When Colour Became Grey

by A Lorenzen

  ‘I know, my child,’ he whispered. ‘Blake is… troubled and he cannot see reason when it comes to you.’

  Was he implying the same thing that Kim had?

  Caleb turned his head and looked at me with his dark eyes. ‘Let me think about it today and I will speak to him tomorrow. In the meantime, go to Ben’s and stay there. He must be worried about you.’

  He sounded a hundred years old. While he sent loving feelings my way, I could detect his exhaustion underneath.

  Slowly, he got up and let go of my hand. He walked out of my bedroom slowly and said a few words to Blake. I could hear Blake trying to protest. After several minutes, there were footsteps down the stairs and the sound of a car driving away. All the while the feeling of calmness diminished until it was completely gone.

  I texted Ben I was on my way and packed a small bag. When I came out of my bedroom with the bag over my shoulder, Blake eyed me with deadly eyes, but did not say anything.

  As always, the front door was unlocked. The moment I opened it Ben hurried to meet me. He closed his arms around me tightly.

  ‘I was so scared.’ Ben’s rough voice was thin. ‘You’re staying over next time! Don’t scare me like that again!’

  ‘I definitely am staying.’ I put the bag down on the floor.

  Ben’s face lit up when he saw what I was implying. He kissed me passionately and pulled my legs over his hips. Ben then carried me to our bedroom and ravaged me.

  Ben was quietly snoring, occasionally mumbling indistinct words. I had woken up in the middle of the night and not been able to fall back asleep. After an hour of watching Ben sleep, I decided to try something else. I walked through the living room and sat outside on the balcony. Curled up on a chair, I gazed out over the dormant city. The lights of civilization twinkled against the dark sky.

  More than ever, I missed my family. How I wished I could bring Ben home and we could go on holidays together and celebrate Christmas and birthdays.

  Ben would leave Idolon years before me. I didn’t know how it worked with the time loops, but I assumed when I got back to my human life, he would have long returned to his. There were 33 years of service separating us and he had been in his thirties when he had died. By simple math he would be in his sixties when I finally made it out, and I would still be twenty-four.

  I didn’t want to ask him about it and we had only been together for a year. Things were going well between us, but I didn’t want to presume we would spend all our time here and on the other side together.

  It had been two weeks since I had last heard from Caleb or Blake. Blake’s radio silence was expected but not Caleb’s. Was he still deliberating about our situation? Was he trying to reason with Blake? There was no way I would go back to living under the same roof as Blake.

  I had not gone hunting molochs since. When Caleb had told me to stay with Ben, I had only a few bags of his blood in the car. I hadn’t thought about taking more, and I was not interested in calling Blake and asking him for favours. I took it as an excuse to avoid molochs and vampires and take a well-deserved break from my duties.

  The sky started getting lighter. It was specked with sombre clouds hanging low. Some touched the top of high skyscrapers and seemed to be held in place.

  There was a buzzing sound from inside the apartment. I got up and walked over to the kitchen counter. When I looked at my phone, I saw Caleb’s name flash. Had he sensed I had been thinking about him? After a quick exchange he asked me to meet with him at the shooting range in 30 minutes.

  By the time I arrived the sun should have pierced through the horizon, but more clouds had rolled over the sky and the air smelled of rain.

  Caleb was standing in the entrance looking at a shotgun hanging on the wall.

  He turned and hugged me, a bright smile on his lips. The happiness warmed my soul. ‘It is good to see you, sweet Meerah. I have been worried about you.’

  ‘Don’t worry about me. Ben takes good care of me.’

  He guided me around the tall counter and we sat down on two grey metal stools. Our heads were at the height of the top of the black counter.

  ‘I know he does, but the situation with Blake cannot be gentle on your mind.’

  ‘The situation with Blake had been deteriorating for months; you know that. He just cannot accept I’m with Ben. He’s so dead-set on hating Ben he can’t be reasoned with!’

  Caleb nodded his head several times, his eyes glancing over the counter towards the main entrance of the shooting range.

  ‘I do not think it is a question of simply accepting your relationship. Blake is troubled by several issues and he is directing his anger towards you.’

  ‘What issues? What’s going on with him?’

  ‘My child,’ Caleb took my hand. ‘Blake is very suspicious of Ben because of Ben’s recruit. He is tormented by past memories and is fearful you will suffer the same fate. He is also stubborn and thinks no trainer can protect you as well as he can. His discipline is unparalleled, but he has lost himself. You know how he is; he cannot relax. To him, danger is omnipresent and you need to always be ready to fight. As you progressed, you started to build a life with Kim and then Ben, which he sees as a distraction. Kim he could handle, but Ben was too much for him.’

  ‘Is he jealous of Ben?’

  Caleb’s eyes intensely looked at me. He knew that was not my actual questions. I could sense a stab of frost for a split second.

  ‘I cannot discuss what his feelings are towards you. You will have to ask him yourself. But I don’t think you are able to live under the same roof again just yet.’

  ‘I want to stay with Ben. Please Caleb, don’t make me go back,’ I urged Caleb. My fingers desperately clung onto his forearms.

  ‘No, my dear, I will not force you to go back. You both need more time before we can revisit the question. For now, you will remain at Ben’s apartment.’

  I felt love and sadness at the same time as Caleb’s emotions washed over into mine. He was getting ready to leave. His eyes flickered over to the door and he stood up from the stool.

  ‘When will I see you again?’ I asked, even though I was afraid of the answer.

  Caleb sighed. ‘There are things I need to attend to, but I will try and see you very soon, my sweet Ameerah’. He tilted his head and smiled at me.

  I was comforted and depressed at the same time.

  ‘I hope with time we can all move on.’ He kissed me on the forehead. I blinked. And he was gone.

  * * *

  I unlocked the door and listened. It was quiet. Relieved, I proceeded to let myself in. Caleb had promised me Blake would be out while I packed my belongings. I grabbed a large bag and started throwing everything that was of value to me in it. The longer I stayed here, the bigger the chance of Blake coming home. Pictures, make-up, candles, a mirror, a lamp, most of my clothes; the rest I left. I could get anything I wanted from the shops anyway.

  Just as I put the bag into my car, he pulled up in his old truck. What a surprise…

  I quickly closed the boot and walked towards my door, but Blake was faster. For a few moments, he stood undecidedly by my door. Finally, he started walking away, towards the house.

  ‘You need to kill more molochs,’ he announced, turning back to me.

  I didn’t know how to answer, so I stayed quiet.

  ‘Our numbers… they’re not looking good and if you want the council to stay away from us, we have to kill more,’ he explained.

  ‘Fine,’ I agreed. ‘Only if you give me some more of Caleb’s blood.’

  Blake thought about it a few seconds before nodding in agreement. ‘Wait here.’ He disappeared into the house. When he reappeared, he held out two plastic bags filled with the magical liquid. It was less than I had expected but more than I currently had. Reluctantly, I accepted them. Our hands inadvertently touched.

  Blake turned away, but after two steps, he turned once more towards me. ‘I’m sorry it came to this.’

  ‘Me too.’<
br />
  He placed his hands in his pockets. ‘I hope with time, you and I can work and train together again.’

  I nodded and got into my car. As I backed out of the driveway, I lit a cigarette and quietly made my way to Ben’s. I found myself regretting my many outbursts with Blake.

  When I arrived at home, Ben wasn’t there. A piece of paper was left on the kitchen counter.

  ‘I had to take care of something. Will be back soon. Xoxo’

  I decided to go for a run to clear my mind. The clouds had turned the whole world grey and the temperatures were low. I ran a loop down the hill and reached the river taking in the fresh air, before I started the long road back home.

  After one last sprint, I fell back into a walking pace as I reached the outskirts of the parking lot. As I approached the main door, I saw Ben’s car parked in his usual spot. I was happy he was back. I missed him even when we were only separated for a few hours.

  Someone was leaning against the door frame of the building, one leg raised up with the foot against the glass door. Coming closer, I saw he had a white t-shirt on with an open light blue shirt draped over his shoulders and a worn-out pair of jeans. The person was quietly talking on their phone. He stopped the conversation when I came within earshot.

  ‘Carl, what a pleasure,’ I said, hugging him with just my hands to avoid wiping my sweaty body on him.

  ‘Likewise, it’s been a long time.’ He smiled at me grimly. ‘I need to talk to you about Vladimir.’

  Immediately my body tensed up. ‘What about Vladimir?’

  ‘He’s dead. His body was found two districts south of here.’ Carl watched me closely for a reaction.

  ‘Oh! How awful! What happened to him?’ Was I overplaying the shock?

  ‘Nothing yet. The council has taken the body and is opening an investigation. But his body was in the river for a long time, so who knows if they’ll find anything.’

  ‘In the river? That’s weird. Was he attacked?’ I counted myself lucky I was already sweaty from the run, otherwise my sweaty palms and forehead would have been very obvious.

  Carl shrugged. ‘We will see.’ I prayed that was the end of it, but I had no such luck. ‘Did you notice anything unusual?’

  ‘No, not really. I didn’t speak to him other than that one time.’ I remembered it clearly. It was the first time he had tried. He had pulled my hand onto his crotch, before tearing me away from the crowd. A cold shiver went down my spine.

  ‘He mentioned you a few times afterwards,’ Carl simply stated. ‘He was quite fond of you.’

  I couldn’t help but shudder. It took all self-control not to gag. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t speak to him other than that one time. It’s really sad what happened to him, hopefully the council can figure out what killed him,’ I said making a motion to open the door to the building.

  ‘Who,’ Carl said.

  I stopped and frowned at him.

  ‘Who killed him,’ Carl corrected looking at me intensely.

  ‘Hope they catch the killer then. Let me know when you hear back from the council.’ I managed a smile.

  I hurried into our apartment and immediately rushed to the bathroom to vomit. The images of him, touching me, overpowering me, ripping my clothes, beating me, the sound of his belt clicking…

  Another wave of dry heaves shook through me.

  It was over now. I had to keep calm. Vladimir would not hurt me ever again.

  I heard a door open somewhere in the apartment. That was Ben. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I brushed my teeth and splashed cold water on my face. When I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw Ben was fuming. He had laid out an arsenal of guns on the dining room table and was arming himself heavily.

  ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘I have to take care of a vampire,’ he growled.

  ‘Alone?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You can’t go alone. Let me come with you,’ I offered. The moment I had uttered the words, I regretted them. Facing a vampire again? Last time I had been forced to do so, we had been four ghosts and I had caved in to peer pressure. But I couldn’t let him go alone.

  ‘No. You’re staying here,’ he answered, walking past me into the bedroom.

  ‘You’re not going alone!’

  Ben stopped in front of me and looked down into my eyes. I held onto his arms. ‘You can’t go alone, I’ll come with you, please.’

  He bent down and kissed me. ‘I’ll be ok.’

  I felt a stinging sensation in my shoulder. When I bent my neck, I saw a needle protruding from the fleshiest bit. ‘What’s this?’

  ‘You’ll be ok my love.’ His voice drifted. The tingling amplified as my brain grew numb. Ben caught me before I collapsed.

  My back ached. I opened my eyes. The room was dark. I jumped up calling out for Ben, running through the apartment. He wasn’t there. I looked at the clock. It had been hours since he had drugged me. Looking down from the balcony I saw Ben’s car wasn’t in the parking lot. I stumbled back into the armoury, looking for adrenaline shots. Blake had always had lots of them in the kitchen; Ben had to have some as well. I rummaged through the drawers and found a shoe box at the bottom of a drawer. It contained all kinds of syringes and doses of all kinds of liquids. Underneath some packages of band-aids I finally found them. I injected myself in my upper thigh and waited for it to take effect. A few minutes later my senses cleared and my heart accelerated.

  I grabbed my keys, some ammunition and a rifle, and was out the door in seconds.

  Since smashing my Dodge to pieces, I had procured myself a white Volvo SUV. Aimlessly, I sped down the block, having absolutely no clue where to look for Ben. Next chance I got I would make his phone share his location with me.

  Anxiously, I fumbled with a cigarette. Where was he? I dialled his number. No answer. Why the hell would he confront a vampire by himself?!

  Two hours passed before Ben finally answered his phone. He was back at home.

  I slammed the front door behind me and glared at Ben. ‘You drugged me! Then you went god knows where and wouldn’t answer your fucking phone!’ I pointed at him. ‘I was terrified!’

  Ben didn’t respond. He sat on the white couch motionless. There was an empty blood bag next to him, the needle recently removed from his arm.

  ‘Where were you?!’ I asked, bending down to look him in the eyes.

  He snapped out of his trance. ‘I killed the dirtbag, ok? Nothing happened, I’m fine.’ He brushed me aside and poured himself a tall glass of whisky.

  ‘Why did you drug me and just take off like that?’

  He finished his glass and filled it up again before answering. ‘Because, I knew you didn’t really want to fight a vampire.’

  ‘I didn’t want you to go alone! And, you could have used someone to watch your back!’ I nodded towards the empty blood bag.

  ‘I’m an experienced fighter. I don’t need you to back me up.’ He downed his whisky.

  ‘What is that supposed to mean?! Just because I’m a woman I don’t know what I’m talking about?!’

  ‘You don’t! I’ve killed vampires for decades! I know what I’m doing and I don’t need you!’

  Ben smashed his glass onto the kitchen counter, breaking it.

  He was hiding something. I softened my tone. ‘What’s going on with you?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he moaned while cleaning up the mess.

  I crossed my arms and waited for an explanation. Ben avoided my gaze, clearing up the broken glass and bandaging his hand. Eventually, he caved at my silent determination.

  ‘I didn’t leave my recruit,’ Ben’s mouth said. His eyes filled with tears. Those rough strong hands of his shook. ‘Jesper said he was with him and I- I trusted… I should have never- they got a hold of him and…’

  I could tell he was reliving the moment. He was blaming himself. ‘Jesper left him alone. I went looking for him, but it was too late. When I found him, they were… they were there…’ His breathing accele
rated. ‘I was too late… I tried everything but they were three and- and I was alone and- I couldn’t… I wasn’t strong enough… and then…’ A tear left his right eye, but his gaze was so static I wondered if he could feel the wetness on his cheek.

  ‘They forced me to watch,’ he eventually stated, dryly, as if not aware of what he said. Ben’s eyes focused on me. ‘Jesper forced me to lie. When they were done with… they chained me up and left me to die. I was a toy to them. I escaped, but I needed blood… Jesper wouldn’t… unless- unless I promised… to take the fall. They gave me 20 years more.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell anyone?’

  A hollow snort escaped his mouth. ‘It would have been his word against mine! Who would ever believe he left his protégé?! Jesper has gotten away with it-’ Ben’s hands clenched into fists. The veins in his neck throbbed. ‘But not them! They will pay for what they DID!’ Ben’s voice was scraped of all humanity and filled with fury.

  I couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like to watch his recruit be tortured and killed by vampires. And the blame he had endured for it afterwards! Blake had stumbled upon the remains of Ben’s recruit and of course everyone assumed it was Ben who had been careless. No one even imagined it could have been his own master! Who would believe Jesper was capable of such cruelty? He was a master with an emotional connection to his protégé.

  Ben had composed himself. His face and was nothing but revenge and wrath. His fists were still clenched.

  ‘Viktor was killed at your field test. The piece of shit I just sliced open?’ Ben pointed backwards, ‘That motherfucker gave me a lead on Jason. He’s roaming west of our district. And then there is Tom who has not resurfaced since.’

  ‘I’ll come with you,’ I blurted out.

  ‘Have you forgotten I knocked you out before? I’m not taking you along with me for the next one.’

  ‘You need someone to watch your back and you don’t have anyone else.’

  Ben shook his head. ‘No. There’s no way. I’m killing them out of revenge, if you get hurt in the crossfire- I will be blamed for it, again.’ He downed a new shot of whisky and poured another. The bottle was almost empty. ‘If that happens, I will be terminated by the council.’