Loving Hearts

by Gail Gaymer Martin

  Philip wagged his hand across the air like an erasure. “It’s all over now. God’s worked out everything. Jemma and I. Ian and Esther.”

  The reference to them as a couple sent a rush of heat up her neck. “My sister and Jeff,” Esther added, to draw attention away from her and Ian.

  “Yes. I forgot about that,” Jemma said. “That’s so nice. They are a darling couple. I’ve seen them often at the resort events.”

  Philip shifted in his chair while his expression changed to a frown.

  “What’s wrong?” Jemma asked.

  “Mentioning Jeff made me think,” he said. “I’ve been meaning to talk to him. Jeff’s missed a couple of days recently and it just doesn’t seem right. Something’s wrong.”

  Something’s wrong. The words jolted Esther and frustration shuffled up her back as she remembered she’d forgotten to call Rachel. She saw Ian give her a quick look, then turn back toward the others.

  But the rest of the discourse was lost on Esther. Something was wrong. Something had happened between Jeff and Rachel. Esther sensed it, and she wanted to know what had happened.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Esther closed her eyes and pressed her fingers against her temples. She sensed Rachel had been avoiding her. She’d called throughout the week, over and over, and now on Friday night Esther still knew nothing. It’s in God’s hands was all Rachel would say.

  Why couldn’t Rachel’s philosophy be her own expression of faith? Putting her troubles in God’s hands. Esther rubbed her eyes again, then massaged the back of her tension-knotted neck. How could she enjoy an evening with Ian when her sister occupied her mind?

  The scent of the chicken cooking in the oven filled the air, but her stomach churned without appetite. The past days, she’d wanted to enjoy Ian’s company, but her sister’s withdrawal had filled Esther with resentment. Resentment for the charade and everything she and Ian had done to cause Rachel grief. If they’d stayed out of it, Rachel and Jeff might still have had problems, but Esther knew she’d be innocent of any meddling. Tonight guilt sat on her like an elephant.

  When a tap sounded from outside, Esther rose and opened the door, letting in a brisk scent of autumn. Ian stood on the porch, his suede jacket zipped to the neck.

  “Hi,” he said, a puff of white vapor emerging with his word.

  “It’s cold out there.” A shiver ran down Esther’s back.

  He puffed another cloud of warm-against-cold air. “You can say that again. I think the temperature dropped twenty degrees in the past hour.” He shifted his feet. “Can I come in?”

  “Sure,” she said, embarrassed at her distraction. She pushed open the door. “I don’t know where my mind is.” She knew, but she didn’t want to talk about it now.

  Though Ian always noticed her mood, most of the time he kept the knowledge to himself. She could often see his mind churning with questions, but he’d apparently learned that riling her with questions only caused more distress for both of them.

  In the foyer Ian slipped off his jacket and hooked it on the coatrack. “Something smells great,” he said, striding into the living room.

  “Stewed chicken with potatoes and carrots.”

  “And dumplings?”

  A faint grin tugged at her mouth while she nodded. “Would you like a drink?”

  He grasped her hand and beckoned her toward him. “I’d like you better.”

  “Me?”

  He tilted her chin and brushed a kiss along her lips.

  “You’re freezing,” she said, feeling the cold from outdoors on his clothing, using the distraction to cover her reaction to his kiss.

  “I know, but I need warming up.” He wrapped his icy hands around her back, sending a chill down her spine, and held her close, nestling his frigid cheek against hers.

  “Yikes,” she yowled. “You’re an ice cube.”

  Chuckling, he pulled away and headed for a chair.

  “Dinner’s nearly ready if you want to come to the table,” she said, gesturing toward the dining room.

  He eyed her, sensing her distraction, she was sure. He didn’t ask what was wrong, but followed her suggestion as she headed for the kitchen.

  In a few moments Esther carried the food to the table, and after the blessing Ian filled his plate while she selected a small piece of meat and a couple of vegetables.

  Though he appeared to enjoy the meal, Ian ate in near silence with only an occasional compliment to her about the meal. Observing his behavior, she knew he longed to ask what was wrong, but he didn’t.

  In the restrained silence Esther’s stomach twisted with each bite, and in frustration she pushed back her plate.

  Ian noted her action and lowered his fork. “I’ve avoided asking…but what’s up?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Don’t be evasive, Esther. Is it Rachel?”

  She nodded. “She won’t talk and I’m frustrated and concerned. I left another message on her machine an hour ago and left her a Bible quote. I hope that motivates her to talk.”

  He grasped his fork again. “I hope so.” He took a bite, swallowed, then looked at her again. “What are you thinking?”

  “I’m feeling guilty.” The spoken words made the reality even worse. “I’m sure Rachel and Jeff are having problems. They’ve probably had a terrible argument, and you and I have resolved ours. Why should I be happy now that Rachel’s life is a mess?”

  “But you didn’t cause the mess.” He reached across the table and grasped her hand. “And our relationship has nothing to do with Rachel’s.”

  “But it does. Don’t you get it?”

  “I guess not. You’ll have to explain—”

  Before he finished his sentence, the telephone rang. Esther’s heart leaped to her throat, and she pushed away her frustration with Ian. She tugged her hand from his, shoved her chair away from the table and rose. “I hope this is Rachel.”

  Leaving Ian alone in the dining room, she hurried to the kitchen and grabbed the phone. Rachel’s strident voice struck her ear.

  “Will you talk with me?” Esther pleaded. “Tell me what’s happened.”

  “I wish you’d let me be,” Rachel said.

  “Well, I won’t. This is about you and Jeff, isn’t it?”

  A long silence lingered until she responded, “Yes, it’s over.”

  “Over? What do you mean, it’s over?” Her heart tripped in her chest, sending her pulse skyrocketing. She’d hoped it had only been an argument. A simple, solvable disagreement.

  “Just what I said.” Tears sounded in her voice.

  “What can I do to help you, Rachel? Please. We need to talk.”

  Another hush fell on the wire.

  “Not on the phone,” Rachel said finally.

  “I’ll come over, then.” She pictured Ian waiting at her table, but it didn’t matter. He had caused the problem more than she had. He needed to understand what he’d done. “I’ll come over now. Okay?”

  “It’s up to you,” Rachel whispered.

  Esther hung up and drew in a calming breath. What could she say to Ian? Words tumbled through her head. Words and accusations. She needed to control her frustration. Control her anger at herself and Ian for allowing the charade to happen.

  She clung to the doorjamb until she’d steadied herself, then headed through the archway into the dining room. “I have to go. I’m sorry.”

  Ian shot from his chair. “What’s wrong?”

  “That was Rachel.” Sorrow caught in her throat. “She and Jeff have…broken off their engagement.” She compressed the bridge of her nose. “I knew it. I just knew it.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, slipping his arm around her shoulders.

  Without control, she jerked away from his touch. “Don’t, Ian.”

  He recoiled. “What did I do?”

  “I feel guilty enough. Rachel has no one because of your foolish idea.”

  He teetered backward. “We’ve talked about this b
efore, Esther. I’m willing to take the blame for the idea, but I’m not willing to be punished for Rachel’s problems. They’re between her and Jeff, not—”

  “If you hadn’t suggested the charade, Rachel wouldn’t have had unrealistic hopes. Maybe she and Jeff could have dealt with things on their own. By believing we were serious about each other, they expected everything to fall into place. They let down their guard and made plans. Plans that failed.”

  “Esther—”

  “Don’t deny it. Their making plans and getting their hopes up is your fault. It was that stupid idea.”

  He stepped toward her, but she raised her hands to fend him off. “No. I’m not going to be happy when I caused my sister so much pain. Think about it, Ian. Think about how this all began.”

  She spun away and tugged her coat from the foyer closet. “I’m leaving.”

  Ian passed her and grabbed his coat from the hook, then tugged open the door. A gust of wind sailed through the foyer and vanished when Ian slammed it shut. Esther stared at the closed door.

  Ian had gone.

  Heading away from Esther’s, Ian swallowed the emotion that ambushed his throat. Why had he let this happen? What could he have done to avoid the horrible confrontation? He tried to understand. He knew one thing for sure—he shouldn’t have walked out on Esther. That had been a mistake.

  Never let the sun go down on your wrath. He could hear his mother’s voice. Was that Scripture or just an old saying? He wasn’t sure, but the words were as true as a new day.

  Wrestling with what to do now, Ian thought of Jeff. If he talked with him, maybe he’d understand what had happened and what had upset Esther so badly.

  He eyed his car clock. Eight on a Friday night. Sometimes Jeff worked evenings at the resort. Ian turned at the next signal light and headed for Bay Breeze, hoping to find Jeff there. He needed to know what had happened between him and Rachel, but as much, he needed to collect himself.

  When he pulled into the parking lot, Ian turned off the motor and sat, wishing he could erase the past hour and start it over again. Why hadn’t he reasoned with Esther? Why hadn’t he overlooked what she’d said? The answer was clear. Because he’d felt rejected again. The same old problem.

  Esther had been upset, and her words were evidence of her frustration and anger at herself as well as him. Instead of letting it blow over, he’d stormed out like a fool. The blunder stuck in his mind.

  Trying to decide what to do about Esther, he weighed his options. He could let a couple of hours pass and call her. Or maybe he’d be wise to wait until tomorrow. With a day to soften their angry words, the disagreement could be resolved in minutes. Tomorrow he might even show up at her door.

  Ian pulled his keys from the ignition and opened the car door. A gust of wind pressed against it, making him strain to get outside. Thinking of the weather, he knew he’d have to get the boat stored soon. He’d waited longer than usual. Optimistic, he always hoped Indian summer would honor autumn and give him a few more days of sailing weather before the long winter lull. Images of his last sail with Esther filled his mind along with sadness. She might never know the surprise he’d planned for her.

  Tugging his jacket around him, Ian strode across the parking lot and into the building. He followed the corridor to the lobby and felt relief when he spotted Jeff behind the registration desk.

  Jeff lifted his hand in greeting.

  Ian nodded and headed his way. “Do you have a minute?” he asked, approaching the counter.

  Jeff’s face tensed, and his brow wrinkled with inquiry. “You mean—”

  “Privately,” Ian added.

  His unsettled expression turned to puzzlement, and Jeff turned to his co-worker. “Leslie, can you handle things for a few minutes?”

  The woman nodded, and Jeff gave Ian a fleeting glance before he vanished through the doorway.

  Ian met him in the hall. “Esther is in a fury, and she’s on her way to see Rachel. Can you tell me what’s happened?”

  Jeff’s face convulsed with emotion. “You mean Rachel hasn’t said anything until now?” As if unbelieving, he shook his head. “That’s all I think about, and she hasn’t said a word to Esther.”

  “Well, she has by now. Esther has been trying to talk with her, and finally in the middle of dinner Rachel called. When she got off the phone, Esther attacked me for what’s happened and—”

  “You?”

  “Pretending we were serious. But I was serious. It wasn’t a game to me. I just let Esther think so.”

  Jeff looked confused.

  “Anyway, I stormed out of the house, and now I don’t know what to do. I thought if I knew what happened between you and Rachel, I’d have a clue what I’m up against.”

  “She broke our engagement. Handed me back the ring.”

  Ian listened as Jeff told him the details—her father’s stubbornness, Jeff’s demand to elope, Rachel’s decision to put it in God’s hands.

  While Jeff’s words sailed through his head, Ian’s mind cleared. He and Esther could go nowhere until they both realized what Rachel had learned. God is in charge. God’s will be done.

  He saw what had happened to her father’s manipulation. It had failed. So had Jeff and Rachel’s attempt to interest Esther in someone they had chosen for her. Only when God’s blessing touched a purpose could anyone be assured of success. Ian knew what he had to do.

  “I love you,” Rachel said, her arms around Esther’s shoulders. “Thanks for coming over. I feel better.”

  “A little more hopeful, I’d like to hear.”

  Rachel shrugged. “I don’t want to get too confident. I really want to be open to God’s will.” She dropped her arm, a look of sadness covering her face. “I’m beginning to think God knows my relationship with Jeff won’t last.”

  “Why don’t you think it would?” Esther asked, her mind filled with disbelief.

  “It’s not what I think, but maybe it’s a sign from God.” She lowered her head, her mouth twitching with emotion.

  “Don’t put words in God’s mouth, Rachel. Let time be the judge of what will happen. You and Jeff both spouted off. You were upset and angry…but remember, the anger was more at Dad and my involvement in this mess than at each other.”

  Rachel gave a faint nod.

  “No matter, talking with Dad is necessary. Even if you and Jeff don’t get back together, we need to get this solved for the future.” Esther picked up her purse. “I’m not going to spend my life fighting off everyone’s attempts to marry me off to some poor unsuspecting single guy, like you and Jeff were doing.”

  Rachel gave her a faint grin. “I am so sorry about that. I shouldn’t have listened to Jeff.”

  The same thought spiraled through Esther. She shouldn’t have listened to Ian. Esther clasped the doorknob. “Anyway, we’ve agreed to forgive and…try to forget all of this, and I’ll give you a call so we can talk about how we’ll handle all this with Dad.”

  Rachel nodded. “We need to sleep on it.”

  “And say lots of prayers.”

  Rachel leaned over and kissed Esther’s cheek. “Thanks again, Esther.”

  “Will you sleep?”

  “I hope so,” she said.

  Esther made her exit and headed home, her nerves constricted, her mind tired. They’d talked and it had been good. A talk that had brought them together. A talk that had healed. During their difficult dialogue, they’d asked for and offered each other forgiveness. She hadn’t felt this close to Rachel in years.

  Glancing at the dashboard, she noticed the time. Eleven. She remembered the dinner still sitting on the dining-room table. Food she’d have to toss in the trash. Then her thought shifted to Ian. Ian whose anger had shocked her.

  She’d been right, she’d thought at the time. Now…she wasn’t sure. She couldn’t even remember what she’d said to him. Tomorrow she’d sort it out and see what it all meant.

  Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe this was God’s way of validating h
er earlier belief. Esther Downing was meant to be single.

  Turning down her street, Esther could think of nothing but clean sheets and a soft pillow. As she approached her house, her headlights flashed against a bumper and red reflectors on a car parked in front. Some neighbor had company, she assumed.

  Esther pulled into the driveway and located her house key on the ring. As she slid the key into the lock, a shadow blocked the streetlight and her heart lurched.

  “Can we talk?”

  Ian’s voice sounded behind her, and she turned with a mixture of relief and disbelief. “It’s late.”

  “I know it’s late. I’ve been waiting out here for nearly two hours.”

  She looked at him in the lamplight. “I’m tired, Ian.”

  “I’m tired, too, but I think this is important.”

  Esther’s heart sank as she wondered what to do. She’d already said so many things she wished she hadn’t. Yet part of her knew they had to be said. She needed time to think and sort through her feelings.

  “You won’t wait until tomorrow?”

  His look gave her his answer. She turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door. They walked through the kitchen, and out of habit she almost offered him coffee or tea, but this wasn’t the time or situation for amenities.

  She sank into a chair and looked at him.

  Instead of sitting, he stood by the door, his hands jammed in his coat pockets. “I’m sorry I stormed out of here earlier.”

  “It was my fault. I pushed you out the door, but Rachel needed me. She’s my only sister and—”

  He took a step forward. “I’d probably drop everything and rush to my sister if I thought she needed me. I understand.”

  Silence hovered over them like a shroud.

  Esther glanced at her wristwatch.

  “I know I’m keeping you, but I’d hoped that we could…I don’t know…” He wanted to say kiss and make up, but the lighthearted line would anger her. Tonight she was more sensitive than he’d ever seen her.

  “Could what? We apologized to each other. That’s progress.”