The Healing

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “Esther, are you okay?” Bonnie touched Esther’s shoulder.

  Esther jerked her head. “I … uh … Actually, no. I’m not okay.”

  Bonnie’s brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

  “I haven’t said anything to you or even Suzanne because I’ve been too upset to talk about it, but Samuel and I won’t be courting anymore.”

  “How come?”

  “He still loves his wife, and apparently he doesn’t love me.” Esther gulped on the sob rising in her throat. “To make matters worse, he’s looking for someone else to watch his children, so I’ll soon be losing them as well.”

  “I’m so sorry, Esther, but maybe it’s for the best.”

  Tears slipped from Esther’s eyes and splashed onto the table. “H–how can it be for the best?”

  “Think about it. If Samuel’s still in love with his wife, then the memory of her would probably come between you. He might even compare everything you did to the way his late wife did things.”

  “I don’t expect him to forget her. I just …” Esther’s voice trailed off as she struggled not to break down.

  Bonnie patted Esther’s back. “I’m sorry Samuel led you on like he did. It wasn’t right for him to start courting you and then drop you flat.”

  Esther looked at Bonnie’s pinched expression, and for the first time since she’d met Bonnie, she saw a look of bitterness on her face. Could someone Bonnie once loved have hurt her real bad? Might she have suffered from a broken relationship that had left her with emotional scars? Esther was on the verge of asking when the telephone rang.

  “I’d better get that.” Bonnie stood and moved quickly across the room.

  Esther pushed away from the table, too. It was time to get busy doing the dishes and quit feeling sorry for herself.

  Paradise, Pennsylvania

  “Suzanne and Titus said to tell you they were sorry you couldn’t make it to their wedding,” Timothy said as he and Hannah sat at the breakfast table, with Mindy in her high chair between them.

  “Didn’t you tell them my mamm had sprained her ankle?”

  “Of course I did, but they still missed seeing you.” Timothy reached across Mindy and touched Hannah’s arm. “I missed you, too.”

  She smiled. “Well, you’re home now, and just in time for your birthday next week.”

  “You mean you didn’t forget?”

  “Of course not. How could I forget my husband’s birthday?”

  He reached for a piece of toast and slathered it with strawberry jam. “You’ve been so busy helping your mamm, I wasn’t sure you’d remember.”

  “Well, I did, and I’m planning to invite your folks and my folks over for supper that night.”

  “What about my brothers and sisters?”

  Hannah frowned. “Our house isn’t big enough for that many people. We’d have to go out to a restaurant for that.”

  He clapped his hands. “That’s a good idea. Why don’t we see if we can reserve a room at the Plain and Fancy Restaurant, and then everyone can be invited?”

  Hannah handed Mindy a plastic cup filled with orange juice. “I don’t think they have a room at any of the restaurants around here that would be big enough to accommodate all of your family.”

  “You may be right.” Timothy took a bite of his scrambled egg and washed it down with a swallow of coffee. “I could clean out the barn and have my birthday supper in there.”

  Hannah shook her head. “That’s too much work—not to mention that it would be a lot of trouble to haul all the food out there from the house. I think we should just stick with inviting your folks and mine and have a nice quiet supper here at the house.”

  “Okay, whatever.” Timothy stared into his cup of coffee. Just like always, he was giving in to Hannah’s wishes. One of these days, he was going to have something go his way, and she’d just have to deal with it.

  Hopkinsville, Kentucky

  “Looks like you’re making good progress on that house,” Allen said when he showed up at the jobsite where Samuel had been working all morning.

  Samuel gave a nod and kept on painting. “I’m hopin’ to get done early today so I can have my driver drop me off at the Zooks’ place on my way home.”

  “Are you talking about Ethan Zook?”

  “Uh-huh. His younger brothers and sisters are friends with my kids, and I’m hoping that Ethan’s mother might be willing to start watching my kids.”

  Allen tipped his head. “Why would you need Mrs. Zook to watch them when you have Esther? She’s watching them today, right?”

  “Nope. Since the woodshop’s not open today, I left them with Suzanne.” Samuel glanced at Allen then back at the house he was painting. “I need to find a replacement for Esther before next week if possible.”

  “How come?”

  Samuel bent down and dipped his paintbrush into the bucket beside him. “Esther’s got enough on her hands helping Bonnie at the B&B.”

  “They’re only busy whenever Bonnie has guests, and with winter coming, things will probably slow down at the B&B.”

  Samuel shrugged and continued painting.

  Allen moved closer to Samuel and looked him in the eye. “What’s going on, Samuel? Is there a problem between you and Esther?”

  “It’s not a problem exactly,” Samuel said. “We’re just not going to be seeing each other anymore.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  Samuel shook his head and continued to paint. “I’ve decided it’s the best thing to do.”

  “Best for who—you or Esther?”

  “Both of us. Esther deserves someone who can love her with all their heart. I can’t do that.”

  “Why not?”

  Samuel stopped painting and turned to face Allen. “I made a promise to my wife, and I can’t let myself forget what we had when she was alive.”

  Allen put his hand on Samuel’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I think I understand a bit of what you’re feeling. When I lived in Washington, I had a girlfriend whom I loved very much. In fact, I was hoping to marry her, but then she got hit by a car and died.” Deep wrinkles formed across Allen’s forehead. “A part of me died that day, too, and I was sure I would never fall in love again. But you know what, Samuel?”

  “What?”

  “I met Bonnie, and she’s captured my heart.” He frowned. “Now if I could only get her to see that.”

  “I’m happy for you, Allen, and I hope Bonnie loves you as much as you love her, but it’s different for me.”

  “How so?”

  “I promised Elsie that I’d never love anyone but her. I said that to her many times when we were courting and on our wedding day, too.” Samuel drew in a deep breath and released it with a groan. “So I will not break my promise to Elsie.”

  CHAPTER 52

  Pembroke, Kentucky

  Daadi, why can’t Esther come out to supper with us tomorrow tonight?” Leon asked on the morning before his birthday.

  “Because tonight’s just for our family,” Samuel replied as they headed down the road toward the Zooks’ house in his horse and buggy.

  “But you said Aunt Suzanne and Uncle Titus are goin’ with us,” Marla put in.

  “That’s right. They’re part of our family, and besides, this will be Uncle Titus’s birthday celebration, too.” Samuel glanced over his shoulder at Penny and Jared, sitting in the backseat, huddled together. It was a chilly fall morning, and he should have thought to bring a blanket along to keep the kids warm.

  “I miss Esther,” Marla said. “I wish she could be with us forever.”

  “Mama didn’t stay with us forever,” Leon said. “She ain’t never comin’ back neither.”

  Samuel winced. He didn’t need that reminder this morning. Just when he’d begun to deal with Elsie’s death and had been trying to move on with his life, all the old feelings had surfaced again. Now the kids were missing Esther, and so was he. If only he could let go of the promise he’d made to Elsie
; but no, that wouldn’t be right. Why had he even made such a promise, and why couldn’t he let it go?

  When they arrived at the Zooks’ a short time later, Penny started crying, and Jared quickly followed suit. “I don’t wanna stay here,” Penny wailed. “I want Esther to take care of us like she did before.”

  Samuel picked Jared up and patted Penny’s back, hoping to calm them down, but it was useless. They both continued to cry as he ushered them to the door.

  “They’ll be all right once you’re gone,” Mavis Zook said. “I’ll find something fun for them to do.”

  Samuel gave a nod. “Marla and Leon will come here after school. I’ll be back to pick the kinner up late this afternoon.” He bent down and gave Jared and Penny a hug then hurried out the door before he felt any worse.

  Samuel was almost to his horse and buggy when Ethan Zook stepped out of the barn. “I heard some hollering a few minutes ago. What was that all about?” he asked.

  “My two youngest aren’t happy with me right now.”

  “What’s wrong? Did ya give them a bletsching?”

  “No, I didn’t give either of them a spanking,” Samuel said with a shake of his head. “They’re upset because Esther won’t be taking care of them anymore.”

  “I wondered why you’d asked my mamm to watch ‘em today.” Ethan eyeballed Samuel with a curious expression. “I heard someone saying the other day that you won’t be courtin’ Esther anymore. Is it true?”

  Samuel gave a nod. “You heard right.”

  “So then I don’t suppose you’d have any objections if I courted her?”

  Samuel hesitated but finally said, “You’re free to do as you like.”

  A slow smile spread across Ethan’s lips. “I hope ya know what you’re doin’. Esther’s a real fine cook, and she’d make a good fraa.”

  “I’m doing what I have to do,” Samuel mumbled. Quickly, he untied his horse, stepped into the buggy, and directed Socks toward the schoolhouse.

  He knew he had no claim on Esther, yet it irritated him to think that Ethan was interested in Esther—especially since it was obviously for her cooking. Didn’t the pudgy-looking fellow realize what a wonderful woman Esther was? She deserved better than Ethan, but it was her right to go out with him if she chose to. Maybe she’d even end up marrying the hungry fellow. Oh, but Samuel hoped not.

  I just need to stay busy and keep my focus on other things, he told himself. My business is staying true to Elsie and providing for my kids. But could he do that if he remained in Kentucky? Could he deal with seeing Esther being courted by Ethan—or anyone else, for that matter?

  When Samuel pulled the horse and buggy into the schoolyard, he turned to face Marla and Leon. “How would you two feel about moving back to Pennsylvania?”

  “No way! I like it here,” Leon said.

  Marla bobbed her head in agreement. “Me, too.”

  “Why would ya wanna move, Daadi?” Leon questioned.

  “I just think we might all be happier there, but I haven’t made a decision yet, so we can talk about it more tonight.” He motioned to the schoolhouse. “I think you may be late, so you’d better grab your schoolbooks and get inside.”

  The children did as they were told, and as they scampered across the grass to the schoolhouse, Samuel turned his horse and buggy around and headed for home. His driver would be there to take him to the jobsite soon, and he didn’t want to be late.

  Esther had just taken a loaf of zucchini bread out of the oven when she heard the rumble of a vehicle coming into the yard. When she peeked out the kitchen window and saw Allen getting out of his truck, she set the bread on a cooling rack and went to answer the door.

  “Hi, Esther, how are you?” Allen asked as he stepped onto the porch.

  She gave a little shrug. “Okay, I guess.”

  “I heard about you and Samuel, and I’m real sorry things didn’t work out.”

  “Me, too. Samuel’s change of heart really knocked the wind out of me, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”

  “Maybe Samuel will change his mind.”

  Esther sighed deeply. “I’d like to believe that, but he seemed pretty sure of his decision, and now he has someone else watching his children, too.”

  Allen’s sympathetic look was almost Esther’s undoing. “Is there something I can help you with?” she asked, needing to change the subject.

  “I was hoping to talk to Bonnie. Is she here?”

  “No, she went to Hopkinsville to run some errands.”

  “Oh, I see.” Allen leaned against the porch railing and folded his arms. “Does Bonnie confide in you much?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Does she share her innermost feelings with you?”

  “Sometimes. She’s told me some things about her childhood and how hard it was when she lost her mother.”

  “Does she ever talk about me?”

  Esther wasn’t sure what Allen was getting at, but she smiled and said, “She’s mentioned you a few times.”

  “Do you think she cares for me?”

  “Well … uh … I guess so. Why are you asking me this?”

  “Because I care for her, and I thought we were getting close, but then all of a sudden she pulled away.” He frowned. “I’ve asked her out several times, but she always says she’s too busy. Makes me wonder if she’s using it as an excuse.”

  “Bonnie does keep pretty busy here at the B&B. Seems like there’s always something that needs to be done.”

  “I realize that, and I’m busy, too, but I’d make time for her if she’d let me.”

  Esther didn’t know what to say, and she was relieved when the phone rang and she had to excuse herself to answer it.

  “Okay, I’ll let you go,” Allen said. “When Bonnie gets home tell her I stopped by, okay?”

  Esther gave a nod and hurried away.

  She’d no more than finished her phone call, when she heard a horse and buggy pull into the yard. Her heartbeat picked up speed. Could it be Samuel? Had he come to tell her that he’d changed his mind about courting her? She didn’t want to be hopeful, but her heart betrayed her.

  She hurried to the door, and when she stepped onto the porch, disappointment flooded her soul. It wasn’t Samuel; it was Ethan Zook. She watched as he climbed out of his buggy and secured his horse, wondering why he’d be coming here.

  “Wie geht’s?” Ethan called as he strode across the yard toward the B&B.

  “I’m okay. How are you?” Esther asked when he stepped onto the porch.

  He grinned at her. “Doin’ real good. I was on my way to the lumber mill to get some wood we need for our new greenhouse and thought I’d stop by here first and say hello.”

  She gave a brief smile.

  Bonnie’s cat scampered across the grass and rubbed against Ethan’s leg. He bent down and rubbed the cat’s head then turned his attention to Esther again. “I talked to Samuel Fisher awhile ago, and he said the two of you aren’t courtin’ anymore.”

  “That’s true.” Esther swallowed hard, barely able to get the words out.

  “So since you won’t be seein’ Samuel anymore, I was wonderin’ if you’d like to come over to our house for supper this Saturday night. My mamm’s fixin’ stromboli, and I know it’s gonna be good.”

  Esther contemplated his offer a few seconds. While Ethan was a nice enough fellow, he really wasn’t her type, so it wouldn’t be right to lead him on. Still, going to supper at the Zooks’ house might be better than sitting in the guest house feeling sorry for herself because she hadn’t been invited to Leon’s birthday supper. Yet if she agreed to go to the Zooks’, Ethan might get the idea that she was interested in him and keep pursuing her.

  “So what do you say?” he asked. “Would you be free to come over to our place for supper?”

  Esther smiled and slowly shook her head. “I appreciate the invitation, but not this time, Ethan.” Even though she knew she had no chance with Samuel, she wasn’t ready to beg
in a relationship with anyone else right now—maybe never, truth be told.

  “Would ya be willing to come some other time?” he asked with a hopeful expression.

  She gave a quick nod and grabbed the broom that was propped in one corner of the porch, hoping to appear busy.

  Ethan stood silently for a few seconds. Then he smiled and said, “See you at church on Sunday, Esther.”

  Esther returned to the house to finish her baking and clean all the downstairs rooms. By three thirty, Bonnie still wasn’t home, so Esther peeled some potatoes and carrots to add to the pot roast she had simmering on the stove. She’d just put the last potato in when she heard a knock on the door.

  This must be my day for visitors, she thought as she dried her hands on a towel. When she opened the back door she was surprised to see Marla and Leon on the porch, holding their backpacks and lunch pails.

  “What are you two doing here?” she asked.

  “Came to see you.” Marla grabbed Esther’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “We miss you, Esther.”

  “That’s right,” Leon said. “And we’ll miss ya even more when we move back to Pennsylvania.”

  The shock of Leon’s words made Esther feel lightheaded. She leaned against the doorway for support. Samuel must really want to get away from her if he was planning to move back to Pennsylvania. But why? What had she done to turn him away? “I—I had no idea you were moving back,” she stammered. “When will you leave?”

  Marla turned her hands palm up. “Don’t know. Daadi just told us this mornin’ that he thought we oughta move back.”

  “We told him we don’t want to go, but Daadi probably won’t listen to us.” Leon looked up at Esther with imploring eyes. “Can’t ya talk to him, Esther? Can’t ya do somethin’ to get Daadi to change his mind?”

  Esther knelt down and pulled both children into her arms. “I don’t want you to move either. You’ve come to mean so much to me, but I don’t think there’s anything I can do to make your daed change his mind.”

  The children looked up at her with tears glistening in their eyes, which only made her feel worse. If Samuel moved back to Pennsylvania, there would be no chance of them ever getting back together.