When Colour Became Grey

by A Lorenzen

  It was not like that here. The bad guys so largely outnumbered us that it was a hopeless battle. My body was constantly tired. Nothing tasted of anything. Only alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and human companionship moderated the depressive state I was in.

  I didn’t see Caleb much. He mostly asked to speak with Blake and only occasionally spent time with me. Blake was… Blake. He loved being in charge. At his whistle, I had to come running without complaining.

  I took another deep drag between my thoughts. More than once I found myself enviously staring at the rare humans that sometimes appeared, wishing I had never died, wishing I was still living my boring student life.

  I was not suicidal; I was just swimming in a sea of grey with the painful memories of what colours looked like. All the ghosts I had met felt the same way. I had the misfortune to have one of the longest sentences. Most other ghosts had between 40 and 50 years of service before being released back into their human life. But even then, what would happen? I kept imagining what my return would be like, but I couldn’t foresee anything positive. With all the memories of this world it was hard to believe I could just go back to living with my family and going to university as if nothing had happened. This world had changed me so much already in the two years I had been trapped here. I had killed molochs and vampires, suffered an endless number of wounds, learnt to fight and shoot, I was smoking and drinking excessively… there was no going back, definitely not back to the innocent 24-year-old I had once been…

  I turned the last corner on my way to Ben’s. I threw my cigarette out the window along with my worries. I tried to keep my depressive thoughts to myself and only share them with Kim. I did not want to infect the time I had with Ben with the grey disease as well.

  I chomped on some chewing gum, checked I had everything in my purse, and entered the tall apartment building. Inside, I walked into the tight elevator box and pressed the number ‘six’. The doors closed and all I could hear was the slow upwards movement and the ridiculous elevator music.

  ‘That was fast.’ I could hear his voice coming from the terrace. I took my phone out of my purse and left the rest including my flip-flops in the entrance. There was the sound of the bay window being slid on its rails, steps, and then Ben appeared in front of me. He was only dressed in a pair of shorts, just the way I liked it.

  ‘Caleb wanted to speak to him alone.’ I put my arms around Ben, holding him tightly and inhaling his scent. When I loosened my arms, I kissed him on his warm sweet lips.

  ‘So, tell me about this raid today.’ Ben grinned.

  He poured us each deep cocktail glass of freshly prepared margarita and we went out onto his terrace. I sat across from him with the sun on my back, putting my feet up into his lap.

  ‘Blake had seen a vampire in town and followed him to a building in the east. After staking it out he figured out in which apartment he was in and we raided it with Dominic and Kim.’

  ‘What about Carl?’ Ben asked, his face lit by the sun.

  I could still feel the sting of fear as distant memories echoed in my head.

  ‘He is mostly in other districts helping out.’

  I took a long sip from the cocktail and leaned my head back onto the chair.

  After several minutes of silence Ben coughed and placed his margarita on the table. ‘Have you heard anything about Vladimir?’

  I inhaled before responding. ‘No, they haven’t found his body yet.’

  After several months of dating, I had confessed to Ben everything that had happened with Vladimir, including Kim killing him and where we had dropped his body into the river.

  ‘Seems odd that they haven’t found his body after all this time. Unless they have and they’ve not told Carl about it. Maybe the council suspects Carl was involved.’

  Ben massaged my left foot and switched to the right; the muscles across his chest tensed and relaxed with the movements. His tattoos were darker through my sunglasses; I could see Jack Skellington stretching over his right pectoral and part of the owl on his left arm.

  ‘I hope they never find his remains. There is still a chance the council discovers the truth, and then Kim and I will get added more years onto our sentences, or worse…’

  ‘His body will not carry any evidence anymore against either of you.’ Ben got up and my feet fell to the ground. He returned with the rest of the margarita pitcher and a lit cigar clenched between his teeth. I placed my feet back in his lap.

  ‘Someone could still have seen something or suspect something. If he tried it several times with me, he must have had other victims. But there are not many women in this world, and they will probably not be inclined to share their experiences. And frankly, I don’t think the council would see it as a justified act.’

  ‘Probably not, no.’ Ben took a deep drag, laid his head back and blew the smoke out. ‘Let’s talk about nicer things. When are you next catching up with Caleb?’

  Ben took the cigar out of his mouth and held it towards me. I reached for it and puffed a few times. ‘Probably tomorrow. He always debriefs with Blake first.’ I passed the cigar back to him.

  ‘Good. Are you going to bring up what we discussed?’ he added and topped up his glass.

  ‘I’ve told him several times already I want to move out. There is no good reason why I should stay living with Blake in that depressing room. I just want to be around you all the time.’

  I got up and came around the table to sit with Ben on his chair. Sunset was approaching and the alcohol almost made me believe I could feel warmth from the sun. I took off my top and leant my naked back onto Ben’s naked torso. Then I put my feet up on the railing and just enjoyed the moment. I closed my eyes and rested my head against Ben’s muscular arm around my shoulders. At least I could still feel his warm skin on mine and his heart beating lazily in his ribcage.

  I was softly shaken awake. When I opened my eyes, the sun had disappeared under the horizon. ‘You fell asleep, Meerah,’ Ben whispered in my ear and kissed my forehead.

  ‘Ok, I should go,’ I moaned half asleep, half drunk.

  ‘Can you drive?’ Ben had gone inside and was cleaning up in the kitchen.

  ‘Yeah, I’ll be alright. If I stay Blake will use it somehow to get his way and since I’m speaking to Caleb about moving out, I don’t want to give Blake more ammunition than he has.’ I stuffed my phone into my jeans pocket.

  ‘You sure you don’t want me to follow you until you’re at least back in your neighbourhood?’ Ben asked hugging me and rubbing my back.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ I muffled into his chest. I had to gently push him off me to get away.

  In the elevator, I closed my eyes and only opened them again when I heard the bell of the ground floor. Tumbling across the parking lot I noticed how tired I actually was.

  Blake’s house was only 20 minutes away. It was doable, I told myself. Slowly, I drove out of the parking lot and onto the deserted streets. It was dark and even with the headlights on, I had trouble seeing straight. My nap had not cleared my mind from the alcohol. It must have gone straight to my head this time. I rubbed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the street. To keep myself from falling asleep I opened the windows. The cool wind made my heart pump more blood up to my brain and I could see better. But the effect only lasted a few minutes. More than once I slapped myself as my eyes fell closed.

  I had to make it back.

  Shaking my head made me swerve, so I stuck to slapping myself whenever I felt the exhaustion pulling at me.

  But I was just so tired. I didn’t want to keep my eyes open. Maybe this was all a dream… maybe if I closed them, I would realize I was already in bed, dreaming only…

  VENGEANCE

  With a sudden spasm I opened my eyes. I pulled my head up. A trickle of saliva dripped from my mouth. Something was cutting into my chest, restricting me. It was dark around me except for the big white cushion right in front of me.

  My head fell back against the hard seat. Something vibrated
close-by. I tried to recount where I was or what had happened. There was the ticking of hot metal cooling down and contracting in front of me. My head was torn apart from pain. When I touched my forehead, I felt something wet. Bringing my fingers close to my eyes I saw my own blood. The vibrating stopped. I looked around and realized I was in my car. The frontend was smashed into a wall. The metal was curled up on itself and the windshield had shattered into a million spiderwebs.

  What time was it? How long had I been here?

  The vibrating started again. I reached into my jeans and whined as I had to twist my body to get my phone out. Just as I was about to answer the call, I looked outside and saw them in the distance.

  They must have followed my scent. The numbness dimmed as panic overtook my mind; my hands searched for my gun. Where was my purse? There! On the floor in front of the passenger seat. I couldn’t reach it; the seatbelt kept me bolted to the seat. Annoyed I detached the sharp belt cutting into my chest and slithered out of the driver’s seat. I could see them carefully approaching. The phone began vibrating again. I looked at it, trying to decipher who was calling, but my vision was blurred.

  I couldn’t find the gun in my purse; I opened the glove compartment and pulled out my backup. The metal in my hand gave me a sense of security. My eyes were so heavy. The vibrating sound awoke again. This time I managed to answer the call after a couple of tries. ‘Helloooo?’ I slurred into the phone.

  The molochs were barely fifty yards from me. I opened the passenger door and fell onto the cold concrete. The phone slipped from my grip and slid away along the ground.

  ‘Shit!’ My hand reached for the phone, but it was further away than I had thought.

  They were coming closer; I could hear them hissing nearby. I got on all fours and moved towards the phone, following the glow of its screen. Finally, I felt the squared object in my hands and I forced myself onto my feet, but I could not stand still. I stumbled into the wall. The world was spinning around me and only the wall kept me from falling over. I pressed the phone to my ear.

  ‘Helloo?’ I repeated into the phone. My head hurt badly and a steady beeping noise plagued me.

  ‘Where are you? Are you alright?’ Ben’s voice sounded far away. Emotions overwhelmed me. I wanted him by my side to keep me safe.

  ‘Noo, akzident… molooochs…’ I slurred and cried in the phone. ‘Heeelp’

  ‘Stay where you are. I’m coming right away!’ Ben’s voice was suddenly deadly serious. ‘I’ll be there in three minutes, ok? Stay where you are.’ With those words he hung up.

  One of the molochs roared and jumped upon my car. I turned around and fired once. Though I completely missed, the sound made the creature squirm and crawl back behind the car.

  I held my head between my hands. It hurt so bad I thought my skull was about to burst open. The beeping paralyzed my thoughts. Blood ran down my face and dripped from my lips and chin. The molochs snarled again and I could see the creatures hiding behind the car, their eyes hungrily staring at me.

  The molochs crept further and more boldly out of the shadow of the car to inspect their prey. I moved along the wall down the street. I had to find a place to hide.

  It was all foggy around me and I had trouble seeing and understanding where I was. With my gun in one hand and my phone in the other, I tried to wrestle my way along a brick wall towards safety, not knowing where safety was. The beeping in my ears intensified.

  There was a hiss right behind me. I turned and shot the moloch, but a burning slicing sensation awoke on my other side along my leg. I screamed and turned back to see another moloch crouched right behind me. I shot him as well, but the damage as already done. There were so many of them, coming from every angle.

  My leg was spouting blood. I could feel the hot liquid streaming down my leg and onto my flip-flops.

  The rising adrenaline suddenly made it crystal clear the critical situation I was in. My right leg was losing blood rapidly. I couldn’t put any weight on my right leg, making me schlepp it along behind me. I realized that this many molochs could attract a vampire and then I was definitely done.

  The hissing intensified to a grotesque choir. One moloch dared to approach further than the masses. I pointed my gun and shot. Before I limped further along, another one risked a closer look and dug its claws into my left thigh, pulling my flesh to its mouth. The beast bit me before I had time to get it off.

  My legs collapsed under me. The red pool under me spread. My head hurt and felt too light. Desperate, I raised my gun and started shooting in every direction. My eyelids lowered; the delicious darkness called me again. It was too easy to let go.

  Seconds later, or minutes later, I was torn out of the darkness. Rough hands pulled me back to consciousness.

  ‘Honey, wake up,’ I could hear him softly whisper into my ear. His warm hands held my face. The pain was now distributed throughout my body, making me wish I was bathing in a field of lava instead of here in this moment.

  ‘Ben,’ I managed to say tonelessly.

  ‘Yes, it’s me Meerah.’

  I wanted to open my eyes and see him, but it was all shadows and everything became blurry.

  ‘Give me your phone honey, I’m calling Caleb.’

  I realized my left hand was still clutching the piece of metal. I relaxed my fingers and let him take it.

  There were a few moments of silence. All I could make out was Ben holding me tightly. I felt safe in his arms.

  ‘Caleb, Ameerah had an accident. She needs blood and it’s probably best you get here too.’ I could dimly make out Ben’s voice. His voice sounded far away and underwater.

  ‘Ameerah, honey, Caleb will be here very soon. Do you have blood bags?’ Ben addressed me, caressing my face. There was no tension or stress in his distant voice.

  I pushed myself further out of the darkness. My eyes were open, but I couldn’t see clearly. ‘In the car,’ I tore out of my mouth. The poison of the bites had inflamed my entire nervous system.

  ‘Alright my love, I’ll go get them, but I’ll be back before you know it.’

  I made a sound in response, unable to speak anymore. It cost me too much energy.

  Ben moved and then all I felt was the cold concrete on my back, bringing a slight relief to my burning body. There was distant hissing and muffled noises. The darkness seduced me once more. This time, I let myself be swallowed by it.

  * * *

  It was nice here. My mind was detached from my body. There was no suffering here, only happiness and serenity. My senses tingled with pleasure. I drowned in hormones.

  ‘Ameerah,’ someone called from the distance. Was that my name? Did I have to listen to whoever was calling me?

  ‘Ameerah, follow my voice,’ the sweet bird sang in my ears.

  Kidnapped by curiosity, I obeyed. Slowly the merry state dimmed down until I opened my eyes. When I turned my head to my right, I saw Caleb holding my hand. His smile showed a row of perfect white teeth.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ His voice wrapped me in comfort and security.

  I swallowed. ‘How long have I been out?’ I rasped.

  ‘One day. You sustained a dozen bites and lost a lot of blood.’ Caleb caressed my arm, the motion radiated sunlight into my jaded body.

  I pulled up my eyebrows. ‘Only one day? Feels longer.’ I raised myself up in my bed. My free hand brushed against my head. It was intact. My body was stiff but functioning.

  Blake entered my bedroom. He smiled and nodded shortly, but then crossed his arms in front of his chest like he so often did when we fought. Caleb read my thoughts and gave my hand a brief squeeze. His eyes were gently looking upon me. ‘Ameerah, we need to talk about your accident.’

  ‘I told you, I told you he was dangerous!’ Blake burst out in anger.

  ‘Ben had nothing to do with the accident. I was tired and had too much to drink.’

  ‘Why did you not stay at Ben’s apartment?’ Caleb asked. The gentle loving feeling from his presence
ceased.

  ‘Because Blake would have turned and twisted it around that Ben was keeping me away from my duties.’

  ‘Oh please, like I would be so petty!’

  I raised myself up onto my wobbly legs. ‘You have done nothing but criticise Ben every single time you got the chance! I had an accident and you know what? He was there! He stayed with me and called Caleb!’

  Even if I had only just awoken, the adrenaline was quickly building in my body and I was close to punching Blake in his stupid face.

  ‘If he was so amazing, he should have never let you drive just like he should have never let his recruit-’

  ‘That’s enough!’ Caleb’s voice boomed and silenced us both instantly. ‘Blake, let me talk to her.’ Caleb said in a low voice.

  I could see Blake was boiling with anger. He stormed out of my room.

  Caleb tapped on the bed and I sat next to him. He folded his hands together, staring down at them. All I felt was coldness now. ‘Ameerah, I told you, you could do whatever you desired with whomever you wished, as long as it didn’t endanger you or Blake.’ His voice cut to the bone.

  ‘It wasn’t his-’

  Caleb turned his head to me and the harshness in his face silenced me immediately. I felt like a dog backed into a corner.

  ‘You could have died! Do you realize that?!’ he whispered intensely. I felt myself trembling at Caleb’s wrath.

  ‘I drove back because I didn’t want to break any of Blake’s ridiculous rules! I’m tired of this ping pong game! Blake will never let me be with Ben and I will never stay away from Ben just because Blake doesn’t like him. I can’t be around Blake anymore! I don’t want to live with Blake anymore! I don’t want to train with him!’

  Caleb stayed silent for several moments before he exhaled deeply. He reached out to me and laid his hand on mine. I could feel a sense of peace spreading.