by A. E. Murphy
“You’ve never done this before?”
“Definitely not.”
“That’s okay, sweetie,” she says, even softer than when she answered. “I’ll talk you through it. What is it you need?”
“My partner has… secrets.”
“An affair?” I hear the phone rattle and it sounds as though she’s placed it between her shoulder and cheek.
“I don’t think so but I’d like to rule that out.”
“Whatever it is, Jackson will find out. He’s not failed yet.”
I can’t believe I’m doing this. “When can he start?”
“I’ll get him to call and talk through his price plans. His phone will ring through as a spam caller. It’s safer that way.”
“I get tons of those PPI guys and accidental injury claims callers. It drives me crazy.”
“Exactly,” she giggles. “It’s the perfect disguise. He’ll call you within the next twenty four hours.”
“Try to get him to push it to the next four; I’m at a theme park all day tomorrow with family, friends and the man in question.”
I hear the smile in her voice when she responds, “I’ll do all I can. Take care, Gwen.”
“Thank you.” I hang up, swallow the lump in my throat and exhale the breath that got stuck painfully in my chest.
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
I escaped from work quickly, still avoiding everyone, and on the way home I popped into my local supermarket to print off a few new photos, one of Caleb included. It took me a long time to decide what picture to choose but I’m happy with the one I have. It’s of Caleb on the beach, not long after he asked me to marry him. He’s holding his hand out to me as I hide behind the camera. I remember it so well, as if it were yesterday. He was so happy, smiling so handsomely as the wind swept his hair across his eyes. The skies were surprisingly blue, making him look as though he were glowing.
He kissed me immediately after I took the photo and pinned me down on the soft sand. That is until a shallow wave came and wet our legs. The tides in Skegness come in far too quickly. We went home happy, in love and extremely soggy.
This is the picture that will sit on top of my microwave.
Blinking back tears, I head towards the underground and hope that I don’t have to wait long to catch the tube home.
Thoughts of where Nathan stayed last night assault me. My paranoid brain paints pictures of him and that girl at the sandwich place. Maybe he sought her out?
No. I’m not turning into Nathan. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t hurt me that way. This is all something so silly and simple. I just know it.
I weave through a crowd of people as I descend the stairs, the stench of sweat, urine and burning rubber helping to keep my thoughts to myself.
The underground has always made me extremely nervous. I keep my bag tight to my front, so tight my arms ache. Luckily everybody seems as distracted as I did moments ago. You can always tell who the frequent underground people are; they look unfazed by it all. They can stare at their phones as they jump onto the trains without even looking at the maps and information boards. The rest of us, with chattering teeth and fear of thieves and catching the wrong trains, move slowly and carefully like prey about to enter an open field.
Gwen: I’m underground. I might smell like a dirty old man when I get home.
Mum: Ew…
Gwen: Yup. Ew.
Mum: I’m going to have to shoot off as soon as you get home. The better half is ill and whining like a little bitch.
Gwen: Poor Dave. I understand. See you soon <3
My train, or at least I hope it’s my train, pulls in and I dash on, still clutching my bag as though it were the only thing holding my body together. A disturbing image of my body separating into two right here across the plastic fold down seating makes me shudder.
My imagination has always been a bit random.
Gwen: What time will you be home? I’m really looking forward to going tomorrow.
It’s not until I’m almost home that he responds.
Nathan: I’ll be an hour. <3
The love heart symbol quirks my lips though not by much. I’m too hurt by his actions to muster up an actual smile. My energy for my emotions is spent.
Nathan: Shall I bring food?
Well… I am hungry. I didn’t eat at work, not much beyond the odd taste test.
Gwen: Sounds good.
Nathan: Excellent. What would you like?
Gwen: Surprise me.
Nathan: Surprise a master chef? I’ll do my best, but don’t hate me when it’s wrong.
I smile but then frown when I see the elderly man two seats down from me staring at my phone screen. When I turn it away from him, he shifts back to a frontal position and taps his fingers against his knee. What an odd one.
Gwen: Don’t ever make me use the underground alone again.
Nathan: Never, baby. I promise.
Gwen: I’ll hold you to that.
A name I wasn’t expecting lights up my phone with an incoming text.
Kerim: Are you okay? You seem very upset today.
I read it but don’t respond as the train begins to slow and I’m not sure where we are. My focus was on said phone, not the speaker announcing where the next station was.
I make it off the train safely and to the stairs that lead to the surface, trembling less with fear than I was half an hour ago. As I ascend the stairs, I quickly type a generic response to Kerim with promises to concentrate harder next time. Then I collide with a hard, warm body and a familiar arm closes around me.
Looking up, surprise on my face, I notice my husband-to-be smiling down at me. His hand that isn’t around my waist is gripping a beautiful bouquet of mixed flowers. I can smell them from here and they eliminate the stench of the underground.
“For me?” I ask, grinning as he pulls me to the side out of the way of the pedestrians weaving around us and clucking their annoyance.
“Of course.” His voice is deep, loving and all him. He kisses me sweetly and briefly before turning and tugging me the rest of the way up to the surface. “I trust your train ride wasn’t too unpleasant.”
“I can think of worse things.” I reluctantly admit. “Like being sawn in half whilst still living.”
His chuckle makes me smile and he tucks me tighter to his side. “Snob.”
“You’d never take the underground.”
“I would and I have,” he responds haughtily, but there’s a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.
“Oh really?” I raise a brow. “When?”
“When I was fourteen, with my mum.”
This is the first time he’s spoken about his mum at all. “Really? I’m sceptical.”
“It was one of the rare times she was nice to me. We went to the theatre to see Aladdin.”
Smiling, I lean into him and remark, “I bet that was a good show.”
“It was.”
“What was life like after your grandfather stopped hurting you?” I only ask because I know that from age twelve the abuse stopped, though that’s really all I know and if he’s volunteering information I’m going to pry a little.
“Normal I guess. I didn’t really speak to anyone.” He shrugs as though this doesn’t affect him but I know it does. “I grew up so isolated from everyone that it was hard for me to open up. Eventually I just got used to being alone.”
“Until me.”
“Until you.” His lips touch my temple. “My mum did try. I remember after Caleb got better, she started trying to spend more time with me but I wouldn’t really let her. I did as she said but my mind was never present.”
“Understandable, after all she put you through.”
He nods and focuses on the cars as if trying to recall where he parked. “I’ve missed you.”
“Me too.” I shiver from the chill I receive when he releases me to open the car door for me. “Don’t leave like that again.”
“I won’t. It was very childi
sh of me.”
I’m happy with his answer and I show it by reaching across and squeezing his thigh.
“Before we move on from this topic, I’d like to add that not only have I never walked away from you by my own choice, but I also never would.”
“I know.” He seems remorseful, not only in his tone but in the dimming light of his eyes. “I promise I’ll erase all anguish from your heart tomorrow. I can smell the candyfloss on you already.”
“I love candyfloss.”
“I know.”
“I’m so excited!”
“I know,” he grins, showing his wonderful teeth.
“I really did pick the perfect breeding partner, if I do say so myself.”
His bark of startled laughter makes me grin with glee and when he pulls me to him and kisses my forehead, still laughing, my grin becomes a smile. I love having the ability to make him laugh.
Chapter Fourteen
Mum looked as relieved to see Nathan as I felt when we walked into the house together. She didn’t mention the night before but she did give me a look that said we’d be discussing it later. I must have her worried. Nathan and I have been stable since the fire. I guess we’re exiting our honeymoon period. Is that why he’s so desperate to marry me? Is he worried that now the constant happiness is wearing off, I’ll leave him when the going gets tough? He’s a fool if so.
Packing the kids up for a day at the theme park is easier than expected. We manage to bag their things into one changing bag, thanks to Nathan. If it weren’t for him I’d have had two full bags on the double buggy.
Sasha texts me endlessly as we drive to Alton Castle. I’m giddy with excitement and so is she. I wish I’d done more things like this growing up. My shyness and inability to connect to anyone properly has always held me back. Well, not anymore.
“We should start doing more things like this,” I tell my fiancé as I stare at the large gates and the multiple booths where we’re collecting our tickets from.
“Let’s get through today first,” he chuckles, his hands holding the handles of the double buggy. Emily sleeps soundly in the left of it; Dillan squirms in the right, eager to run away from us and get himself into all kinds of trouble.
“I’m serious though. When we get more time, let’s go on a proper family holiday.” Then I gasp as a thought comes to mind. “Let’s go glamping!”
“You hate fields.”
Good point. “I’ll tackle my fear.”
The look he gives me is heavy with scepticism.
“I’m serious.” I nudge his shoulder with my own. “It’s not like we can go on a beach holiday.”
“What about Italy?”
“Italy?” I repeat, thinking of the romantic cities that I’ve only ever seen on TV. “That’s a good idea; it’s warm, it isn’t sandy and it has lots of historical places to see.”
“Exactly.”
“Can we afford it?”
“We can definitely afford it,” he insists and nudges me back. “Just see what two weeks you can get off work and we’ll take it from there.”
“Promise?” I’m extremely excited for this. A holiday with my family is sorely needed.
“Promise.”
I squeal and clap my hands, before throwing my arms around his neck and peppering his face with kisses. “I love you.”
“So a trip to Italy is what it takes, huh?”
“And candy floss,” I wink, still practically hanging from his neck.
“Oi, love birds!” I hear Sasha’s voice over the steady crowd around us. “Stop sucking face and give me my birthday present.”
I immediately release Nathan and race to my friend to hug her tight. She returns the hug, tense with happiness, as am I.
“Seriously, this better not be my gift.”
“Of course it isn’t; you’ll get that later.” I step away, still beaming from ear to ear. “Where’s my third favourite man?”
“Here.” Tommy and Nathan step apart after greeting one another and Tommy envelops me in a bear hug. He’s gotten even more buff since the last time I saw him. How is that possible?
“You’re a mountain,” I comment, squeezing his massive arm with my hand. I can’t even nearly get my finger and thumb to meet. Not for lack of trying either.
Tommy, other than Caleb and Nathan, must be the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. Sasha is absolutely gorgeous too though. They make such a stunning couple and I can’t wait to see what their spawn looks like, though hopefully they can wait. Parenting at our age is not something I’d choose to do a second time if I had to live another life, although I wouldn’t change my life for the world, given the chance.
“Yeah, he’s working out a lot these days,” Sasha responds, grinning at her man and squeezing his other arm. Nathan wraps a leather clad finger around the belt loop of my jeans and tugs me away from my close friends.
I wink at him and his lips twitch with amusement, but I see the jealousy in his eyes. He’d always trust me with Tommy, though not to the extent of letting me fondle him. Not that I blame him.
“Let’s go, daylight is burning!” Sasha cries, startling the few individuals around us.
“It’s not even open yet, you freak.” I mutter. “Also, you’re forgetting your niece and nephew.”
“I’ll smother them with affection when we beat these fuckers to the front of the queues.” She looks at Dillan and coos, “Right, my little man? You can wait, can’t you?”
“Come out!” Dillan squawks, holding his chubby hands up to her.
“Patience, little man.” She skips ahead to the wooden rails that organise the queues. Only two people stand ahead, waiting to buy their tickets and progress to the park. We came at the perfect time. It’s not dead but it’s not so busy that I can’t push my pram through without feeling entirely frustrated.
“We pre-booked,” Sasha tells the lady behind the glass when it’s our turn. She hands over a printed A4 sheet of paper and we’re soon waved through. “It was cheaper to get a family ticket.” She defends herself, purely because I’m glaring at her for paying for us.
Nathan will be sure they receive the money by the end of the day. I can tell already that he is itching to pull out his wallet.
His independence and inability to accept gifts from elsewhere can be frustrating. The few times I’ve spent money on his birthdays, he’s found some way to pay me back which is ridiculous. I spend way more of his money than I do my own. Though I suppose there is no ‘his’ and ‘my’ money. It’s all ‘our’ money now. I let him deal with that side of things. He likes to keep it all organised and I’d only mess it up.
“That looks unsafe,” Nathan says as he stares up at a large, twisting rollercoaster that can be seen over the other attractions in the far distance. If only he knew that once we turn the next corner there are three even larger ones that I cannot wait to try.
“That looks bloody AMAZING!” Sasha yells and throws her hands up in the air. “Can we? Can we? Pleeeease!”
“When we get to it,” Tommy laughs, pinching her nose and shaking his head lovingly. “Let’s go in turn. Okay?”
“Yes, boss.” Then she turns to me. “Speaking of bosses, is yours still a grumpy git?”
“Nah.” I glance at Nathan, hoping the subject of Kerim doesn’t sour his mood. “He’s all right. We have our ups and downs but don’t hold it against each other.”
“Good, more on that later.” She points to the closest fast looking ride with a giant gorilla on the front. The cars that run along the tracks are shaped like bananas. Creative. “Let’s go.”
“We’ll have to take it in turns,” I say, nodding to the kids. “Somebody has to watch the brats.”
“It’s fine; you two go. I’ll feel sick if I start riding those things so soon after a fry up,” Tommy says, looking casual and cool about it all.
“Are you sure?” Sasha asks, worried that he might just be being chivalrous.
“Go,” he insists, kissing her nose. “I’ll sta
y behind with Nathan. He looks as keen on the idea of riding that thing as a man about to be stabbed.”
He’s definitely right about that. Nathan gives me an apologetic shrug and I make a mental note to drag him onto something later. For now I’m just happy that I get to experience this shit sitting beside my best girlfriend.
“Let’s do this!” Sasha cries like a woman preparing for battle.
We make it on the first ride, though we’re forced to take the second to last seats. I was hoping to get first.
“What do you think they’re talking about?” Sasha asks as I wave at the boys below and the sleeping Emily. A metal bar lowers to my middle and we both instinctively give it a push to check it’s secure.
“One second while I read their lips.”
“You can lip read?”
“No, I was being sarcastic.” I’m laughing purely because I’m having to explain sarcasm to the queen of sarcasm herself.
“Oh.” She looks at her hand. “My finger feels naked.”
“Oh my god,” I laugh again, this time at her obsession with marriage. “You’re worse than Nathan.”
“Is he still pushing for marriage?”
I shrug and bite my lip.
“What’s the hold up? You said yes two years ago.”
“I know, I just…” I pull on the fat under my biceps. “I’m not physically perfect enough to marry him. I’ll look awful.”
“Seriously? That’s your reason?”
“It’s not my only reason,” I grumble but soon scream, giddy, when the ride begins to move. The sound of the chains below the car makes me nervous and puts thoughts in my head that I don’t appreciate at this point in time. I can’t deny that they make the ride that much more exhilarating.
“This is it!” Sasha grins and takes my hand. “Hold’em high, bitch!”
We only brave the no hands thing for the first four seconds, then we’re gripping onto the metal bar for dear life, screaming at the top of our lungs. I’m pretty sure we’re the only ones screaming. That’s what happens when small town girls experience new things. We scream.