Hate to Love You

by Isabelle Richards

  “Don’t hold back now,” I sneer. It’s nice to know my father thinks so highly of me.

  He sweeps the cards into a pile. “If you hurt her, I’ll kill you myself.”

  “I get you love her like a daughter, but aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”

  He looks at me. “I am. You’re just too much of a dumbass to see it. Now go put her to bed.”

  I pick her up off the sofa.

  “And Chase?” Pop says.

  Looking over my shoulder as I walk toward the stairs, I say, “Yeah?”

  “As her father’s proxy, I insist you put her in her bed and leave her there.”

  “You got it.” As if I would try anything with her sick father in the next room.

  After tucking her in, I sit on the edge of the bed and watch her. I can’t believe I have her back. I silently promise her I’ll do everything right this time.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Arianna

  Around midnight, I hear Daddy coughing, so I jump out of bed and rush to his room. I’ve never felt so helpless as I do watching him cough that hard and struggle to breathe. I do everything the doctor instructed me to do, but I still feel impotent. His heart rate is elevated, but not to dangerous levels, so I follow the treatment plan. I put together a nebulizer treatment to administer vaporized steroids to help his breathing. We agreed to be completely unplugged this week, but I know he has a laptop under the bed. I pull it out and put on The Color of Money on Netflix. I think he’s earned a little rule breaking.

  After the treatment gets going, I call his doctor. I know without asking that Daddy won’t skip the game to see his doctor. Dr. Barns is with the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, but he agrees to fly out late tomorrow afternoon and meet us after hours at the Mayo location in Arizona. While he’s a good doctor and a nice man, I’m paying for his time, airfare, and a suite at the Biltmore. I also invited him to join us in the skybox for the game. Everyone has a price.

  I curl up with Daddy and watch the movie. I should sleep, but I can’t do it. I’m afraid if I do, I’ll wake up, and he’ll be gone. The steroids make him jittery, so even though he’s tired, he can’t fall asleep. I snuggle up and watch old movies with him until he falls asleep.

  Morning comes too quickly, and we are all exhausted. I wasn’t the only one up and worried about Daddy all night. The cost of the private plane paid out in dividends when Daddy could sleep in the bedroom the whole way to Phoenix. I’m a zombie, but I can’t sleep a wink during the flight. After the pilot turns off the seatbelt sign, Chase picks me up and carries me to one of the sofas. He doesn’t ask me to talk or try to placate me by promising it’ll all be okay. I probably would have told him off if he’d tried. He just holds me, which is exactly what I need.

  With about an hour left in the flight, Pat comes over and tells absurd stories about Daddy when he was a kid. My father has always been too smart, too charming, and too good looking for his own good. He got away with murder as a kid. They grew up in a small town in Texas where there was nothing to do but play sports and get in trouble. My father excelled at both. By the time we land, we’re all crying from laughter.

  The Brennans go to the hotel to check us in and get everything ready for the party tonight. Chase insists on coming with me. I fight him, but deep down, I’m happy to have him with me. Plus, he was instrumental in helping me convince the driver not to stop at In ’n’ Out like Daddy instructed him. The doctor would have my head if he flew down here just to watch Daddy scarf down a cheeseburger.

  The hospital is courteous and discreet, allowing us to enter through a back door and complete all registration inside the cardiac unit. They take Daddy back for testing as soon as we arrive. Once Dr. Barns comes to our room, Chase bombards him with questions. I scowl at him, and he looks at me and shrugs.

  “What? I was in shock in Denver and didn’t ask all the things I wanted to,” he says, taking my hand. “Now that I’m here with the dual role of pseudo-son and boyfriend, I get to grill this guy until I feel comfortable.”

  I pull my hand out of his. “It sounds like incest when you put it that way.”

  He grabs my hand and threads his fingers through mine. “You agreed to take me back. Even my impatient, aggressive side. It’s too late to change your mind now.”

  Dr. Barns has good news and bad news. Despite how bad last night looked, Daddy is okay and can attend the party as long as he takes it easy and doesn’t stay out too late. The new medication Dr. Barns gave him should help suppress his cough. But Daddy’s heart is declining at a rapid rate. He’ll need a transplant sooner than we expected. We know there’s very little chance of finding a match, but Dr. Barns can implant a device to help Daddy’s heart in the meantime. We aren’t at that point yet, but we’re getting close. It’s the doctor’s recommendation that Daddy stop all work immediately.

  As the doctor delivers the bad news, I squeeze Chase’s hand so hard I’m worried I broke his fingers. The tough guy he is, he doesn’t even wince. He just runs his thumb along mine. Whatever compelled him to open up to me on that night on the beach I’ll never know. There’s been seven hundred odd days since we broke up and he’s never reached out to tell me how he felt, but he did that night and I’m so grateful for it. I didn’t realize how much I need him until now. For once, when I need him, he’s actually here. Now it’s my turn to interrogate Dr. Barns.

  I throw question after question at him until Daddy cuts me off. “Enough, Arianna. I’ve heard about all I can process today, and I have a party to get to. Doctor, we’ll see you tomorrow at the game.”

  Daddy is full of false confidence and reassurance during the drive to the hotel. All I’m interested in discussing is when he’s going to tell David he’s done. Daddy completely ignores me and talks about how he wants to go surfing in February. Chase plays mediator and settles me down every time I get frustrated and start screaming about locking my father in his bedroom.

  By the time we get to the hotel, I’m a melting pot of anger, despair, and trepidation. I’m sure Daddy is just trying to stay casual and upbeat, but it seems as though he isn’t taking this seriously. He doesn’t seem to care that he’s one strenuous activity away from death’s door. That could be jogging up the stairs too fast, standing on his feet too long, or carrying a heavy suitcase through an airport. I need him more than America needs to hear his take on the West Coast offense.

  Daddy agrees to take a nap before the party, and Chase convinces me to do the same. I beg him to stay with me, but he says if he does, there won’t be any napping. Reluctantly, I agree. He tells the front desk to hold any calls, and he takes my phone and laptop so I’m not tempted to look up info about this surgery. Medical googling can make you crazy. Plus, even though it has been a few days since the press release, I’m sure Henrik and I are still trending. I probably have a million emails and texts about it, and I’m in no mood to discuss that right now.

  If I could cancel this damn party, I would. Daddy is so excited to see all the boys, and I want him to have this moment when they still look at him as though he’s larger than life. A moment when he can appreciate them one last time before their eyes are full of pity and mourning. He deserves to say good-bye, even if the boys don’t know that’s what’s going on.

  It’s going to be an evening of bold-faced lies. I’ll have to lie about Daddy, my love life, my career. Is there anything in my life that isn’t a massive tangle of fabrication? As much as I want this for Daddy, I don’t know where to find the strength to get through it. There’s never been a situation I couldn’t smile through with poise and aplomb, but my resolve is chipping away.

  At least I’ll have Chase. He may have to be across the room, but he’ll be there. We used to have hand signals for these types of events, like the signs they use in baseball. A nose scratch means “I’m bored,” a tap on the shoulder means “save me from the asshole I’m talking to,” if I twirl my hair it means “get me out of here so we can fuck.” We could carry on subtle conversations without
anyone being the wiser. I wonder if he still remembers them?

  Despite being alone in my bed, I can’t sleep. At seven, I drag myself into the shower to get ready. I go through the motions of primping, but I’m disconnected. Astoundingly, I look presentable when Daddy comes to my door to collect me two hours later.

  “Oh, Snickerdoodle. With you on my arm, I’m the luckiest man in the world.” Tears well up in his eyes as he studies my face.

  I lift up on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. “You say that now, but as soon as I start harping on you about curfew and drinking, you’re going to be cursing me.”

  He takes my hand. “Well, let’s get out of here and in front of the cameras before you have time to start nagging.”

  I roll my eyes. “You’d better behave, old man.”

  The party is in full swing by the time we arrive at the club Pat has rented. Almost every player, coach, and athletic department staff member that worked with Daddy at Stanford is here, along with their families. I voted against inviting boosters but I was overruled. Their money kept Daddy’s team in new Nikes, so I suppose that’s earned them a free drink or two. It’s a hell of a turnout.

  Daddy and I pose for a few pictures before he’s swept into the crowd. As the dutiful daughter, I schmooze with all the guests. Utilizing my crafty interviewing skills, I keep the conversations focused on them, thus minimizing the amount of required lying. I end up spending the bulk of the first few hours talking to the coaches and AD staff. I haven’t even had the chance to talk to the players yet.

  At midnight, I insist Daddy wrap it up. I nudge things along by spreading the rumor that we need to be out of the club by twelve thirty.

  Mitch Larson, a defensive lineman from Daddy’s first year coaching at Stanford, comes over to me to say good-bye. He gives me a bear hug. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to hang out. Are you coming to the after-party?”

  I wrinkle my brow. “This is the first I’m hearing about it.”

  “Boomer set it up. A bus is coming to get everyone in ten. You should come.” He waves as he walks off. “See you there,” he calls over his shoulder.

  After making my way through the crowd I find Charlie in a booth in the back of the club with her feet up. “Have you heard about an after-party? If the players try to drag Daddy out, heads will roll and balls will be crushed.”

  “Are you kidding?” she replies. “I took over party coordinator responsibility so Mom could mingle. I’ve been knee-deep in issues all night. Underdone crab cakes. We ran out of ice. I had to epi pen Steven Ahmed when he ate the chicken skewers with peanut sauce. You’re the first person I’ve spoken to all night except for club staff and Steve. All I want is a magnum of wine and a hot bath. Did you ask Chase?”

  “I haven’t seen him all night. I’ve been on ass-kissing duty. Our paths haven’t even crossed once, which is really strange.” I stand and search the crowd for him. The crowd has thinned considerably, but I don’t see him. I walk to the front of the club just in time to see a charter bus pulling away. I storm back to Charlie. “They left! That bastard just left without saying anything to me.”

  “What?” She stands on a chair and looks around the club. “I don’t see Spencer anywhere. I expect this from my brother but not my husband. I’m going to kick his ass. Did you call Chase?”

  I help her down. “He took my phone.”

  She picks up her purse from the table. “Grab your coat. We’re tracking those fuckers down.”

  After a stop by the coat check, I force Daddy into a limo and ask the bouncer to call up one of the other waiting Town Cars.

  “If Boomer is involved, my money says they’re either at a strip club or an Indian casino,” I say as Charlie and I get in the car. “Call Spence. See if you can get any details.”

  She retrieves her phone from her purse and calls her husband. “Spencer says they’re going to some club called Equilibrium in Scottsdale.”

  The driver knows the club and drives east. Five minutes later, Spencer calls back.

  “What? Spence, I can’t hear you,” Charlie yells into the phone. She looks at me. “He’s telling us not to come for some reason. It’s so damn loud that I can’t hear a word he’s saying.”

  “All the more reason we need to get there. Something’s going on.”

  She continues to try to talk to Spencer but doesn’t get anywhere. “He’s so drunk I can’t understand him. The only thing I could make out was that he didn’t want us coming.”

  If Spence is that drunk, I can only imagine how drunk Chase is. Spence is always the responsible one.

  When we walk into the club, I run into Boomer. Boomer and I used to get along well. I’m not sure what’s at the heart of the icy glare he’s giving me, but it throws me off guard.

  He folds his arms across his chest. “Didn’t expect to see you here, Arianna.”

  “Wow, Boom. Thanks for the warm welcome.” I point at Charlie. “We’re looking for her husband.”

  “I haven’t seen much of him. Last I saw, he was totally wasted. Stay here,” he says firmly.

  Charlie and I look at each other. Stay here? No way in hell. We’re hot on Boomer’s heels as he goes around a corner, then up a flight of stairs. After going down a hall and through a set of double doors, we enter a room that overlooks the rest of the club. The only difference between this room and the regular club is this one has stripper poles.

  I look at Charlie. “Told you. Strippers.”

  Walking farther into the room, we see strippers everywhere—giving lap dances, working the poles. There’s got to be a 1:10 stripper to guy ratio. I can’t even fathom how much this must have cost. I pull on Boomer’s shirt to get his attention.

  His face turns red with either rage or embarrassment. Perhaps a combination of the two. “I told you to stay there!”

  Charlie rolls her eyes. “Please. Like I ever do as I’m told. I’ve seen strippers before, Boom. It’s not that big of a deal.”

  “This is quite the production. This must have set you back a small fortune,” I say.

  Boomer looks irritated. He crosses his arms and scowls. “It’s not every day one of my best friends is getting married. Once the other guys and I got our invites, I knew I had to throw this together while we were all together for the game.”

  “Who’s getting married?” Charlie asks.

  He looks at her as if she’s crazy. “Your brother!”

  “What?” we scream in unison.

  “Chase is not getting married,” Charlie shouts. “He and Jenna broke up months ago.”

  He laughs. “You’re too late. Someone else tried to punk me too, but I know for a fact this wedding is a go. So nice try, ladies. I’ll go find Spencer. Try not to cause any trouble.”

  I’m going to be sick. This is what I get for trusting him.

  Charlie grabs my hand. “There’s no way. This has to be a mistake. Chase would never do this to you, and my parents would know if there was a wedding in the works. They’d be pitching a fit, believe you me. This has Jenna’s bullshit written all over it.”

  She’s right. Pat and Katie would know if there was really a wedding in the works, but this is the kind of bullshit that happens with him. Maybe he didn’t really end it. Who the hell knows what he’s sweet talked her into believing. I’ve never asked anything about Jenna. Maybe I should have.

  “Where is he, Boom?” I demand.

  “Arianna, this is his bachelor party. He should be having a good time, not getting into it with his nemesis. There’s a reason you weren’t invited.”

  “Oh, I’m quite sure of that.” I turn to Charlie. “I’m going back to the hotel. Are you coming?”

  “Stop,” she pleads. “Don’t go like this. I’m sure there’s an explanation. Let’s go sort it out.”

  “This explains why he was out of sight all night. The fucking coward.” I smooth down my skirt as I debate what to do. I tuck my clutch under my arm and lean in to kiss her cheek. “I’ve got to get out of here. Staying here will
only result in bloodshed.”

  “I’m going to stay and figure this out. Someone needs to make sure they get home okay.” She walks me downstairs and through the first floor.

  The bouncer flags a cab for me.

  “Please don’t give up on him yet,” she says. “This is all some stupid mistake.”

  I step into the cab and roll down the window. “I’m sure you’re right. But that’s how it always was with him. One stupid, thoughtless mistake after another. Call me in the morning.”

  How could I be so stupid to think this time would be any different? Every time we were together, there were always rumors of girls he was seeing on the side. He always denied it, but how can he deny this? Jenna still thinks they’re getting married. Whether that is his intention or not, he’s leaving her dangling like a back-up plan. It’s a dick move made by a coward who’s afraid to be alone. Chase is lucky I didn’t see him because I would have torn him apart limb from limb.

  The late-night traffic through Scottsdale is heavy, making the drive back to the hotel feel like an eternity. All I want to do is take a long bath and wash the stench of stripper and heartache off me. Tomorrow is jam-packed with events leading up to the game, and I’ll be stuck with Chase the whole damn day. I need a good night’s sleep if I’m going to manage to get through it without decapitating him and carrying his head around on a stake to ward off all other assholes. Maybe I’ve been watching a bit too much Games of Thrones.

  My plans are thwarted when I enter my hotel room and find Daddy sitting on my bed. “Daddy, you should be in bed. What are you still doing up? And in my room…”

  He pats the side of the bed. “I need to show you something.”

  I drop my purse and coat on the arm chair and walk to the mini fridge for a water. “If it’s about Boomer’s impromptu bachelor party, I was just there.”

  “What? I hadn’t heard about that. Who’s getting married?”

  I take a sip of water. “Chase. Everyone got wedding invitations while we were in the Bahamas, so good ol’ Boomer decided to throw a surprise party.”