Catch My Breath

by Wendy L. Wilson

  She glances back at me and I frown. “You know, I never thought to question that. I mean, Mom worked it out with the city and got the deed to the land, but I’m not sure how we afforded it. When she first called the city, they had to dig to find out that the land belonged to an older couple who had passed away and who also had no living relatives interested in taking it over. From there, I’m not sure. Mom never really talked about finances with me. I think Tristan handled most of it.”

  “Strange. Perhaps the city thought you were restoring it as part of the park.”

  I laugh, “Maybe.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, her stomach lets out a monstrous rumble, reminding me that we have food that is more than likely ice cold by this point. “I think that is our cue to eat, not to mention it may be getting cold by now.” I stretch around to nudge the sack in her direction as she moves out from between my legs to my other side. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I got a little of everything,” I half lie, knowing exactly what she likes from there, but rather wanting her to dig in and find my surprise. “Go ahead and pull it all out.”

  After anxiously watching her pull each item out, chuckling at her reaction then seeing the delight in her eyes as she spots her favorite soup, she finally reaches the bottom of the bag. Her eyes widen as she looks inside and her hand immediately slaps over her mouth in shock.

  Oh no! What the hell was I thinking? I knew the box was the size of a ring box and although a part of me wanted to gauge her reaction, I honestly didn’t even take into consideration that it may make her bolt.

  I hold my hand out as if I’m trying to keep an attack dog at bay. “Ok, don’t run away, freak out, cry or any of those things girls do. It isn’t what it looks like at all. It’s just something I wanted you to have.”

  Her face instantly turns the color of a bouquet of red roses I passed up just this morning. I am an ass! Who does this to a girl?!

  “Oh, shit. Are you disappointed? Now I feel bad.” I didn’t even consider that she may feel let down. I need to smooth this over. Holding her hands securely in mine so she cannot hide, I move closer to her, ready to devour her lips instead of the food. “Let me take you on a couple more dates before we get to that point. Deal?”

  My mouth mends to hers automatically as I place my top lip perfectly between her moist, luscious lips and gently nibbling at it. She was excited when she thought I was going to propose. It’s way too soon, but my heart pounds with the thought of making her mine someday, and the look in her eyes just now gives me just a glimpse at what that day may be like. It also gives me the perfect plan.

  Pulling away, she softly agrees to my terms then I encourage her to open the box. By now, my gifts to her may be bordering on lame or she may be thinking I don’t know what an actual gift is, but when I look at her, ordinary just isn’t good enough. She deserves more than a simple shirt wrapped in a gift box or some fancy perfume. Besides, I want to keep her guessing.

  She slides the box open carefully as if a spider may jump out to greet her, but as soon as she clasps the keys between her fingertips, her face lights up. Swiping it from her hand, I quickly hold it up between us, focusing on the bright metallic finish before my sights land back on her beautiful face.

  “This may not seem like much, but it is the key to my apartment. This is a symbol of the fact that I want you with me all the time; every day; every minute; every second; I want you by my side. This leaves no barriers between us.” As the words fall from my mouth, one thing repeats through my head: All except for me telling you about Bethany, but not now, not here. Right now is for us.

  After scarfing down our lukewarm soup and sandwiches, we clean up our mess and I show her around.

  “This was our first one and basically Mom did it by herself. Jake and I kept pretending the jewels were race cars.” I laugh as I look down at the picture of a woman holding a baby securely in her arms. “I remember Mom telling us how the instant that she became a mother was the moment she knew everything in her life had meaning, no matter how hard or how sad.” I let out another chuckle, thinking about Tristan’s resistance to joining in on the artwork. “I think Tristan just wanted to leave. Every time Mom would put a stone in his hand, he would get this look on his face like he had just bit into something sour and he would say, ‘Mom, stuff like this is for girls.’”

  I look over at Alyssa laughing then glance over to the next image in front of us. It’s one of my favorites. Staring at a perfect stair-step image of Mom, Tristan, me then Jake, I release a little more of my heart, slowly letting it all out, one story at a time.

  “This one we attempted to make a couple times, but the weather got cold and the grout kept hardening too fast. Finally, we waited until the following summer when I was almost twelve. By then we all pretty much had the hang of it. After she had drawn up the design, me, Jake and Tristan took over. We were so proud of it once we got it done. It was fun, too. I mean, frustrating but fun.” I chuckle at the memory. “All three of our hands were crammed into this small area, trying to create something magnificent that we could dazzle Mom with, so every once in a while I’d shove at Jake, then he’d smack at my hand, then Tristan would bump my shoulder and make me drop my jewel and so on until we were laughing … just laughing and forgetting everything that was going on around us.” I crinkle my brows and look up at Alyssa intently listening to everything I’m saying with a look of amazement and longing. She doesn’t ask for details or more of an explanation of my mom’s sickness; she just listens.

  Crouched down by her side over the current picture, I look over to the next one and rise up, taking her hand in mine. I go over a few more stories, describing the tedious details that went into each of them. Looking to one of the last images of our four hands overlapping one another, I take three small steps and stand over it, squeezing Alyssa’s hand in mine with the memory of how sick Mom was at that point.

  “This one we did when I was almost fourteen. Mom had gotten pretty sick by then.” Alyssa’s head snaps up at the mention of sickness and although I know I should tell her about my mom’s battle with ALS, for now it’s not something I want to dive into. I will tell her, but no matter the time, the pain is just too real right now. “Tristan wheeled her back here in a wheelchair and she sat snuggled up with an old blanket and pillow while we worked. Mom couldn’t draw up the elaborate images that she had in the past anymore, so Tristan had come up with something that we could do ourselves. He spent hours in the garage sanding down jewels to make sure they would fit perfectly. The whole time we worked, Mom watched us and...”

  My eyes sting and a tidal wave of emotion washes over me suddenly, causing me to stop. I clear my throat and look up at Alyssa with a small forced smile. Her eyes sparkle with sympathy and love, instantly absorbing all the pain from my heart and replacing it with a calming I’ve never felt. Stretching my lips up further, I immediately notice her eyes flash to my cheek before she looks back into my eyes with a gorgeous smile.

  “Hey, you know what? I have an idea before we go.” I dig into my pocket, my hand quickly finding several coins. “My brothers and I used to always cast off two wishes each before we’d leave here.” I hand Alyssa two coins, holding firmly to my two as she takes them from my hand.

  “Are you going to make a wish too?” she asks sweetly, holding one coin up towards the fountain.

  Raising my eyebrows, I smile and hold both my coins up so she can see that I’m already prepared for my wishes. She turns with a childlike grin on her face, closes her eyes and barely moves her lips in a silent whisper. I watch her closely, trying to zoom in on what her wish is, but no sooner than the coin is flipped through the air and lands with a splash, she then has the other coin ready.

  Still holding tight to my coins, I let one go, tossing it lightly without taking my eyes off her.

  Don’t let this ever end.

  Her coin plummets into the water soon after mine then she swings her gaze to mine as I toss my last coin over my shoulder. I don’t need an
y wishes. I have everything I need right here.

  After a short drive back to my apartment while I shamelessly pester her about what her wishes were, we manage to get cleaned up in a hurry, get a rather unexpected greeting from Evan then escape to the solitude of my bedroom for some alone time.

  Coming out of my room with satisfaction over an absolutely perfect day, I nearly trip, my foot catching on a cord as I clutch onto the doorframe to keep from going face first.

  “You’re an ass! A heads up that you were here while we were showering would have been nice, and what’s up with all the stereo equipment?” I ask, stepping out from my room while Alyssa changes. The floor is littered with strung-out cords and a huge prehistoric CD player that used to be out at his grandfather’s cabin.

  He shrugs with a grin, “I figured I would move stuff around and try to drown out the huffing and puffing coming from your room. It’s pretty distracting, dude.” His smile widens and I’m hoping he is not remembering the accidental glimpse he got of Alyssa as I had her flung over my shoulder. “And why am I an ass? You’re the one that slammed me with a view I’m not likely to forget anytime soon.”

  Evan cracks up, kicking his foot against the floor as my eyes widen. I know he’s messing with me, but it sure doesn’t dispute the fact that he did see her bare ass if not more. This will probably be one of those topics that you lock up and never breach again; at least he better lock it up.

  Squinting my eyes, I cast him a warning glare, “I don’t even want to hear about what you saw.” I shake my head to force that thought away as well. “I seriously need to invest in a siren or air horn that goes off as soon as you enter the apartment.”

  “Hey, wait a minute. You moved in with me, remember? I mean, you’re just as likely to walk in on me getting my freak on.”

  I roll my eyes and give him a sideways glance. “Yeah, right! You just seem to time your walk-ins at precisely the moment when it will shoot me down the most.”

  “What?” Evan spits out in disbelief, but cracks a grin beneath his overly dramatic seriousness. “In fact, your running in and out this morning interrupted some midmorning happenings for me. Here I was planning to take a page from your book and haul Skylar into the shower when you came traipsing in the door, roses in hand and a pathetic sappy smile on your face. So in a way, my little interruption today was sweet revenge.” He raises his eyebrows with a chuckle and I can’t help but laugh.

  “I was right; you are an ass.” I shake my head with a laugh while leaning back in my chair and balancing on two legs with my feet braced against the base of the kitchen island. “So are you two dating now or what? I’ve been seeing her car parked in front of the apartment off and on for a while now.”

  He lets out a frustrated sigh and slouches down on the barstool. “I have no clue. I like her and all, but I just can’t manage to …” He pauses before going on. “I just don’t know. I’m good with Skylar, I mean she’s fun and definitely pretty, but her being friends with Piper is kind of weird, plus it’s just a reminder of what I can’t have.”

  “So call Piper.”

  He looks at me like I just said the craziest thing, his eyes wide and wild. “Yeah, ok! Whatever … that doesn’t work for us all. I just wish she … I don’t know.” He stops talking as if the mention of her name just tore a bandage off an agonizing, unhealed wound.

  I take a quick turn from the topic of his relationship, all too familiar with the look in his eyes. Besides, maybe he could help me with this Bethany issue.

  “Hey, I sort of have a problem and could use your advice,” I say in a low tone so Alyssa doesn’t hear in the other room. I have every intention of telling her but I need to know the right way to go about it. Evan nods, urging me to go on.

  “So, I haven’t told Alyssa this yet and I know I need to, but I’m not sure how or when to approach the subject. She’s going through so much lately and the last thing I want is to create more for her to deal with on top of what’s happening with her dad.”

  “Ok, spit it out. What’s going on?” Evan impatiently nudges me to the main source of my question.

  “Bethany kissed me the other night and told me some things that she has kept from Alyssa,” I spit it out and squeeze my eyes shut, a truckload of guilt punching me right in the gut for having not told her this yet. I go on to clarify the words ‘some things.’ “And I mean, she told me something that had it been you that kept this from me … we definitely would no longer be friends.”

  Evan’s eyebrows are drawn up in shock and he sits there silently, stunned by my confession. “Ahhh, first off … Holy shit, wow!”

  I quickly flag my hands around to signal for him to lower his voice. Holy crap, I feel like a horrible boyfriend! I shouldn’t have brought this up.

  “Ok, so yeah, you really need to tell her. When did it happen?”

  I blow out a regretful sigh and answer with a knot in my stomach, “Yesterday evening.”

  Evan looks at me, crooking his lips to the side as if he’s thinking or analyzing my answer. Wait, Evan doesn’t analyze shit before speaking … he must be confused.

  “So why haven’t you told her?” he asks in a perplexed tone with his hand held out in front of him as if he’s waiting for a tip.

  Same question I keep asking myself. “I should have, but at first I was in shock then I wanted to see if maybe she knew this crappy little secret that Bethany has been keeping from her and then, well …” I bite the inside of my lips remembering the turn that last night’s discussion took. “I got distracted. Then today I took her to Mom’s wishing well.” I glance his way as his face lights up with recognition of what today meant to me.

  “Oh yeah, wow … you took her there. Well, then today definitely would not have been a good time to tell her. That kind of drama doesn’t need to be brought up there and that had to be a big step for you, so that is completely understandable. So, what is the secret that she has been keeping?”

  Pressing my lips together in a subtle frown, I look over to him before speaking.

  “You know, actually I’d rather not say. I mean, I think it is something she should know. Honestly, I shouldn’t even know this and the fact that Bethany just casually threw it out there has me all sorts of confused.” Why the hell did she tell me anyway? “I know for a fact, that this information will hurt Alyssa when she finds out, but others knowing before her will only make her feel like a fool.”

  “Ahh, understood.” Evan stretches his arms above his head, looking at the ceiling before and back to me. “Well, listen … I know it’s weighing on your mind, but she’s in there getting ready,” he says, pointing to my bedroom door. “She’s getting all jazzed up so she can have fun tonight, so my advice …” he pauses as if he is waiting to see if I stop him. Nudging my chin in his direction, I urge him to go on and he does, “I’d say you’ve held it in this long. You guys go to the party, have fun, get all wild and crazy,” he widens his eyes, drumming his fingers in the air. “Then tell her in the morning. You didn’t do anything wrong. After you tell her, stand back and watch Alyssa lay twinkle-toes flat on her ass. Oh and get it on video so I can watch.”

  Evan grins and I smile back, appreciative for the advice. Now if only I can sit on this for a day, because it is eating me up.

  NOT WANTING TO THINK about this any longer, or chance Alyssa hearing it and think I was the one that deceived her, I change the subject.

  “So, you wanna come with us tonight? I have a super snazzy Greek God or gladiator costume you could borrow.” I roll my eyes and laugh, igniting a look of skepticism from him.

  “Are you dressing up tonight?”

  I shake my head immediately, “No way. I’ll leave the dressing up to Alyssa.” Just as the words leave my mouth, out steps Alyssa in her short white costume with a golden belt strapped tightly beneath her breast and showing off way more cleavage than anyone needs to see.

  A piercing whistle from Evan bounces me out of my daydream as she gracefully spins in a circle with her
skirt floating around. I catch a glimpse of some very skimpy undergarments beneath the skirt and sneak a quick look at Evan from the corner of my eyes, then back to her. The sight of her makes my mouth water and now I really don’t want to go to this party.

  “Holy shit, you look good,” I breathe out, slowly licking my lips before saliva starts to drip down my chin.

  “I second that, although the first view I had today even tops this outfit,” Evan boldly says while ogling my girlfriend.

  I smack at his arm, nearly sending him off his chair. “I’m telling you now, you better wipe that image out of your mind.”

  Evan laughs while keeping his eyes on Alyssa, “Yeah, I’ll work on that. Seriously though, you look smoking in that outfit.”

  Her face lights up at his words, making my heart pound fiercely with any ounce of happiness that anyone can bring her. It takes no time at all for us to convince Evan to join us then we are off. The whole way to the party the subject of Bethany burns on the tip of my tongue, threatening to be spit out, despite Evan’s advice. Once we’re parked and ready to head in, the guilt of knowing about Kyle and her roommate is flooding out all my decision making skills on whether she should know now or later. When Evan knocks on the window, interrupting our conversation, it takes only one glare from him when Alyssa isn’t looking, to know that he is trying to save me from a drama-filled wreck of a night with Bethany as the team captain.