Steady

by Nicole Tillman

  “We?” I asked. “You have siblings?”

  “Had.”

  In an instant, all joking was gone. Vanished. In place of all his sarcasm and wit was a sadness I could tell he tried very hard to conceal. I wanted to know more, even though I knew it wouldn't be polite to dig any deeper than he invited me to. But still, I had to know.

  Pushing away the chill that threatened to bind my lips, I tightened my grip on his hand in a friendly manner.

  “Had?” I asked softly. “What happened?”

  “He was killed.” Jay rubbed the back of his neck as his eyebrows scrunched together.

  I didn't have siblings, and the only person I'd ever lost was my father, but I still knew I shouldn't press the issue. That much was clear.

  “I'm so sorry, Jay.”

  After fishing his phone out of his pocket and scrolling through pictures, he turned the screen to face me.

  My feet fumbled.

  My knees locked.

  I pulled Jay to a dead stop in the middle of the walking trail and stared open-mouthed at his phone.

  Two young men. One in a charcoal-gray tuxedo, the other in white. Both smiling like they hadn't a care in the world. Meanwhile, I tried not to pass out.

  Only one word came to mind and it fell from my lips on a harsh breath.

  “Twins?”

  “Yup.” He turned his phone back around so he could smile at the picture. “He was definitely my better half. This picture was taken at junior prom. It's the last picture we have together.”

  “What... what was his name?”

  I was finding it difficult to move even though he was inching further ahead on the trail, waiting for me to join him. The clouds above my head wobbled and blurred as I sucked in a breath and held it. Why I asked that particular question was a mystery.

  I already knew the answer.

  “His name was Jake.”

  Chapter Seven

  “I'm sorry... what?”

  “Jake Bryson. Did you know him?”

  Everything fell into place with an audible click.

  Hell yeah, I 'knew' him. But what could I say? Oh¸ yeah. His spirit totally visited me in my dorm room a few days ago. Scared the shit outta me.

  No. He would think I was either crazy or making light of the situation. Any honest answer I could give would be incredibly insensitive¸ so I just shook my head.

  “He was such a great guy. Smart, loyal, determined. Not to mention one hell of a looker.” He slid his eyes to the side and flashed me a crooked grin, oblivious to my shock or discomfort.

  “How, uh-” I cleared my throat against the emotion threatening to choke me. “How did he die?”

  Jay's eyes clouded over as the corners of his mouth tugged downward.

  “Wrong place at the wrong time. Some asshole was robbing a convenience store and Jake, being the superhero he thought he was, tried to stop him. Suffice it to say that my brother was not bulletproof.”

  “I'm sorry. I can't imagine losing someone like that.”

  It was true. I couldn't even imagined losing one of the girls, who were like my adopted family, in the way Jay had lost Jake.

  Jay shrugged in that manly way that guys do when they're trying to seem nonchalant but are really dying inside.

  “It was a long time ago.”

  As if that made it hurt any less? I nodded again and we kept walking, making a circle around the entire campground in silence until we'd made it back to our tents.

  “Are you staying another night?” He asked as I let go of his hand.

  Running my palms up and down my arms in an attempt to banish the goosebumps that had sprouted, I tried my hardest to sound sure and sane, the opposite of what I was really feeling.

  “Me and the girls are staying until Sunday night, I think. Then we have to head back. We're moving off campus and dropped all our stuff off at the new place before we headed here, so we need to get back.”

  “New place, huh? Where at?”

  “Jackson Street.”

  “Nice. You know, that's only a few blocks over from me.” Jay smiled thoughtfully as he rubbed at the scruff lining his jaw.

  “You don't say.”

  The fact that he didn't seem too sure of himself, paired with the nervousness emanating from his posture, sprouted all kinds of warm, fluttery feelings in my chest and I was already looking forward to spending time with him once I got back home. Especially now that I knew he didn't manifest himself as a ghost in stranger's dorm rooms.

  “Maybe, if you wanted to, we could have dinner or something when you get back.”

  “Maybe,” I said, biting my lip to keep my grin at bay.

  “Well, I have to get back tonight. My mom started dating some jerk-off a couple months ago and tonight we're all having dinner. It'll be the first time I've met him, so I can't flake.”

  “Understandable. So, what makes him a jerk-off?”

  “The fact that he wants to date my mother,” he answered without missing a beat.

  “Ah, protective mama's boy?”

  “You could say that.”

  From the way he didn't seem at all put off by the nickname, I could tell just how much he really did love and admire his mother.

  “Give me your phone.”

  “What for?” I asked, even as I reached in my back pocket to retrieve it.

  “So I can put my number in.”

  I handed it over and turned to look back at the lake. I wondered if the girls were done swimming or if they were still baking.

  “You keep your phone turned off?”

  Looking back, I found Jay trying to power on my phone, only to remember I'd drained it listening to music all night.

  “Oh, crap. No, I'm pretty sure it's dead.”

  “That's fine.” He withdrew his own phone and handed it over. “Just put yours in mine.”

  I stared at the high-tech gadget with no earthly clue as to how to turn it on, let alone enter my number.

  “I have no idea how to work this thing.”

  Jay bit his lip to suppress a smile as he leaned forward until our foreheads were almost touching. When he was close enough to see the screen, he looked down and with a few swipes, had the contact form pulled up.

  “There you go.”

  Without moving away, he waited for me to enter my number. I could feel his breath on my cheeks, his eyes on my face. After I'd entered all my information, he carefully took his phone back, locked it, and slid it back into his pocket.

  His close proximity, along with the ever-present, ever-confusing scent of his cologne, had my head whirling. I'd never had emotions I couldn't pinpoint. I had never been unable to sort out my feelings for a person or a situation.

  But Jay was different.

  As was Jake.

  The twin thing I understood. I even understood Jake showing up after reaching out for someone with the Ouija board. What I didn't understand was the cosmic coincidence of me meeting his brother shortly thereafter. None of that made sense, but all those things were trivial compared to the fact that I was attracted to Jay.

  Very attracted.

  “One last swim before I leave?”

  Jay started walking backward toward the lake. He held his hand out to me, beckoning me to follow. Even though I still had my doubts about Jay, I couldn't ignore the pull between us.

  I couldn't ignore it, because I didn't want to.

  “Sure.”

  ***

  After an entire weekend of romping around in the waves, roasting hotdogs, and babysitting my drunk friends, I was thoroughly exhausted and burnt to a crisp. I was also more than ready to get home. I didn't care that I had to drive back because Drunk, Drunker, and Drunkest were all passed out and snoring. I didn't even care that the AC quit working halfway home and the backs of my bare legs were beginning to stick to Veronica's leather upholstery. I just wanted to be home.

  However, home wasn't quite as welcoming as I imagined. We arrived at the apartment complex to find that we probab
ly should have turned the air on or opened a window before we left. Both apartments felt like a sauna, and we spent all night sweating to death, unpacking our belongings, and waiting for the air to cool.

  After we'd all taken showers and donned pajamas, we couldn't even properly relax because we had yet to furnish the apartment. No beds. No couches. Nothing. So, Sydney and I rolled out the sleeping bags we'd taken on the camping trip and tried to get as comfortable as possible.

  When I awoke Monday morning, I was sore, cranky, and overall unpleasant. But that didn't stop me from downing my coffee, throwing on the coolest clothes I owned, and setting out the door to finish all the errands I didn't want to do. I just knew that if I wanted to relax in a comfy bed by the end of the day, they needed to be done. And since the girls all had job interviews already, I was on my own.

  Before heading to the furniture store, I had to stop off at the college and return some library books I'd borrowed. It was the last time I needed to set foot on campus for the rest of the summer and I was elated. I loved school, but I loved the idea of freedom a little more.

  As I descended the steps of the library, ready to get on with my day, a deep voice stopped me.

  “Hey there, Lil mama!”

  I turned to find Jay, looking relaxed in khakis and a t-shirt, swaying from one side to the other with his arms extended. His aviators sat perched at the end of his nose as he stared me down.

  “Um, are you drunk?”

  In reply, Jay curled up one side of his lip and started singing, “Uh huh, oh yeah.”

  “Seriously, what the hell are you doing?”

  Jay's arms dropped to his side in defeat as he looked at me in shock.

  “Elvis Presley! How did you not know that?”

  “Right... And why, if I may ask, are you doing an Elvis impersonation on the steps of the library?”

  He lifted his arms to gesture toward me like Vanna White gestures to letters on Wheel of Fortune.

  “Presley! You know, like your last name?”

  I leveled him with a blank stare.

  “Preston. Bree Preston.”

  He wasn't fazed in the slightest by his flub.

  “Eh, tomato-potato. Listen! What are you doing today?”

  His abrupt change in topic threw me for a second and I actually had to remind myself what was on my agenda.

  “Buying furniture.”

  “Need some help?” He offered with a wide grin. “I've got a truck.”

  Apparently his brother wasn't the only one who liked to play hero.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, I just need to settle a book fee and then I'm free for the rest of the day. Just give me a second.”

  Jay bounded up the stairs and was back before I'd even managed to shoot a text to the girls telling them that we'd be able to save money on the furniture delivery.

  “Ready to go?”

  “Yup. Lead the way.”

  ***

  Two hours later, I was directing Jay and Carter as they maneuvered my new box springs and mattress up the stairs.

  “So, how are the rest of the girls getting their beds here?” Carter grunted as he turned a corner.

  “Well, I was hoping I could con Jay here into doing a few more furniture runs once the girls finish with their interviews.”

  “Con me, huh?” Jay asked with a wink. “Well, I think I could be persuaded.”

  “I'm sure the girls will be happy to pay you for gas and whatnot. Surely your fee will pale in comparison to the horrendous amount the furniture store was going to charge us to deliver.”

  Jay smiled the entire time he and Carter were scooting the bed into place in my new room.

  “No fee. And they don't need to pay for my gas. Just go to dinner with me tonight and we'll call it even.”

  “Smooth.” Carter chuckled as he extended a fist to Jay.

  Instead of indulging Carter in the fist-bump he had been after, Jay just looked back to me with raised eyebrows.

  “So?”

  “I guess it's a small price to pay for borrowing your muscle for the day,” I said with a dramatic sigh. In reality, the butterflies in my stomach were going berserk at the idea of going out on an actual date with Jay.

  “What about my muscle? What do I get paid?” Carter flexed his biceps and tried to make his pecs dance, but all that did was make him look like he was having a full body seizure.

  “You get my undying loyalty and friendship. Isn't that enough?”

  “I can't eat your loyalty and friendship,” he shot back, puffing out his stomach to look like a starving Ethiopian child.

  “Fine. I'll buy you pizza. Deal?”

  “Pizza and an order of cheesy breadsticks?”

  I offered Carter my hand and we shook on it.

  “Done.”

  ***

  I rode to Ruby Tuesdays with Jay. He had to be tired of driving after all the trips I'd sent him on, but he insisted. After three more trips to the furniture store, I had rode with him to Wal-Mart for linens, then back to the furniture store when the girls decided that they'd be able to buy two couches instead of just one with the money Jay was helping them save.

  Both apartments were close to being comfortable thanks to Jay. And to his credit, he hadn't complained a single time. He was truly happy to help, and it showed.

  “So, what do you think?” I asked once we were seated.

  “What do I think about what?”

  “My apartment.”

  Jay leaned back in his seat and started to browse the menu. “It's nice. Modern, tidy, and overflowing with estrogen.”

  “As opposed to your super masculine bachelor pad, I'm sure.”

  “Oh, definitely. Our place is wallpapered with nude posters and carpeted with pelts of animals we killed with our bare hands.”

  I nodded. “I can picture that. Let me guess, there's a huge grizzly bear right in the center of the living room.”

  “Eh, actually, it's more like bunnies and stray cats.” His shoulders shook with laughter and I swatted his arm.

  “That's horrible.”

  “Well, we're pretty nerdy. We don't spend much time out in the woods hunting big game.”

  “So, what you're saying is that you're really full of it and your apartment is about as girly as ours.”

  “Minus the pink accessories and bulk boxes of tampons? Yes.”

  I clapped and pointed a finger over the table. “I knew it!”

  “Hey, blame my roommate. He's the metrosexual.”

  Our laughter was cut off by the sound of my phone chirping in my pocket.

  “Sorry,” I said as I fished it out.

  “No worries. Just let me know if your three mothers need you back by a certain time. I wouldn't want you to miss out on alphabetizing the DVDs.”

  I cast a sarcastic grin his way before looking down at my phone.

  Sydney: Look what we have! I'm gonna call him Poe.

  Attached to the text was a picture of Sydney cradling a sleek black cat in her arms.

  Me: No pets. In the contract.

  “Sorry,” I said, glancing back up at Jay. “Syd seems to think we've adopted a cat.”

  “Does your apartment allow pets?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  My phone chirped again and I laughed as I read Sydney's text.

  Sydney: He'll stay outside. That's not breaking the rules. Besides, you can't turn Poe away. He will kill you in your sleep and bury you beneath the floor.

  I turned my phone to where Jay could read the message and he laughed as well.

  “Persuasive, isn't she?”

  “You have no idea. She'll be sneaking that thing inside every night to sleep in her bed, I have no doubt.”

  “From your tone, I'm guessing you're a dog person?”

  I shook my head and waited for the waitress to refill our water glasses before I spoke.

  “Not so much a dog person as I am a don't-wanna-get-kicked-out-of-my-apartment person.”

 
“Fair enough.”

  Jay raised his glass in a toast and waited for me to follow.

  “Ugh, a toast? Really?”

  He jerked his chin in the direction of my drink. “Juuust pick it up.”

  I pursed my lips together, trying not to smile as I held my glass a few inches off the table.

  “To new apartments, new cats, and new friends.”

  I clinked his glass but paused with the rim at my lips. “We're friends now, are we?”

  Jay sat his own glass on the table but didn't remove his hand as one corner of his mouth lifted up in a smile.

  “For now.”

  Chapter Eight

  After a dinner of shrimp fondue and burgers on pretzel buns, we ended up driving straight back to the apartment. The conversation throughout the meal had been light and carefree and it was apparent, since neither of us had made a move to get out of the truck, that neither of us wanted the night to end.

  “I can totally picture you looking like Harry Potter as a child,” I said in response to Jay's story about growing up with wire-rimmed glasses and hand-me-down clothes from his older cousins.

  “Yeah, contacts were quite a blessing when I got into high school.”

  “I can imagine. But hey, at least you weren't the brace-face with frizzy red hair and way too many freckles.”

  “There's no way kids could have made fun of you. I bet you were adorable.”

  My heart warmed even as flashes of snarling bullies cartwheeled through my mind.

  “No. I really wasn't. My hair was out to here and my mom dressed me in plaid dresses all time. It was a nightmare.”

  Jay scrunched up his nose at my description and slowly shook his head.

  “Plaid dresses? Do those even exist?”

  “They do,” I answered. “And I have the school pictures to prove it.”

  “I think I'm gonna need to see those,” he said, nodding toward the apartment.

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Killjoy.” He rubbed his hand along the stubble of his jaw like he was deep in thought and I knew he was concocting some way to get the girls to dig out the pictures. “So, I know you probably hate being asked this, but I'm really curious...”

  I let my head fall to the side as I narrowed my gaze. I had been wearing a low cut top all night and unlike my previous dates, Jay hadn't stared at my scar once. In all honesty, it had surprised me that he'd gone so long without asking the one question I knew was on his mind.