Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1)

by Nikki Belaire

  Nathan nods and looks around, his gaze scanning the immaculate house filled with expensive furniture and priceless paintings. Taking in the money and the guards and the vastness, but not seeing the love behind the things, the warmth beyond the luxury. “You have a really nice house, Nick.”

  “Thank you. You look like you could use a drink. Do you want a beer?”

  “That’d be great, thanks.”

  After Nick walks into the kitchen, Carrie tugs on Nathan’s sleeve. “Where’s Jason? I thought he was coming with you.”

  “He’s too upset.” He frowns at Shae, and her heart drops at the frustration she generates in both her friends. “He said you won’t listen to anyone, so he isn’t going to bother.”

  The truth hurts. He warned her, and she didn’t listen. She can’t blame him for avoiding her, yet never thinking he would give up on her, not realizing their friendship is so insignificant to him.

  Nathan takes a long swallow from the bottle Nick hands him before sitting down on the sofa. “So, tell me what happened again.”

  Carrie reaches for his hand. “There’s been some trouble and—”

  “Please, Carrie.” Nathan shakes his head, his eyes moving from Shae to Nick. “I want to hear it from Nick.”

  Carrie’s cheeks burn red, and she bites her lip, preventing the anger flaming in her eyes from spilling out of her mouth. Shae hangs her head. Now, she’s causing problems between her best friends. Her selfishness hurts everyone she loves.

  Nick rubs his thumb over her fingers, a comforting reminder they’re in this together, as he meets Nathan’s eye. “I have a business acquaintance who’s out of control. I didn’t realize to what extent until he shot my driver and threatened Shae. I won’t make that mistake again. But, to ensure Shae and Carrie’s safety, I want them to live here until everything is resolved.”

  Nathan’s eyes grow wide, his face flushing. “Resolved how?”

  “I’ll make sure he’s no longer a threat.”

  “That’s what I thought.” Both Nathan’s body and his voice rise, and he points at Nick. “You’re involved with God knows what, and now my fiancée and her best friend are in the middle of it. Don’t expect me to say all of this is okay.”

  “I don’t expect anything.” Nick shakes his head, his voice steady but tight, restraining his irritation.

  “You and your associates shouldn’t suck innocent people into your fight.”

  The injustice of Nathan’s accusations boils in her. She jumps up off the sofa, losing the comfort of Nick’s touch, yet adamant Nathan knows the truth. “Nick can’t control what other people do. You can’t blame him for this.”

  Nick’s hand slides around her fingers again, pulling her down next to him. “It’s okay, sweetness. I’ll take what I deserve. You don’t have to defend me.”

  “If you really love her, you wouldn’t put her in the situation to have to defend you at all. It’s time to end this. Let her be with a nice guy who can take care of her without putting her in danger.”

  Humiliation heats through her at Nathan’s words, at the realization of how they see her. Someone who can’t take care of herself, who needs others to decide what’s best for her.

  “You mean like Evan?” Now low and hard, all the restraint vanishes from Nick’s voice. His anger speeds toward the level reserved for Juan unless she stops it. She entwines their fingers, putting her other hand on top of his.

  Nathan shrugs his shoulders, feigning indifference to Nick’s fury, only the twitch of his right eye giving him away. “At least with Evan she’s safe.”

  “Yeah, a man who punishes her when he doesn’t get his way and berates her when she’s already heartbroken. That’s what she fucking deserves?”

  Carrie’s mouth falls open. “Nick! That was between us!”

  They fight over her as if she’s a child, treating her like she’s four instead of twenty-four. She shakes her head. Because she always lets them, goes along with what everyone else wants. But, not this time. Not anymore. “Please stop. I don’t need all of you to decide what I do with my life. I’m the only one who can make that decision.”

  Her reprimand quiets the conversation. Nathan takes another drink while Carrie glares at Nick as he stands up.

  “You’re right.” Nick rubs his knuckles across her cheek, making her stomach drop at the doubt in his eyes. “Do what you have to do.”

  No one says a word as he walks out of the living room and jogs up the stairs. Shae turns back to Nathan. “I know you’re upset, but he is too. No one feels worse about what happened than him.”

  “I realize that, but if he wants to feel better, he needs to get you two out of the middle of this.”

  “He’s trying the only way he can.”

  “Listen to what I’m telling you. A man was shot. You could have been killed.” He speaks slowly, emphasizing each word to drive home his point, hurting her more with each stab. “I see this stuff every day. Can you imagine, if God forbid, Carrie or you showed up in the ER with—” He picks up Carrie’s hand. “I know you think you love him, but he’s not worth dying for.”

  “I do love him.” Shae stands up and walks outside to the deck. The cool breeze is ineffective at calming the emotions battling between her head and her heart. Everyone thinks they know what she should do, but she has no idea. Rational thought overridden by love.

  “Hey,” Carrie’s soft voice murmurs behind her. “You okay?”

  “No.” Her shoulders sag under the weight of the truth. “Nathan’s right, isn’t he?”

  “Yes.”

  “So, what should I do?”

  Carrie spreads her arms out in front of her. “Stay here with Nick and let him keep you safe. That’s what’s most important right now.”

  “But being with him is wrong. Isn’t it?”

  “Who knows? How does anyone really know what’s right?”

  The faint light from the house dances on the black water as the waves ebb and flow across the sand, matching the argument in her head to stay or to go. Trying to find her own voice, stifled by ones from the past and present.

  “All I can think about is my mom. She’d want me to leave Nick too. But, the scary thing is, I don’t know if it would be for my safety or just because she never wanted me to be happy since she never could be.” She rubs her hand across the railing. “Evan was right about her.”

  “Are we being honest with each other?”

  She lets out a small laugh, the absurdity of the situation almost comical if it wasn’t so bleak. “At this point, what else can we be?”

  “She was crazy. But she loved you and wanted you to be happy. She just didn’t know how to do it without trying to protect you from getting your heart broken.”

  Wrapping her arms around herself, Shae blows out a deep breath. Everyone blames Nick, judging him for the burdens she bears from being with him. Yet she comes with issues too, alienating him with her irrational behavior even though he never admits it. “I just don’t want to end up like her, alone and bitter.”

  Carrie shakes her head, a small smile brightening her face. “Nah. It’s too late for that. You’re in love. You just need to admit it to him.”

  “I’m too scared.”

  “I know.” Carrie pulls her hair into a pony tail, a nervous habit she doesn’t even realize she has. “Do you know why I love Nathan?”

  Friends since kindergarten, Shae knows, but shakes her head anyway, wanting to hear again what makes her best friend truly happy.

  “Everyone always thinks of me as wild Carrie, which I am most of the time. But, sometimes I feel like laying low. Not always having to be ‘on,’ you know? And he loves me anyway. I think it’s the part he likes best actually. He puts up with the crazy because he knows the real me underneath.”

  She wraps her arm around Carrie’s waist and leans her head on her friend’s shoulder. “Me too.”

  “Why do you love Nick?”

  The goofy smile returns even in her anguish. She thought sh
e loved Evan, but now with Nick, she really knows what it means. “Because he has this enormous capacity to love. He’s generous and protective. Not just with me, but everyone around him. Marta, Max, you. Even as hurt as he is by Jason and Nathan, I know he would do anything for them.”

  A lump builds in her throat at the torment he inflicts on himself, the guilt oppressing him. “But, for some reason he doesn’t think he deserves love back. He acts shocked I’m with him, like he’s unlovable or undeserving. It breaks my heart he gives so much and thinks he’s not worthy of anything in return.”

  “Yeah, I get that about him. His childhood must have been pretty fucked up.”

  “It was.” She shakes her head, trying to keep from breaking down at the stories of the suffering he endured. “He told me I bring him the only happiness he’s ever known. Can you imagine being thirty years old and never experiencing real happiness?”

  Carrie sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “Now you’re making me teary-eyed.”

  Besides Carrie, Nick’s the only one who doesn’t try to control her, doesn’t try to sway her thoughts or make up her mind for her. The first person to ever trust what she thinks. He lets her stand up for herself, and she’s not going to disappoint him. “I can’t leave him.” Lifting her head, she searches Carrie’s face, fearful of her reaction, yet confident in her decision. She loves him, and he needs her, almost as much as she needs him.

  “Then don’t. I’ll talk to Nathan and Jason. They’ll just have to get over it.”

  The only constant in her life, Carrie supports her even when the only reward for her loyalty is helping to pick up the pieces. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, even if you’re getting more sex than me.”

  Shae gives her one last hug before walking upstairs, her steps quickening as she gets closer to the bedroom door, almost running with the desire to confirm her commitment to him. “I’m sorry it’s so late, I…”

  His body curls over the pillow, his hand resting on her pink robe. A half-empty bottle of whiskey and used glass sit on the nightstand. Papers peek out of a manila folder overturned on the floor, her name scrawled on the index tab.

  She scoops up the file, tucking the sheets back inside. Her cheeks flame with guilt for reading his private documents. But, the need to know what’s written about her is too great.

  Nick,

  Here is a summary of the security plan we discussed as well as the update to your will. With your approval, I will finalize everything and file the revised documents.

  Luther

  Upon Mr. DeMarco’s death, responsibility for Ms. Armstrong’s security plan shifts to Maxwell Masterson. If his death precedes or coincides with Mr. DeMarco’s, responsibility transfers to Carter James. In the event all three men are deceased, a trust will be created for the sole purpose of engaging and retaining Walker Associates as the primary security management vendor for Ms. Armstrong’s personal safety in addition to any current security in place as required for her professional career.

  Furthermore, Mr. DeMarco’s will shall be updated to reflect upon his death the immediate transfer of five hundred million dollars to the newly created accounts established in Ms. Armstrong’s name. She is the sole owner of the accounts and controls any and all disbursements. All percentage allocations to his other beneficiaries remain unchanged.

  Tears blur the remaining words. He prepares for his death, protecting her even after he’s gone. Every time she thinks the challenge is too enormous to overcome, his immense love draws her back in.

  After laying the folder face down on the night stand, she flips off the light and crawls into bed next to him.

  “Shae?” He reaches for her, his voice thick with sleep and whiskey.

  “Shhh. Everything’s okay. I’m here.” She wraps her arm around his waist, snuggling into his chest. It’s her turn to hold him tight and make him feel safe and loved.

  * * * *

  Her fingertips graze the gray suede headboard as she stretches in the soft light. The comforter and pillows bunch against her back, swaddling her like a cocoon. Even when Nick’s gone, he takes care of her. She glances at the nightstand. Both he and the file have disappeared.

  She climbs out of bed with a hint of butterflies fluttering in her stomach. He said this is her home now, but it feels awkward, too soon to be comfortable without him. Stalling for no real reason, she washes her face, brushes her teeth, and combs her hair before wrapping her robe around herself and heading downstairs.

  Silence fills the house, the door to Nick’s office closed, the kitchen empty. Traces of purple tint the sky as she pushes open the patio door and walks through the breezeway to the guest house.

  Nathan answers her knock, his eyes heavy with sleep, tufts of dirty-blond hair sticking up like straw. “Good morning, Shae.”

  “I’m sorry if I woke you guys.”

  He shakes his head before dropping back onto the bed where Carrie cuddles under the covers. She crawls up behind him, encircling his chest, resting her chin on his shoulder. “No, we were awake. Just talking, unlike some other people I know who can’t keep their hands off each other.”

  She smiles at Carrie’s attempt to lighten the mood, trying to prevent a repeat of last night’s tension. “Nope, I didn’t get lucky either. Nick was gone when I woke up.”

  Nathan clears his throat, putting an end to the sex talk he always hates. He meets her gaze, a frown wrinkling his forehead. “I’m sorry about last night. I meant what I said, but I could have handled it better. I shouldn’t have been so harsh to you or Nick.”

  A little bit of the anxiety seizing her shoulders loosens. Used to making instant, life-altering decisions, Nathan isn’t one for emotions or hysterics, making his apology rare yet sincere. “I appreciate you saying that. So, where does that leave us?”

  “I still don’t think you should be with Nick. But, it doesn’t look like you’re going to change your mind. So, we’ll support you as best we can.” His hand curls around Carrie’s arm, a small smile lighting up her friend’s face at his sweet protectiveness. “If anything else happens though, all deals are off. Carrie’s out of here. We'll hire Eugene or some other security to protect her.”

  “Understood.” Wrapping her arms around herself, she takes a deep breath and looks up from the carpet. Nick deserves one more request on his behalf, whether he believes it or not. “I don’t want you to bring up Evan anymore. He hurt me, and it’s not fair to compare him to Nick. I know Nick’s not perfect, but he’s never done anything but love me.”

  His face grows red and his eyes widen, the vein in his temple throbbing. “And put you in danger. Damn it, Shae! I don’t understand how you can’t see how bad this guy is and how wrong it is for you to be with him.”

  Shae cringes at Carrie’s startled jump, guilt stinging her heart for putting her friend in the middle of their argument. “I can’t change how I feel about him.”

  “I’m not asking you to. I just want you to step back and look at the situation for what it really is. Give yourself some space from him. Then maybe you’ll realize you’d be better off without him.”

  “You’re not being fair, he…” The words get caught in her throat, fearful of betraying Nick’s confidence. No one understands he and his job are not the same, even though they are forever intertwined.

  Carrie presses her cheek against Nathan’s and locks eyes with Shae, playing peacemaker. “Okay, baby, calm down. She gets it.”

  Last night’s disappointment returns as he stands up and jerks his bag off the iron bench. “I have to take a shower and get to the hospital.”

  After the door closes, Carrie sighs and climbs back under the blankets. “At least I get to stay.”

  “That makes me happy.”

  “Me too.”

  Carrie’s sad smile fades, and she twists her hair into a bun, her telltale sign of worry. “Are you going to Jason’s?”

  “Yes, we need to talk. I might as well get it over with.”
>
  “Good luck. Find me when you get back.”

  Inside the house, Marta stands at the kitchen counter whipping eggs in a green ceramic bowl. A hollow clank rings from the edge as she taps her whisk against the side and smiles at Shae. “Good morning. I tell Nick breakfast ready soon. He look for you. He worry.”

  Guilt churns in her chest at his search for her. After everything they’ve been through, he still doesn’t trust her not to run. Not that she can blame him. Her track record isn’t so strong. “Thank you for letting me know. I’ll go find him.” She runs up the stairs and meets him coming out of the bedroom.

  His smile doesn’t hide the relief in his eyes. “There you are.” His arm glides around her waist. and he leads her inside, closing the door behind them. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. Max had an update about Juan for me.”

  Juan.

  Her stomach drops. Uncertain what she wants to hear him say, not sure what she hopes the answer to be, she can’t bring herself to ask if he's dead. “What did Max say?"

  “He’s out of the country, back to his compound in Mexico.”

  She leans back from his embrace. “I don’t understand. Why would he threaten us and then leave?”

  “I’m not sure. My guess is he thinks he’s pushed it too far and knows we’re coming after him. He may be lying low to see if we back down.” He tucks a stray hair behind her ear before resting his hand on her cheek. “Regardless, the threat isn’t over. Nothing’s changed. I don’t want you leaving the house without a bodyguard. Max is going to escort you wherever you go.”

  Unwilling to let him jeopardize his own safety with his concern for her, she shakes her head. “I’m sure Max has more important things to do than babysit me. He should stay with you.”

  Nick’s gaze sears hers with worry. “Nothing’s more important to me than you.”

  “You know what I mean. I don’t want to be a burden to him. He already has so much to take care of. Maybe one of the other guys should come with me.”