Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1)

by Nikki Belaire

  His eyes widen, and he shakes his head. “My God, Shae. You’re what’s important to me. We're leaving.” Anger lurks beneath the surface of his calm appearance, his face red hot, his breathing labored. “Let me help you with your shoes.” He bends down and slips them on her feet before rising and taking her in his arms again, making her tremble at his intensity. “I love you.”

  She closes her eyes and lies against his chest, hopeful it’s enough.

  Chapter Seven

  Juan has Shae.

  The three-word text that made his head almost explode circles around and around in his mind. How could he have been so stupid? Letting that bastard get to her, put his hands on her, threaten her. And nothing he could do about it but wait.

  Twenty minutes of torture after he and Max learned why Jacks remained at her house, yet the limo continued to move. Located and trailed by Max’s men, the car meandered slowly yet steadily toward the hotel. Under strict orders, his team had been poised to attack only if necessary, unwilling to jeopardize her safety, no matter how much he wants Juan dead.

  “Please don’t worry. I really am fine.”

  Shae's soft voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He takes a deep breath, yet fails to rein in his fury, more angry with himself than Juan. Her smile pierces his pounding heart, the sentiment small and sad, a slight tremble to her lips. She lies to protect him. Trying to prove she’s okay. Attempting to ease his guilt. Which will never happen.

  The vise grip on his hand the only other clue to her anxiety as they wait for Max to get the car. Her delicate fingers squeeze his, her pink sparkly fingernails rubbing against his knuckles, which ache to find Juan and eliminate him permanently. But that has to wait. He caresses her cheek, a bit of color brightening her pale skin from his touch. He won’t let her out of his sight until he gets her to the house. Her home now too, even though she doesn’t know it yet. It’s the only way he can keep her safe.

  With a slight tug on his jacket, she meets his gaze, guilt clouding her expression. “I’m sorry tonight was ruined. I know how much the Foundation means to you.”

  “I’m the one who’s sorry.” He drops his head and blows out a long breath, her shaking hand so small pressed against his chest. “For everything you’ve gone through being with me.”

  “Then don’t make things worse. Please let it go with Juan.”

  An impossible request in a world ruled by domination. Ignoring Juan’s attempt to intimidate him ensures a death sentence for both of them. Yet, telling her the truth guarantees the demise of their relationship. “I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

  She searches his face before looking away, shaking her head in defeat. “I know. That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  A knock bangs from the hallway, and he aims his gun at the door, unable to take chances, refusing to assume anything. Guilt burns through his stomach at her sharp gasp as he curls her against his body. Another cruel exposure to his brutal world he can’t avoid. At the sight of Max in the entryway, he loosens his grip and kisses her forehead before shoving the Glock into the back of his waistband.

  She bites her lip, shivering as he whispers in her ear, “I’m sorry. I had to be sure.”

  The men walk down the hallway with Shae sandwiched between them. Max glances at him before returning his gaze to scan the corridor. “The car’s on the top floor of the parking garage. No one else is up there. Once you head out, we’ll sweep the limo for any surprises Juan may have tried to leave behind and then bring it back to the house.”

  Nick nods. “We’ll pick up a few things at her place tonight and go back tomorrow for the rest. Let Spencer know. He can help.”

  At the car, Shae reaches for Max before she climbs in. “Thank you for everything. You take good care of us.”

  Even in his turmoil, Nick smiles at Max’s widening eyes before he returns her embrace. No one in his line of work ever receives hugs. Even more disturbing, no woman he’s dated would have ever offered one.

  Only Shae.

  The sweet angel he’s somehow lucky enough to have found. His gut tightens. And will probably lose.

  As they drive, she fingers the tiny rhinestones lining the side of her skirt. “Juan knows where I live, and now, I can’t go home.”

  He shakes his head, loathe to admit the truth, dreading her realization of the danger she faces unless she allows him to protect her. “He was trying to prove he can get to me through you. I won’t let it happen again.”

  She turns toward the window, preventing him from reading her expression. “I don’t know what to do.”

  The flatness of her voice makes his stomach clench. She’s shutting down on him. “Move in with me. I’ll keep you safe.”

  Her humorless laugh drifts toward him, wasting him with her doubt. “If we were regular people, we’d never do this. We’d still be dating, going to the movies, and eating frozen yogurt.”

  So many times he’s dreamed of not being in this world. What it would be like to fix cars or build houses. Working hard and trying to make ends meet, but his life his own. No bodyguards or gated homes or looking over his shoulder. “We can’t change who we are. Even if we had normal lives, I would still love you and want to be with you.”

  “What happens after we start living together? I don’t want to spend our lives hiding from Juan.”

  Only until he’s dead. “It won’t be like that, I promise.” They drive in silence, her gaze never leaving the window. His phone buzzes in the cradle, and he glances at the screen before pushing a button on the steering wheel. “This is Nick.”

  “Hi Nick. It’s Bridget. I wanted to catch you before the banquet and try one more time to talk you into letting me recognize you for the completion of the new safe houses and underwriting of the crisis hotline. Tonight is our opportunity to celebrate the Foundation’s successes, and I want to include these achievements.”

  A bittersweet request for a man like him, who can’t accept kudos when this is the only good thing he does in life. “I don’t care if you announce it, but keep my name out of it. We’ve discussed this before, and I haven’t changed my mind.”

  “I have never understood your thinking, but if that’s what you want, that’s what I’ll do. Anyway, are you on your way? We’re going to be starting in a few minutes.”

  “No, I’ve had an unexpected complication come up. I’m not going to be able to make it.”

  “You’re not coming?”

  Ignoring Bridget’s shock, he picks up Shae’s hand and kisses it, the soft skin against his lips a reminder of how much he’s missed her. “I have something important I need to take care of.”

  “Oh…Well, I hope everything is okay.”

  “It will be. Thanks, Bridget.”

  After the phone clicks off, Shae squeezes his hand. “She’s disappointed. We should have gone.”

  “This is where I want to be.”

  Her gaze returns to the window, but she doesn’t release his hand. After a few minutes, her soft voice breaks through his thoughts. “When I’m performing on stage or filming a movie, it feels surreal. Like any minute someone’s going to realize they have the wrong person and send me on my way. So, if it all disappears, my heart won’t be broken. I would think ‘what a great time’ and go on with my life.”

  His grip on the steering wheel is as tight as his chest, uncertain about where her story is leading.

  “But, when Juan was threatening you, I realized how much…” Her voice catches, seemingly from emotion as well as hesitation, unwilling to admit her feelings. “You mean to me. If we move in together and things fall apart, I don’t know what I’d do.”

  “That’s not going to happen.”

  “You don’t know that.” Hysteria coils through her voice. “You could get tired of me or resent protecting me. Or fall for someone else, and I’d be in the way because I can’t go home.”

  What the fuck? He jerks the steering wheel and pulls the car over to the side of the road. Laying his head back on the se
at, he inhales deeply before speaking. “Why won’t you just let me love you?”

  “Because I’m scared. Of Juan and you and myself. I don’t know if I should wrap my arms around you or run away and never look back.”

  Fearful of the answer, he forces himself to ask the question. “If you left me right now, how would you feel?”

  She looks down, smoothing invisible wrinkles on her dress. “I would be devastated.”

  He slides his finger under her chin and lifts her face to look at him, drowning in her blue eyes glistening with tears caused by him. “Me too. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

  Her hands wraps around his forearm. “What if someone hurts you? I’m terrified Juan or some other…” She looks away, her lip quivering. “What will I do if you’re gone?”

  The closest declaration of love he’s ever received from her. He has to close the space between them. After jumping out of the car, he races to her side. He flings open the door and draws her into his arms.

  She clings to him as her words pour out. “My heart aches when I’m not with you. I think about you all the time. I don’t want to do anything but be with you. And now, I’m scared I’m going to lose you.”

  His heart sinks, knowing the fear of that bastard killing him is what finally makes her reveal her feelings for him. Right now, it’s all he has to keep their connection going. He strokes her hair as she cries. “Shhhh. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.” As he holds her, the phone buzzes again. He checks the screen and puts it to his ear. “Yeah?”

  “Everything okay?”

  “We’re fine. I just pulled over to talk. We’re heading to her house now.”

  He shoves the cell into his pocket as she wipes away her tears. “Was that Max?”

  “Yes, he’s tracking the car and saw we stopped. He was worried something was wrong.”

  “I don’t know if I should be relieved or freaked out.”

  Kissing her temple, he smiles against her flowery scented skin. “You were right about what you said earlier. Max takes good care of us.”

  “Just like you. You didn’t put it on speaker in case it was something bad. You always want to protect me.”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s why Max put another gun in the glove compartment.”

  He sighs before nodding. Too smart to get it past her, she confirms her realization of the risks she faces being with him.

  She sits down into her seat. “We’d better go.”

  Silence welcomes them when they arrive at his house. Once inside the bedroom, he drops the bag she hastily packed at her house. Grateful Carrie wasn’t there to hear what happened. Otherwise, Shae might not be here.

  He slides his arm around her waist. For the first time all night, he relaxes, confident she’s safe in the well-guarded house, all his men on high alert. “I never had the chance to tell you how beautiful you look tonight. I like your hair up.”

  “I did it for you.”

  Tipping his head down, he kisses behind her ear and nuzzles her throat. Heat courses through him at the thought of his tongue trailing along the soft, sweet-smelling skin of her shoulders. “I better let you get changed.”

  Her slight nod confirms he deserves his guilty conscience for his growing desire. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”

  His groin throbs at her lips brushing his cheek before she takes her suitcase into the bathroom. He releases a long, slow breath as he shrugs off his tuxedo jacket. A full bottle of whiskey sits on the bar, enticing him, steeling him for what he’s about to do. He downs two long gulps before the door opens.

  The dim light in the bedroom doesn’t diminish any of her delicate beauty as she moves to the bed wrapped in a silky pink robe. He’s still in awe this angel lets him love her, at least for now. His heart pounds as he sits down next to her with a black velvet box in his hands. “There isn’t a doubt in my mind I love you.”

  Her eyes widen at the realization of his intentions, and she shakes her head. “Please don’t do this.”

  “You have to know how much you mean to me. It about killed me when you said I might fall for someone else and you’d be in the way.”

  She grasps his arm and shakes it. “I was scared, and I panicked. I didn’t mean it.”

  “You’re not here just because I need to protect you.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you. You know I can’t say yes.”

  Her whisper stabs his heart. He nods his head as he palms the tiny box. “Sometimes, I feel like we’re just a bubble waiting to burst. I will somehow fuck this up, and you’ll leave me. But before that happens, there’s something you have to know.” He looks up to meet her gaze, her expression filled with what he hopes is love. “You bring me the only happiness I’ve ever known.”

  Her lips part in a small gasp. “What?”

  “I was dead inside before I met you. I just existed. Then, you came into my life and changed everything. You have given me joy I never expected and sure as hell don’t deserve. I know it’s too soon, but if you ever have even the slightest doubt in your mind about my love for you, think of this ring.” He lifts the lid, revealing a white diamond solitaire with pink diamonds on each side, the meaning behind it more powerful than the money used to buy it. “I had it made for you, because I love you and want to be with you. That will never change.”

  “It’s beautiful.” She lays her hand on top of his, entwining their fingers. “I’m staying with you because I want to, not because I have to.”

  “When you were with Juan and I couldn’t get to you, I almost went out of my mind. I didn’t know if he was—” He shakes his head, pushing out the thoughts of what that idiot might have done to her. “What was happening. I promise I won’t let him near you again.”

  “I know.” She leans forward and kisses him lightly before resting her head on his shoulder.

  As one hand slides to the nape of her neck and the other around her waist, his phone buzzes on the nightstand. “Damn.” He picks it up and presses it to his ear. “Give me two minutes.”

  He taps ‘end’ and lays his head against hers. “Max needs me. I’ll be right back.”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “No, stay here. I don’t want you involved in this.”

  Twisting the belt of her robe around her finger, she shakes her head, her hair rustling against his dress shirt. “But I’m scared to be by myself.”

  His stomach clenches at her fear. Telling her isn’t enough. He has to figure out how to make her feel safe, especially in his own home. Rising from the bed, he pulls her up with him, and they walk together, meeting Max at the bottom of the stairs. Max’s eyebrows rise at Shae standing next to him. “Nick? I…”

  “Go ahead…carefully.”

  Max nods and clears his throat. “We went for Juan, but he’s gone. No one has been able to track him.”

  Fucking shit! Nick drives his hand through his hair. This is supposed to end tonight. “Where the fuck could he be?”

  “He’s coming for you, isn’t he? He’s coming here to kill you.” Shae’s face pales as her eyes grow wide, her voice a sharp shriek. “That’s why I can’t marry you. I know I’m going to lose you.”

  Nick cradles her against his chest, scooping her up as her body weakens, no longer able to withstand the relentless fear engulfing her. His heart aches at her heaving breaths blowing on his neck, his shirt twisting around her small hand curled into a fist. He carries her up the stairs and lays her down, climbing in behind her, covering them with the blankets.

  “W-will you take m-me to see Jacks t-tomorrow? I-I have to m-make sure he’s okay,” she asks through chattering teeth, her body’s response to the turmoil inflicted upon her tonight.

  His arms tighten around her, trying to calm the trembling, hoping to quell the panic growing in her as she tries to make sense of the chaos surrounding her. “He’s fine, I promise. Now, go to sleep. It’s late. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

  She snuggles in even closer against him,
not allowing any barrier between them.

  He presses against her back and drapes his arm across her, entwining their fingers as her hand lies on the pillow. “I love you, Shae.”

  After a few minutes, her body relaxes and her breathing slows. Exhausted from anxiety, sleep claims her surprisingly fast. An unexpected blessing in a night from hell.

  A tidal wave of emotions washes over him as he holds her in the darkness. He’d been a fool to underestimate Juan. His mistake put the only woman he’s ever loved at risk. He never meant for her to be exposed to his corrupt world, destroying her innocence and possibly her feelings for him.

  The irony is not lost on him he has her back but may still lose her. His obsessive love pushes her limits. He dives too deep, craves too much. The dangerous reality of his world could be enough to drive her over the edge and away from him. He closes his eyes, unable to imagine life without her.

  All he can see is the terror in her eyes when she stepped out of the limo. The pain on her face when Juan wouldn’t release her hand. Her frantic search to find him in the crowd of people. His heart pounds against his rib cage. He promised he wouldn’t leave her. Otherwise, he would be out of this bed, and Juan would be dead.

  * * * *

  When she’s on stage, the excitement of the crowd drives the passion she and her backup dancers have for performing. Any lingering nervousness vanishes from the deafening roar when the arena plunges into sudden darkness, and they descend from the rafters amid the pulsing lights. They draw their energy from the thousands of eyes watching their every move. Yet, the dark blue pair trained on her now as she stretches on the deck twists her heart. Nick’s pensive stare almost looks right through her, unable to stop blaming himself for what happened with Juan.

  All night he held her close and made her feel safe, his arms curled around her, his soft but weary voice in her ear reflecting his anguish when she woke in the early morning darkness. Yet, he can’t release his own guilt. Never has she known a man to be so hard on himself, so full of self-torment he doesn’t deserve.