The Healing
Page 30
“He laughed and said it wasn’t his problem—that I’d have to deal with it on my own because he was moving to a different state and didn’t care if he ever saw me again.” Bonnie reached into her pocket for a tissue and blew her nose.
“What did your dad say about your situation?” Esther asked.
Bonnie swiped at the tears running down her cheeks. “Dad blew like Mt. St. Helens and said in no uncertain terms that I’d have to give the baby up for adoption.”
“Did you?”
Bonnie gave a slow nod. “I felt that I had no other choice. I was only sixteen, still living at home, and with no job or money of my own.”
“Could you have come here to live with your grandparents?” Esther asked.
“I suppose, but since I was still underage, I’m sure Dad would have come and got me. Besides, I didn’t want Grandma and Grandpa to be disappointed in me, so they never knew about the pregnancy.” She gulped on a sob. “It was hard enough to live with myself.”
“Was the baby a boy or a girl?” Esther dared to ask.
“A girl. I only got to see her for a little bit, and then they whisked her away.”
“Do you know who adopted her or where she is today?”
Bonnie shook her head. “Dad made sure it was a closed adoption.”
“I’m so sorry,” Esther said. “I’m sure it must have been difficult for you to give up your baby.”
“It was, and I grieved for my little girl, like I had when my mother died.” Bonnie sniffed deeply. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to be talking about this with you. I’ve kept my feelings bottled up all these years, and it’s affected me in so many ways.”
“When you returned from Oregon, you said things were better between you and your dad. Did he apologize for making you give up your baby?”
“Yes, and I think I do understand his reasons. Dad was still dealing with the grief of losing my mother, and between that and the stress of his job at the bank, there was no way he could help me take care of a baby.” Bonnie reached for her cup and took a drink, although Esther was sure the tea had gotten cold.
“I’m a Christian now, and I know I should have forgiven myself, as God forgave me,” Bonnie said, “but I still struggle with the guilt for having gotten pregnant, not to mention giving my own flesh-and-blood child away.” She paused and drew in a quick breath. “I’ll never let my emotions carry me away again, and I don’t think I could ever trust another man not to hurt me the way Darin did.”
“Is that why you haven’t gotten serious about Allen?”
Bonnie gave a nod. “I don’t think the scars from my past will ever heal.”
A verse of scripture Esther had read a few days earlier crossed her mind. “Psalm 147:3 says, ‘He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.’” Esther placed her hand on Bonnie’s arm and patted it gently. “God will heal your heart, if you let Him.”
“I–I’ve tried.”
“But you have to put your faith and trust in Him and become willing to forgive yourself for the things you’ve done in the past, just as He forgives us.”
More tears sprang to Bonnie’s eyes. “Funny, but that’s pretty much what I told my dad when he opened up and told me how he felt about his parents. Isn’t it amazing that we humans can dole out advice, but when it comes to ourselves, we need someone else to make us see the truth?” She squeezed Esther’s hand. “Thank you for helping me see the light.”
“It wasn’t me who opened your eyes to the truth,” Esther said. “It was God’s Word. That’s how He speaks to us.”
“I know, but God often uses others to show the truth of His Word.”
Their conversation was interrupted by a horse and buggy coming up the driveway.
“It’s Ethan Zook,” Bonnie said. “I wonder what he wants.”
Esther grimaced. “He probably came to see me.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“He asked me to have supper with him tonight, and I said no. He probably came by to ask me again.” Esther rose from her seat. “Guess I’d better go out and talk to him.”
She hurried across the yard and joined Ethan at the hitching rail, where he’d just tied his horse.
“It’s good to see you, Esther,” he said with a nod. “I came by to see if I could talk you into havin’ supper at our place tonight.”
Esther shook her head, trying not to let her irritation show. Didn’t Ethan know when to take no for an answer? “I’m really busy, so if you’ll excuse me …”
He motioned to the porch, where Bonnie still sat. “When I pulled in just now, I saw you sittin’ up there with Bonnie. Didn’t look like you were busy to me.”
“We were taking a break,” she explained.
Ethan leaned close to Esther—so close she could feel his warm breath against her face. “Isn’t there any chance you might change your mind? I’d really like the opportunity to court you, Esther.”
Esther didn’t want to hurt Ethan’s feelings, but she didn’t want to be courted by him either. Without knowing it, he’d managed to irritate her more times than not, and she couldn’t get close to someone like that. So she forced a smile and said, “I’m sorry, Ethan, but I don’t think we’re meant to be together.”
When Samuel pulled his horse and buggy into Bonnie’s yard, the first thing he saw was a horse and buggy parked in front of the hitching rail. As he drew closer, he spotted Ethan standing real close to Esther.
Oh, no. Am I too late? he wondered. Has Ethan already begun to court Esther?
Samuel debated whether he should turn around and head out, but when he saw Ethan climb into his buggy and pull away from the rail, he changed his mind. He was here now, and he had to speak to Esther, even if she turned him down.
Samuel held his horse steady until Ethan had pulled out of the yard; then he eased his horse up to the hitching rail and climbed down from the buggy. When he approached Esther, she looked at him strangely.
“I’m surprised to see you here, Samuel. Where are the kinner?”
“I left them with Suzanne and Titus.” He took a nervous step toward her. “I wanted to talk to you alone.”
“What about?”
Samuel swallowed a couple of times. “I … uh … was wondering if we could start over.”
Esther stared at him with a curious expression.
He took another step toward her. “I made a mistake saying I didn’t want to court you anymore, and I almost made the mistake of moving back to Pennsylvania.”
“The kinner mentioned that yesterday. I was afraid you might move and wished you wouldn’t,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper, never taking her eyes off his face. “What made you change your mind?”
“It was something I read in Elsie’s journal this morning. She wrote that she wanted me to love you, Esther.”
Esther’s eyebrows lifted high. “But your wife didn’t even know me.”
“You’re right, but she was afraid she was going to die, and she wrote in her journal that if she did, she wanted me to find someone to love again. She wanted me to find someone who would love me as much as she did and who’d love our kinner, too.” He touched Esther’s arm gently. “I think that woman is you. Fact is, I never thought I could fall in love again until I met you.”
Tears sprang to Esther’s eyes and dribbled onto her cheeks. “Oh Samuel, I love you, too—and your kinner as well.”
Samuel glanced around, worried that someone might be watching them. When he was sure no one was, he took Esther’s hand, and they stepped around the corner of the shed, where he pulled her into his arms and kissed her sweet lips. She fit perfectly into his embrace, and he knew at that moment he would never let her go. “I don’t think we should rush into anything, but after a proper time of courting, do you think you might consider marrying me?” Samuel murmured against her ear. His heart pounded, awaiting her answer.
Esther nodded and rested her head against his chest. “I know that Elsie will always hav
e a special place in your heart, and I’d never try to take her place, but I promise to love you and the kinner with my whole heart.”
They stood that way for several minutes; then Samuel tipped her head up so he could look at her pretty face. “The kinner and I are going to supper tonight to celebrate Leon and Titus’s birthday. It would make the evening more special if you could be there, too.”
She smiled. “I’d be happy to join you.”
Samuel closed his eyes and said a silent prayer. Thank You, Lord, for helping my heart to heal and for giving me this special woman to love.
EPILOGUE
One week later
There’s something I want to share with you,” Samuel said to Esther as they sat on his front porch one evening, visiting as they drank some coffee.
“What is it?” she asked.
“It’s a letter I got from my brother Timothy today.” Samuel pulled an envelope from his pocket and took out the letter. “Listen to what it says:
Dear Samuel:
Things still aren’t going well between me and Hannah, and I’ve decided it’s time for a change. I had a talk with Dad the other day and asked if he thought he could find someone else to help him farm his place. He was agreeable and has asked Norman’s two boys, Harley and John, to take over for me, because I’ve decided to sell my place and move to Kentucky. I’ll be in touch soon to discuss the details with you.
As ever,
Timothy
Samuel looked over at Esther and squinted. “What do you think about that?”
She sat for several seconds, letting the words from Timothy’s letter sink in. “This is a surprise. I had no idea Timothy was thinking of moving here.”
“When he came for Titus and Suzanne’s wedding, I could tell that he liked it here, but I never expected he would move. With the way Hannah’s tied to her mamm’s apron strings, I’m surprised he talked her into it.”
“Are you sure she’s in agreement with this? Timothy didn’t say so in his letter.”
Samuel stroked his beard thoughtfully. “You’re right about that, but I don’t think he’d up and move unless she’d agreed. Timothy’s always done pretty much whatever Hannah wanted.”
Esther placed her hand on Samuel’s arm. “I hope it works out for them as well as it has for you.”
He nodded and clasped her hand. “I came here and found healing for my broken heart when I met you. I wonder what Timothy and Hannah will find.”
EESTHER’S RECIPE FOR BOYFRIEND COOKIES
Ingredients:
1 cup butter, softened
¾ cup granulated sugar
¾ cup brown sugar, packed
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
¼ cup whole wheat flour
¼ cup soy flour
3½ cups quick-cooking oatmeal
1½ cups salted peanuts, coarsely chopped
1 cup carob chips
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, beating until fluffy. Sift flours and add to creamed mixture. Fold in oatmeal, peanuts, and carob chips. Drop by teaspoon 2 inches apart on greased baking sheet and bake 8 to 10 minutes. Yield: 7 to 8 dozen cookies.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
When Samuel Fisher’s wife died, he was so deeply grieved, he could barely function. After a short time he made a hasty decision to move to Kentucky where his younger brother Titus lived, hoping to leave the past behind and heal his broken heart. How long do you think someone who has lost a loved one should wait to make a major decision such as moving to another location?
Besides getting a fresh start, another reason Titus encouraged Samuel to move to Kentucky was because there were fewer tourists in the area near Hopkinsville. How do you think the Amish who live in the larger tourist areas cope with the curious stares and questions from people wanting to know more about the Amish way of life? What are some ways tourists can learn about the Amish without infringing on their privacy?
When Esther Beiler’s parents sold their store and moved to Pennsylvania, Esther made a decision to stay in Kentucky. Even though she had no other family living there, she didn’t want to leave her friends or the area she had come to know as her home. How would you feel if you needed to move, and your only daughter chose to stay behind? Would you try to convince her to move with you, or allow her the freedom to live where she chose?
As soon as Esther met Samuel, she was attracted to him, but she kept her feelings to herself, knowing he was still grieving for his wife. She tried to help Samuel through his grief by caring for his children and being his friend, even when Samuel didn’t reciprocate. What are some ways we can help someone going through grief?
During Samuel’s time of grieving, he often ignored his children and was sometimes short-tempered with them. How can a person who has lost a loved one cope without letting it affect their relationships with family or friends? How can we help the children of a grieving parent deal with their loss and not feel rejected by the remaining parent?
When Esther saw Samuel neglecting his children, she became concerned. Without being pushy, what are some ways we can help a grieving parent let their children know that they still love them?
When Samuel and his children first moved to Kentucky, they lived with his brother Titus. After awhile, this caused a rift between Titus and his girlfriend, Suzanne, because Titus spent so much of his time with Samuel and ignored her. Suzanne was also concerned that when she and Titus got married they’d have to share their home with Samuel and his family and wouldn’t have the privacy a newly married couple needed. Is it ever a good idea for more than one family to live in the same house for an extended period of time? If so, what are some ways they can learn to cope?
When Esther believed that Samuel was interested in Bonnie Taylor, the English woman who ran the bed-and-breakfast in the area, she became jealous. How can a person deal with jealousy and not let it affect their friendship?
Samuel’s step-mother, Fannie, became concerned when she heard that Samuel had been spending a lot of time with an English woman. She was afraid that if Samuel became romantically involved with Bonnie, he might leave the Amish faith. When a parent has concerns about one of their children’s choice for a mate, what is the best way to deal with it?
How would it have affected Samuel’s Amish family living in Pennsylvania if he had married an English woman and left the Amish faith? If Bonnie joined the Amish faith and gave up her modern way of life, what challenges might she face?
After reading The Healing, did you learn anything new about the Amish way of life? What differences did you notice between the Amish living in Christian County, Kentucky, and the Amish in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania?
Were there any spiritual applications from The Healing that helped you deal with a difficult situation? Which verses of scripture in the story spoke to your heart?
OTHER BOOKS BY WANDA E. BRUNSTETTER:
KENTUCKY BROTHERS SERIES
The Journey
INDIANA COUSINS SERIES
A Cousin’s Promise
A Cousin’s Prayer
A Cousin’s Challenge
BRIDES OF LEHIGH CANAL SERIES
Kelly’s Chance
Betsy’s Return
Sarah’s Choice
DAUGHTERS OF LANCASTER COUNTY SERIES
The Storekeeper’s Daughter
The Quilter’s Daughter
The Bishop’s Daughter
BRIDES OF LANCASTER COUNTY SERIES A Merry Heart Looking for a Miracle Plain and Fancy The Hope Chest
SISTERS OF HOLMES COUNTY SERIES
A Sister’s Secret
A Sister’s Test
A Sister’s Hope
BRIDES OF WEBSTER COUNTY SERIES
Going Home
On Her Own
Dear to Me
Allison’s Journey
White Christmas Pie
Lydia’s Charm
NONFICTION
The Simple Life
A Celebra
tion of the Simple Life
Wanda E. Brunstetter’s Amish Friends Cookbook
Wanda E. Brunstetter’s Amish Friends Cookbook, Vol. 2
CHILDREN’S BOOKS
Rachel Yoder—Always Trouble Somewhere Series (8 books)
The Wisdom of Solomon
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
WANDA E. BRUNSTETTER is a bestselling author who enjoys writing Amish-themed, as well as historical novels. Descended from Anabaptists herself, Wanda became deeply interested in the Plain People when she married her husband, Richard, who grew up in a Mennonite church in Pennsylvania. Wanda and her husband live in Washington State, but take every opportunity to visit their Amish friends in various communities across the country, gathering further information about the Amish way of life.
Wanda and her husband have two grown children and six grandchildren. In her spare time, Wanda enjoys photography, ventriloquism, gardening, reading, stamping, and having fun with her family.
In addition to her novels, Wanda has written two Amish cookbooks, two Amish devotionals, several Amish children’s books, as well as numerous novellas, stories, articles, poems, and puppet scripts.
Visit Wanda’s website at www.wandabrunstetter.com and feel free to e-mail her at wanda@wandabrunstetter.com.