Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1)

by Nikki Belaire

  “This is crazy. I’ll get Nathan, and we’ll come and get you. We can call the police and—”

  “No, please don’t…” Fear and guilt steal her breath. For the first time, she keeps a secret from her best friend, trying to protect her too.

  “Why not?”

  Because the man she loves is a mobster who has to kill his enemy or risk his own death. Her heart plunges. She reveals the only truth she can share with her. “I don’t want any more bad publicity. I can’t be involved with the police after what happened at the coffee house.”

  “Shit, I know it.” A deep sigh echoes through the speaker. “Nick loves you, and he’ll protect you. You need to stay where you’re safe until all this gets figured out.”

  Her shoulders droop. He does love her, and all she does is hurt him. “Okay.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “I don’t know. Max said he was in the gym, but I’m in here, and he’s not anywhere around.”

  “He has a gym?”

  “Yeah. A huge one in his basement.”

  “Then why is he going to Jason’s?”

  Her fingers knead his shirt as she looks around the well-equipped room. “I don’t know.”

  “It’s not your reputation, is it? You love him.”

  All Shae can do is whisper, “I know, but how can I stay with someone whose job puts us both in danger?”

  “Fuck, I don’t know. This is so messed up. Do you want me to come over there?”

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll figure it out. I feel better talking to you.”

  “Call me back in a little bit and let me know what’s going on. I’m really worried about you.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  Carrie’s voice brings her the only sense of normalcy she’s felt in the last twenty-four hours of chaos, giving her a bit of clarity to think about their situation. Refusing to heed Jason’s warnings, she waded into Nick’s world, believing she could handle everything it entailed. She shakes her head at her own naiveté.

  Now, she has two choices. Live alone in a penthouse with armed guards and attempt to return to her old life, with the shadow of Juan’s threats hanging over her. Or stay with Nick, a generous, protective, loving man who makes her feel like no man ever has before. Either way, fear will be a constant emotion, no escape from the threats permeating his world.

  Her heart aches for him, his destiny determined before he was even born. A life sentence to a criminal world imposed on him by his family. If she leaves, they’ll both suffer. He can’t escape his fate, and she can’t be happy without him.

  Looking around the cavernous room, her throat burns from trying to hold back her tears. The certainty of his feelings are always clear—irrespective of their jobs, their money, their lives, he has the simple desire to be with her, no matter when or where it is. And now, he’s letting her go, sacrificing his own feelings to make her happy. Except that it doesn’t.

  * * * *

  She stands in the doorway of his bedroom, her hand trembling as she closes the door. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a gym downstairs?”

  Even with her red, splotchy face, she’s beautiful. And devastating in her sorrow. His stomach churns at her pain, mimicking his own that neither sweat nor whiskey can alleviate. He rubs a towel over his damp hair, uncertain how to answer this unexpected question. “I don’t know.”

  “All this time you’ve been going to Jason’s and you could have worked out here.”

  Confused as hell, he keeps the conversation going, trying to figure out what she’s leading up to. All he wants is to fix this, make her stay, lay her down in his bed, not discuss his exercise routine. “I guess so. But I’ve always worked with a trainer once or twice a week to help me keep on track.”

  “This wasn’t a few times. You came every day.” She points at him, her voice shaky with accusations. “You got up early and drove all the way out there every day when it would have been so much easier to stay here.”

  He nods. “You’re right. It would’ve been.”

  “Then, why did you do it? Why did you come to Jason’s?”

  Now, he understands. Weeks of daily workouts provide the final proof of his love and commitment to her. He almost smiles at the simplicity of it. “You know why.”

  She shakes her head, as though seeking confirmation, needing to hear the words.

  No hesitation is required. He’ll gladly tell her. “To see you. If I worked out at Jason’s then I could see you. I would do anything to be with you.”

  A groin-tightening smile lights up her face, the tears evaporating as she reaches out to take his hand. Fighting every desire pouring through his veins, he forces himself to step back.

  “Don’t.”

  Darkness mars her expression, the sparkle gone from her eyes, slaying him with her pain at his rejection. Never once has he thought about refusing her, never believing he could say no to everything he’s ever wanted. But too much is at stake, including his sanity. If he succumbs to her temptation, he can’t go back, unable to survive the loss of her sweetness.

  “Not if you don’t mean it. If I touch you, I’ll never be able to let you go.”

  Her eyes burn with longing as they bore into his. “I don’t ever want you to.”

  Every nerve in his body flames, raw and desperate. He has to have her.

  The towel drops to the floor as he yanks her to him. Their bodies and mouths crash together, invading, demanding, devouring. He fists her hair and presses his lips across her jawline and down her neck, nuzzling the silky hollow of her throat, tracing her pounding pulse with his tongue. Her hands scorch his skin like fire running down his back, grasping the waistband of his shorts and pushing them down. He draws back long enough to kick them off his feet before pulling her dress over her head and throwing it on the floor.

  Her hands coil around his neck and her mouth finds his again, panting against his lips. Scooping her up, his groin almost detonates at her legs wrapping around his waist. He walks her to the bed and lays her back, covering her trembling body with his own, skimming over her bra before resting on her satin panties. She lifts her hips and presses against his hand, making his heart pound harder than he thought possible. “I need you.”

  Bunching the thin fabric in his fist, he rips the bikini before lowering himself on top of her. Her fingernails dig into his back as he thrusts into her, burying his head in her shoulder. “I love you, Shae.”

  She clings to him as his ferocity takes over. He can’t get enough. Driving deeper and harder into her soft core, he relishes the silky smoothness of her skin against his, the intoxicating sweetness of her flowery scent. She gives herself to him, and he’ll never let her go. He cradles her head and pulls her tighter to him, almost lifting her off the bed.

  “Nick?”

  He stills, loosening his grip at the hint of uncertainty in her whisper of his name. She cups his face and brushes her lips against his, sharing the same electrified air. “You need to let me catch my breath.”

  Pain pierces his chest for losing control of himself when she needs his gentleness. Scanning her face, he searches for signs of fear. “Are you okay?”

  Her fingertips singe his skin, trailing down his temple and across his jaw. “I just wanted to get you out of your head and back here with me.”

  Guilt steals the oxygen in his compressing lungs. Refusing to allow her to think this is just about sex, he kisses her gently before resting his forehead against hers. “I’m here, sweetness.”

  “Good.”

  “I’m sorry if I was too rough. I promise it won’t happen again.”

  Her eyes twinkle as she smiles, releasing his lingering doubt. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

  A growl rumbles in his throat as she pulls him back down to her lips. He glides into her, slowly matching the rhythm of her lifting hips. Even with his restraint, she responds to his surging passion, her back arching to let him fill her completely. His body shakes, losing the battle to control his pace, fearful o
f overwhelming this petite woman, less than half his size, who trusts him with her body and her heart.

  Her lips brush against his ear, her ragged breath searing his skin as she whispers. “I know you love me.”

  With her confirmation, he lets go, plunging into her over and over, holding her tightly as she shudders and cries out his name. All his pent-up fear and pain evaporate with his release inside her. She belongs to him now. Everything he’s ever wanted but doesn’t deserve is right here in his bed.

  Her fingers stroke up and down his back, feather-light touches winding trails over his relaxed muscles as he places small kisses on her lips, unwilling to release her, not ready for her soft body to be anywhere but under him.

  “I know we need to talk, but you also know how I like to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon.”

  He smiles at the mischief in her voice. “I thought it was reading.”

  “Not anymore.”

  Rubbing his thumb across the lace of her pink satin bra, he presses his lips against her ear. “This time I’ll slow down and give you the attention you deserve.”

  She lays her hand on top of his as he cups her breast, the sparkle back in her eyes and her smile. “Are you talking to me or to them?”

  He grazes her earlobe with his teeth. “Yes.”

  Her head falls back as she laughs, giving him perfect access to nuzzle her neck.

  Muffled voices in the hallway interrupt their lovemaking.

  “I said wait! You can’t—”

  “I want to see my friend! Shae? Are you in there?”

  He sits up at the pounding against the wood as she wraps the sheet around herself. “What the fuck?”

  The door flies open, revealing Carrie and Max, both of them out of breath. A slow smile spreads across Carrie’s face as she shakes her head. “Hell, Shae, no wonder you didn’t call me back.”

  Nick can’t hold back his laughter. “It’s nice to see you too, Carrie.”

  * * * *

  “You’re getting soft, Max. I can’t believe you let Carrie get away from you.”

  Leaning back in his chair, Nick props his feet on his desk. Max’s two-hundred-sixty-pound, six-foot-six frame sprawls across the leather sofa in his office. From the scowl on his face, he could use a drink as much as Nick.

  “Fuck you. If she was a guy, I would’ve laid her out. But what was I going to do to a tiny woman who’s also Shae’s best friend? I told her to stay put in the living room while I looked for you guys.” Max rolls his eyes as he shakes his head. “The next thing I know she’s fucking running upstairs, screaming for Shae.”

  “Yeah, but it’s a package deal with the two of them, so don’t cross her.”

  A reminder more to himself than Max. Her antics prove her concern for Shae’s safety with him, the hesitation she holds for them to be together. Of Shae’s friends, Carrie’s been his lone supporter, and it would only take one word from her for Shae to leave him. Compared to the other challenges in their relationship, his love would not be enough to overcome her disapproval.

  Max nods before pointing to the ceiling. “From the look of things upstairs, I guess Shae’s staying.”

  He was going to let her go. He really was. Unable to blame her for panicking, for seeking escape from her terror, he fought against everything in him not to chase her down, beg her to stay, let her be the joy of his existence.

  Yet, she came back. Completely. Of her own volition. With one touch of her skin against his, her breathless whisper of his name, she belongs to him again. And, he refuses to allow Juan or anyone else to jeopardize the gift she gives him. “Yeah, and I want you to be the one to protect her. Don’t put any of the other guys on her. She can’t leave this house without one of us.”

  “Then I’ll move Joseph and Oscar to you. I’ve also set up additional security for the house and your office.”

  “Good.” Nick nods, appreciative of Max’s efforts, always ahead of him before he even has to ask. But this time, it’s not enough. Not for her. “I mean it, though, no matter where she’s going or what she’s doing, you or I go with her. I can’t take any chances with—”

  “I know, Nick. I promise I won’t let anything happen to her.” Max’s tone conveys reassurance rather than the irritation Nick knows he deserves.

  He hates sounding like a dick. An expert in his field, no one needs to tell Max how to do his job. But, for the first time since his mom was alive, he feels fear, and he can’t shake the bad feeling in his gut.

  Max rests his forearm on the top of his head. “I hate to say it, but Carrie should stay here too.”

  “I’ve been thinking the same thing. I don’t want her to get caught in the middle, if Juan tries something at Shae’s house. But I’m not sure if we’ll be able to convince her.”

  Even with his eyes closed, Max smirks. “Maybe Shae can work the same magic on her she does on you.”

  Nick slings a file at him, hitting his foot before it falls to the floor, papers tumbling out onto the carpet. “Now you’re the one who needs to fuck himself.”

  Max’s laughter dies away at the knock on the door, and he frowns before glancing down at his phone. “What the fuck?”

  His irritation matches Max’s. The team knows better than to disturb them in his office. “The guys didn’t ping you that Carter’s here?”

  Max shakes his head. “Nope. Better watch out. It might be Carrie.”

  “She wouldn’t fucking knock.” He clears his throat before calling out, “Come in.”

  Shae stands in the doorway, looking from him to Max. His groin tightens at her pink cheeks as she tucks her hair behind her ear in uncertainty. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Marta was able to salvage some breakfast if you guys are hungry.”

  Max raises his eyebrows at him and laughs before hopping up, his smugness back, knowing this disruption will go unpunished. “Hell, yes. I’m starving.”

  She gives Max a shy smile as he heads out of the room. “Thanks for everything earlier. And, I’m sorry Carrie gave you so much trouble. She was just worried about me.”

  “She’s a pistol, but I like her. You too.” He pats her head before closing the door behind him.

  “Poor Max. He has no idea what he’s gotten himself into with me moving in.”

  God, he loves the sound of that. To always have her here, never having to let her go. “He’s fine. It’s good for him.” He’s never figured out how she can be so angelic and sexy at the same time. But he can’t resist her standing in front of him, wrapping the belt of her pink and white dress around her fingers. “Come here.”

  Heat radiates through his body at her huge smile. Fuck breakfast. He drops his feet to the floor and pulls her to him once she reaches his legs, her skirt billowing up as she straddles him. “Did you guys have a good talk?”

  “Yes, she’s calmed down now that she knows I’m okay.”

  “Good. This is your home now too, and Carrie can stay as long as she wants. But you’re not off the hook from earlier. I owe you some undivided attention, remember?” Brushing her hair to the side, he trails kisses along her shoulder. Her body shivers under his fingers. “You smell good. What are you wearing?”

  “It’s called Maybe.”

  His lips curl into a smile against her delicate ivory skin. “Of course it is.”

  He glides the straps down her bare arms and dips his head, flicking his tongue across the silky hollow between her breasts. A moan escapes from her throat, contradicting her hands pushing on his chest.

  “We can’t do this now. Carrie will come looking for us.”

  Her breathy whisper wraps around his throbbing groin like velvet. “Oh hell, then we better get going.” In one quick movement, he stands up, wrapping her legs around his waist, making her laugh. “But don’t forget. You’re mine later.”

  She cups his face and meets his gaze, her eyes as bright as her smile. “I’m yours now.”

  Fucking shit. This woman owns him. He lets her slide down his body and jump back before he ch
anges his mind about not laying her across his desk and ripping off another pair of panties. Her small hand tucks into his, and he allows her to lead him wherever she wants him to go.

  * * * *

  Shae gives Marta a small squeeze as she surveys the buffet spread across the counter. “Thank you for putting this together for us. It looks wonderful.”

  “Is no good. Eat while fresh. Not warming up.” Marta continues to mutter under her breath as she flutters around the kitchen, pulling out trays from the oven and pouring glasses of orange juice. She turns away from the refrigerator and gasps before poking Max in the stomach for eating off the platter. “Too much bacon no good. You no eat too much.”

  The first time they’ve all really been together since Juan’s threats. Nick and Max heap food on their plates, taking the stress in stride, probably an accepted understanding of living in their world. Yet, even Marta, another potential victim, seems unfazed, more concerned about the quality of the food and Max overindulging than the danger she faces. Maybe she’s used to it, confident in Nick’s ability to protect her, trusting him to take care of her.

  Just like Shae wants. Yet a trace of doubt lingers. The ability to ignore reality and act normally, enjoying a leisurely breakfast with these people she’s growing to love, may be more than she’s capable of.

  Nick’s hands slide around her waist, his chest warm against her back, his smooth cheek pressed against hers. “Are you okay?”

  If he always holds her like this, she will be. “Yes, I’m just thinking how much I love the little family you’ve created.”

  His lips brush her temple, a gentle reassurance he wants her here, how she belongs with them. “I think the feeling’s mutual.”

  He kisses her again before releasing her and handing her a plate. “Where’s Carrie?”

  “Her mom called. Some wedding issue came up. She started swearing, so I sent her outside to talk.”

  Max stops shoving bacon in his mouth and shakes a piece at her. “How is it you two are friends, exactly?”