Expectation Hangover
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control freak (compensatory strategy type), 122
coping strategies, ineffective, 21–26
Corne, Seane, 67
courage, 99
Cousins, Norman, 159
Covey, Stephen, 197
creativity, 48, 126–27, 128, 131–32, 135, 198–200
dancing, 68
De Bono, Edward, 94
defense mechanisms, 118
depression, 44
diet, 105, 112, 204–5
disappointment
acceptance and, 29–32
actions triggered by, 102
as comfort zone, 16
creativity and, 48
as deserved punishment, 17–18, 148
duration of, and holistic treatment plan, 183–84
fear and, 8, 132
leveraging, 5, 40
pep talks and, 23
prevention of, 40
scale of, 11
as test, 23
transformation as result of, 12–13
See also Expectation Hangovers
discipline, 135
Disraeli, Benjamin, 78
distraction, as avoidance strategy, 21–22, 44, 204
Divine, 143
See also Higher Power
do-overs, 136–37
Downloading Your Purpose (exercise), 174
drug abuse, 22, 44
Dyer, Wayne, 19
eating, 22, 44
electromagnetic field, 145
embarrassment, 46
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 169
emotional-level treatment plan. See Surfer Rx (emotional-level treatment plan)
emotions
avoidance/suppression of, 35–36, 41–45, 46–47, 62–63
creativity and, 48
during Expectation Hangover, 49–51
exploring (exercise), 45–46
expression/release of, 36, 64–67
fear-based, release of, 145
making a date with, 67–68
recycling vs. releasing, 53–56
empathy, 135
energy
emotional, 68
motivation and, 135–36
epiphanies, 140
Escaping Your Avoidance Trap (exercise), 132–33
excellence, 135
excitement, 46
exercise (physical), 68, 107, 112, 116–17
exercises
behavior-level treatment plan, 109–10, 114–15, 125, 127, 132–33, 134–35, 138–39
emotional-level treatment plan, 45–46, 55–56, 58–59, 60–62, 63
Expectation Hangovers, 10–11
mental-level treatment plan, 72–73, 76, 86–87, 94–95, 97–98
spiritual-level treatment plan, 159–61, 169–70, 174
Expectation Hangover Assessment Form (exercise), 28–29
Expectation Hangovers
acceptance of, 30–32
assessment form (exercise), 28–29
author’s experiences, 3–6, 12, 44, 89, 112, 131, 168–69
avoidance strategies, 21–26, 44
awareness of, 27–29
causes of, 11–13
defined, 8–9
holistic treatment of, 35–40, 183–84, 189 (see also Horseback Rider Rx; quick fixes; Scientist Rx; Seeker Rx; Surfer Rx)
identifying (exercise), 10–11
judgments about, 29–30
symptoms of, 9–10, 49–51, 54, 69–70, 104–6
transformation as result of, 4–5, 13–19, 179, 203–6
types of, 9
untreated, 25
expectations
age and, 8–9
fantasy-based, 18–19
managing, 184–87
of permanence, 89–90
values as replacement for, 133–38
expiration dates, 89–90
Exploring Your Emotions (exercise), 45–46
Exploring Your Spiritual Curriculum (exercise), 169–70
Facebook, 80
“Facilitating Compassionate Self-Forgiveness” (university course), 160
faith, 37, 135, 178–79
fear
avoidance traps and, 131–32
disconnection as result of, 8
exploring, 46
future-tripping and, 90
observation of, 116–17
release of patterns based in, 145, 206
self-talk causing, 70
thoughts grounded in, 75, 84
what-if questions grounded in, 93–94
financial habits, 105
FINE (Feelings Inside Not Expressed), 41
forgiveness
self-forgiveness, 157–61
as tool, 155–57, 205
Fox, Michael J., 183
freedom, 135, 203
free falls, 179
friendships, 85–86, 135
Fromm, Erich, 152
fulfillment, sense of, 35, 118, 128–29, 131–32, 153, 197
fun, 135
Future Forecasting (exercise), 97–98
future-tripping, 90–92
generosity, 126–27
Get It Done (Bennett), 199
Gibran, Kahlil, 173
goal line, 144–46, 149–50, 172
goals, “secret sauce” for pursuing, 185–87
God
anger at, 63
belief/disbelief in, 36
forgiveness of, 205
as Higher Power, 143
voice of, 147
See also Higher Power
Gokey, Danny, 13
gossip, 85–86
gratitude, 200–202, 203
growth, personal, 135
grudge holding, 155
guided visualizations
for compassion, 52–53
for internal compass, 38–39
for the present moment, 92–93
for spirituality, 150–52
for surrender, 163–65
guilt, 46, 70, 84, 85–87, 108, 158–59
Gurdjieff, George, 113
habits, 36, 102–3, 105
Hanson, Rick, 76
happiness
internal nature of, 152–54
packaging vs., 129–30
Hay, Louise, 111
healing, 51
health
spiritual growth and, 148–49, 162–63, 174–75
worries about, 95–96
high achiever (compensatory strategy type), 121–22, 128
Higher Power
connection with, 35, 36, 152, 203
disconnection from, 144
service and, 198
spirituality and, 143
surrendering oneself to, 161–67
See also Spirit
Higher Self, 61, 86–87, 149
high involvement–high attachment approach, 186
high involvement–low attachment approach, 186–87
Horseback Rider Rx (mental-level treatment plan)
exercises, 76, 83–84, 86–87, 94–95, 97–98
function of, 74–75
future-tripping, 90–92
guided visualizations, 92–93
past-hacking, 84–87
tools, 75–76, 78–83
transformational truths, 89–90
See also thoughts
Hulnick, H. Ronald, 51
Hulnick, Mary R., 51
humility, 18–19
hypotheses, 103, 113, 114–15
Identifying Your Expectation Hangovers (exercise), 10–11
if/then thinking, 16–17
independence, 135
inner contentment, 152–54
insanity, 101
insecurity, 131–32
inside-out living, 152–55, 203
Insight Meditation Society, 91
inspiration, 126–27, 128–29
Instant Whoaing Technique (exercise), 76
integrity, 135
intention statement, 198
internal compass, connecting to (visualization), 38–39
internet, 22
Interpersonal Expectation Hangovers, 9
intimacy, 66, 132
intuition, 37, 126–27, 150, 191–92
involvement, 185–87
Jagger, Mick, 88
Jobs, Steve, 189
John-Roger, 58, 179
journaling, 51, 53, 112, 113–14, 115, 120, 134–35
joy, 128–29, 153–54, 198–200
judger (compensatory strategy type), 124
judgment, 132, 145, 147–48, 155–56, 159, 160–61
Katie, Byron, 27
Keller, Helen, 25
Kenyon, Sherrilyn, 6
King, Martin Luther, Jr., 32
Kleypas, Lisa, 139
Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth, 145
Landers, Ann, 161
Lao-tzu, 137
LaPorte, Danielle, 126
laughter, 199–200
law of attraction, 71–72
leaps of faith, 178–79
learning, 135
Lesser, Elizabeth, 56
lesson quest, 168–71
life purpose, 171–75
life vision, 97–98, 139–40
Lombardi, Vince, 189
Lord, 143
See also Higher Power
love
Agape Love, 145
birth into state of, 7–8, 144
compassion and, 159
as core value, 135
Expectation Hangovers and rediscovery of, 205
judgments and life based in, 147–49
passion as, 173
soul line and, 145
as superpower, 126–27, 128
low involvement–high attachment approach, 186
low involvement–low attachment approach, 185–86
loyalty, 135
Majeski, Paula, 146
Maugham, W. Somerset, 74
meaning, 135
meditation, 91–92, 107, 176
memories, romanticized, 88–90
mental-level treatment plan. See Horseback Rider Rx (mental-level treatment plan)
Miller, Donald, 192
Milne, A. A., 39
mind
Horseback Rider Rx and, 74–75
intuition vs., 191–92
reining in (“whoaing”), 75–76
reprogramming, 70, 76–78
See also Horseback Rider Rx (mental-level treatment plan)
mindfulness, 36, 91–92
money, 105
motivation, 135–36
Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness, 58
Moving into Acceptance (exercise), 30–31
Nature, 143
See also Higher Power
negativity, 69–70, 78–84, 179
Neill, Michael, 69
neuroplasticity, 77
“next best thing, the,” as avoidance strategy, 24
numbing techniques, as avoidance strategy, 22, 44, 204
observation journal (tool), 113–14, 115
Oneness, 143
See also Higher Power
other people, acceptance of (quick fix 3), 192–94
overexercising, 22, 116–17
overthinking, 101, 125, 195
overwhelmed feeling, 139–40
paralysis by analysis, 101, 125
passion, 172–73
past, romanticization of, 88–90
past-hacking, 84–87
pendulum thinking, 79
people pleaser (compensatory strategy type), 122
people pleasing, stopping of (quick fix 1), 189–91
pep talks, 23–24
perfectionist (compensatory strategy type), 123–24
performance anxiety, 116–17
performer (compensatory strategy type), 123
permanence, expectations of, 89–90
playfulness, 126–27, 198–200
prayer, 167, 175–77
present moment, the, 17, 84, 91–93
proactive surrender, 166–67
procrastination, 139–40
quick fixes
about, 189
childlike attitude, 198–200
gratitude, 200–202
intuition, 191–92
service, 197–98
stopping comparisons, 194–97
stopping people pleasing, 189–91
stopping trying to change others, 192–94
recycling, 53–56
redirecting, of thoughts, 78–83
regrets, 70, 84–87, 158, 179
relationships, 109
See also friendships; romantic relationships
release writing (tool/exercise), 56, 57–59
Releasing Guilt and Regret (exercise), 86–87
rescuer (compensatory strategy type), 123
resentment, 155, 158–59
respect, 135
Rewriting Your Story (exercise), 83–84
Roberts, Nora, 101
Robles, Bryan, 202
Rohn, Jim, 41, 109
role-playing Rx’s, 39, 183
See also Horseback Rider Rx (mental-level treatment plan); Scientist Rx (behavioral-level treatment plan); Seeker Rx (spiritual-level treatment plan); Surfer Rx (emotional-level treatment plan)
Rollins, Henry, 49
romanticization, 88–90
romantic relationships
Expectation Hangovers due to, 5, 18–19, 36–37, 47, 54–55, 63, 81–82, 112, 119–20, 136–37, 157–58, 168–69, 172–73
past-hacking and, 88
reinvention in, 90
Rowling, J. K., 21
Russell, Bertrand, 84
sadness, 46, 158–59
Salzberg, Sharon, 91
Satterwhite, Valery, 143
school, Expectation Hangovers due to, 134
scientific method, 103–4, 113, 114–15
Scientist Rx (behavioral-level treatment plan)
avoidance traps, 131–33
body awareness, 111–13
compensatory strategies, 117–25, 128–29
exercises, 109–10, 114–15, 125, 127, 132–33, 134–35, 138–39
scientist role, 103–4, 113, 126
self-care plan, 104–10
superpowers, 126–29, 137–38
tools, 113–14
transformational truths, 129–30, 136–37
values, 133–38
See also action
Seeker Rx (spiritual-level treatment plan)
exercises, 159–61, 169–70, 174
forgiveness, 155–61
guided visualizations, 150–52, 163–65
inside-out living, 152–55, 203
lesson quest, 168–71
life purpose, 171–75
spirituality and, 149–50
surrender to Higher Power, 161–67
tools, 155–57, 175–77
transformational truths, 167, 178–79
See also spirituality
self, basic, 105–6
self-care plan, 104–10
Self-Care Plan (exercise), 109–10
self-compassion, 52–53, 56, 60, 128, 159–61
self-expression, 135
self-forgiveness, 157–61
Self-Forgiveness (exercise), 159–61
Self-imposed Expectation Hangovers, 9
selfishness, 190–91, 197
self-talk, 70, 78–84, 114, 205
self-trust, 67–68
service, 128, 135, 197–98
sex, casual, 204–5
shame, 46, 65, 158–59
Sinek, Simon, 140
Situational Expectation Hangovers, 9
sleep, 105, 107
social media, 22, 80
soul line, 144–46, 149–50, 172
soul mates, 156–57
Spirit
connection with, 37, 149
disappointment as viewed by, 143
disconnection from, 8
Expectation Hangovers and transformed relationship with, 150
fear of judgment by, 17
forgiveness of, 159
inside-o
ut living and, 153
prayers to, 176–77
surrender to, 162
See also Higher Power
“spiritual bypass,” as avoidance strategy, 24–25
spirituality
basic teachings, 144
curriculum for, 146–49, 169–70
defined, 143
Expectation Hangovers as opening to, 143–44, 179, 203–6
goal line vs. soul line in, 144–46, 149–50
inner contentment, 152–54
Seeker role and, 149–50
See also Seeker Rx (spiritual-level treatment plan)
spiritual-level treatment plan. See Seeker Rx (spiritual-level treatment plan)
Stewart, Jon, 133
stories, personal, 70–74, 83–84, 98
strength, as avoidance strategy, 23
superhero outfit, 127
superpowers, 126–29, 137–38
suppression techniques, 22
Surfer, the (role-playing Rx), 49–62
Surfer Rx (emotional-level treatment plan)
anger, 62–63
considerations during, 43–44
date with emotions, 67–68
exercises, 45–46, 55–56, 58–59, 60–62, 63
guided visualizations, 52–53
role-playing Rx for, 49–62
self-care plan, 108–9
tools, 56, 57–58, 60, 63
transformational truths, 48, 65–66
vulnerability and, 64–67
See also emotions
surrender, 162, 163–67, 179
Surrender as a Spiritual Practice (visualization), 163–65
Teilhard de Chardin, Pierre, 198
telephones, 107
television, 22, 44
temper tantrum technique (tool/exercise), 56, 60–62, 63
Thoreau, Henry David, 6, 35
thoughts
control of, 36, 76–78
exercises, 72–73
during Expectation Hangover, 69–70
fear-based, release of, 145
law of attraction and, 71–72
pendulum thinking, 79
personal stories and, 70–74, 83–84, 98
redirecting, 78–83, 98–99
repetitive, 77
right/wrong, 148
See also Horseback Rider Rx (mental-level treatment plan)
tolerance, 135
tools
behavioral-level treatment plan, 113–14
emotional-level treatment plan, 56, 57–58, 60, 63
mental-level treatment plan, 75–76, 78–83
spiritual-level treatment plan, 155–57, 175–77
transformational truths
about, 39–40
authenticity vs. strategy, 65–66
change, timing of, 167
creativity as channel, 48
do-overs, 136–37
expiration dates, 89–90
happiness vs. packaging, 129–30
law of attraction, 71–72
leaps of faith, 178–79
travel, Expectation Hangovers due to, 42–43, 154, 177
trust, 135
truth, 135
Twain, Mark, 155
type A (compensatory strategy type), 122
uncertainty, 131–32
Uncovering Recycled Feelings (exercise), 55–56