Always You

by Stephanie Rose

  “So, why do you seem so upset?” I rubbed the back of his neck as he was driving. His clenched his jaw and let out a frustrated sigh.

  “I hate knowing that fucker won’t sign the papers. I didn’t need a reminder that you’re still legally married to that asshole.”

  We pulled into my driveway and sat in the car for a few minutes. It was dark and the street seemed quiet. I unbuckled my seat belt and climbed over to Lucas, straddling him in the driver’s seat. He looked at me strangely, and I took his face in my hands.

  “There is no chance I will ever get back with Marc. We are over, and have been for years. He can play games with the papers if he wants and I’ll find a way around him. I love you. Always you. Got it?” I sank down a little and rubbed myself against him. His body seemed to feel better as he was already hard beneath me. He chuckled and ran his fingers through my hair.

  “Got it. I love you, too. Always you.” Lucas pulled me close and brought his lips to mine. There was so much in Lucas’s kiss—love mixed with a little desperation. My divorce needed go through ASAP, as all this stress was majorly screwing with Lucas’s head.

  “I got a little scared, too. I didn’t want to think about what I would do if you really did back off.” Lucas looked away, and I took his face in my hands again to make him face me.

  “There is no way I could ever back off. I’ve waited for you for most of my life. Nothing and no one could ever take me away from you.” I gave him a soft peck on the lips, and he pulled me into another deep kiss.

  “Let’s get inside before we give the neighbors a show.”

  Lucas nodded with a smirk. “If you insist.”

  We got Bella out of the car and put her right into bed. As far as I was concerned, Lucas, Bella, and I were a family. Papers were exactly that, paper. What was in my heart was mattered. And in my heart—there was only Lucas. I needed to find a way to make him believe that.

  Why did I still pay rent at my apartment? It was a waste since I was with Sam and Bella almost every night. Every time I went home without them, everything seemed way too quiet and just—off. It didn’t feel like home without my girls. My sister was right. I had gotten attached to both of them, and it didn’t look like Marc was signing those fucking papers anytime soon. A couple of months had passed since Jessica told Sam to back off. Even though our fight blew over, she was still constantly on my case—telling me I should keep a little distance, but I couldn’t. I decided it was better to risk getting my heart ripped out than spending every moment missing the hell out of them when we were apart.

  I walked out of Sam’s bedroom and found Bella on the couch staring blankly at the TV.

  “What’s the matter, Butterfly?” Bella shrugged at me as I sat next to her.

  Sam answered for her from the kitchen as she made us breakfast. “All her friends are going to a dance tonight and she isn’t.”

  “Dance? She’s five-years-old! Do they all have dates, too?”

  Sam laughed. “Yes, with their fathers. Every November, her Daisy troop has a father daughter dance at her school. That was the one thing Marc took her to last year because he was friends with a couple of the dads. I offered to take her, but she said no because all her friends would be with their daddies.”

  “Why can’t I take her?” It came out before I realized it.

  “You would?” Sam and Bella both asked me at the same time. Bella gazed at me with big sad eyes that screamed “Please, Lucas!” I didn’t know what I had to do at this dance, but I couldn’t disappoint her.

  “Why not? How ‘bout it, Butterfly? Would it be okay if I took you—?”

  “Yes!” Bella shot up and knocked me over with a hug. I chuckled at how excited she was.

  “Thank you for saying yes. So what do I have to wear for our date tonight?”

  “Mommy, I’m going on a date with Lucas.” Bella scurried over to her mother in the kitchen. I could never understand why Marc completely ignored his daughter. If she was mine, I would spoil the shit out of her.

  “I know! I’ll miss you guys tonight.” Sam lifted her up and came into the living room.

  “Bella, I think you can wear your blue dress.” She turned to face me. “All you need is a button-down shirt and pants, nothing too fancy.”

  “Could you paint my nails for tonight, Mommy? Please.”

  “Sure! You know where the nail polish is. Go pick a color.”

  “Yay!” Sam put Bella down and she rushed into Sam’s room. What a difference from the mopey little girl she was when she woke up.

  Sam put breakfast on the table and strutted over to the couch, planting herself on my lap.

  “You’re not jealous are you? We could still go on a private date tonight—later.” I whispered in her ear and bit her earlobe. A little moan escaped Sam as I moved my lips over her neck.

  Sam giggled and put her arms around me. “Thank you. This means a lot to her.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. Anything for my girls.” I pulled her closer and put my mouth on hers. I groaned when she licked the seam of my lips and bit my bottom lip. I was hooked on her and she knew it.

  “Mommy, is this color good?” Sometimes it was a little too easy to forget we weren’t alone. Sam nodded as she climbed off my lap.

  “Perfect!” Sam replied as Bella skipped to the table. Sam shrugged at me with a devious little smirk. We were definitely having that date later.

  “You know where the school is right, babe?”

  “Yes, Sam. I’ve picked Bella up with you a couple of times.”

  “Okay, just making sure. Bella! Come on, time to go!”

  Bella came out of her room in a short-sleeved blue dress with rhinestones along the hem and a pair of black Mary Janes on her feet. She looked like an adorable little princess. I knelt down in front of her.

  “Wow, Butterfly! You look beautiful! Ready to go?” Bella flung her arms around my neck and giggled.

  “Don’t wait up, Mommy!” I told Sam as I led Bella out to the car.

  The dance was in the cafeteria of Bella’s school. It looked like a typical dance with streamers everywhere and a DJ of sorts who hooked up an iPod to speakers. Dads were congregated on one side while the girls were running all around. Bella let go of my hand when she saw her friends, and I headed over to the refreshment table for a bottle of water.

  “So you’re Lucas, I take it?” I was surprised one of the fathers knew who I was. “John Ericson, Julianna’s dad.” I’d met Julianna quite a few times and even picked Bella up from their house, but never met her father before.

  “Lucas Hunter, nice to meet you.” I shook his hand. He seemed like a decent guy, so I was hoping he wasn’t one of Marc’s friends.

  “We didn’t know Bella had a voice until this year. She talks about you all the time when she’s over the house. It’s nice to see. I hated how her father used to grunt at her when he’d pick her up. You must’ve been just what she needed.” I hated how it was common knowledge that Marc treated his wife and daughter like garbage, but I was glad to hear I might be turning it around.

  A stocky guy in a sports jacket came up to John. He had headphones on and looked like he was listening to the game on his phone.

  “I hate these fucking things. My ex-wife was on my case to bring Sarah. Did you hear Marc Christensen moved to Chicago? I was wondering why I hadn’t seen him around. Maybe his hot wife is available now; what was her name again? Yes, Samantha! I would love to tap that. A pretty face with a rack like that shouldn’t go to waste.” John grimaced as he turned to look at me. Yes, that was a friend of Marc’s, all right.

  I extended my hand to him. “Lucas Hunter, Bella’s date and Samantha’s boyfriend. I assure you Samantha and her rack are very unavailable.” I shook his hand a little harder than I had to.

  “Nick Matthews, good to meet you.” Nick put his head down and slithered away. I laughed, like he ever had a chance with my girl. I decided then that I’d go to more school functions, as I was sure a lot of other dads n
oticed more than Sam’s rack.

  “Lucas! Can we dance?” Bella ran over and John took Julianna over to the makeshift dance floor. “It’s okay if you don’t, Daddy always hated to dance.”

  “Absolutely, Butterfly! Let’s go!” One Direction was playing, and it was actually a song I recognized since Bella made us play it in the car over and over again. I knew all the words to The Best Song Ever and twirled her around like all the other dads.

  “Are you having fun, Lucas?”

  “I’m having the best time ever!” She laughed and ran back to her friends.

  As I strolled off the dance floor, someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around to see an older woman with dark hair and kind eyes. I assumed she was one of Bella’s teachers.

  “You must be Lucas. I’m Joanne Nelson, Bella’s troop leader. Samantha called to let me know you would be bringing her tonight. And after hearing about you for so long, I was anxious to match a face with the name. It’s good to meet you.” I shook her extended hand.

  “Guilty as charged. It’s nice to meet you, too. This is a nice little party.”

  Joanne smiled. “I’m glad Bella got to come. She has made such a turnaround from last year. She was so shy, and now we have to tell her to be quiet sometimes. I have something to show you.”

  I followed Joanne to the back of the room where the bulletin board was decorated with artwork from the girls. She took down two pieces of multi colored construction paper. The first one she handed me was a picture Bella must’ve drawn with two stick figures colored at the bottom with blue crayon. Under the drawing Bella wrote “Lucas teached me to swim.”

  “We asked the girls to draw the best part of their summer at the beginning of the school year. Bella was the only one who didn’t have to think about it.”

  There was a definite change in Bella from when I first met her. Sam said Marc was always snapping at the both of them when he was home, so Bella was always introverted for the most part. I loved thinking I may’ve helped bring her out of the shell her dick of a father scared her into.

  Joanne handed me the other picture and smiled. “I figured you’d want to see this, too. We asked the girls to draw a picture of their favorite person who wasn’t their mom or dad and to tell us what made them great.”

  Written across the top of the picture was “Lucas”. I chuckled at the brown crayon spikes that she gave me for hair and boxy jeans she colored in for me. What I read at the bottom made a lump form in the base of my throat so large, I found it hard to breathe for a minute.

  “Lucas is the best. He never yells and takes me to swim and for ice cream. We watch princess movies and play games. I like it when he is at my house.”

  When I was about ten, right before my father got sick, Mom took Jessica and me to visit him at work. He had pictures that we had drawn or colored hung all across his wall. I asked him why he hung them up instead of awards like we saw in other offices that day. He told me the best thing he ever did was have two great kids that loved him so much. I never quite understood what he meant—until now.

  “Could I …” I was a little speechless and couldn’t finish the sentence.

  “Keep them? Sure. I bet Bella would like to hear how much you liked her pictures.” Joanne nodded and walked away.

  I stared at the drawings in my hand, and could hear my sister saying, “See, I told you that you got too close,” but there was no going back for me. Bella had changed me as much as I changed her. I liked when I was home with them, too, and I wished I never had to leave.

  Bella rushed over to me with a big smile on her face.

  “Lucas! Mrs. Nelson said she gave you my pictures! See! One is you and me and one is just you. Your hair isn’t really brown so I put yellow in it, too.”

  I laughed and knelt down to look her in the eyes. “You did a great job! Mrs. Nelson said I could take them both home so I can hang them up. I think one will go in my apartment and one will go in my office.”

  Bella’s eyes opened wide. “You like them that much?”

  I nodded. “Of course I do. You made them!” Bella tackled me with a bear hug and I gave her a kiss on the cheek.

  “I’m so happy you came!”

  “Me too, Butterfly.”

  At the end of the night, Bella was quiet as we left the school and I strapped her into the car. She still hadn’t said anything as we drove away.

  “What’s the matter, Butterfly? Didn’t you have fun?”

  “Yes.” I could barely hear her. I didn’t know what could have happened. She was having a great time until right before we left.

  “You’re gonna leave.”

  “What? Who told you that?”

  “Sarah. She said you’re not my real dad and you’re gonna leave. And I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to be sad.”

  We pulled into Sam’s driveway, and I got into the back seat next to her. I studied the fallen expression on her face. I wanted to see the happy little girl who belted out her favorite song and ran around with her friends.

  “Do you know why I call you ‘Butterfly’?” I asked as I tucked a piece of hair around her ear.

  “Yeah, because I like butterflies.”

  “That’s not the only reason. When I was a kid, I used to love to chase butterflies, especially the really pretty and colorful ones. I didn’t see many since I lived in the city like you do, but when I saw one, it always made me happy. And that’s how I feel every time I see you. Happy.” I kissed her forehead. “That’s why I’m not going anywhere.” The corners of her mouth turned up into a smile.

  “Am I pretty like a butterfly?”

  “You’re the prettiest butterfly I know. Now let’s get inside before Mommy starts to worry about us.” I pointed to my cheek and she gave me a kiss.

  I unbuckled her from her seat and she raised her arms for me to pick her up. Poor thing was exhausted from all the dancing. She wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her head in my shoulder.

  When I wasn’t looking, Bella had flown right into my heart—and no matter what happened, she would never leave.

  Lucas and I were on my couch enjoying a lazy Saturday night. At the last minute, Marc’s mother asked me if she could switch weekends. We really didn’t have any solid plans so, although it seemed sort of fishy, I gave in without a problem.

  There was a loud bang at the door, sounding like someone trying to break in. I shot up to check, but Lucas stopped me and jetted to the door to look through the peephole.

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He shook his head, and my stomach sank.

  “What? Who’s at the door?” Lucas moved aside so I could take a look.

  Marc. Trying to use his key. Robyn was right on the money when it came to douchebag husbands deciding to come back home because they felt like it.

  “Seriously?” This explained why his mother wanted Bella tonight. Marc probably told her we needed to talk alone. But we were so not alone. There was a third person in this situation, and I had a bad feeling tonight would not end well.

  I opened the door—and found the husband I hadn’t seen or really spoken to in an entire year. He looked exactly the same, although I could swear his black hair was starting to recede a little bit and he looked a little heavier than when he left. He had to be living the ultimate bachelor’s life in Chicago. The one thing I didn’t see on him was an attitude. He gave me a shy smile. Did he really come here thinking we would reconcile? He was about to find out that was not happening. Ever.

  “Can I help you?”

  “Something’s wrong with the lock, babe. My key doesn’t work.”

  Babe? Oh, hell no.

  Lucas was standing behind the door but pushed it open. I could tell he was agitated by Marc coming here, and hearing Marc speak to me like we were still a happily married couple infuriated him.

  “That’s because when you left a year ago—she changed the locks, babe.”

  Lucas answered for me through gritted teeth. The only time I’d ever seen
Lucas this tense was in the deli when we ran into Carmine. Lucas was holding onto the doorknob so tightly his knuckles turned white. I was afraid my normally cool and level-headed boyfriend was about to commit murder.

  Marc smirked at him. “I see pretty boy is still around. Congrats on being part of his little harem.” He shook his head and laughed. Maybe Lucas wasn’t who I had to worry about, I’d strangle the son of a bitch myself.

  “Yes, and he’s not going anywhere, so I’m not sure why you’re here. I told you when the job in Chicago was over, you don’t live here anymore. Unless you have the signed papers in your pocket to hand over, you can leave.”

  “Look, Samantha,” Marc walked in past the both of us. I looked over at Lucas and shook my head. His jaw was shut tight and he didn’t take his eyes off Marc.

  “We both said some things we’re sorry for, and you’ve had time to get this,” He motioned back and forth between me and Lucas. “out of your system. So, I’m ready to come home.”

  I thought my head would explode. Ready to come home? Get Lucas out of my system? Then, it hit me. This was going to be the only time I may be able to really talk him into signing. We’d been separated long enough that Robyn was able to draw up divorce papers. I had my own copy he could sign tonight. Did I think I could actually reason with him? I wasn’t sure, but there was also a lot I still felt I needed to say to Marc. If he still wouldn’t sign the papers, Robyn had other plans. It was worth a try.

  The hard part was asking Lucas to leave so I could talk to Marc alone.

  While Marc made himself right at home again, sitting on the couch and flipping channels like he never left, I pulled Lucas into the kitchen.

  “You stay in here.” Lucas kept his eyes on Marc as he spoke to me. “I’ll deal with throwing that asshole out. That arrogant fucker thinks he can come back here like it’s nothing. You’re with me now, and if I have to bash it into his skull he’ll realize that tonight.”

  I took a deep breath. Lucas wasn’t going to take this well at all.

  “Lucas, I need you to stay calm. I’m going to talk to Marc—and I’m asking you to let me speak to him alone. Maybe I can get him to sign the papers tonight if I can make him see that it’s really over.”