Our Muted Recklessness (Muted Hopelessness Book 2)

by Love Belvin

  “Tell me,” he demanded in my neck. “Tell me.”

  I couldn’t focus. Couldn’t begin to process his words. His thrusts grew deeper, my breasts bouncing between the open air and his chilled leather jacket violently.

  Ashton’s mouth moved to my beating neck. “Tell me, KaToria.” That was nasty humor, had to be. He rarely called me by my full first name. And I could feel his desperation. It was just as powerful as his hip movements. Being drunk aside, Ashton was emotional. Needy.

  His hands and arms on me moved to strap my back and we were moving. I was on my feet and being positioned over the back of a sofa before I could wipe my wet face. Ashton slipped inside me, snatching my damn breath. He moved deep and fast. I almost lost my grip and my eyes opened to the smoky room, where a shard of light was cast over a cheval mirror. It was me. Robe gone, loose tank above my heavy, bouncing tits as I heaved and curled from his fullness banging into me. The sight was too much for me. I couldn’t watch, closing my eyes shut.

  “McNab,” he grunted over me.

  “Huhn?” My reply was breathless.

  “Not the name,” he made clear. “but the type of dog. McNab is a herding dog.” I cringed, sex clenched, preparing to push him out. Was he calling me a dog again? When I was this raw? Then he lifted me so my back met his chest. His movements slower. He spoke directly in my ear. “The first time I barked at you on campus, it was random. I was being an evil ass and made the first derisive sound I could think of. It so happened to be a dog. When I barked in the cafeteria, it was making fun of your name, not your body or style. McNab is with one B instead of two like your name. Look in the mirror, baby,” his voice thick. Dark. Intense.

  My heavy lids opened and I saw us. Me mostly naked, Ashton hardly. But he was wrapped around my body like a damn vine. He was possessive, needy. I was…feminine, curvy. We…

  We’re beautiful…

  “I don’t fuck dogs, Nabby-girl. I may be an asshole, but you were never a dog in my eyes. You’re a fuckin’ seductress. The sexiest woman I’ve ever known.” My body shivered and shoulders caved as a sensation not from where our private parts met zapped through me. “You may be my pleasure, but I don’t have you here for fun. I don’t fuck you for fun.” Yup. It was my words yesterday in the pool. They upset Ashton.

  He began stroking again, and it didn’t take long for my legs to quiver with intensity. I was coming whether I decided I was comfortable enough to or not. This guy owned me. He controlled not just my body and mind, but my emotions, too.

  I cried.

  As pleasure like no other zapped all over my body, I wailed, overwhelmed by my senses being over-heightened. Tears fell, limbs vibrated. My lungs shuddered, heart roared. And it wasn’t just one orgasm. Ashton fucked me until I lost track of where I was and how long I’d been here. The only thing I could answer was who.

  Ashton Spencer.

  At first, I thought the phone ringing was a part of my dream. When it continued, I realized I wasn’t in the ocean swimming. It had to have been a dream. Then when I felt the warm skin shift on my body, my eyes fluttered open. That was a bad idea, thanks to the bright ass sun blasting through the opened curtains. The next time the phone rang, I was roused enough to realize it was my cell. It sounded near and I remembered stuffing it into the pocket of my jeans last night. I used my left hand to pat the floor below, luckily feeling the denim brush across my fingertips. I managed to find the correct pocket, then to pull the phone out with one hand.

  Though blurred, I recognized my uncle, June’s, name.

  “Yo,” I tried sounding more alert than I was, but ended up sounding snappy instead.

  “Yo,” he returned gruffly, matching my energy.

  Was there something wrong? “Yo?”

  “You good, young gun?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  My regard climbed down my body and was immediately met by a big ass nest of brown curly hair; just beyond that were long toned legs vining around my hairy ones. Tori was stretched over me, fighting to remain asleep. A waft of coconut kissed my face when she moved her head from the crux of my right shoulder to lie her left cheek, in the opposite direction. That was when I could feel the softness of her firm tits against my abs. My dick stirred, morning wood coming alive.

  June yawned in my ear, sounding more relaxed than he did when he initially called. “‘Cause, nigga, after your third drink, you was wiggin’.”

  “What you mean?” I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling a monster roaring in my head.

  June’s laughter was too loud for this early ass hour. “You ‘on’t remember yo ass kept saying you was ready to get up outta dodge? We was all chillin’ and ya ass kept checking ya phone for the time. I was like, what this nigga rushing to get back to that empty ass mansion for?” He laughed loudly—a-fucking-gain. Tori stirred again, her bare pussy shifting onto my thigh then quickly retreating. God, I hope I didn’t hurt her. “The fuck you tryna get back there for? Jimmy’s soft ass?”

  The sight of her ass naked on top of me brought back flash memories of last night. She cried—no, fucking howled—as I fucked her. She’d probably try to deny it, but Tori felt something more than us just fucking around. She had to.

  She better…

  Tori’s head lifted and she peered at me through tight eyes, likely begging my pardon for being so rude on the phone with a loud ass caller. Damn the growing headache, pride expanded my chest from an excitement I didn’t think I’d ever experienced. I grabbed a fistful of her wild hair, pulling her face to mine.

  “It’s Christmas,” I answered June. “I had to get home to my gift.”

  Not caring about my brandy, pussy, and ass-scented breath, I pulled a kiss from Tori that had her body tense over me before she warmed into it, clawing me at the shoulder and side of my abs. I pulled back to see her tear and mucous-stained face, her eyes tight and crusted. Beauty had revealed itself to me anew, seeing her like this.

  “Merry Christmas,” I greeted her.

  Tori smiled, looking like a little girl, and mouthed, “Merry Christmas, Spence.”

  Chapter Twenty

  -THEN-

  Freshly showered and dressed in jeans, a cropped sweater, and Ugg boots, I plopped down the stairs. I tried fluffing my damp ponytail as I moved across the foyer. My stomach growled, I was so hungry. It was almost noon and I hoped the food scenting the lower level was breakfast. I could use pancakes and bacon.

  With a mug in his hand, Ashton turned from the Christmas tree to me the moment I stepped into the living room. A flutter of excitement went through my belly at the sight of him. He was BSU-Ashton this morning, a far cry from Newark-Ashton last night…or early this morning. I couldn’t help smiling at him, almost flirting—in my weird human way. Grinning hard, he swiped the tip of his nose, his shy gaze falling away.

  “What?” My beam broadened, but not as vulnerable as usual.

  “You look like a girl.”

  “I am a girl.”

  He scoffed. “Oh, I know.” My face burned. Is this what white girls feel when they blush? “You’re actually exuding the feminine energy of one this morning. Like…happy.”

  “I’m safe.” I bit my lip, fighting back corny ass emotions. “I feel safe.” I shrugged.

  His smile disappeared, eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. Then Ashton reached for my hand. “Come on. Let’s get something to eat.”

  After clasping hands, I followed him from the living room, across the main floor to the kitchen. The moment we sauntered in, Muriel, his housekeeper, was with a guy standing near the door.

  She turned our way and gasped. “Here you are, Ashton!” She placed her palms on the guy’s shoulder while smiling sweetly. “I know you said you’d be down around noon, and I hated to interrupt you. But look who’s here!”

  “Ah, man!” Ashton dropped my hand to greet the guy.

  Muriel seemed pleased as the two guys hugged. “I was afraid I’d have to come up and disturb you.”

  “My bad,�
� Ashton apologized while giving the guy a final dap. “Had a late night. It’s good to see you, Julio!”

  The guy smiled. “Merry Christmas, Ash-man.”

  “Julio’s leaving for his cousins’ place in the Bronx. He wanted to stop by and share something with you.”

  Julio’s smile turned embarrassed. “I’m surprised my grandmother hasn’t told you already.”

  Muriel playfully slapped the back of his head. She was a sweet, older Hispanic woman. From my first morning here, I could tell she and Ashton had a loving relationship. She seemed really happy about him being home. She was super nice to me, always offering to fix me food and making sure I’d been comfortable. Not one time did she remind me I wasn’t Ashton’s girlfriend or that I was replacing her this Christmas. Her focus had been on making Ashton happy.

  “I got a three-point-three grade point average this semester!” Julio announced.

  “That’s awesome, man!” Ashton met him in another dap. “Can’t say I’m surprised, though. I’m proud of you.”

  “Well, I owe it all to you. You helping out with the tuition means a lot, man.”

  Ashton’s hand met his chest in humility. “Say no more. It’s my pleasure. Nothing like a minority wanting to pursue higher learning.”

  “I’m taking biology and chemistry next semester.” Julio shook his head. “Now that you’re back, I’m sure I’ll be stopping by for help from time to time.”

  “Ashton’s got one more semester to go,” Muriel shared regretfully.

  “Oh, for real?” Julio’s head jerked back. “What happened?”

  Smiling, Ashton shrugged casually. “Just a paper I couldn’t find the time to submit on time.”

  “So you don’t graduate next month?” Julio asked.

  Ashton shook his head. “I can walk in the spring with my crew.”

  “Ah, damn. That’s crazy. What about training for the Combine?”

  I stood awkwardly behind Ashton, listening in. Did everyone know Ashton’s track to the League? It had to suck for him to experience the shock from everyone hearing about the news.

  “Same plan, different details. But you know I’m only a call away. Next semester, if you need anything, just hit me.”

  Julio nodded humbly. Their dynamic resembled that of an adult to a kid, but clearly, he was my age. His regard lifted from his feet to me, behind Ashton. Ashton caught on, glancing at me over his shoulder.

  “Oh, Julio.” He pulled me closer to the guy. “This is my friend, Tori, a fellow-Panther. She’s from South Jersey. McNabb, this is a family-friend, Julio. I’ve known him since we were pups. He just started his college career, too, last fall at Kean University.”

  Julio reached to shake my hand. “You’re a freshman, too?”

  Joining him in a handshake, I nodded. “Yeah.”

  “That’s cool. Which sport?”

  “I box.”

  “For real?” His eyes were wide, question sincere.

  It made me laugh as I nodded.

  “The best in her weight class and division,” Ashton added.

  “Okay. Okay!” Muriel moved to Julio’s side. “They need to eat, and you need to go. Your uncle’s waiting for you in the car.”

  “Oh!” Ashton chirped. “Well, thanks for hookin’ me up with the good news, family. We’ll get next semester taken care of for you, too.”

  Julio pressed his palms together in a praying gesture. “You have no idea what your help means to me, man.”

  “Trust me, I do. Just keep killin’ it, kid.”

  “I will.” Julio gave a neck bow. Then he leaped around, snatching a piece of toast from the oversized island, and jetted to the door off the side of the kitchen.

  Muriel shooed him out while Ashton and I laughed. He pulled out a chair at the table for me to sit. Then Ashton grabbed the basket of bread Muriel likely didn’t manage to the table like the other foods. She cooked a lot for just two people.

  “Damn. This is a gang of food.”

  “The best brunch-maker in town.”

  “You said that about her dinner, too—and breakfast,” I recalled out loud.

  “Just don’t tell Ms. Wanda.”

  “So she can bite my head off for ratting you out? No thanks, hun.” We dug in, loading our plates with food. But I couldn’t shake a question burning in my head. I planted my elbows on the edge of the table. “Do you help everybody out financially?”

  Ashton was busying with his food when he mumbled, “What do you mean?”

  “You hook your mom up with a dope ride and Christmas cruises.” I was sure to keep my voice low. “You pay the people still here after your dad passed away. You’ve bought me clothes, got my hair done, want to pay me to not get a job. And you’re paying for Muriel’s grandson to go to college?”

  “I see Jimmy had loose lips last night.” His eyes wouldn’t meet mine as he worked. “I don’t see the big deal.”

  “Muchos gracias, Senior Ashton,” Muriel giddily announced, coming back into the kitchen. “Your Christmas gifts were too generous, but very thoughtful.” She exited at the other side of the room.

  Shrinking, I shook my head. “I’m just trying to understand the BSU bully.”

  Ashton finally fixed his gaze to me. “Maybe he’s been trying to prove to you he doesn’t exist. Now, eat up. It’s Christmas. I’m ready to see if Santa thought I’d been naughty or nice all year.” His dark eyes sparkled as half his face lifted in a grin.

  I hated how cute he was.

  And even more that he knew it.

  “I know I’m acting like Keyonna!” Tori giggled as she paced my living room with the ivory leather biker jacket I’d just presented to her as a gift. The tree was huge and nicely lit, fresh flowers filled the room, and wrapping and tissue paper littered the floor. Holiday tunes flowed smoothly from the speakers throughout the room. It actually felt like Christmas. “She was like this when she tried on those sneakers.”

  I laughed as Tori mimicked my little bug. This shit was almost as fun as giving Keyonna her Christmas gifts earlier. Her mother, Precious, brought her by. They were here a few hours, opening her gifts. I did a little extra for her this year on the strength of Brick. Plus, her grandmother, my aunt, Tabitha, was holiday cruising with my mother. I thought it was necessary. Keyonna was crazy about Tori. And her mother, Precious, was real chill around her, too. She actually talked to Tori, something she didn’t do with Aivery. Precious and Keyonna stayed long enough to have lunch with us—Tori and my second lunch. It was a good time, helping with the pain of not having my cousin around.

  Still smiling, Tori pulled out of the jacket. “Okay. I’ve opened your gifts. Now, it’s time for you to open the last one of mine.”

  “You’ve got one more.” I pointed under the tree to the small gift bag.

  Tori shook her head. “No. You’re not going to do what you did for your birthday.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Blow off my gift. You waited until we got back on campus to open it. Who doesn’t open gifts on their birthday?”

  She was kind of right. I wasn’t used to being given gifts. I’d had a good childhood, not wanting for shit, but my gifts didn’t come in boxes. I asked for things and got them. There wasn’t much of an element of surprise. Maybe that was why I enjoyed gifting others, giving things they didn’t expect from me.

  Tori brought a box over, wrapped in Christmas paper. She stood over me, going stiff immediately. Her smile was gone and she chewed on her lip. My attention swept down to the box and I ripped off the paper. On the lid of the box was a logo for a puzzle-making company. I had no clue what could be gained from them until I opened the box. There were puzzle pieces inside. I glanced curiously up at her.

  The fuck?

  Tori’s impassive expression gave nothing. Inside was a folded paper. I unraveled it to find the complete picture of the three hundred pieces. It was an image of Brick and me at Six Flags Great Adventure. We were shirtless with matching shorts, sneakers, and hats. Damn.
We had to be around six or seven years old. I begged my father to cut my visit with him that week short so I could hang out with Brick before school began. I didn’t know when I woke up that morning that my father had plans for me and Brick. He’d arranged, through my mother, for Aunt Tabitha to be at the amusement park when I’d arrived. When my father, Jimmy, and I reached the entrance, I spotted familiar faces. I still remembered how I felt when I recognized Brick and realized we were dressed alike.

  My gaze met Tori. “This was one of the few times my parents collaborated to surprise me with something.” My attention went back to the box of pieces on my lap. “I guess I have been surprised a time or two in my life,” I murmured.

  “Huhn?”

  Putting the box to the side, I quickly stood and captured her mouth in a kiss. Tori was so damn innocent, naïve beyond what I trusted myself to. There was never a girl I wanted so bad, but didn’t know what wanting her even was.

  “I’m going to do something foreign to you.” I gazed into her brown eyes, unable to help myself in spite of how vulnerable she managed to make me feel with the puzzle. “I’m going to say thank you for this very thoughtful gift.”

  She scoffed, shoving me. “Can you not be an ass? You know I got issues, Spence,” she cried. “I’m doing better.”

  She had been getting better with etiquette. Tori wasn’t polished by any stretch, but her heart was so pure, it scared me at times.

  Chuckling, I admitted, “I can’t remember the last time I was given a gift so precious.” Her eyes fell. I snapped my fingers. “Oh. That’s not true. How can I forget? The most precious gift I got was twenty-four days ago on my birthday.”

  Tori’s face wrinkled in evidentiary confusion. “But you didn’t open it until we got back to campus.”