talking to a man about his age who was concealing a pudgy belly behind a white apron. Mike, I assumed. Lucas usually dressed casual unless he had a meeting but today he wore a black suit with a white shirt and black tie. It’s true what they say about how suits are to women what sexy lingerie is to men. I loved seeing him in a suit. He always looked good enough to eat.

  Lucas greeted me at the door with a hungry kiss. I was a little embarrassed but so glad to see his that I didn’t stop him.

  “Mike, this is Samantha. Sam, this ugly guy in the apron is Mike.”

  “Nice, Luc. Samantha, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Mike kissed the top of my hand, and I giggled at him. He seemed like a nice, teddy bear of a guy.

  “Get your own girl.” Lucas took our sandwiches and then pulled me by the hand to one of the tables.

  It was way past lunchtime, so the deli was empty. I was unwrapping my sandwich when Lucas pulled my chair closer to him. I jumped and cringed at the harsh screech of chair legs scraping against the hard tile floor. He buried his face in my neck, running his lips and tongue over every sweet spot. I pulled my shoulder up to push him away, but he was determined and wouldn’t stop.

  “Lucas, please stop it.” I tried to whisper so no one could hear us, even though it was only Mike in the deli. “You’re turning me on and there is nothing we can do about it in a public pla—agh.” I swallowed a moan. Lucas’s mouth felt so damn good. I had to fight the urge to move my head so he could keep devouring my neck.

  “I missed you so much this week. And this dress is driving me crazy…” He kept kissing in between his words. Other than our make out session in front of Starbucks, we had managed to keep the PDAs to a respectable minimum.

  “You don’t like my dress? I had meetings this morning and everyone loves this dress.” I couldn’t resist teasing him. My dress was black matte jersey with cap sleeves and an empire waist. It made my waist look small and fell above the knee. It was form fitting but not tight, and although I never could avoid looking top heavy, I didn’t show an inappropriate amount of cleavage.

  Lucas growled and pushed my hair to the side to get better access to the back of my neck, giving me open mouth kisses there I felt all the way to my toes. “I love your dress, too. If you presented something to me looking like this, I’d buy whatever you were selling in a heartbeat. So fucking sexy…” His hand rubbed my thigh, and slowly inched all the way up until his thumb was on the edge of my panties. I had tingles between my legs, but I picked up his hand and took it off my leg.

  “Lucas, Mike is right over there! We aren’t exactly alone, and you’re embarrassing me. Stop. Please.” I straightened out my dress and tried to hold it together. I was all wound up at this point and my heated cheeks made me certain I was turning bright red as usual. I looked up and Mike was laughing at us from behind the counter.

  “Hey, don’t stop on my account! Place is always empty at this time anyway, and Luc, my office is right in the back if you guys need privacy.” Mike threw a wink in our direction. I put my face in my hands, mortified I was in my mid-thirties and got caught making out as if I was a teenager. I was so humiliated I wanted to crawl into the corner, and yet so turned on I wanted to fuck Lucas on this little table right next to my turkey sandwich.<
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  “See, Mike understands. I haven’t seen my girl in almost a week. It’s no wonder I can’t keep my hands off her,” He brought his lips back to my neck and whispered in my ear. “Or out of her…” His hand went to the same place on my thigh it was before I removed it. I tried to pull it off again, but it now gripped tight. His girl? Had Lucas called me his girl? We were careful not to put a label on what we were doing, but hearing him say I was his girl? As pathetic as it was, my eighteen-year-old heart sang—and if we didn’t have an audience he could have spread me on top of the cold cut counter and do whatever the hell he wanted to me. I put the intrusive thought from my head. While I may be Lucas’s girl, I was technically still Marc’s wife.

  It seemed like Lucas had ten pairs of hands and was out of control. I tried to scoot my chair away from Lucas, but it was too heavy. I got up to pick it up and move it over when Lucas grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto his lap. He kissed me hard and I tried to resist, but with every swirl of his tongue and movement of those very talented lips, I gave in. I forgot I was in a deli, and was completely and totally lost in kissing him. In fact, I was so preoccupied I didn’t even hear the door open.

  “Samantha?!”

  Carmine, my least favorite of Marc’s friends, somehow walked into this tiny deli in lower-midtown Manhattan and found me on top of a man who wasn’t Marc. Carmine was short, chubby, and always a little sleazy looking. He always loaded his black hair with tons of product, so it looked like a greasy mess.

  I’d hardly spoken to Marc since he left, other than a few text messages about when he would be sending money home. He wouldn’t answer why he hadn’t signed the papers, and I kept tabs on him through his mother. We were absolutely not together anymore, so I wasn’t sure why I felt like I got caught doing something I shouldn’t.

  I slid off Lucas’s lap and sank back into my chair. “Hi, Carmine. How are you?” Carmine loved to gossip and was the world’s biggest loudmouth. My relationship with Lucas had just been outed—big time.

  Carmine smirked. “Not as good as you, that’s for sure. I didn’t know you and Marc had an open kind of marriage. Oh, oops. He did know you were married right?” He used air quotes when he said ‘open’.