Catch My Breath

by Wendy L. Wilson

  “Like hell I can’t! I can leave if I want to!” Her voice is amplified in the small room, but her words only seem to spark more laughter inside of me; laughter that is threatening to spill over and more than likely will make her all sorts of angry, but I might as well have some fun. Besides, I’m seeing that she is actually sexy as hell when she is mad.

  Bending to the side with my eyes locked on her, my hand smoothly finds the knob. I pull the door open, letting in a blast of cold air from the living room.

  “Really? Leave then,” I tease, knowing full well that she won’t but desperately hoping she walks her naked tail right out of the shower and into the next room. I would pay to see that.

  Waving my hand in front of my body towards the door, I politely point her towards the exit, no longer able to hold back the fact that I am amused. I flash her a huge smile, feeling my cheeks stretched to the max and my chest vibrating from the impending laughter that is sure to follow.

  Her wide eyes drop as she looks around and reevaluates the situation. Still gripping the bottle in her hand as if it is the last lifeboat on board a sinking ship, she pulls the curtain tighter against her and gives me a look I’m sure could kill.

  “Just how the hell did you get in here, anyways?”

  My smile does not waiver with her spiteful tone as I fling the door shut, my head still half hoping she darts out of the room in the buff.

  “I used a key Bethany loaned me.” I actually should have given it back by now, but keeping it with me everyday has felt a little like having a piece of her with me. Now, I’m thanking my lucky stars that Bethany forgot to bring it up on Wednesday.

  Feeling pretty clever, I fiddle with my key chain until I have only the key to her apartment in my hand. Slipping the ring onto my index finger, I hold it up between us and jiggle it like a bell. She lunges for the key, nearly falling forward in the process and igniting a burst of laughter from me. In a way, I’d love it if she slipped so I could have the chance to catch her; to have my arms around her for just a second. Maybe that is what she needs to remind her of us.

  Straightening her stance and looking even more annoyed, she spits out, “Why do you have a key and why are you in my bathroom?! Do you mind?”

  Her aggravation tickles me, but the actual question reminds me of my reasons behind getting the key in the first place, which is definitely no joking matter.

  Keeping my body relaxed against the vanity, I twist at the waist and carefully lay the key on the counter. I might as well give it up now. I stare down at it for a second, lying alone on the vanity before looking back at her. It may not be the only thing that I am giving up today and walking away from.

  Clearing my throat, I try my best to propel the conversation past the point of my breaking and entering, “I left my hat here and when I came to get it, I decided to leave you the brownie,” I pause as her breath hitches in her throat at the mention of my gift. Maybe it did mean something to her. “I wanted you to know I still cared and that I still thought about you, even if it was too late,” I say with an ache piercing my heart.

  As soon as the words flow from my mouth, her expression changes; softens. “Why?”

  I can barely hear her whisper, but her face soon twists and transforms to an expression of pain and hurt.

  Raising her voice, she goes on gaining more venom with each word, “Why, when all you did was play me?” I move away from the counter and open my mouth, ready to stop her but she goes on, “What, was Bethany not enough? Did you want …”

  Wait just a minute! What the hell! My heart goes from a blissfully-in-love beat to an irate pummel in my chest filled with fury and disbelief in a matter of milliseconds. I have no desire to let her finish that sentence.

  “What the hell are you talking about? Played you? I never played you!”

  Anger courses through me, making me ball my fists and step closer to her. How could she accuse me of being a player?! No way am I going to stand here and let her make me out to be the one that did something wrong.

  “Lyssa, I told you I was in love with you. How do you figure I played you?” Narrowing my eyes, I swallow a lump in my throat and raise my voice, “It felt more like I was the one that was played! How do you think it felt to know I was just some summer rebound for you until you got back home to your boyfriend?”

  Her temper ignites as well, as she tosses the curtain aside and screams, with her finger raised in front of my face, “Wait just a minute! Rebound?! Kyle and I were over when I met you! Why would you think you were a rebound?!”

  Her yelling fuels my anger, but pointing her finger in my face for some reason has my adrenaline surging out of control and rage boiling in my veins.

  Grinding my jaw, I nudge her hand away from my face and roar out, “I don’t think that. I know I was! How long did you wait to go back to him, Alyssa? Was it the day you got back home or the next?”

  My chest heaves in and out as her movement catches my attention and has me sweeping my eyes down to her arms. Folding her arms across her bare chest, she cocks her head back looking baffled. Any other time, her standing there with nothing but drips of water covering her body would have me going crazy, but at this point, it just makes me look quickly back to her face.

  “What? I never went back to him! Where did you get that idea?” she hollers, her voice piercing my ear drums, “Just because he came to my apartment the day I saw you with Bethany? News flash, we ended almost three months ago when my life was falling apart and you were nowhere around! Did you expect me to sit around and wait for you to call this whole time?” she huffs out.

  Her words offer my heart no relief from the pain, but aids in my confusion and ferocity. Why is she lying to me? There’s no point in it!

  Flinging my finger up into the air much like she did, I look her square in the eye and call her out, “Don’t give me that shit! When I called you, the guy that answered said he was your boyfriend. That was only four days after we left the lake. Four days!”

  I want to stomp my feet, slam my fist into the wall, anything to bring me down from the rage that is blazing inside of me. My heart hammers in my chest and my entire body shakes, until I take in the shock on her face.

  “You called,” she whispers.

  The shock and remorse that trembles through her voice instantly has my arm falling slack at my side as my anger begins to diminish.

  “Yeah, I called. Four days after we left and a guy answered the phone saying he was your boyfriend and asking me who I was.” I keep my voice steady, toning down my irritation.

  She looks away, swaying back and forth as she stares at the floor, but then she stops. Her head snaps up and a shadow of understanding flickers in her eyes.

  “Four days after I got home, my dad told me his cancer was back.”

  This one sentence completely and utterly melts the last bit of anger left in my body. A sharp pain slices through my heart and suddenly all I want to do is hold her, to take her pain away and to go back to that one single day when she found out so I could be there.

  “I’m sorry, Lyssa. Bethany told me about your dad. That’s why I left the brownie the next day. I remembered you telling me that your mom made them when you were upset. I just figured it might make you smile and maybe …” The throbbing sensation in my heart intensifies and my voice catches. Clearing my throat to regain some composure, I go on and finally ask what has tormented me for the last few months, “I am sorry to hear about that and I wish I had gotten the chance to be there for you, but why …”

  She doesn’t let me get that far and every fiber of my being wants to beg her to let me finish talking.

  “You said you called?” Her voice is laced with sorrow, confusion and so many other emotions that I am also feeling at this moment. “But I never saw your number on my phone. And what guy?! There wasn’t anyone that could of …” I don’t need her to finish; I know who answered the phone.

  Her voice fades and everything inside of me unravels as I slowly start to go over a fe
w thoughts that have always lingered in the back of my mind. She never knew I called. She waited for me; she waited and I never called when she needed me most.

  “I called from Evan’s phone … mine was crushed so I had to borrow his to call you.” Looking down and taking one step closer to her before looking her in the eyes and letting her in on my secret; the reason I couldn’t be there when I would have given everything to be. “I called as soon as I got out of surgery and was awake enough to think.”

  The look on her face as I say the word surgery is indescribable, and it says everything I need to know. She didn’t know. She thought I had stood her up this entire time. She thought I had just written her off.

  “Lyssa,” I speak softly and calmly, my heart thumping the extreme opposite beat from a few minutes before. “Tristan and I had a wreck about an hour out from the lake. I was in the hospital for three weeks. I couldn’t call you right away because I wasn’t even conscious. Then I was in and out of surgery. When I finally was able to, I called. I wanted you there so bad. You’re all I’ve thought about.”

  I get it all out and watch as her eyes fill with tears. A loud thump fills the room as the shampoo bottle that she had been clutching in her hand falls to the tub floor, but the vacant stare on her face doesn’t waiver.

  “I didn’t know. I wish I would have known. Oh God … you were hurt?” she says through heavy breaths.

  With cautious steps, I slowly step forward and inch my hand up to touch her face. The second my fingertips make contact with her skin, everything inside my heart, soul and body comes alive and it takes all my strength to hold back from taking her in my arms. Closing her beautiful tear streaked eyes; time stands still as she leans her face into my touch and lets out a sigh at the same time as I do.

  Alyssa’s eyes open and she straightens up away from my touch.

  “I didn’t know. And that day … it must have been Kyle. He came over to try and get me back, but I told him I had met someone and then my dad came home.”

  She pauses her rambling and I move my hand over, smoothing my fingers down her jawline toward her lips. I don’t need her to say anything else. All I want is to feel her in my arms; to taste her lips.

  “My dad needed to speak with us and I couldn’t get rid of him. He waited for me and he must have answered my phone and felt threatened when he heard your voice. I promise you, I never …” Her breath tickles my fingertips as they trace over her lips to end all conversation.

  “I get it … I believe you,” I barely get the words out over the raw emotion that has built up in my chest.

  Her eyes glisten with tears and love, so I take one final step forward, feeling the heat from her body as we stand only inches away. My boot hits the wall of the tub almost as if it is reminding me that there are still some words that have to be said.

  Slowly letting my hand feel its way across her tear slickened skin into the thick threads of her water soaked hair, I swallow down my fear of rejection and ask the only thing I still need to hear. “Do you still love me?”

  My heart stops, the waves of air that naturally flow to and from my lungs halts, my body goes limp as I drop my hand to my side and all I can do is stare, hoping and praying for the reaction I long for.

  “Yes. I love you!”

  She throws the words out at me so instantaneously and with such conviction that my body immediately resumes function, seeming weightless as I hop over the edge of the tub and lunge against her. Pressing her bare body to the shower wall and mine flush to hers, I finally allow my hands to explore everything the water has so effortlessly been enjoying the whole time we have been talking. This is where I belong. This is where she belongs; back in my arms.

  WHEN MY MOUTH MEETS her soft, supple lips, a tidal wave of emotion washes over me and spills into every limb of my body; I cannot touch or taste her enough. My heart hammers in my chest so hard it leaves me gasping for air, but all I can do is share her breaths; sucking and tasting them with each kiss. The familiar whimper that I love so much moves over her tongue and vibrates against mine, sending my body into hyper drive. Every inch of my body hungers and thirsts for her as if she is my last meal.

  Water sprays over my back, drenching me in wet warmth and molding our bodies together like glue. I need more of her! Chills race over my skin as her leg lifts and grazes the back of my calf, beckoning for it to also be touched. I answer her call, grasping the flesh of her thighs and pulling her up and around me so that we can be as close as possible.

  While nipping and biting at her neck, my hand feels its way over her slick, wet body from the back of her knee, up her thigh then pauses cupping the soft flesh of her ass and pulling her to me.

  My head is whirling and spinning with so many thoughts; so many words that I want to say to her, yet I can barely take in enough air to breath. My chest heaves in and out against her plump breasts as her hand claws its way under my shirt and up my torso in a fiery path. The feeling of her velvety skin on mine is so intense a moan escapes me and has me in a frenzy to get her in the next room.

  Holding tight to her and ready to carry her away, I realize I have to tell her how I feel as well. With one hand supporting her weight and holding her as tightly against me as possible, I run the other up the side of her body, igniting a blast of goose bumps over her skin. As my hand finds a resting place in her wet hair, her entire body shudders against mine and I break away from her lips.

  Looking deep into her eyes, I see everything I feel reflected back to me.

  “I love you, Alyssa. I couldn’t stop thinking about you these past months,” I swallow, trying to take a breath, “I missed you so much.”

  Her lips part and another whimper calls to me, drawing me back to her. Sealing my lips to hers, I kiss her deeply and push both our bodies against the wall for support.

  After blindly reaching for the faucet and turning the water off, I step over the side of the tub and make my way into the other room, with Alyssa wrapped around me.

  The trip to her bedroom is a sweet mixture of confusion, thrill, pain, and pleasure as I stumble through barely-known territory with my lips locked with hers, a burning sensation in my shoulder and bursts of electricity shooting through me.

  Once my shins hit the edge of the bed, I collapse with her onto the bed and throw a hand over my shoulder to peel off my shirt. Pulling and tugging with extreme irritation that it has formed to my body like a second skin, I finally pull it over my head and throw it aside.

  My lips automatically land back on her skin trailing a path to her neck while I put a truck-load of effort into shoving my boots off. Drawing my head back in irritation, I manage to get one off, but realize I need to focus on getting out of my wet clothes.

  “Hold on one second,” I breathe out, completely ticked off that I have to pull back from the momentum of this moment.

  Jumping to my feet, I push my other boot off with my other foot at the same time that I unfasten my pants. Shoving and pushing my jeans down with a strenuous effort, I manage to get them down to my hips then lose my footing, nearly falling to the floor. Perfect!

  A laugh erupts from Alyssa’s mouth as she lays motionless on the bed, eyeing my every move. One look at her perfect body waiting for me and I am beyond determined to get these glued on jeans off. Wiggling from side to side, I grit my teeth with a half grin and push until they are off.

  After all wet articles of clothing have been removed I slide back over her, blanketing her with my body. She looks at me with a gleam in her eyes and I can already tell she witnessed my klutziness. Oh wow, what better way to fizzle out the passion than for her to see my comical act of playing tug-a-war with my jeans. I laugh and hang my head low against her neck, heat spreading across my face. Smooth, Judd, real smooth. Lifting my head only a fraction, I look into her eyes and smile down at her.

  “And here you thought I was a player this whole time,” I breathe out a laugh at the irony of her assumptions, “I can’t manage to be smooth with you … ever.”

/>   “Well, you’re smooth enough for me.”

  Her lips brush against mine for a quick encouraging kiss that makes my heart drum into my throat.

  We both chuckle, as her soft hand winds a path over my jaw and up to my cheek where her fingertips trace a circle. I nod my head at her little obsession over the dimple in my cheek, but the whole time I cannot take my eyes off her. As I stare into her beautiful eyes and watch her cheeks rise into a gorgeous smile, relief spreads through my whole body and fills my heart with an overwhelming desire I’ve never felt.

  Pressing my lips back to hers, urgency courses through me telling me to take her now; yet I wait. I take my time, drinking in every ounce of her love and desperation to have me closer. Her hands roam my body driving me nearly mad, but I pace myself, not wanting this moment to end too soon.

  My body yearns for her and my lips crave the smooth, delicate curves of her body. Taking my time, I greedily taste her skin as my hands explore every single inch of her body, until there is no more holding back.

  As soon as my body is aligned with hers and I join us as one, my world spins out of control. Electric currents pulse through my core, fueling my need to be closer,

  And deeper,

  So close not even air could penetrate this perfect bubble we have wrapped ourselves in.

  Pulling her tighter against me, our skin melts together and it’s all I can do to hold on. I suck in a deep breath and start to fall.

  Through the most astounding feeling I’ve ever known, I manage three single words that my heart has been screaming, “I love you,” I barely get out.

  I hear my name muffled out through her lips as she squirms and bucks beneath me, but my mind cannot focus on any one thing except the sensations rocketing through my body. My chest heaves in and out as a deep moan vibrates up my throat and out of my mouth. With one last desperate push, my body quakes and trembles until I cannot hold myself up any longer.