Steady

by Nicole Tillman

  “Evening, ladies. Anyone up for a little walk? Maybe a swim?”

  “Uh, a swim? Like, in the dark? In the water?” Nora darted her eyes from me to Jay and back again, trying to read my expression, which I was keeping carefully guarded.

  “Yes, water is usually essential to swimming,” he joked.

  “We're in!” Veronica yelled. Although, it came out sounding like “wore in” since she'd had quite a bit more to drink than the rest of us.

  “Maybe you should just wade,” Sydney advised, also sensing that our friend had had one too many to swim safely at night.

  “Don't worry,” Jay said, flashing the girls a warm smile, “I'll play lifeguard if need be.”

  “Woo! Let's go!” Veronica started weaving her way toward the shore.

  I turned to run after her, but Jay held me back.

  “Be down in a minute. I'm calling in reinforcements.” He winked before letting go of my hand and heading back into the throng of people surrounding the fire.

  Naturally, the girls took that as their cue to mob me.

  “Oh. My. God!”

  “What's going on?”

  “What did he say?”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Guys!” I grabbed their hands and headed for the water. “Questions later. Right now we need to make sure Veronica doesn't decide to recreate the sinking of the titanic!”

  We all jogged down to the shore, using only the light of the moon and the distant glow of the campfire to guide us. Rocks slid beneath our flip-flops and we screeched as we all but rolled down onto the shore.

  “Where is she?” I panted, dusting gravel off my thighs as I walked.

  I didn't see her. My mind was already conjuring up images of my friend floating face down in the water. “I don't see her! Where is-”

  The three of us whipped our heads around as we registered a deep, rumbling gurgle coming from a patch of sandy gravel a few feet to our left. And that's where we found Veronica. Snoring.

  “Well... that takes care of that.” Nora slapped a hand over her mouth to suppress her giggles.

  “Yeah, except how are we going to drag her tall ass back up to the tent?”

  We were all silent for a moment, trying to gauge if the three of us could get her back up the hill without dropping her or bashing her head into one of the gigantic boulders lining the path.

  “Ah!” Sydney said with a clap. “Problem solved.”

  Nora and I followed Sydney's gaze to find Jay and a small group of guys heading toward the water. The blue-eyed mystery man split off from the crew and headed our way when he realized we were crowding around our passed out friend.

  “Well, guess we won't be needing a lifeguard after all,” he chuckled. “Guys! Little help here?” He waved his friends over- all tall figures I couldn't discern from friend or foe in the dark of night.

  As they approached, some of the guys laughed at Veronica's snoring and I wanted to gut check every last one of them. Something about the way they shook their heads as they hefted her off the ground rubbed me the wrong way.

  “I've got it.”

  I sighed with relief as the familiar voice broke through the crowd and the guys currently manhandling her into a sitting positioned backed away.

  Carter.

  The normal joking lilt to his voice was gone, replaced by a seriousness that warned all the other men away. His posture, the hard planes of his face, and the almost-growl surrounding his voice made everyone back up and shrug in that 'oh yeah, he's got this' kind of way. The girls and I all watched as Carter lifted Veronica off the ground with a grunt and set off for the campsite without another word.

  Stunned into silence, we all exchanged wide-eyed looks before the guys behind us started cannonballing into the water.

  “You coming?” Jay yelled.

  My brain was in overload. I wasn't sure if I could take any more surprises. Operating on autopilot, I followed Nora and Sydney as they shimmied out of their t-shirt and jean shorts, revealing their bathing suits. Once I was down to my bikini that exposed way too much skin for my liking, I waded out into the water and tried to avoid being splashed by all the rowdy college students howling in celebratory bliss.

  I waded out, keeping my hands clasped together in front of my chest in order to shield as much of my body as possible (or hide my scar- I wasn't sure which). Once the water was up to my belly button, Jay caught my eye and waved me over.

  Okay. Deep breath...

  I made my way over, grinding my teeth together as the water hit my rib cage.

  “Having fun?”

  “I guess.” I was trying my hardest to keep my teeth from chattering in the cold water. I didn't like being cold, it reminded me too much of hospitals and clean rooms.

  “You're not gonna warm up if you keep standing there like a statue. C'mon. Swim. Pump your arms. Get your blood flowing. You'll warm up faster.”

  He took my hands in his and by the time I realized what he was doing, my arms were already out away from my body. My eyes grew wide in the darkness as I tried to gauge his reaction.

  His head jerked back.

  His breath caught.

  His grip on my hands slackened.

  All from the scar that was standing out like a lightning bolt against a dark sky.

  The confusion his presence brought forward was instantly pushed to the background. The spikes of fear he brought to life in me were forgotten. The smell of his cologne. The blue eyes staring at me in the mirror. Everything about him, both familiar and mysterious, fell away to make room for one overpowering emotion.

  Anger.

  I quickly found my voice.

  “What's the matter? You've never seen a scar before?” I spat.

  I pulled my hands away and crossed my arms over my chest, ready to get the hell outta Dodge if his silence stretched on for longer than was polite.

  He didn't cringe, nor did he apologize.

  Actually, he did the very last thing I expected him to do.

  He laughed.

  Actually laughed.

  “Something funny?”

  “Nope,” he answered, still laughing. “I'm just glad you can't see my face right now.”

  “What's that supposed to mean?” I snapped, growing angrier by the second.

  Reaching forward, Jay tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear even as I jerked out of his reach.

  “Bree,” he said, still carrying a hint of laughter in his voice. “I wasn't looking at your scar.”

  Chapter Six

  After my initial mortification wore off, Jay and I were able to brush off our misunderstanding and we joined our friends in splashing and playing like children. It had been so long since a man had looked at me with anything but pity or revulsion in his eyes that I hadn't known how to react. Luckily, Jay was able to play it off as nothing and had me relaxing in the water in minutes.

  Once we were all either too tired or too drunk to continue, we all ventured back to the campsite resembling a parade of wet rats.

  Jay and I continued to flirt and make small talk over smores and beer. Surprisingly, he was easy enough to talk to and it wasn't difficult for me to push the foreboding memories of his image in my dorm room to the back of my mind. Between his charming presence and my steady buzz, I forgot all about 'Jake' and his vague message.

  When the campfire finally turned to smoldering embers, Jay helped his buddies soak and stomp the glowing sticks into ash before bidding me goodnight and heading off to his own tent.

  “Tell us everything, you hoochie!” Sydney giggled as I zipped the door closed and tried to maneuver my way around a snoring Veronica.

  “Nothing to tell.”

  Contrary to her belief, I wasn't trying to evade the question. Jay and I hadn't talked about anything but school, our friends, and the drunks dancing around the fire. I still didn't know much about him, nor him me, but I was eager to learn more.

  “Liar,” Nora said with a yawn. “You two are freakin' adorable.
Seriously.”

  As I slipped into my brand-spankin' new sleeping bag, I inserted my earbuds and turned to my favorite Spotify channel. I didn't care that I'd use the rest of my battery up before I fell asleep. I just knew that I would rather escape for a few minutes and think over the night's events in silence rather than gossip with my friends.

  “Goodnight,” I said sweetly before turning my back to the girls.

  “You suck, Preston,” Sydney said, using my last name to ensure I knew she was annoyed. “You suck hard.”

  I waved over my shoulder instead of answering, which I knew would surely grind her gears. She could wait until the end of the weekend to get a debriefing from me.

  With Pentatonix blasting in my ears, I was able to flip through images of Jay's smile, his teasing eyes, the way his hand held tightly to mine as he helped me up the hill from the shore.

  But as the music fell to the background, I also remembered those same eyes, hollow and cold, staring at me in the bathroom mirror. The same pale skin. Same dark hair. Same smirk as he turned and melted into the shadows.

  Had it been a bad dream? A nightmare brought on by stress? Or was it a premonition? Maybe it was some kind of clairvoyant vision.

  That's ridiculous...

  My mind was starting to drift into dangerous waters. Shutting the lid on that particular thought process, I closed my eyes and it wasn't long before my muscles relaxed and sleep claimed me.

  ***

  One thing they never tell you about camping in the summer: If you wake up after eight in the morning, you're going to be sticky with sweat, sore from the hard ground, and you'll feel like you're suffocating from the hot air gathering in the tent.

  My joints cracked painfully as I stumbled over the still-sleeping girls and fumbled with the zipper of the door. I eventually made a hole big enough to squeeze through and made my escape.

  Breathing in the cooler, less-stale air, I stretched out to my full height and took in the shimmer of sunlight stretching across the surface of the water. It was beautiful. One of those things you don't get to see very often but wish you'd be able to cherish every day.

  Looking around, I found that most of the other tents were still closed. Everyone was still asleep. That wasn't surprising considering how late we'd stayed up. That, and the fact that this was a college party. Half of the partygoers probably planned on sleeping in until noon.

  The few people that were awake didn't seem like they were firing on all cylinders as they fumbled through coolers and mumbled incoherent sentences to no one in particular. Since they were still operating in zombie-mode, they barely registered my presence as I tip-toed through the wet grass and made my way to the bathroom.

  Another thing they don't tell you about camping: Even though campsite restrooms are a step up from port-a-potties or squatting in the woods, they are still disgusting.

  After promising to never take indoor plumbing for granted, I made my way back to the campsite. There were a whopping seven people awake now, none of which looked conscious enough to carry on a conversation. So, I turned back to face the lake. That's when I caught sight of a familiar form standing on the shore.

  Jay.

  He wore what looked like black pants and a black jacket as he stood with his hands in his pockets, looking out over the water. I could just barely make out his profile, but he seemed to be admiring the waves. A soft smile played at his lips in silent serenity.

  When his head jerked to the side and he caught me staring, his smile bloomed across his lips and he gestured for me to join him. Returning his smile, I set off to enjoy the morning with him.

  Until a voice stopped me cold.

  “Good morning, beautiful.”

  I couldn't have been more shocked if Jay had extracted a taser and shot me.

  Unable to breath, confused beyond confusion, I turned to face him.

  There he was. Two feet away from me, looking adorably rumpled in a white t-shirt and black athletic shorts, his hair sticking straight up in every direction. His smile was easy, his eyes at half-mast as he rubbed a hand along the back of his neck.

  “Jay!” I squeaked. My heart had already managed to claw itself halfway up my throat.

  “Bree!” He said, imitating my tone.

  Whipping my head back to the water, I searched the shoreline for whoever, or whatever, I'd exchanged smiles with seconds before.

  He was gone.

  Oh, dear God, I'm losing my mind...

  “Everything okay?”

  I jerked when I realized Jay was standing at my side, holding my arm, gazing down with a look of concern.

  “What? No! I mean, yeah.” I stepped away and cleared my throat. “I'm fine.”

  I faked the best smile I could and bypassed Jay on my way back to the tent. I needed distance. And air. And my freaking toothbrush.

  “Hey, did I do something wrong?” Jay asked as he followed. “If I came on too strong last night or something, I didn't mean to. Or if you have a boyfriend or whatever, I understand.”

  “No. It's not like that.”

  “Then why are you looking at me like you're scared shitless? What did I do?” After raising his voice, he groaned and looked around to see if anyone was staring. They weren't.

  There were no words for what I needed to say to him. I couldn't very well spout off with, “well, you see, I keep having visions of you.” That would for sure get me a one-way ticket to crazy town and send him running for his life.

  “I'm just- I'm not really a morning person.” Once I reached the tent, I stopped and turned to face him.“Just give me a few minutes, would you?”

  By the furrow of his brow and the set of his jaw, it was clear he was calling my bluff. He didn't believe me and probably figured I was just trying to brush him off. Which I was. Just not for reasons he understood or had any control over.

  “Sure thing. I'll, uh, I'll see you in a bit.”

  My heart sank at the resignation in his voice. Even as I watched his broad shoulders walk away, tiny pinpricks of pain scattered across my chest and I laid my hand over my heart.

  “Hush, you.”

  ***

  After waking all the girls, attempting to get dressed in such a small space, and trekking back and forth from the bathroom to brush my teeth and wrangle my hair into submission, I finally made it back to find Jay sitting in a lawn chair, playing on his phone.

  Without the epiphany I'd had while brushing my teeth, I probably would have continued to avoid him and all the freaky, mysterious vibes he was putting off. But, I had received said epiphany while foaming at the mouth, and I knew what had to be done.

  If what was happening made no sense to me, maybe it wasn't my doing. Maybe my brain wasn't trying to freak out on me. Maybe it was so much simpler than that.

  Maybe it was Jay.

  Jay was a stranger. Yes, we attended the same school and knew some of the same people, but that was the extent of our connection. He could just be your run-of-the-mill jackass that liked to screw with girls. It wasn't a far-fetched idea, so I had to do one of two things: I either had to talk to him and get him to confess what he was doing. Or I had to return the favor. Screw with him right back.

  “Hey, Jay,” I said, taking a seat beside him.

  He seemed confused by my one-eighty, but offered me a smile anyway.

  “Hey, yourself. Everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” I swatted a hand in front of my face, like what happened earlier was no big deal. “Have you had breakfast?”

  “Uh, yeah. If you call stale Doritos and luke-warm beer breakfast.”

  My stomach rolled at the thought.

  “No. No I do not consider that breakfast,” I said with a laugh.

  “And what you had is so much better, I suppose?”

  Holding one finger up, I jumped out of the chair and retrieved one of my many plastic bags from our cooler. After slumping back down next to Jay, I offered him the bag.

  “Split it with you?”

  I tried no
t to laugh as Jay's eyes rolled back in his head as he took a deep whiff of the glazed donuts.

  “You, dear Bree, are a goddess.”

  And just like that, all was well and forgiven.

  ***

  After breakfast, the girls decided it was time to lay out and work on their tans. Being super pale, I decided not to partake. I wouldn't return home with a nice golden tan. I'd go back with the complexion of a lobster. So instead of slathering on coconut oil, I pulled on a ball cap and decided to take a walk.

  Before I'd even managed to step foot out of the campsite, Jay's voice rang out behind me. “Hey, Bree! Wait up!”

  I turned to wait, watching as Jay jogged up to meet me. As he approached, he gestured for me to proceed and we both turned right and started off in the opposite direction of the lake. Our steps synchronizing easily.

  “You don't mind the company, do you?”

  “I'm not running away, am I?”

  “Not yet.” He flashed that devilishly charming smile of his. “Guess I should take that as a good sign.”

  “I guess so.”

  We walked in silence for a few beats before he reached between us and laced his fingers through mine. That small contact had my heart upping it's tempo and I took a deep breath before turning to face him.

  “So, tell me about yourself.” I was trying for nonchalance, but it sounded more like the beginning of an interrogation.

  “There's not much to tell,” he shrugged. “I'm twenty-two, I live off campus, I'm getting my degree in Computer Graphics and Programming. I spend most of my time behind a screen and pretend I'm not a video game nerd when hot girls are around.”

  That didn't give me much to work with.

  I lifted our joint hands then dropped them. “That's it?”

  “Basically. I'm not one of those guys with layers. I'm pretty transparent.”

  “What about your family?”

  “Ugh, my family... Well, my mom and dad are divorced. Apparently my dad was diddling a nurse at the hospital he worked at, so mom gave him the boot. After that, we lived with her during the school year and had to put up with him during the summer.”