When Colour Became Grey

by A Lorenzen

‘I know, it’s not good for me. I need to have more time to relax, have you over or June.’ A smile played on her lips.

  I tried to mirror her smile, but mine was tainted with sadness. My mind was back with Ben.

  Kim reached for my arm and stroked it. ‘You should take up a hobby.’

  I frowned. ‘A hobby?’

  Kim nodded in enthusiasm. ‘Yes! You should have one, yes! Can be anything! Sport, or arts, anything really!’ She finished her drink and prepared us a new one. ‘Right, so, what do you like doing or are you good at?’

  ‘Hmm… Let me think’

  ‘What did you do when you were human?’

  ‘I walked my dog Bruce a lot. I liked to read.’

  ‘Maybe you should start there and see where it leads?’ Her eyes sparkled.

  ‘Alright fine!’ I caved and she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

  Later that night, I made it home to Caleb’s, but couldn’t make myself go into the house. I turned off the engine and just sat in front of his house in the darkness. I had been used to going home to Ben’s and mine, and now I slept in someone else’s house.

  I decided to go for a walk. I got out of the car, fiercely wiping the remaining tears from my face. I tried to distract myself by thinking of how I would get back in the game. My feet carried me to the river.

  I imagined being back in France, walking Bruce, feeling the wind through my short hair, worrying about little things like studies…

  The night comforted me. So did the slow-moving river. I breathed in the scentless air and lay my elbows on the metal barriers alongside it. My thoughts unfurled and questioned my very existence. Everything had gotten worse since that night I died and came here. Could it get even worse? It was difficult to imagine anything that could make the situation worse, but I trusted this universe to deliver it to my doorstep in the very near future.

  I wiped the fresh tears from my face and turned around to head back to Caleb’s house.

  A snarling. Very close. I froze. It had to be one. I ran towards the sound furiously, forgetting everything else around me. My rage blinded me.

  And sure enough, there it was. The moloch was hovering over a fresh kill, eagerly emptying the human of his blood. I reached for my gun, but all I could feel was my hip. I had left it in the car! No, it would not get away this easily!

  I approached the creature swiftly and quietly. It was too focused on its prey to notice me. Instinctually, I reached for its neck. The thing immediately thrashed around and tried to get a hold of my arms. In one quick movement, I twisted the neck and felt a snap. The limbs stopped moving, leaving the creature dangling from my hands. I removed my fingers from its neck, letting it fall to the ground.

  As I had done too many times, I rearranged the human into a peaceful position and closed her eyes. My attention now turned to the moloch. I knew there was blood in its system. But the kill was so recent. It was probably undigested and still human blood…

  No, no, I couldn’t, no. As much as I liked the feeling it gave me, as much as I needed it, I would not resort to drinking human blood. I might as well just take it directly from the dead human! My eyes darted over to the body. No, no, I couldn’t.

  With those last thoughts I turned my back on the two dead bodies and walked determinedly back the way I had come from.

  ADDITION TO THE FAMILY

  I threw out all of my old things and got new furniture and decorations for my room back at Blake’s. I got a bigger bed with cushions randomly thrown upon it, a big cupboard for all my clothes, and a dreamcatcher to hang above my door. I draped large pieces of orange fabric across the ceiling to make it look like I was in a tent in the Middle East. I added feathers to my hair and got several piercings in my ears.

  After having recovered for a few weeks at Caleb’s house, I had moved back in with Blake. Ben’s place would be too painful; I had not been back since he had died. Caleb didn’t want me staying at his place for fear I would be too strongly affected by our protégé-master bond, so I moved back to the only place I could go to. I had asked if I could live with Kim but they had argued that in my fragile state it was not wise. Dominic seemed to think I was a bad influence on her, and I didn’t want to push my luck. We still had decades to go in this horrible world, at some point we would be allowed to move in together. For now, I simply didn’t have the energy to fight over this.

  I walked out of my room and into the living room. Blake was carefully cleaning his many weapons. ‘What are we doing tonight?’ I asked sitting down on his chair.

  Blake looked up from the machine gun he had in his hand. ‘You want to raid a nest?’

  ‘If you let me go to the pub afterwards…?’

  He rolled his eyes but nodded with a smile. I grabbed my book and made myself comfortable. Since moving back in with Blake I had taken up reading again, particularly fantasy books. It occupied my mind and gave me an escape from this horrible world I was trapped in.

  The memories of him had dulled during the day… but they still haunted me at night.

  Before going out to kill the molochs, Blake had some errands to run. I decided to go for a run while he was away. The sun was still up and the air crisp. The snow had been cleared off the main streets. About halfway into my jog, I came to think of Caleb. He had asked me to stop by when I had time to speak. I turned down a street, off my usual route, and headed for his house. It was not far.

  I was not supposed to know where my master lived; Blake had explained this in the very beginning. But Ben dying had not been part of the big plan. Caleb and Blake had insisted I wasn’t allowed to seek my master out and was only granted permission to come over if explicitly told so by either of them. His sway over me was still as powerful as the first time I met him.

  I slowed to a walk when I arrived in front of his house. My shoes crunched under the partially snowy gravel pathway leading up to his house. The pathway curved and I looked into Caleb’s living room through the window right next to his front door. There was someone inside. I slowed down and squinted to get a better look. Caleb was there, heavily gesticulating. Muffled sounds were audible through the window. The other person was standing just behind the window and I could only see his side. He was gesticulating just as much.

  I couldn’t make out what they said but it was clear they were having an argument. Caleb disappeared from in front of the window and the other person approached the window. He threw his hands in the air and turned around. I ducked down immediately and hid behind the bushes. Something told me I shouldn’t be seeing what was going on.

  After a few seconds I risked a peek and saw the man had his arms crossed over his chest, looking out onto the street. His eyes scanned the road, almost nervously. He had a mess of big curly dark hair on his head that contrasted with his thin figure. His shirt was clearly too big for him, making him look even smaller. The man turned away from the window and I immediately crawled away, below the window frame. I couldn’t run back out to the street. I risked Caleb seeing me and I was not about to get caught doing dumb stuff again.

  My phone vibrated at my hip, making me jump. Luckily, I had reached the corner of the house, out of Caleb’s sight. Why did people always have the worst timing?

  ‘Hello?’ I whispered.

  ‘Where are you? I thought you wanted to kill molochs?’ Blake asked.

  I held the phone against my chest and peeked around the corner. The front door opened. I snuck along the edge of the house towards the garden and hid there, away from Caleb and the other man.

  ‘I am out on a run. I’m heading home now,’ I whispered into the mobile phone, trying to sound out of breath.

  ‘Ok, but don’t be too long.’ Blake hung up.

  I pushed my phone back into my pocket. The man with the curly hair was walking swiftly away from Caleb’s house. Caleb was probably still inside. I couldn’t stay here, or he might sense my presence. I climbed the cold fence to the adjacent house and ran across the lawn, hiding behind the next fence. Carefully, I approached
the street, on the look-out for the mysterious man, but he was nowhere to be seen. I jumped out into the street and jogged home, a little faster than usual.

  ‘How long did you go?’ Blake asked, arming himself. I had come home and just finished a quick shower.

  ‘The usual loop. I stopped by the river for a bit and lost track of time.’ I was still too good at lying.

  Blake nodded. ‘Ok, fine. Are you ready?’

  ‘One minute.’ I went into my room and reached into the drawer where I kept my ‘combat’ clothes. A minute later I came out wearing a tight black sweater and skinny jeans, topped by a sleeveless jacket. I swung the belt around my waist, where I holstered some of my guns. It clicked in the front and I strapped a machine gun around my chest.

  Blake looked at me, smiling. ‘You’ve come a long way.’

  I smiled back at him and followed him out the door. We tried our best to get along and so far, we had not been fighting. He let me go out and do my thing and I obeyed him in all matters relating to molochs or vampires.

  We were in the car when Blake got a call. ‘Caleb I’m in the car with Ameerah,’ he announced when he picked up the phone.

  I had gotten used to them discussing things I was not privy to. I had learned how to pick up on stuff without them noticing, so not much was a secret.

  ‘Really? What did he have to say?’ I heard Blake ask.

  I texted Kim to meet me later at Santa’s pub.

  ‘Do you believe him?’ Blake asked.

  I brushed my fingers through my wet hair and pulled them into a ponytail, securing my feathers with bobby pins. It might look cool on TV but fighting while your hair whips in your face, blinding you, is not ideal.

  ‘Can you go to the council?’ Blake continued.

  My eyes followed the passing landscape. It was dark now and the switch between the night sky and the lights in the buildings composed the outside world. The snow was thick and winter was in full swing. It was cold and often stormy.

  ‘Can I call you back later? We’re about to pull up.’ Blake made a turn and I could see movement in front of us. My senses spiked. I inhaled deeply. Yes, they are here. I pulled a beanie over my hair.

  He hung up and stopped the car. ‘Ready?’ He turned towards me.

  I nodded and climbed out of the rusty old truck.

  We jumped right into exterminating the molochs. Several molochs escaped by climbing over the lower wall to my left. I swung my machine gun onto my back and ran straight towards the wall. I leaped and climbed up the wall. Sitting atop the wall I shot a few of the fleeing beasts. Still, two escaped around a corner to my left.

  Running down the alley and around the corner I followed my instincts through the labyrinth of narrow pathways between the buildings. Soon I picked up on their scent and ran after them. Swinging my machine gun forward I was ready for them. The sound of rapid gunfire was amplified in front of me. The molochs came running back in my direction and I shot them before they had time to escape.

  I stopped and looked around. It was deadly silent after the banging and crackling of gunshots. I approached the two dead molochs. A pool of blood spread from one of them. I could feel my desire to drink it. My last encounter with a bleeding moloch was weeks ago and I had not felt tempted, until now.

  It was so close. I bent down, eyeing the blood. Self-conscious, I looked around again, but no one was there. I could hear the sounds of gunshots further away. I dipped one of my fingers into the blood and brought it up to my nose. The smell was intoxicating. Without hesitating I inserted the blood-covered finger into my mouth. The anticipation made me smile; in a few moments I would feel the effect.

  ‘Ameerah?’ I heard someone say close-by. I jumped up and hurried towards the voice. No one saw me. What was I worried about? It was nothing! No one had said anything to me about not drinking moloch blood. It just relieved my pain every now and again. There couldn’t be any harm in that!

  Don’t fool yourself, a voice in my head whispered.

  Go away!

  I joined Blake in a courtyard between some houses. ‘I’m here.’

  ‘How many did you kill?’ he asked.

  ‘Five, I think.’

  ‘Good,’ he responded. We walked back towards the car.

  ‘Meerah, I have to tell you something,’ Blake started once we were in the car.

  ‘What?’ I asked, untroubled.

  ‘Caleb was called to the council.’ My head turned to him, panic in my eyes. ‘He’s fine, don’t worry.’ A wave of relief washed through me, but not for long. ‘Caleb had to take on another recruit.’

  ‘A new recruit?! What about me?’ I squealed.

  Blake turned towards me. ‘Her trainer and master were both killed. She was supposed to go to someone else, but the council decided to give her to Caleb. They said that since you are field approved, you don’t need your master as much and you’ve been here more than three years, so you don’t need me so much anymore either. They decided to give her to us.’

  ‘So… so Caleb is now her master and you’re- you’re her trainer now?! What about me! That’s not fair! Ben just-’ I had to stop. I buried my face in my hands. No, I wasn’t going to cry. Don’t think of him now.

  ‘You will still remain Caleb’s protégé. I know it’s not the best of timing, but Caleb thinks it would be good for you to have someone you can watch out for. And, you know, I will be spending some time training her so you will have more time to see Kim.’

  I didn’t like the idea of sharing Caleb. Would it diminish my connection with him? Would he not love me anymore? I didn’t like this.

  ‘I want to speak to Caleb.’ I sounded like a stressed child.

  ‘I thought so. He’ll be at our house when we get back.’ Blake turned the ignition. ‘Meerah, he didn’t decide this. The council told him, and he couldn’t refuse…’

  I didn’t care! Caleb was mine! My master. My family! How could there be someone else now? What if she was better? What if she was training harder? Where would I go then?

  I hated this hellhole.

  Before my anger unravelled completely, a sentiment of calmness replaced it. A strange sense of ease. It was the moloch blood. It wasn’t enough to make me euphoric, but just enough to mellow my mood. It felt like I had drunk two glasses of wine and was enjoying the slight tipsiness. Everything would work out.

  The effect wore off by the time we reached Blake’s house. In a way it was better this way. I didn’t want Caleb to sense anything peculiar. I’m sure it was alright, but I didn’t want to risk feeling the immense guilt when I let him down. It was just like smoking! I did it every now and again but hid it from Caleb and Blake. If they knew they would annoy me about how unhealthy it was.

  As soon as I opened the door to the apartment, I sensed him. I rushed out of my snow-covered boots and hurried up the stairs.

  ‘My child!’ he greeted me with open arms. We hugged and the electricity between us sparked. I felt so much better, so much more relaxed. ‘Do not trouble yourself, my dear. You will always be my protégé and I will take care of you. I just have to take care of Holly as well now.’

  I felt an immediate sting of jealousy.

  ‘My dear, you cannot be selfish. Imagine, she has no one left anymore. She is all alone. Wouldn’t you want to protect her?’ He held my hand and amplified his plea through his touch.

  Of course I wanted to help her, I found myself thinking.

  ‘She needs our help, your help,’ Caleb continued.

  And I wanted to help her! Yes! I had to protect her and take her under my wing!

  ‘Ok I will do what you say,’ I agreed, surrounded by peace.

  Caleb let go of my hands and I slipped out of my cloud, back into reality. ‘My child, go have fun with Kim now. Enjoy your night.’ His row of perfectly white teeth shone as he smiled. The warmth spread in my body.

  Soon afterwards, I joined Kim at Santa’s pub. It was a busy night, lots of drunk people dancing and singing, the air was stuffy and th
e temperature high. Kim was playing pool with some guy. Dominic was sitting in a corner with another person. I turned my attention to Kim. She was in an excellent mood while her opponent’s expression was bleak. A few people were watching them. Kim was quite the entertainer. Every time she holed a ball, she would do a little dance and swing the pool stick wildly around, missing the spectators by a hair but no one seemed to mind.

  My troubles dissipated as I watched them finish an intense round of pool. Maybe it would all fall back into place. Maybe this Holly girl was nice. Maybe my grief would lighten up enough for me to finish the remaining sixty years here without trying to kill myself again…

  I chuckled at my naiveté.

  Kim sunk the last ball and a thunder of cheer and laughter followed. Her opponent disappeared fairly quickly and was nowhere to be seen for the remainder of the night. After receiving the admiration of the crowd, Kim joined me at the bar. Her hair was so long the ends curled onto the bar top. Those big brown eyes of hers rested on me.

  ‘How have you been?’ she asked, with an underlying worried tone.

  ‘I… don’t…,’ I responded. ‘I’m trying to concentrate on other things.’

  Ben was constantly on my mind. Everything reminded me of him. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the place where I had met him for the first time.

  ‘I understand, but you know I’m here for you… if you want to talk…’ she said carefully.

  ‘Caleb is taking on another protégé.’ I jumped as far away from Ben as I could.

  ‘Really? Why? What about you?’

  ‘Holly… something. Caleb said she needs our help and she has no one. I think Blake said her master and trainer were both killed. But I don’t like it. I don’t know her! And now I have to share Caleb?!’ I could feel my jealousy stirring.

  ‘That’s really rare. I’ve heard of it happening, but I don’t know anyone who had to share their master. I mean, will she have the same connection with Caleb as you? He didn’t choose her in the human world. She is from someone else! I don’t know…’ Her eyes were staring at the air and her thoughts far away.