A Sky Full of Secrets

by Briana Pacheco

  “It gives you a reason to be someone you want to be.” Her lips tremble and her shoulders shake. “You’re your own person. You literally have the world at your fingertips. You can do whatever you want, Luna. You can create your own dream and live it. You are fucking awesome, exquisite, and someone I enjoy being around. You’re like the sun, brightening up the world when you smile. It’s contagious. You make me want to smile whenever your lips curl up. You seem to have the biggest debate on whether you should do it or hide it. Stop hiding it. Please, stop hiding who you are. Wear your hair up and smile because that’s the best look on you.”

  She turns wet light brown eyes toward me. “Why did I let you into my life?”

  I was not expecting her to say that but I can work with it. “Because I’m awesome.” She immediately rolls her eyes but I see it, the smile creeping onto her sexy lips, and it does exactly what I said it would to me. She’s amazing. She’s flawed yet so damn perfect in her own way. She’s exactly what I want in my life. She’s what I need.

  My feelings for her, fuck, they’ve manifested into something much deeper than I ever thought possible. I want to do so much with this girl standing beside me. I want to be a reason why she smiles. I want it all with her. “I want to see the world with you, Luna. You’re my moon. I need you to light up my way home in case I ever get lost.” The stars can guide you home but what good are they if the moon isn’t there?

  “You already planned on kidnapping me for this trip,” she whispers. “I have to be there.”

  I shake my head causing her to really look at me, her brows furrowing. “You have to want to be there. That’s the only way I’ll enjoy it. So what do you say, do you want to go on this trip with me?”

  She blinks, the debate in her head already starting. “You know I’m really indecisive.” I nod. I sure as fuck know how indecisive she is, but I want her to make this decision. I need to know where she stands regarding me, us. I’m starting to fall for this girl and it’s terrifying knowing that she holds all the cards. I agreed to the whole ‘just sex’ thing but after so much time with her and not wanting that time to end, it started to make sense. She means more to me than just sex. And she knows that too. I haven’t been as sneaky as I thought I was, trying to hide my feelings for her.

  I should have known that deal was shit from the start. Luna just wanted to know that someone would fuck her; the deaf girl. She didn’t want to put herself out there for another asshole to charm her and then break her. She didn’t want to be herself and I feel like a major asshole for letting that happen in the beginning.

  Luna should feel comfortable enough to be herself with someone who wants her, all of her. She should never have to hold back.

  “I shouldn’t have come here,” she says softly, slightly appalled. “Being around all these emotions, being around you while you stare at me like you just discovered a new galaxy is terrifying. It makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. I-I don’t like this feeling. This uncertainty that it will only last for tonight or maybe a few days or until you get sick of me. You can’t do this to me, Phoenix. You can’t make me fall for you.” Her eyes hold mine. “You want more from me and I don’t know if I have anything to give. Can you accept that? Can you accept that you might have to put in so much work for just a small amount of whatever I give you until I can possibly give more? That’s not how a relationship should be but it is with me. And I’m so incredibly sorry about that because you deserve more. Is that what you want?”

  “Yes,” I say without hesitation. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I would never make you do anything you don’t want to do. Luna, I don’t want to pressure you. I just want to be with you.”

  Fuck, I want to go to sleep and wake up with her in my arms. She beguiles me. I just want to drown myself in her. Her beauty and her sad heart captivate me. I want to show her everything I have to offer. I want to show her that she can be loved without boundaries.

  I want to give her the fucking world.

  I’m falling for this girl and the hardest part about it is that I can’t tell her yet.

  Luna takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for one, two, three seconds before she opens them, a ghost of a smile on her lips. “You make my heart happy when my mind is at war with itself. You don’t make me feel different. I’m just a girl when I’m with you. That’s your superpower, Phoenix Sloan. I finally figured it out.” She takes a measured step forward and presses her lips against my cheek. “I want to go with you. I want…you.”

  I smile like I just got my dick touched for the first time because hearing those words have the same effect. “Okay.” I throw in a nod and chuckle as she looks about ready to change her mind. “You know this means my sisters are going to harass you with embarrassing stories about me once they realize that we’re more than friends now?”

  Luna looks down at her feet. Instead of the faraway look that usually accompanies it, she’s beaming. “Like why Blake calls you Phoebe?” She looks up through her lashes and chews on her bottom lip. “I like them, your family. You’ve all got a heart of gold. You guys run on love, you know that, right? Freaking hopeless romantics, all of you. And you get stuck with me, the girl who hates love.”

  I tsk, breathing her in. “You’ll appreciate it once you learn to love yourself. Trust me.”

  She laughs and then bites her lip as she stares into my eyes. “I love my laugh. I never really laughed around other people but when I’m around you, it’s all I want to do. You make people happy. You make me happy. Thank you for that.” She looks up a little higher at the darkening sky.

  I watch her tell a secret.

  So I look up and add mine, not giving a fuck how stupid I might sound.

  I’ve fallen so hard and fast for you. I feel like a fucking shooting star.

  Make a wish, Luna.

  Make a wish and I pray it involves me.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Luna

  For someone who doesn’t believe in marriage, I have a pretty awesome time at Eliza’s wedding. The company is great and the food’s fucking amazing. I need to know the name of the cooks so I can kidnap them and demand they cook for me until the day I die.

  When the party is over and we head back home, Mac lets me take the backseat so I can take off my heels and lay down for a bit. I listen to Mac and Phoenix have a conversation about when we leave for our trip in a few weeks, and then we’re home and I’m being taken upstairs like I’m some princess, placed on my bed gently and kissed tenderly. Then things turn R-rated and Phoenix makes me feel like his queen over and over and over again until all my doubts of us vanish.

  ***

  Phoenix is spread out on my bed, one arm behind his head, the other busy thumbing away on his phone. I’ve been watching him for the last five minutes, either he doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. He has no plans on leaving my bed anytime soon.

  I flip onto my back and stare at the ceiling, thinking of last night. Jesus Christ, I agreed to being ‘more’ with Phoenix. Phoenix, my fuck buddy, could possibly become my boyfriend. I never thought this would happen. I literally told him up front that I would be the worst girlfriend. What is wrong with him? Why would he subject himself to that?

  Because you’re amazing.

  The bed shifts and Phoenix taps my shoulder. I turn my head and watch his hands move, I want to propose something. He eyes his phone then drops it onto the bed, trying his hardest to sign perfectly. Every time you have a negative thought, you have to kiss me.

  I jerk my head, taken aback. What the hell did he just say? And why does that sound appealing? Kissing Phoenix feels like you’re flying so high you can kiss the sky. You’re filled with boundless warmth.

  He’s a little peace of Heaven here on Earth.

  Some would say he brightens everything. There’s never a dark moment with him around.

  He is the Sun and the stars.

  He is everything he loves to see through a telescope.

  He is one of the most beautiful
galaxies I’ve ever known.

  And being his moon doesn’t scare me as much when I think of us as objects in space. Because in space everything is there for a reason. In real life, we have so much shit to overcome before we can even try and coexist with someone else.

  I want to try and let everything go. I want to stop seeing the bad and find the good. I want to be someone that I can be proud of. I want to be comfortable with myself anywhere I go. I don’t want to have Mac or Phoenix be the only reason why I throw my hair up. I want to just do it and own who I am. I honestly don’t know why I even make a big deal out of my sound processors. They blend in with my hair. You can’t see them unless you look at the back of my ears or you look really closely. I’m just stuck in that moment of time where Ian called me an alien. And as of right now, I’m sticking up my middle finger to our younger selves. I will not let those words keep me from becoming more.

  I am deaf. And I can hear because of a surgery I had the opportunity of getting.

  That shouldn’t matter. I am a person, just like everyone else around me.

  My name is Luna Lily Chance and if you can’t accept me as I am than you don’t deserve to be in my life. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Bye Felicia.

  Phoenix looks down at his hands. “Did I sign that right?” I read his lips then nod. “Then why do you have that face?”

  “Because.”

  “Because you don’t want to kiss me or because you know you’ll have to kiss me all the time?” He smirks, his eyes moving up and down my body quickly before he drags his fingers down my cheek in a featherlight touch. “Deal?”

  My eyes flutter closed and I say, “Deal. But I propose something of my own.” My eyes crack open, watching him get excited. “You have to kiss me every time I tell you something that I love about myself.”

  From this day forward, I promise to make a list. It doesn’t matter how big or small, how stupid it may sound, I’m going to find things and I’m going to let it be known. I’m tired of being quiet. I’m tired of hiding.

  It will take time for me to open up and see the world with new eyes, see myself, but I plan on doing it.

  Because I’m a motherfucking queen.

  His lips part and he’s looking at me with such bright eyes, they touch a dark place inside me. “Deal.” He leans forward and kisses me. “For telling me you love your laugh.”

  A smile tugs on my lips as my eyes close once again.

  He moves his hand down and tweaks my nipple over my sheet. My eyes shoot open. I expect to see him moving closer to show my boobs some attention. Instead, he stares at my collarbone, his brows furrowed.

  Green orbs suck me in as he sits up. “Why do you crop your photos?”

  “What?”

  “Remember when you punched me in the dick? I saw that your pictures were cropped. Why?”

  I finger the sheet covering my body. After a full minute of silence, I reach for my sound processors and put them on. I turn toward Phoenix and say, “I never felt comfortable with myself. Not when I had my lisp or after I had my surgery. I hid my sound processors and people who didn’t know me, treated me like I was just like them. It made me feel good.” Normal. “In college, I was really bored and starting chatting with strangers online. They always asked for pictures and I kept them talking when I sent the cropped ones. They didn’t see my sound processors. I wasn’t deaf to them.”

  “Did you ever send the full ones?”

  I nod, not looking up. “A lot of people didn’t care. I was the one having the anxiety attacks over what they’d say. They were nice. But after awhile, they’d get closer and see how closed off I was so we’d stop talking. I don’t know what to do to fit in. People just don’t like me, I guess.”

  “I like you.”

  “Shut up.”

  He rolls his eyes at me and I start to laugh because he just rolled his eyes at me.

  “I used to spend my teenage years around the deaf community, but the cochlear implant is like some kind of insult to them and believe it or not, deaf people can be major assholes. There were some nice people but we never kept in touch. It didn’t feel right bringing them around my family. Especially Ian.” I exhale loudly. “I think if my family was more accepting while growing up, I wouldn’t be this closed off.”

  Phoenix turns my way, the sheet falling off his body, revealing his boxer briefs. “I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. You point out all of your flaws like they’re a bad thing, when in reality they are the best parts of you. Luna, you know how to sign, and you can speak four languages, proving that being deaf doesn’t hold you back. I don’t know anyone our age who is that talented. Everyone I went to high school with is talented in the art of fellatio, and that’s about it.”

  “Well, not to sound conceited but so am I.” I wiggle my brows as my eyes drop to his crotch.

  Phoenix groans as he sinks lower into my bed. “Do not start, you little temptress. I have to get ready to meet up with my father and Noland in an hour.”

  “But what if I’m having a negative thought right now? Shouldn’t I kiss you?” I turn over onto my knees and crawl down his body. I hover my lips over his stomach then move a little lower, eyes locked on his. “Here?”

  “Fuck.” He bites his lip and throws his head back when I start to run my hand under his boxers, over his length. He lifts his head, heavy-lidded eyes on mine. “You…exactly like this is fucking perfect.”

  Well, I found something else that I love about myself. I can look extremely terrible waking up and I’ll still get a man aroused. I deserve an ass slap.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Luna

  Waking up in my bed, I’m blinded by the sun. And dog kisses. Lots of wet, slobbery licks to the face.

  I pet Loki and swing my legs over the side of my bed, standing. I run my fingers through my knotted hair and stretch, groaning with every crack I feel down my spine. I head over to a corner of my room, grab my yoga mat, roll it out and do some of my most relaxing poses before I take a shower.

  I usually do yoga when I’m angry and I try to calm myself down, but today is all about what occurred between Phoenix and me last week. I never thought we’d step over that line into uncharted territory, and if I let myself think about it too much, I’ll walk into his room and tell him I was wrong, that I don’t want to go on this trip, but that’d be a lie. I want to go. I want to push myself. I’m just fearful that he’ll regret wanting me.

  Breathe in, breathe out. Relax.

  You’re a goddamn queen, Luna. He will never regret you.

  When I clear my head and fill it with thoughts of traveling all around the country, I roll my mat back up and walk to the bathroom. It takes me sitting on the toilet, yawning while doing my business to realize that someone is in the shower. I should have noticed all the steam surrounding me before I sat down. Out of sheer panic that it could be Phoenix, I clean up, wash my hands in record speed, and flush the toilet. I flush the damn toilet while the shower is on. And I can’t seem to move.

  The shower door slides open and Phoenix rips a towel off the towel holder, stepping out while moving his lips rapidly, probably pissed that he got sprayed with cold water. He turns and stops moving, eyeing me then the toilet. And the angry expression relaxes into something amused.

  He stares me down as he goes back to drying himself off, and I stand here only in my bra and undies, my eyes eating him up. I’ve seen him naked plenty of times, and I still can’t seem to look away whenever he’s standing right in front of me.

  Morning, Phoenix signs, his muscles flexing as he walks toward me with a towel hanging low on his hips. He runs a hand through his wet hair quickly then wipes it on the towel, and yet, the damn thing stays in place.

  I flush thinking of yesterday, how I got Phoenix dirty with wet clay after he insisted I teach him how to make something easy. He came down with his laundry then asked if I needed help. I responded with ‘like what? Sitting on your lap instead of the stool?’ He lau
ghed until he answered back with ‘ah, yeah’ so he became my student and I was his teacher for the next thirty minutes until things got a little too sexy. It was exactly like that scene from the movie Ghost where Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore make pottery seem so erotic. Sweet baby Jesus, I’ve never let anyone kiss and touch me the way Phoenix did. I also never had clay in certain places but there’s a first for everything, right? We ended up covered in clay and decided to move things up to the shower. Mac came home an hour later and wanted to spend some time with me so I went to bed alone last night, dreaming of Phoenix’s hands touching my body and his lips on my skin.

  “Morning.” I brush my hair behind my ear before pointing at the shower, telling him what I need.

  Phoenix stops beside me, my eyes level with his chest until I look up. He leans down and kisses the side of my mouth, my neck, my shoulder then moves up and kisses my forehead before he stands tall and heads out of the bathroom, smiling.

  Loki knocks into my legs a few times, making me move. I know, okay. Stop pushing me!

  I take quick steps out into the hallway until I’m behind Phoenix, slipping my arms around his firm back, hugging him. He stops, his arms bent, unsure of what to do. I don’t usually hug attack him this early in the morning. Or ever.

  “I like the way you smell after your shower,” I comment. “Sorry if this is weird.”

  I just want to breathe him in for a few more seconds.

  I just want to feel him.

  He grabs my hands and turns, placing my hands back on his body. I stare at his lips, waiting to read what he says. No movement ever comes. I look up into green depths, eyes so warm and inviting. Safe. Looking at him is equal to sitting somewhere dark, admiring the stars, dreaming. Like what the amazing Ed Sheeran sings, I want Phoenix to kiss me under the light of a thousand stars.