Steady

by Nicole Tillman

  “So, you ended up on the floor and you have no idea how?”

  “Pretty much,” I called from the bathroom as I slathered a dollop of minty paste over my toothbrush.

  “Sleepwalking? Weird reaction to the alcohol? What?”

  I glanced in the mirror to see Sydney, arms crossed, staring curiously at me as she leaned against the door frame.

  “Maybe,” I mumbled around a mouthful of foam.

  “Maybe what?” She arched her brow, growing increasingly annoyed at being given the runaround.

  “I don't know. Don't you have a final at nine, too?” I asked.

  “Nine thirty, actually. But I need to return some library books before then,” she paused, looking me over. “Are you sure you're okay?”

  “Of course.” I rinsed my mouth and offered her a weak smile as I passed. “I'm twenty-one, my friends threw me an awesome party, and I'm taking the last of my finals today. I've never been better.”

  Sydney narrowed her eyes, searching for a crack in my armor. She was a pro at reading people, but she was also a pro at giving people the space they craved.

  I ignored her assessing stare as I threw my hair up into a messy bun, tugged a t-shirt and jeans on over my camisole and sleep boxers, and threw my bag over my shoulder.

  “See you at lunch?” I called back as my hand hit the door knob.

  “Bree!”

  My whole body slumped in exasperation and I turned to find Sydney wringing her hands.

  “You'd tell me if something was wrong, right? With your heart? I mean, if you didn't feel well.”

  She wanted reassurance. Well, that was one thing I could offer her. Stepping deeper into the room, I dropped my bag on the floor and threw my arms around my roommate in a warm hug that she obviously needed.

  “Absolutely. I wouldn't keep something like that from you.”

  Liar...

  I told that nasty little voice in my head to bug off. If there was actually a cause for concern, I would tell Sydney. But it wouldn't do any good to go into details about something that was probably just a drunken mirage.

  “So, see you at lunch?”

  “Yup. Lunch.”

  ***

  Three hours later, I finished the last of my finals and headed to the student center to meet the girls. Stepping into the cafeteria, I was immediately assaulted by the tangy smell of lasagna and the mumbling of twenty or so people quietly chatting as they grabbed a bite between classes.

  I planted my feet in the doorway and scanned the room. The girls were nowhere to be found but a familiar face smiled at me and I made my way through the crowd.

  “How was the party?” Carter asked. “I didn't hear anything about a foursome streaking across campus, so it couldn't have been that entertaining.”

  “It wasn't,” I said. “But it was still fun. Exactly how I wanted to spend my birthday.”

  “I spent my twenty-first birthday in Springfield doing body shots off a strange girl named Star. I think you and I have very different ideas of fun.”

  “No argument there,” I said, trying my hardest not to be a judgmental jerk. “I wanted to keep it low-key.”

  “Low-key. Translation: boring.”

  I elbowed Carter in the ribs before slinging my bag into the chair beside him and nabbing his last bite of garlic bread.

  “Excuse you,” he said, batting my hand away from his plate. “Get your own food.”

  “Didn't your mother ever teach you how to share?”

  “Yeah, but yours didn't, you only child. There's a difference between sharing and stealing.” Carter's smile spread across his handsome face as he pointed to the long line forming across the room. “Go. Before it gets too long.”

  Faking a pout, I turned and left to claim my spot in line. As I grabbed a plate and waited, I spotted Nora and Sydney. They had their heads ducked together, whispering as they approached Carter. Sydney had her hand pressed against her chest, over her heart, and it didn't take a genius to know that they were talking about me and my odd sleeping arrangement.

  That reminder alone sent a short spike of adrenaline through my system, enough to make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end as I once again thought of the planchette trying to move across the board on its own. Again, I tried to think of the most logical explanation for whatever I'd witnessed, but I came up empty.

  Okay, so not completely empty. I just didn't want to admit either of the two scenarios that were most likely. The first being that a spirit had accepted our invitation and was just a little late to the party. And the second being that my heart wasn't doing its job and as a side effect, my brain was sending mixed signals. If that was even possible. I wasn't sure. Which only really left the first option.

  “Wanna tell me what happened?”

  I jumped at the sound of Nora's voice at my ear.

  “Jesus,” I exclaimed. “Wear a bell, would you?”

  “Sorry,” she chuckled. “Ninja skills. So really. What happened?”

  “I have no idea,” I lied, tossing a piece of garlic bread on my plate as I took a step forward. “I went to sleep in my bed and woke up on the floor. Stranger things have happened under the influence of alcohol, right?”

  Nora laughed knowingly. “I'm going to pretend like you're not lying to me right now and just assume that whatever it is, you don't want to talk about it right now.”

  Damn. Of course, Nora would see right through me. She knew me better than anyone.

  “Just promise me this,” she continued. “If it's your heart, or anything related to your heart, you'll tell me. Or you'll tell someone. Sydney, Carter, your mom. I don't care who it is, just promise you'll let someone know.”

  “It's not my heart,” I assured her. “And if it was, I'd tell you.”

  “That's all I needed to know,” she said quietly.

  We continued around the food table in silence until Veronica bounced up behind Nora. Decked out in her practice gear- spandex shorts and a tight fitting t-shirt- she was oblivious to the fact that almost every guy in the building was staring at her in all her toned, tanned perfection.

  “Are you not going to practice?” Veronica asked Nora as we moved down the line.

  “I'm changing after I eat. Almost all my practice clothes have some kind of stain on them and I'd like to spare my last clean shirt from inevitable lasagna splatter.”

  “Gotcha. So, are we on for camping this weekend?”

  I looked over my shoulder to find that Veronica had directed her question at me.

  “Camping?”

  “Yeah. A bunch of people from the dorm are going since their cars will be packed for vacation anyway. There's a lake like an hour and a half away and everyone's pitching in for the camp site.”

  “Saturday?” Nora asked.

  “I think most people are heading down Friday night. Or whenever they finish the last of their finals.” Veronica looked back to me with a smile. “You in?”

  I'd always loved camping. Sleeping with the lightning bugs, roasting marshmallows, listening to the crickets sing you a lullaby- I loved it. It was being out in the sun for too long with my fair complexion that I didn't like.

  Biting my lip, I contemplated having a weekend free from school, from stress, from the creepy crawly feeling that tiptoed up my spine at the thought of my dorm room at night. So I'd come back looking like a boiled tomato? It was a small price to pay.

  “I'm in.”

  “Yay!” Veronica squealed. “And don't worry, we'll get you a big ass sun hat to protect that beautiful porcelain skin of yours.” She tapped me on the nose before spinning around with her empty plate and heading toward the salad bar.

  “How has her peppiness not rubbed off on you after living with her for so long?” I asked as I loaded my plate with gooey lasagna.

  “I'm not sure. Wanna find out?”

  I arched a brow and pointed the spatula at my friend. “And that means what, exactly?”

  “Well,” she drew out the word with a smile
. “It could mean that the apartments we applied for back in February called me this morning.”

  “Shut up!” I turned and waited for her to continue.

  “Two units right next to each other. Both two bedroom, one bath. Three hundred a month.”

  “So, we're in?”

  “I'm going to pick up the paperwork tonight.”

  Doing what little of a victory dance I could do while holding a full plate of lasagna, I squealed and bounced around while the ball players in front of me looked at me like I'd lost my mind. But I didn't care.

  The girls and I had decided at the beginning of the year that we were tired of living in the dorms. Since I was graduating with my Associates Degree and the other girls were already working on their Bachelors, we figured it was time to start juggling jobs and living on our own. I loved the convenience that came with living in the dorm, but I wouldn't miss curfew, room checks, or any of the other rules that came with living on campus.

  “I'm glad we're all going camping this weekend,” Nora said, looking out over the chattering crowd inhabiting the student center. “It can be our last hoo-rah before we start pretending to be adults.”

  We finished loading our plates with carbs and joined the rest of our friends at the table where we all fell into easy conversation. Surrounded by all the people I loved the most, it was easy to forget my one and only source of unease, which was still on the counter in my dorm, waiting for me.

  ***

  “C'mon, c'mon, I've only got twenty minutes!” Sydney jogged up the stairs in front of me. “If the video's not up yet, meet me in Lybyer and we'll watch it in between my Psych final and Chem lab.”

  Ever since I'd introduced Sydney to my favorite YouTube channel, Superfruit, we'd had an ongoing tradition of watching the videos together every Tuesday when they were posted. Usually, we split a bag of pretzels and a bottled water, hooked up our headphones, and watched it sprawled across one of our beds. However, the magic of the tradition was thrown off because of finals and we ended up just watching it at my desk.

  As soon as the short video ended, Sydney grabbed her bag and was out the door, leaving the dorm room cold and deserted.

  Blowing out a slow breath through my teeth, I shut my laptop and spun around in the chair. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I didn't have anything to do. My finals were done for the semester, all my friends were in class for the rest of the evening, and I'd already dropped off all my job applications.

  As I spun around aimlessly in my chair, contemplating how to spend the rest of my day, my phone chirped with an incoming text. Looking at the screen, I groaned when I realized it was my mother.

  We hadn't exactly been on the best of terms since I moved away for college. After the wreck, she was so overprotective it was stifling. She monitored my every step, where I went, who I was with, what I ate, how many hours of sleep I got, what my clothing was made of... it was ridiculous. Needless to say, she had been surprised when I announced that I was leaving Kansas City to attend a community college four hours away. With her job, she couldn't just up and leave to visit me, she couldn't keep tabs on me, and that drove her crazy.

  Mom: Are you coming home for summer vaca?

  I typed out a quick reply.

  Me: Nope. Got approved for an apartment. Moving with the girls. Might ride home with Nora one weekend. Sorry.

  A few minutes later, another text arrived and it was one my mother sent so often it wouldn't surprise me if her phone could auto-complete the entire sentence.

  Mom: Bree, my offer to pay for you to go to UMKC still stands.

  She didn't understand. She'd never understood my need to stand on my own two feet, to support myself, and to go out into the world and be my own person. She still wanted me to move back home so she could take care of me and keep tabs on my every move. Well, I wasn't a child anymore and thanks to a large chunk of money my father left me when he died, I didn't need her approval nor her financial assistance.

  Me: I'm staying here. Gotta go. Studying. Love you.

  I locked my phone and slid it onto my desk. I didn't have anything to study for, but she didn't need to know that. I loved my mother with every fragile piece of my heart, but until she saw me as the independent person I wanted so badly to be, I had to keep her at arms length to keep from being suffocated.

  My phone chimed again, but I chose to ignore it. She usually sent three or four more texts after I ended a conversation, mostly just reassuring me that I could always pack up and go home. Ever so often, she would try to guilt trip me into going back, but she knew me well enough to know that wasn't helping her cause at all.

  As I realized I didn't have anything better to do, I made my way to the kitchenette to see if I could find anything to snack on. However, my steps faltered when I laid eyes on the Ouija board, exactly where we'd left it. I'd half expected Sydney to get rid of it while I was gone, but there it sat, completely undisturbed.

  The planchette rested in the center of the board, silently awaiting further instructions. The letters called out to me, begging to be paired off into little word families.

  Biting my lip, I swayed from one foot to the other, eying the current source of my bewilderment. I had two options: Pack up the Ouija board and forget about its existence. Or take a giant flying leap and indulge my curiosity.

  I chewed on my thumbnail as I rounded the corner and inspected the board. It seemed harmless enough. Just a thick piece of heavy cardboard with some letters painted across the face. Didn't seem too menacing.

  Naturally, my need for answers, closure, and a little adventure won out. In the span of ten seconds, I had locked the door, drew the curtains closed, and positioned myself in the chair closest to the board.

  Slowly cracking my knuckles, I ran my eyes along the bold lettering, giving myself time to chicken out. Even though my heart was keeping a steady beat in my chest, I knew the moment something happened (if anything happened) it would fly off the handle and there would be no one to help me if it faltered.

  Deep breath...

  “One question,” I assured myself. “Just one question and I'm done.”

  In a moment of misplaced confidence, I decided not to place my hands on the planchette. I'd witnessed it move once before (although the jury was still out on whether or not I'd been hallucinating) but I figured if that really had happened, there was no reason it couldn't move by itself again. If someone was really trying to reach out to me, they could meet me halfway.

  Placing my hands in my lap, I kept my breathing even as I began to speak.

  “Is anyone here with me?”

  Instead of sounding confident and mystical like Nora, my voice came out squeaky and childlike. Clearing my throat, I decided to be more direct.

  “Who's here with me? What's your name?”

  My eyes latched onto the planchette, searching for even a flicker of movement. The second hand of the kitchen clock ticked by in slow motion as I breathed in and out, just waiting for something to happen. People outside my door ran up and down the hall celebrating the end of the semester. Cars outside blasted music and honked their horns at friends. A million different things tugged at my attention when all I wanted to do was focus on the damn board in front of me.

  But nothing was happening. Everything in the room stood still. Seconds and minutes ticked by and still nothing. So when something actually did happen, I was wound so tight I fell out of my chair.

  “Holy hell!”

  I groaned before rolling onto my stomach and pushing off the floor. My shoulder and hip had taken the brunt of the fall, but I had to get up. Aside from looking like a coward there on the floor, I had to see what had sparked my flight reflex.

  The planchette, which had previously been resting in the center of the board, had moved to... “J?”

  Another jerk, and I stepped back with a gasp, wary of the energy flowing through the room, through the board, and through my heart. Clutching my chest, I breathed deeply and blinked away the tears gat
hering in my eyes. I had to see what was being spelled out, but I also had to not pass out or have a freaking heart attack because of something I shouldn't be doing in the first place.

  The planchette stopped.

  “A,” I read aloud.

  My lips trembled as it took off again, slowly shimmying across the board like it had all day while I felt as if my knees would give out at any second.

  It stopped again and I took one step forward, inching close enough to make sure I spoke the correct letter.

  “K.”

  More shimmying.

  More strained breathing.

  More goosebumps.

  And then...

  “E.”

  I waited.

  Two heartbeats.

  Then Five.

  Then ten.

  It didn't continue.

  “J. A. K. E... Jake? You- your name is Jake?” I whispered into the quiet room. Quiet, until the noise of the planchette moving across the wooden board one more time grated against my soul.

  Looking down at the board, I covered my mouth to keep from crying out as one very clear, very bold, word was pointed out.

  Yes.

  Chapter Three

  “What do you want?”

  The words slipped out of my mouth before I realized I wanted this to stop. I wanted the damn board to disappear and I wanted to forget the exchange ever happened. What was I thinking? I was playing with fire. What I was doing was dangerous. Dangerous and wrong.

  The planchette once again started across the board at a snail's pace, but I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't bear the burn in my chest for a second longer. In one quick motion, I lashed out and swept the board off the table, sending it crashing to the floor.

  “Stop!” I cried as my whole body shook. “This was stupid. The entire thing was stupid! Just get out of here! Leave!”

  Banging on my door caused me to scream and I slapped a hand across my mouth. Spirits didn't knock, I was level-headed enough to realize that. I tried to tamp down my panic once I realized I was in the middle of a level ten freak out and someone had obviously heard me.

  After smoothing a hand over my hair and plastering a neutral expression on my face, I opened the door. Our RA stood directly in front of our door, looking just as startled as I felt.