by A. E. Murphy
I’ve never been tossed around so much. As we hit each bend I’m thrown into Sasha but it’s the greatest time ever. I feel sick, I feel high…I’ve never been high but this has to be it. My veins are pumping a heavy, static buzz around my body that I’m sure if there was no light you’d be able to see in the form of a bright blue glow.
And then it ends. My lungs constrict, my throat is sore, but holy crap. “I want to go again.”
We turn towards each other, grin and burst into a fit of giggles. Her messy hair no doubt mirrors my own.
On trembling legs, we exit the ride enclosure down a set of metal steps with small and random ovular holes in them.
“You okay?” Tommy asks us both as he and Nathan check our shaking bodies for any damage.
“Yeah,” we both respond breathlessly at the same time and we share another giggle.
“So, who’s got the map? Where are we going next?”
Nathan pulls it out of the breast pocket of his jacket and unfolds it. Now that it’s open I just know that there’s not a single chance in hell any of us are going to be able to fold it the same way again.
Then, after deciding which path around the theme park we’re going to take, Nathan makes me eat my words and refolds it back to its original state without issue.
“Show off,” I mutter and shove him when he grins smugly at me.
After three constant hours of rides, swapping rounds so everybody gets a turn, kids and Nathan included, we stop for extremely expensive theme park food where Tommy and Nathan battle over the bill. Nathan wins. The burgers aren’t actually that bad; even Nathan agrees and he usually hates fast food. That said, the lettuce within is pitiful; it’s a quarter piece and the ends of the leaf are wilting.
The rest of it is great though. I’ve never felt so hungry but now that I’m full, I’m dreading the loopy rides. We settle on taking the kids on a few rides instead; they’re slower and safer on our bloated bellies.
Out of everything, I think the sea lion show was the shining point for Nathan and Dillan. It had nothing to do with the fact SpongeBob made an appearance… nothing at all.
I’ll never understand their obsession with said cartoon. It’s good but is it obsession worthy? Not in my opinion, though I never make them switch the channel. It makes them happy and that makes me happy.
“Are you having fun?” Nathan asks as we sit in a round boat on a magical water ride through colourful tunnels, each telling their own story with peculiar looking miniature people.
I rest my head on his shoulder and hum, hating that with every passing second we come closer and closer to the end of our day out. It feels as though we’re in a completely different life. Tomorrow it’s back to reality, back to work and back to how things are between us. Let’s hope the past few weeks of tension don’t come flooding back the second we step into its familiar environment.
“I’ve never seen you smile so much.”
My smile has been a permanent fixture all day. So much so that my jaw is aching and so are my cheeks.
“It’s nice.” He kisses my temple and then turns to look at the boat behind us where Tommy and Sasha wrestle with the kids. We both laugh at their struggles.
“It really is,” I agree and sigh away my troubles. I worry too much. Maybe it’s me who has been bringing the tension into the home and that’s why Nathan avoids me so much lately, because of my moods. Or am I talking myself into happiness again based on something that doesn’t exist?
Who knows anymore?
Tommy didn’t propose like Sasha had hoped he would. I’m honestly on the fence now about it. I don’t think he’s ready yet and Sasha being so insistent about it, even behind his back, is going to drive a wedge between them. She needs to calm down and he needs to be prodded. I have zero doubts that he’s completely clueless about Sasha’s constant marriage babbling. She’s becoming so frustrated with it all that she’s going to start taking it out on him. It’s going to become one of those all or nothing things, I can just tell, and that makes me sad. I don’t want either of them to rush into something they aren’t ready for as a couple, but I don’t see them often enough to judge this deeply. I’m probably wrong and I can’t really push on her a thought on a subject I know little about.
It’s easy to have opinions when you’re on the outside looking in.
I’m sure that Sasha herself has many comments on my own life that she’s withholding for the same reasons.
Sasha: Thank you so much for coming today. You made my birthday the best. I had so much fun.
Gwen: Me too, I miss you all ready. Send me all of your pictures as soon as you can.
Sasha: Open a FB account and I’ll tag you. Save me a time uploading them.
Gwen: Ugh… screw that. Just print them off like the olden days. You have a printer. Use it.
Sasha: And demote it from its legendary place on my shelf as head dust collector?
Gwen: Print the photos.
Sasha: Please… rude bitch. ;-)
Gwen: Please, you rude bitch. Better?
I can hear her laughter despite the fact she’s hundreds of miles away once more.
“Go to sleep,” Nathan grumbles directly into my ear. He nuzzles my neck and holds me tighter as I reach across to place my phone onto the table beside the bed. It crinkles on a sweet wrapper, reminding me that I really need to tidy up and stop eating junk in the bedroom before Nathan has a heart attack. Or I do from the number of snacks I’ve been consuming lately.
His teeth nip at my ear after I wrestle with him and the blanket to find a comfortable position. I end up sprawled on my back, one leg tossed over both of his. He reluctantly rolled onto his and now his fingertips trail lazy circles on the inside of my thigh. I love this feeling. It’s so tingly and relaxing, almost as good as having my back scratched. Almost. Not quite.
“You’re not sleeping yet,” he mutters sleepily as his arm creeps under my neck. He pins me to his side, both of my legs now over his. I must be heavy but he never complains.
“I want to start going to the gym.”
His body tenses. “Why?”
“To be healthy. We can go together. I know you enjoy working out.”
“Fine, go to sleep.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” he mutters sleepily. I can hear the smile in his voice. “Now sleep.”
“Is it weird that I’m excited?”
“Gwen.” He warns, but I can tell he’s still tired.
“I’m kind of horny now though.” He stills at my words and I feel his cock thicken against the underside of my thigh. Giggle. “I get horny when I’m excited.”
“Well, who am I to deny my excited wife her fill of me?”
With a strength I was unaware of, he throws me from him and rolls on top of me. Normally he’d take his time, kiss my body and massage every inch of me with his hands, only sometimes allowing me the same. This time he’s almost feral as he seeks out the source of moisture between my thighs and when he’s convinced I’m wet enough to be comfortable, he thrusts inside and swallows my screams with his mouth.
Each thrust is more powerful than the last and the fullness of it causes a sweet, tingling burn so deep I feel it in my throat when I moan. My body shifts up the bed. Sensing this, Nathan places a hand on the top of my head, using me as an anchor and protecting my head from the headboard.
I’ve never felt it like this before with him. He’s never been this hard, this rough, this powerful. Tears spring to my eyes as the sensitivity he’s teasing below burns with more fire than ever before. I find myself on the brink of orgasm yet unable to grasp it, so my muscles clench with pleasure so potent it feels almost painful. My hips try to keep up with his but the speed and strength of him keeps me pinned.
“Oh God!” I cry out as that deep sensation finally unfurls its static wings and pumps a light through my veins that carries me in and out of consciousness.
Nathan releases a desperate roar so loud I’m forced to cover his mouth with my h
and. When his eyes meet mine, it only triggers a longer climax shared by the both of us. Each frantic, unmeasured plunge takes us closer to the edge of oblivion and then suddenly, leaving us with a lingering wave, he stops and collapses onto me with a groan. His chest heaves heavily with his breathing which seems to have no natural pattern.
When the pleasure hums to a low murmur, I begin to feel the ache his welcome forcefulness has subjected my body to. As he softens, entirely spent and tired, I feel even achier at the loss of fullness.
“Wow,” he says softly and buries his entire face in my neck. His breath tickles. “I think I like tired sex with you.”
“Hmm,” I agree, too sleepy to respond in any language. “Shower?”
When he doesn’t move, I blink into the darkness and rub slow circles on his back and shoulders. Then my eyes widen when his breathing finally evens out, my lips parting with a silent gasp. This is the first time he has ever had sex without showering immediately afterwards.
He’ll wake soon. He will.
I’m too scared to sleep just in case he does. Nothing worse than being forced to shower when you’re dead to the world.
“You look exhausted,” Nathan states as I struggle to make breakfast for him and the kids. “Are you ill?”
“No, I just didn’t sleep well last night,” I confess, smiling at him over my shoulder.
“Why? Did I not fuck you hard enough?”
I choke on laughter, triggered by my shock.
When he winks at me, I turn to face him fully and shake my head to clear it. Who is this man? “You did. I just stayed up waiting for you to wake me and force me into the shower.”
He spoons a mouthful of mushed banana into Emily’s mouth, seeming unaffected by my admission. “I had one when I woke up.”
“I know that, but still… this is new territory. I couldn’t sleep.”
He grins, shrugs and battles with Emily for the baby spoon she just stole. “I didn’t mean to confuse you.”
“Don’t apologise,” I laugh and slide onto his lap. “It’s nice that you didn’t immediately force me to shower.”
“Does it upset you when I do?” His free hand rests on my hip.
“Not at all. It used to, but I understand. To be honest, I’m so used to it now I feel icky when I don’t shower.”
His lips touch mine. “I’m trying to be a little more lenient with my routine. I don’t want you to feel…”
When he falls silent and looks away, I gently tip his face back to me with my finger and thumb grasping his chin, just below his thick lower lip which, before speaking, I suck into my mouth for a brief moment. “Feel what?”
“Trapped.” This breathless word is full of so much emotion, primarily anxiety laced with a ton of insecurity.
“With you? Always, in the best way, not the worst. Don’t release me.”
Forgetting our lives for a moment, he pushes his lips to mine and we kiss for the longest time. It feels like an eternity, though in reality it’s only a fraction of that. What a glorious fraction though.
“I love you.”
“So you’ve said.” I peck his lips with a final gentle kiss, run my hands through his hair, kiss the underside of his jaw and stand to finish making breakfast.
Now that I know he’s in a good mood, I decide to confront the elephant in the room. Staring at the sizzling pan on the stove, I gather my courage and say softly, “Don’t give me a hard time about Kerim anymore.”
The pause between us lasts another fraction of eternity, this one nowhere near as pleasant as the last.
“I’ll do my best.” He finally says and I release the breath I was holding. “I trust you. It’s unfair that I hold against you the thoughts, feelings and possible actions of another.”
This makes me smile. Good progress has been made today. I’ll be on cloud nine for a while.
Chapter Fifteen
“YES!” I cry, happy when I see the rota that Kerim has pinned on the board in the staffroom.
“What?” Patience asks and checks her hours over as she gathers her soft blonde hair up with both hands. “What am I missing?”
“I’ve got Thursday and Friday off.”
“And?” She ties her hair up using the hair band that she held between her teeth.
“Those are the two days Sasha and Tommy are having the kids.” I feel like dancing. “Now I just have to convince Nathan to get the time off.”
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you,” she states, though she is as insincere as the bitter smile on her face. That woman blows so hot and cold all the time. It drives me mad. One day I’m going to punch her in the face.
“Yeah right,” I whisper quietly so she doesn’t hear me but loudly enough for me to feel as though I’ve vented a little bit of stress towards her.
“Ladies,” Kerim announces as he steps into the room with Harold behind him.
“Hey guys.” I grin through the fabric of my white jacket as I pull it over my head. I can’t be bothered to undo all the buttons. “I’ll be with you in a second.”
“Are you sure you’re not stuck?” Harold laughs.
I finally tug my head through the neck hole and stick my tongue out at him.
“I need to make a call before I go in, is that okay?” I ask meekly, knowing that I’m already pushed for time.
“Go.” Kerim waves his hand at me. “Make it quick. You’re on line today.”
“Really?” Patience and I say together, though mine is excited and hers is insulted.
“Yep, you did so well last time.”
“Yay!” I throw my arms up, wishing somebody other than Patience was close enough for me to high five.
“Yay?” Harold questions.
“People say Yay!” I snap playfully, annoyed that everyone always seems to question my happy word whenever I release it.
“What people?” Kerim adds teasingly.
I glare at him as I take my phone into his office.
“I didn’t say you could go in there!”
In answer to his playful grumblings, I lock the door and pull up the number for Jackson, the investigator I hired.
“Jackson’s office, how may I help?” I recognise the voice immediately.
“Hey, umm…” Why do I always stammer when I’m on the phone to new people? “It’s Gwen. I hired Jackson recently to dig a little.”
“Oh, yes, I recall. He’s working your case now in fact.”
He is?
“So he’s not there?”
“No but I can assure you that I’ll relay any and all messages with perfect clarity,” she tells me and I have no doubt that she will.
“Actually it’s not really a message, it’s more of a cancellation.”
The line goes quiet for a moment. “I see.”
“I just feel as though I’ve made a huge mistake.”
“I see.”
“You guys can keep the money. I just know there’s no point him investigating further because he’ll not find anything. It was just me being paranoid.” I’m rambling. “I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“I understand, honey. This is more common than you think.”
That brings me relief. “I feel silly.”
“Don’t feel silly; we all go through rough patches that have us guessing. I’m just so happy that it has all worked out for you.”
“Thank you.” I hear the clattering of pots and pans coming from the kitchen. “I have to go. I’m sorry.”
“No problem, I’ll let Jackson know immediately. Take care.”
“You too.”
Work time. A weight has been lifted. I can’t believe I ever even entertained the idea of spying on Nathan. What is wrong with me?
Gwen: Make sure you’re home for Thursday and Friday! I’m not working! YAY! <3
Nathan: I’ll do my best. <3
“Are you done?” Kerim asks the second I enter the kitchen. I nod. He adds, “Good, wash your hands and get to work. Listen up, Gwen is overseeing your s
hit so don’t fuck up it!”
We all snigger at his language error but we don’t let him see. Never mess with Kerim in his kitchen; he gets angry and stays angry.
Everyone is helpful and happy under my ruling, despite the fact I’ve been there the least time. We all get on great so that helps, but knowing that they respect me is the biggest cherry on top of this cake.
I don’t have to yell at them; I’m only forced to raise my voice when it’s noisy. Even Patience listens, though I can tell she’s not happy about it.
This, apart from the first time I was line manager, is the best work day to date. I am so happy right now. Almost too happy.
Gwen: I’m ready to start looking at venues. <3
I send this message to not just Nathan but Sasha, Mum, Jeanine, and Tommy. They immediately send back excited replies with promises to help me pick. Nathan, however, sends me a list of places he’s already considered.
This makes me smile. I only manage to check two before my break ends, but they’re both gorgeous and paint such wonderful visions in my mind.
For the first time in a long time, I find myself feeling excited about my future wedding. This is good.
No.
This is great.
Cloud nine seats me comfortably for the rest of my work evening. It holds me tight in the strong embrace of Nathan when I arrive home. It floats in the steam of the shower we share after hours of love making and tickles my arms on the tips of his fingers as we browse the internet late at night, looking over venue after venue across the UK.
The next day, even though we wake up groggy and exhausted from lack of sleep, I call Kerim and pick two weeks I’d like to take off. Nathan and I head to his travel agency friend to book a trip to Rome, Italy.