Deep Blue Secret

by Christie Anderson

  “Sadie, wait,” he said, catching up to me, tone apologetic. “Please tell me.”

  “It’s a dumb idea. You’ll think it’s stupid.”

  I looked to the ground. His hand lifted my chin carefully, searching my eyes with his. His soft touch taunted me, spurring the longing inside me he continued to deny.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t think your ideas are dumb, please tell me.”

  My legs rocked forward and back. “I…I was going to ask if you could do me a small favor.”

  I couldn’t ask him to be my date. I was too scared. He would reject me. It would just be him doing me a favor.

  “A favor? I could probably do that,” he said.

  “There’s a dance this Saturday at my school.” I glanced at him and shot my eyes away again. “My friends really want me to go, but it’s girl ask guy and…”

  I spouted the words as quickly as possible. “And since I’ve been in the hospital I didn’t have time to find a date, but it doesn’t have to be a date, it would just be a favor, you know, so I don’t have to go alone. We wouldn’t have to tell anyone who you really are, we could just tell them we met at the beach the other night. Of course now you might not even be here in a few days anyway so…”

  I finally had the courage to stop and look at him for a response. My heart beat faster than my words rambled.

  He stood still and frozen. “You want me to go to a school dance with you?” He was obviously surprised by my request.

  My mouth squeaked, questioning my own words. “Yes?”

  I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.

  “Uh, Sadie, that’s not…” His voice trailed awkwardly.

  My insecurities mounted. “Just…never mind,” I said. Heat pulsed fiercely inside me.

  After a few sporadic thumps in my chest he spoke again with a smooth, confident tone. “Actually, on second thought, I will take you to the dance.”

  On second thought? It wasn’t exactly the romantic moment I’d hoped for, but, if my burning ears heard correctly, he said yes.

  “Wait, you will?” I asked.

  “I don’t think I’ll have a problem getting back by then. And if I recall correctly,” he said with a tinge of humor, “the last time you went out alone with a guy you ended up in the emergency room.”

  I laughed weakly. “True…”

  “I would have to trail you all night anyway, for my own piece of mind. Now that you know about me, it would be easier if I didn’t have to hide in the shadows. At least I would be the one driving.”

  Right, of course, I thought. It would be easier for him to do his job and protect me if he had a reason to be with me all night. But he would be with me all night; that would have to be enough. I had to be near him. I would endure the mixed signals and the rejection. They couldn’t compare to the heartache I would endure if he left me too long.

  “Great, then we have a d–” No, it’s not a date, I thought stammering. “…a plan.”

  Rayne’s gaze shifted to the distance. The night felt colder now; the mystery and romance of the rooftop had slipped away to the night.

  “There’s something you have to understand, Sadie.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  His eyes were serious. “I’m not supposed to get emotionally involved with anyone. It’s a requirement of my job. I’m breaking a lot of rules just talking to you and I can’t take further risks. I need to make sure you understand this. I…I don’t want you to get your feelings hurt.”

  Was my heart still thumping in my chest? For a moment I thought it failed me. So it was certain; I didn’t have to wonder anymore. Any small hope I’d held onto was gone.

  He didn’t love me.

  15. VOSS SENDS A MESSAGE

  Voss tapped impatiently on the steering wheel of his McLaren MP4-12C; the newest edition to his collection of cars. If he had to wait, at least he could do it in style. He lifted his head, eyes closed, and breathed in the smell of civilization…and freedom.

  His mind went back to his last conversation. After thirty-six years, Voss still didn’t understand his own son.

  Ash had made such a fuss about involving his little, farm-boy friend, Rayne, in Voss’s plans. He never understood why Ash insisted on being friends with such a simpleton in the first place; the boy’s skills and intelligence were certainly no match for anyone in their family.

  The Hastings came from a long line of Scouts and Council Members; beginning with Sir Thomas Hastings himself. The name meant something once. It seemed like they let just about any old fool into the Academy these days.

  Like Rayne Stevens.

  Voss mumbled a scoff under his breath. “Stevens.” Please, no one important had even heard the name before.

  Why couldn’t his son grasp the importance of his own station? Ash knew where his loyalties should lie, yet he always managed to be a disappointment. Why did his son choose to associate himself with such buffoons?

  Voss laughed to himself dryly. “Speaking of buffoons…”

  Rayne Stevens crossed the lot towards Voss’s parked car.

  Now here I am, having to stoop down to the same level, Voss thought. He slammed the car door behind him and stood sternly in his place never breaking his glare from Rayne’s. What a weak excuse for a Keeper.

  “Mr. Stevens…how good of you to join me,” Voss said.

  Rayne’s glare remained intact. “Skip the intros; let’s just get this over with.”

  “Fine. I trust Ash made it clear on the phone why I wanted to meet you here.”

  Rayne folded his arms with contempt, his tone sarcastic. “Yeah. I think I got the gist of it.”

  “Good, then I have a message for you to pass on to your dearest Hamlin. Do you think you can handle that or should I find some crayons for you to take notes?”

  Rayne gritted his teeth. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t take you out right here and now.”

  Voss didn’t hesitate, his smile smug. “Because I know about your cute little friend…Sadie is it?”

  Rayne scowled and leapt forward with a furious fist, but he stopped just before his target.

  Voss pulled open his suit coat, flashing a concealed weapon in warning, and glanced across the grass at a playground full of children. “Plus, it would be a shame if you had to rush to the aid of a dying child, hit tragically by a stray bullet.”

  “You’re joking, right? Even you wouldn’t stoop that low.”

  “I never joke, Mr. Stevens. I do what it takes. You have a choice: the hard way or the easy way.”

  “Fine. Just give me the stupid message then.”

  Voss smiled and refastened the buttons of his suit. “Tell Hamlin: not only do I know about his precious little secret, but I’m perfectly capable of revealing that information to whomever I want, when I want. If he has any interest in preserving his position and reputation, he will find a way to convince the Council to exonerate me of my crimes and reinstate my position. Otherwise, I can’t make any promises.”

  Rayne stared in disbelief. “You know he’ll never comply.”

  “Yes, well I’m afraid I’m not interested in your opinion, Mr. Stevens. But if you could just relay the message exactly as I’ve stated it, that will suffice.”

  Voss opened his car door with a smirk. “Oh, and don’t try anything…clever.”

  His dark eyes turned suddenly fierce. “I’m not working alone this time. I have backups waiting to hear from me. If they don’t hear my voice every twenty-four hours, someone—like maybe a cute little blonde-haired someone—could end up getting hurt.”

  Voss continued to glare until he’d made his intentions clear. “Of this you can be sure, Mr. Stevens. We’ll be watching you.”

  16. HOME

  I slept late into the morning. It had been hard to fall asleep last night after Rayne left me to go on his secret, mission thing. I rolled over in the blanket and reached for my diary on the side table with silly anticipation, but the purple stone which signified a
new message from him was dark.

  I hated that I felt so desperate when he was gone. I wanted to feel in control of myself. I wanted to be strong, to feel independent without him here, but the stark white hospital room felt lonely and cold in his absence.

  I opened the book and read his last message, the one he’d written just minutes after he left:

  I’M ONLY A PEN STROKE AWAY…

  I stared at the words, reading them over and over again. I’d been conscious only minutes but already I couldn’t stop wondering. What was he doing? Was he safe? Did he miss me at all?

  I grabbed a pen and held it over the half-empty page. Wouldn’t it seem too eager to write him so soon? Had he gone home to sleep last night? Maybe he hadn’t even left town yet. My hand hovered over the page without moving.

  Didn’t I have any pride left? I could go a while longer without hearing from him, right? I slammed the book shut on my lap. Of course I could. I wasn’t some silly girl who spent her time waiting around for a boy to make her happy.

  The hospital bed quickly became my own personal prison cell. I had to get out of here today, before I went completely mad with cabin fever. I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to see my friends. I wanted my own bed in my own room. I wanted to go back to my normal life.

  I jumped out of the bed with all my energy and went immediately to my phone.

  My mom’s voice sang on the other end of the line. “Morning, sweetheart.”

  I didn’t return her pleasantries. “Mom, I need to get out of here. It’s time to go home. I’m going crazy.”

  “Honey, calm down,” she urged. “Dr. Jensen and I are just going to do a few final tests when I get in for my shift this afternoon. Then I promise I’ll take you home.”

  “Can’t you come any sooner? I’m so bored I want to shoot myself. I don’t need any more tests. I feel one hundred percent, completely and totally fine.”

  “Okay, okay,” she said, somewhat amused by my dramatic tone. “You don’t need to shoot yourself. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mom. You’re the best.”

  I hung up the phone and perched on the couch in triumph. As I took pleasure in the prospect of going home I noticed a tray of breakfast food sitting untouched on one of the tables across the room.

  I skipped across the floor thinking happy thoughts about home, but stopped half way there. My head jolted to the right at the tiny purple light glowing faintly in the sunlit room. I thought I was imagining the light; it was probably just the rays of sun glinting through the window and bouncing off the stone like an illusion. But I had to check—just to be sure.

  I hopped on the bed and pulled the leather book to my lap. My heart leapt with delight. The page number glowed from the tiny stone in the reflection of my eyes. It was him; he sent me a message. That meant he was thinking about me right this very moment. I skimmed eagerly through the pages to reveal the welcomed message. When I found the right page an uncontrollable smile crossed my face. I read the short phrase written in Rayne’s handwriting:

  GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE.

  The neatly written message sent a surge through my body. The permanent smile on my face grew as I read the greeting several times. Just knowing Rayne wrote these three little words specifically for me, made the world seem brighter.

  But I had to be smart. I had to remember his cautions not to get my hopes up. He warned me nothing could come between him and his job. He couldn’t take any more risks. That meant I had to suppress the fact that I loved him and that every moment he was away was like a slow form of torture. I tried to keep my cool and act casual as I wrote back:

  Hey, good to hear from you. How’s your trip?

  That sounded casual, right? But was it too casual? Maybe I should’ve sounded a little happier to hear from him. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t care at all. As I analyzed the wording a small paragraph suddenly appeared below my handwriting:

  EVERYTHING’S FINE. MY BUSINESS IS DONE HERE. I HAVE A STOP TO MAKE ON MY WAY BACK. IF THERE AREN’T ANY COMPLICATIONS, I SHOULD BE THERE SOME TIME TONIGHT.

  His business was already done? I thought he said he was traveling far away. It was still morning. I wasn’t too surprised though; he was always doing things that seemed amazing or impossible in some way.

  That meant he might be back tonight, just hours away. I could handle that. I’d barely had an opportunity to worry and he was already on his way home. I wrote back feeling relieved:

  I’m glad things went well. Hopefully there won’t be any problems. I have good news. My mom is letting me go home today!

  Last night I was dreading this day, but maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as I thought. His response appeared at the bottom of the page:

  I’M SURE GOING HOME WILL BE A RELIEF. JUST DON’T RUN OUT AND GET INTO TROUBLE BEFORE I GET BACK.

  I smiled with a small laugh and wrote:

  Don’t worry your assignment will keep herself safe while you’re away…

  Even though I joked, the hidden truth behind the words pinched at my heart. He obviously cared for my wellbeing, but not in the way I longed for. I could even survive all day in this hospital cell as long as his words continued to appear on the page, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t write much longer. He would get back to business—that was his priority. He seemed to read my mind as he wrote:

  I HAVE TO GET GOING IF I WANT TO MAKE IT BACK TONIGHT. THERE MIGHT BE A FEW HOURS WHERE I WON’T BE ABLE TO RESPOND BUT I’LL BE IN TOUCH LATER.

  BE SAFE…

  I wrote back, okay talk to you later, and that was it; no more responses. He didn’t give me any details, but it seemed like he was okay. At least I had that. I should hear from him again later today so I had something to look forward to.

  I focused my thoughts on going home instead of stressing over the fact that I was in love with someone who was only talking to me out of obligation.

  While I waited for my mom to show, I sent a text message to Heather letting her know I secured a date to the dance. As soon as her class ended she called. She was ecstatic of course, and jumped right into making more plans. I tried to explain to her he was just coming as a favor, that he’d specifically told me he just wanted to be friends, but she was still optimistic.

  “That might be what he says now,” she said. “But he could’ve easily, like, made up some excuse not to come. But he didn’t. Even if he doesn’t realize it yet; he totally likes you. I bet after spending the whole night with you on this date he’ll change his mind. This is you we’re talking about, Sadie. No guy could spend a whole night with you and not be completely smitten.”

  Either Heather was trying really hard to boost my ego, so I wouldn’t feel bad Rayne didn’t return my feelings, or she’d set me up on some pedestal in her head that was entirely unrealistic. Either way, I wished I could share in her optimism, but I knew the real reason Rayne agreed to come to the dance—to be my bodyguard.

  Heather and I decided to go shopping after school this afternoon to buy outfits for Saturday night. It was a Sadie Hawkins tradition to wear matching shirts with your date to the dance. Hopefully my mom would show up to the hospital soon, so I’d be sure to leave in time. Who knew how long they would make me stick around to finish their irrelevant tests.

  Luckily, my mom showed up just as I said goodbye to Heather. I was hoping the day would be full of distractions to keep my mind off of Rayne.

  There were a few moments when my mom left me alone with Dr. Jensen and I took advantage of the opportunity to ask him a little about himself. I’d always thought he seemed like potential dating material for my mom but she never would listen to me. I thought if I dropped a few hints, he might be willing to ask her out.

  “So how do you like working at the hospital?” I asked, starting up a conversation.

  Dr. Jensen shined a light into one of my eyes. “I enjoy it most of the time,” he said casually.

  He was a handsome man. Even I noticed, and he was old
enough to be my father.

  “The hours can be kind of crazy sometimes, right?” I continued. “Does that ever make it hard on your family? Your wife probably barely gets to see you.”

  Truthfully, I knew that Dr. Jensen wasn’t married but I didn’t want to seem obvious about my motives.

  “No, I’m not married,” he said.

  “Really?” I said in fake surprise. “I would think a successful guy like you would’ve been snatched up a long time ago. But you have a girlfriend, right?”

  That part I wasn’t sure about. If he did have a girlfriend then it would make sense why my mom was always saying they were just friends. If his answer was no, well, I would have to see what I could do to change that.

  “I’ve dated around. Just never found someone to settle down with I guess.” He eyed me with a suspicious smile and placed a metal instrument to my ear.

  He didn’t have a girlfriend after all. What was my mom waiting for? He was the most attractive, single doctor at the hospital and he seemed like a nice guy.

  “My mom is single too,” I hinted. “Seems like it could get a little lonely, maybe you two should hang out sometime. You could keep each other company…”

  He stopped what he was doing and laughed without humor. “Sadie, that’s very sweet, but the truth is, I’ve invited your mother out on several occasions and she turned me down every time.”

  “What?” I said. I couldn’t hide my disapproval. “I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

  “It’s okay,” he said, suddenly losing his ere of confidence. “She said she’s not looking for a relationship right now and I have to respect that.” His words were right, but his voice clearly showed signs of hurt feelings.