When it’s time for us to order, I get two cinnamon buns (because hello, they’re cinnamon buns!) and an iced coffee. I try to give Phoenix money but he covers my hand with his and shakes his head. “I offered.” Not to hurt his ego in front of a group of men, I nod and tell him that I’ll grab a table for us outside, and I take Loki with me.
I stare at the huge plants by the door, inhaling as I finally pass. I grab the closest table so I can see them as I wait. There’s something soothing about looking at and inhaling the scent of plants. Planting them is even more therapeutic.
When I used to go over Mac’s parents’ house, I’d help Linda with her garden. She always saved the lilies for the flowerpot I made for her. They’re her favorite and they remind her of me. I care deeply for that woman. It hurts to admit but I think I love her more than I do my own mother. I know, I know, that’s cruel for a daughter to say but Linda goes out of her way to make me feel wanted. And Mom, well, Mom is only happy when she’s with Sadie.
Mom hates flowers because they die.
Linda loves flowers because they show that if you care for something, it’ll live longer.
The days I have to walk to work, I walk by Mrs. Sexton’s house and I get to obsess over her garden that we helped Jedidiah plant. He was a sweet kid and I feel like if he spends more time over her house after he graduates high school next month, he and Noland could get along.
Maybe we could actually attend college together once I save up more money and can enroll. I’m so close to getting my degree. I’m so close to possibly making some pottery that I can sell. If I have my pottery shop some day, I’m going to have a plant nursery inside it, too. I can think more on that when the dream actually turns into reality.
My phone vibrates on the table, pulling me from my thoughts. I lean forward and see a text from Tanner.
Tanner: I saw this guy holding a bouquet of lilies and I thought of you. I love you, baby sis. Just in case you didn’t already know that.
I look up with my heart in my throat. That is one of the sweetest things he’s ever said to me. And it was completely random.
I text back ‘Love you, too’ and a few purple hearts. Everyone knows that is my signature.
I sit back with a wide grin on my lips.
It only took one second to make me feel loved.
Phoenix’s thighs now occupy the space I was staring at so I continue to hold my gaze and let my dirty mind fantasize. He stops at the table and sets our things down. Loki runs around us trying to get the goods. I tie his leash to the leg of my chair and tell him to sit. He’s starting to learn things nice and easy now. He’s a fantastic puppy. Pretty soon he’ll be doing tricks.
“Those flowerpots by the door are fucking huge. They couldn’t choose something smaller? Like regular flowers?” His eyes drop to my legs and his lips curl up. “Maybe lilies?”
“My middle name is Lily,” I blurt. “I love that about me.” What? I squirm a bit, uncomfortable. That was weird, Luna. Why did you blurt that out?
Phoenix sits across from me and the way he doesn’t move his eyes off me, makes me feel like something is on my face. “Is that why you got that tattoo?” I nod. “Luna Lily Chance.” He brings his hot cup of coffee to his lips and takes a sip. I watch his throat move. I can stare at him all day, squirming and blushing with my dirty thoughts. “It’s a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. I prefer calling you ‘Moon’ though.”
“I like hearing you call me that,” I confess.
We stare at each other for what seems like hours before I look away because I can’t decipher the look in his eyes. Why are you being weird?
I take the world’s biggest bite of the cinnamon bun then wash it down with my iced coffee. “So, we’re the moon and the stars.”
His lips curl up again, and his eyes seem to brighten. “Me, the stars?”
“Yeah. They’re a part of you, aren’t they? And I’m pretty sure if you could fuck stars, you would.”
“We’re all made out of stardust so…”
“Huh. You’re literally fucking the stars.” I wink at him and he laughs. “Tell me, before you cum, do you picture yourself in space instead of with an actual woman?”
“Shh, I can’t have women hear that.” He bites into a chocolate banana muffin. “But if I’m being honest, I tried thinking of stars last night so I could last longer, but that just made me think of the moon. Of you.”
I don’t know how to respond to that so I stay silent, blinking at him.
“Was that weird?”
Coming from someone else, definitely, but not from him.
I shake my head. “Did you say something right before you came.” His eyes widen. He did! I knew I saw his lips move. “Because I’m pretty sure you said something but I couldn’t read your lips. Was it even English?” I would bring this up at a time like this. We’re both adults having sex and there’s no one around to hear me. It’s fine.
He looks down and rubs his face, looking embarrassed. “I called out ‘Praxidike’ but naming moons obviously didn’t help me.”
“You called out a moon’s name when you had your cock in my mouth?”
“Jesus, Luna.” His eyes dart around us as he shifts in his seat.
I feel like mentioning that I know Dwarf Planet Pluto has a moon named Nix. I think Mac told me that some time ago. Most likely so I could have a conversation with Phoenix and not feel awkward.
I smirk at him and bite into my cinnamon bun. “It’s nice to know that you think of me when you can picture your fantasy girl instead.”
“You are my fantasy girl. Dark hair, fuck-me eyes, short. Three of my favorite things.” I roll my eyes dramatically. His eyes narrow and he leans forward. “Who do you picture?”
I smile shyly, closing my eyes. “Not who, what. Space. The stars. The second I close my eyes and feel my orgasm happening, I feel like a supernova; stars exploding, painting the sky in pretty colors.”
He doesn’t say anything so I crack my eyes open. Did I say something wrong?
“You need to stop talking.” His Adam’s apple bobs up and down in his throat, and his clenched fists rest on the table. “I’m seriously tempted to fuck you in public right now.”
I fucking giggle as I reach for my iced coffee. “Guess you’ll have blue balls for the next few days then.” Because I don’t do sex while on my period. That’s just gross. Sure, I’m super horny but knowing that blood–no. I’m not even going to finish that sentence.
“Anyone ever told you that you can be a bitch sometimes?” he asks, humor in his voice.
“No one but Mac has ever gotten that close to know how I really am.”
Phoenix’s eyes dance over my face. “I want to know the real you.”
I shake my head while I pick off a piece of my bun. “The real me scares me sometimes. Once the chains of my mood swings snap, you need to run.” He doesn’t know what makes me tick. He never saw me before Mac. He never saw me, period.
Phoenix tilts his head to the side, studying me. “I’m a pretty fast runner.”
“I’m a self-destructive time bomb.” Why is he adamant on learning more. Jesus, this guy loves to know everything. I guess you can expect that from a man who loves everything, no matter how big or small.
He’s quiet for some time, watching me while eating and drinking. “Sometimes things just need to explode.”
I lick my lips and nod. He has no idea.
He said he’s a fast runner, but you can’t out run an explosion. Because that is what will happen once someone gets to close to me. I try my hardest to push them far away, and it’s not pretty when they disregard my warnings.
Chapter Twenty
Phoenix
I secretively read my horoscope every day. I’m easily fascinated by everything this world has to offer. There’s so much magic hiding in plain sight and trying to find it brightens all the darkness we face. Earlier today, I read my horoscope when I was in my car waiting for Luna to leave the house. It said today would b
e a day full of contrasts, I should clean and organize my life, and I’d help people resolve their problems.
I feel like I made Luna angry or on the verge of sacrificing a small animal. I’m dead serious. She had a little crazy look in her eyes when she talked about no one seeing the real her.
I was left questioning my own thoughts by the time Luna and I got back home so I go and find MacKay. “Okay, I need you to be honest. How crazy and or violent is Luna?” Luna is busy in the basement. I use this time to voice my concerns. I know she beat the shit out of her roommate’s boyfriend but that was a one-time thing, right?
Mackenzie stops digging around in his closet to look back at me. He looks a little freaked out as he kicks something black when he stands. Before I can ask what the hell he’s hiding, he says, “She’s not crazy, she just understands serial killers after having to deal with people.”
I chuckle until I see how serious he is. “For real?”
“Yeah, but don’t tell people that. It can cause some serious shit.” What the fuck. “A lot of people treated her like shit her whole life. She very rarely meets the good ones like us. It’s like she’s drawn to assholes. And she let’s their spiteful words sink in until that’s what she believes. She has every right to believe in what she does.”
What have I gotten myself into it? I could possibly end up murdered some day and no one would suspect the quiet, deaf girl. Because I’m finally hooked. Once she started talking about how she pictures space and feeling like a supernova when she orgasms, I was done. This girl is fucking perfect. She will be mine some day. I can fucking feel it. Only problem is, she doesn’t. And she can make my death look like an accident if I tell her any of this.
“Don’t be freaked out. She’s not going to kill you. At least…I don’t think she will. She doesn’t hurt people. She keeps it in, hurting herself instead.”
“You’re making her sound like a murderer.”
MacKay rolls his eyes. “Her anger gets the best of her sometimes. The worst she did was fuck up her roommate’s boyfriend. He’s still breathing, unfortunately.” He walks over to me, his voice firm. “I take her places where I know she’ll relax and enjoy herself. I bring her around people I trust and know will treat her right. I try every goddamn day to make her realize that she is perfect the way she is because every time I look at her and I don’t see her smiling, I fucking die. She’s been through so much and if I can help relieve that pain for even a second, I’ll take it. So if she scares you that much then I was wrong to let you into her life. Either you accept every side she has or you can stop making her feel like she can trust you.”
I raise my brows. “You let me into her life. Don’t you think Luna had some choice in that? And I do accept her. I was just curious if I should fear for my own life.”
“Oh, she did have a choice. Trust me. I just gave her a little nudge by making you seem appealing.”
“Why?”
He blinks. “Because she deserves the best.”
If we weren’t men, I think this would be the moment where we hug and giggle while jumping up and down. My sisters did that shit all the time. Their shrieks always made my ears bleed.
It’s a huge compliment, I’ll admit that. It definitely stroked my ego but at the same time, it’s a lot. Because he wants Luna and me together. I see that now. Over the last few years, he was feeding me information for this exact moment. It wasn’t just because he loved talking about Luna. He wanted me to know as much as I could so when we finally met, I’d be hooked on learning more. It’s who I am. I love learning everything about a person.
But Luna doesn’t do love. We’re just friends. MacKay’s setting me up for failure.
“Why isn’t that you?”
His eyes drop to the floor. “I remind her of the worst decision she ever had to make.”
The slump of his shoulders and the anguish in his voice make the reason why he and Luna can’t be together understandable. Why they won’t sleep together and just be a couple. What Luna told me the day we went paintballing comes back to me. I was too blind and too stupid to hear it. “The baby was yours.”
MacKay has never looked up at me as fast he does right now. “She told you about that?”
I nod.
We stand at his bedroom door for a few awkward seconds before he claps my shoulder and nods, not uttering a word. I turn to let him do whatever he was doing in his room before I got here. “I’m stealing her tonight. Just wanted to give you a heads up,” he says.
I know he can do whatever the fuck he wants but knowing that he’s going to be with Luna later kind of pisses me off because after this conversation we had, I want to spend some time with her. It’s my damn romantic side. Growing up with four sisters and my mother has turned me soft.
Both of us want to make Luna smile.
Only one of us has years of memories to fall back on.
“Does that piss you off?” I shake my head, annoyed. Of course it pisses me off. All I want to do is spend time with this girl and see her open up. Be happy. Let me in. “Hey, Nix.” I glance over my shoulder. “Do you like her yet?” It’s the way he asks, like he knows something I don’t, that makes me stop short.
I know he’s not asking me if I like her in general. I do. Luna is a pleasant person to be around. He’s asking if I like her like her. And it’s confusing because he’s pushing us to spend time together. Everything I know about her is from him. But fuck, I am starting to like everything I learn about her.
“Stop forcing something to happen between us and I might be able to answer that some day.” Why is this so hard? And what the hell am I going to do if Luna finds out? Because she said to end being fuck buddies when feelings start. Do I even have feelings or are they MacKay’s rubbing off on me?
What are the rules when our best friend is pulling the strings on our lives?
Part of me says stop thinking too much about this. The other part, the one who enjoyed having a girl to call mine wants to come back out and play.
Calling Luna mine…well, the thought isn’t bad at all. Not like some douche ‘she’s mine, I own her’ way. Fuck those assholes. People are not property. I’m talking about when you’re in a room full of people and your girl is standing across from you on the opposite side and you’re just watching her, thinking ‘wow’ and you look off to the side, catching some guy watching you watch her. You give him a look saying, ‘see that beautiful girl right there, yeah, she’s mine. I don’t know how it happened but it did. She’s mine and I’m hers.’
Fuck.
I want that. I really fucking want that now.
I can see Luna standing on the opposite side of the room and it makes my heart feel heavy. I can see Luna and me…together. You’ve never felt this way for anyone before. Something’s different.
It’s Luna.
I walk down the hallway, and by the time I’m heading into the basement, watching Luna forming the piece of clay into something on the pottery wheel, I finish a long debate of whether or not I should test the waters and see if Luna wants to go out someday. With me. On an official date.
I stand on the opposite side so I face the girl causing so much conflict within me.
Loki stays by her side, chewing on a toy of his.
Brown focused eyes look up quickly from the clay to me.
“Hey.” Hey? That totally sounded lame. What is up with you, man?
“Do you need something?” She leans back and flips a switch, causing the clay to spin in slow circles until it stops.
“What are you making?” Small talk before going right into something she will most likely turn down is the way to go, right? Shit, am I starting to sweat? Jesus Christ, why do I feel like a damn fourteen-year-old asking a girl out right now. I am twenty-two-years-old. I’ve been asking girls out for years. This should be easy. But it’s not because it’s Luna. The girl who said she doesn’t feel anything for anyone. Her heart is incapable of it. But she has space in there for Mackenzie…
“Food a
nd water bowls for Loki. I want him to have something for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.” She smiles as she looks down at him. “I think he’ll enjoy a nice, fat pumpkin.”
“Is it easy?”
“Making a pumpkin? That’s beginner stuff. The most difficult thing I’ve ever made was a replica of Pigeon Point Lighthouse. Well, that was back in middle school and I kind of sucked at making pottery then.” She bites her lip. “I have a picture if you want to see it?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Oh, o-okay.” She dips her hands in water and wipes them on a towel, puzzled. She stands and walks over to the table to her right, picking up her phone. As she’s flipping through her pictures, she walks over to me, standing by my side. “It’s gross.”
Luna hands me the phone and I try not to laugh at the little stump of clay that looks nothing like a lighthouse. It has lines on the top of it but it looks like it melted after it was in the kiln. Which is not what happens in that process.
“I will punch you in the junk if you laugh.”
“I’m not laughing.” I swipe my finger to the left and I’m graced with a sexy picture of Luna. She’s wearing a black sweater that hangs off one shoulder, and my eyes zero in on her collarbone, the way her hair falls down in waves over the other shoulder with her hand placed over it in a ‘kiss me here’ gesture. It’s fucking sexy and it’s not even a naked picture of her.
“Hey! Stop spying!” Luna tries to grab the phone back but I stretch my arm out and hold it higher, swiping for more. Her phone is full of pictures; most of them hide her face like she cropped them after snapping them. “Phoenix. Give me the phone.”
“These are hot, Moon. Shit, I kind of want to sext you from now on.” I swipe another time and am graced with a shot of Luna lying on the beach in a bikini. There’s a huge smile lighting up her face. I swipe once more and find a selfie of both MacKay and Luna making faces while fake throwing sand at each other.
A hand on my dick makes me look down and lower my hand. Luna smirks at me as she grabs her phone back and turns her back to me. “This was the first time Mac came to visit me freshman year. I found out how expensive the trip was and made him promise to never come back. I was such a bitch.”
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